diff --git a/code/__DEFINES/pronouns.dm b/code/__DEFINES/pronouns.dm
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..c0515426e35
--- /dev/null
+++ b/code/__DEFINES/pronouns.dm
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+/// she, he, they, it "%PRONOUN_they" = "p_they"
+/// She, He, They, It "%PRONOUN_They" = "p_They"
+/// her, his, their, its "%PRONOUN_their" = "p_their"
+/// Her, His, Their, Its "%PRONOUN_Their" = "p_Their"
+/// hers, his, theirs, its "%PRONOUN_theirs" = "p_theirs"
+/// Hers, His, Theirs, Its "%PRONOUN_Theirs" = "p_Theirs"
+/// her, him, them, it "%PRONOUN_them" = "p_them"
+/// Her, Him, Them, It "%PRONOUN_Them" = "p_Them"
+/// has, have "%PRONOUN_have" = "p_have"
+/// is, are "%PRONOUN_are" = "p_are"
+/// was, were "%PRONOUN_were" = "p_were"
+/// does, do "%PRONOUN_do" = "p_do"
+/// she has, he has, they have, it has "%PRONOUN_theyve" = "p_theyve"
+/// She has, He has, They have, It has "%PRONOUN_Theyve" = "p_Theyve"
+/// she is, he is, they are, it is "%PRONOUN_theyre" = "p_theyre"
+/// She is, He is, They are, It is "%PRONOUN_Theyre" = "p_Theyre"
+/// s, null (she looks, they look) "%PRONOUN_s" = "p_s"
+/// es, null (she goes, they go) "%PRONOUN_es" = "p_es"
+
+/// A list for all the pronoun procs, if you need to iterate or search through it or something.
+#define ALL_PRONOUNS list( \
+	"%PRONOUN_they" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_they), \
+	"%PRONOUN_They" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_They), \
+	"%PRONOUN_their" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_their), \
+	"%PRONOUN_Their" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_Their), \
+	"%PRONOUN_theirs" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_theirs), \
+	"%PRONOUN_Theirs" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_Theirs), \
+	"%PRONOUN_them" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_them), \
+	"%PRONOUN_Them" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_Them), \
+	"%PRONOUN_have" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_have), \
+	"%PRONOUN_are" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_are), \
+	"%PRONOUN_were" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_were), \
+	"%PRONOUN_do" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_do), \
+	"%PRONOUN_theyve" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_theyve), \
+	"%PRONOUN_Theyve" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_Theyve), \
+	"%PRONOUN_theyre" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_theyre), \
+	"%PRONOUN_Theyre" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_Theyre), \
+	"%PRONOUN_s" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_s), \
+	"%PRONOUN_es" = TYPE_PROC_REF(/datum, p_es) \
+)
diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/pronouns.dm b/code/__HELPERS/pronouns.dm
index df84c1cdcf4..fe2357d6ce4 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/pronouns.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/pronouns.dm
@@ -1,5 +1,8 @@
+#define GET_TARGET_PRONOUN(target, pronoun, gender) call(target, ALL_PRONOUNS[pronoun])(gender)
+
 //pronoun procs, for getting pronouns without using the text macros that only work in certain positions
 //datums don't have gender, but most of their subtypes do!
+
 /datum/proc/p_they(temp_gender)
 	return "it"
 
@@ -69,6 +72,26 @@
 				else
 					return "s"
 
+/// A proc to replace pronouns in a string with the appropriate pronouns for a target atom.
+/// Uses associative list access from a __DEFINE list, since associative access is slightly
+/// faster
+/datum/proc/REPLACE_PRONOUNS(target_string, atom/targeted_atom, targeted_gender = null)
+	/// If someone specifies targeted_gender we choose that,
+	/// otherwise we go off the gender of our object
+	var/gender
+	if(targeted_gender)
+		if(!istext(targeted_gender) || !(targeted_gender in list(MALE, FEMALE, PLURAL, NEUTER)))
+			stack_trace("REPLACE_PRONOUNS called with improper parameters.")
+			return
+		gender = targeted_gender
+	else
+		gender = targeted_atom.gender
+	var/regex/pronoun_regex = regex("%PRONOUN(_(they|They|their|Their|theirs|Theirs|them|Them|have|are|were|do|theyve|Theyve|theyre|Theyre|s|es))")
+	while(pronoun_regex.Find(target_string))
+		target_string = pronoun_regex.Replace(target_string, GET_TARGET_PRONOUN(targeted_atom, pronoun_regex.match, gender))
+	return target_string
+
+
 //like clients, which do have gender.
 /client/p_they(temp_gender)
 	if(!temp_gender)
diff --git a/code/datums/ai/monkey/monkey_controller.dm b/code/datums/ai/monkey/monkey_controller.dm
index 215f0a96302..693427ba4bd 100644
--- a/code/datums/ai/monkey/monkey_controller.dm
+++ b/code/datums/ai/monkey/monkey_controller.dm
@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ have ways of interacting with a specific mob and control it.
 
 /datum/ai_controller/monkey/New(atom/new_pawn)
 	var/static/list/control_examine = list(
-		ORGAN_SLOT_EYES = span_monkey("eyes have a primal look in them."),
+		ORGAN_SLOT_EYES = span_monkey("%PRONOUN_They stare%PRONOUN_s around with wild, primal eyes."),
 	)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/ai_control_examine, control_examine)
 	return ..()
diff --git a/code/datums/elements/ai_control_examine.dm b/code/datums/elements/ai_control_examine.dm
index b470ac44b49..279fc80dc81 100644
--- a/code/datums/elements/ai_control_examine.dm
+++ b/code/datums/elements/ai_control_examine.dm
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@
 	if(noticable_organ_examines[possibly_noticable.slot])
 		make_organ_noticable(possibly_noticable.slot, possibly_noticable)
 
-/datum/element/ai_control_examine/proc/make_organ_noticable(organ_slot, obj/item/organ/noticable_organ)
+/datum/element/ai_control_examine/proc/make_organ_noticable(organ_slot, obj/item/organ/noticable_organ, mob/living/carbon/human/human_pawn)
 	var/examine_text = noticable_organ_examines[organ_slot]
 	var/body_zone = organ_slot != ORGAN_SLOT_BRAIN ? noticable_organ.zone : null
 	noticable_organ.AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ/ai_control, examine_text, body_zone)
diff --git a/code/datums/elements/noticable_organ.dm b/code/datums/elements/noticable_organ.dm
index 1a6a895e535..a6247d18bb5 100644
--- a/code/datums/elements/noticable_organ.dm
+++ b/code/datums/elements/noticable_organ.dm
@@ -6,15 +6,13 @@
 /datum/element/noticable_organ
 	element_flags = ELEMENT_BESPOKE
 	argument_hash_start_idx = 2
-	/// whether we wrap the examine text in a notice span.
-	var/add_span = TRUE
-	/// "[they]|[their] [desc here]", shows on examining someone with an infused organ.
-	/// Uses a possessive pronoun (His/Her/Their) if a body zone is given, or a singular pronoun (He/She/They) otherwise.
+
+	///Shows on examining someone with an infused organ.
 	var/infused_desc
-	/// Which body zone has to be exposed. If none is set, this is always noticable, and the description pronoun becomes singular instead of possesive.
+	/// Which body zone has to be exposed. If none is set, this is always noticable.
 	var/body_zone
 
-/datum/element/noticable_organ/Attach(datum/target, infused_desc, body_zone)
+/datum/element/noticable_organ/Attach(obj/item/organ/target, infused_desc, body_zone)
 	. = ..()
 
 	if(!isorgan(target))
@@ -23,8 +21,10 @@
 	src.infused_desc = infused_desc
 	src.body_zone = body_zone
 
-	RegisterSignal(target, COMSIG_ORGAN_IMPLANTED, PROC_REF(on_implanted))
+	RegisterSignal(target, COMSIG_ORGAN_IMPLANTED, PROC_REF(enable_description))
 	RegisterSignal(target, COMSIG_ORGAN_REMOVED, PROC_REF(on_removed))
+	if(target.owner)
+		enable_description(target, target.owner)
 
 /datum/element/noticable_organ/Detach(obj/item/organ/target)
 	UnregisterSignal(target, list(COMSIG_ORGAN_IMPLANTED, COMSIG_ORGAN_REMOVED))
@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@
 		return FALSE
 	return TRUE
 
-/datum/element/noticable_organ/proc/on_implanted(obj/item/organ/target, mob/living/carbon/receiver)
+/datum/element/noticable_organ/proc/enable_description(obj/item/organ/target, mob/living/carbon/receiver)
 	SIGNAL_HANDLER
 
 	RegisterSignal(receiver, COMSIG_ATOM_EXAMINE, PROC_REF(on_receiver_examine))
@@ -53,16 +53,17 @@
 
 	if(!should_show_text(examined))
 		return
-	var/examine_text = replacetext(replacetext("[body_zone ? examined.p_Their() : examined.p_They()] [infused_desc]", "%PRONOUN_ES", examined.p_es()), "%PRONOUN_S", examined.p_s())
-	if(add_span)
-		examine_text = span_notice(examine_text)
+
+	var/examine_text = REPLACE_PRONOUNS(infused_desc, examined)
+
+
 	examine_list += examine_text
 
 /**
  * Subtype of noticable organs for AI control, that will make a few more ai status checks before forking over the examine.
  */
 /datum/element/noticable_organ/ai_control
-	add_span = FALSE
+
 
 /datum/element/noticable_organ/ai_control/should_show_text(mob/living/carbon/examined)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/carp_organs.dm b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/carp_organs.dm
index afbb8404060..f44de87e92e 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/carp_organs.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/carp_organs.dm
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/lungs/carp/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "neck has odd gills.", BODY_ZONE_HEAD)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their neck has odd gills.", BODY_ZONE_HEAD)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/carp)
 	ADD_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_SPACEBREATHING, REF(src))
 
@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/carp/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "teeth are big and sharp.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their teeth are big and sharp.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/carp)
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/carp/on_mob_insert(mob/living/carbon/tongue_owner, special, movement_flags)
@@ -113,7 +113,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/internal/brain/carp/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/carp)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "seem%PRONOUN_S unable to stay still.")
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_They seem%PRONOUN_S unable to stay still.")
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/brain/carp/on_mob_insert(mob/living/carbon/brain_owner)
 	. = ..()
@@ -151,7 +151,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/carp/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "skin has small patches of scales growing on it.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their skin has small patches of scales growing on it.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/carp)
 
 #undef CARP_ORGAN_COLOR
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/goliath_organs.dm b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/goliath_organs.dm
index f9ccf16812b..ac3dae39b70 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/goliath_organs.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/goliath_organs.dm
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/eyes/night_vision/goliath/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "eyes are blood red and stone-like.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their eyes are blood red and stone-like.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/goliath)
 
 ///goliath lungs! You can breathe lavaland air mix but can't breath pure O2 from a tank anymore.
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/lungs/lavaland/goliath/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "back is covered in small tendrils.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their back is covered in small tendrils.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/goliath)
 
 ///goliath brain. you can't use gloves but one of your arms becomes a tendril hammer that can be used to mine!
@@ -63,7 +63,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/brain/goliath/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "arm is just a mass of plate and tendrils.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their arm is just a mass of plate and tendrils.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/goliath)
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/brain/goliath/on_mob_insert(mob/living/carbon/brain_owner)
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/goliath/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "skin has visible hard plates growing from within.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their skin has visible hard plates growing from within.", BODY_ZONE_CHEST)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/goliath)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/update_icon_blocker)
 
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/gondola_organs.dm b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/gondola_organs.dm
index 96e41a57789..a36ebc1d3c3 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/gondola_organs.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/gondola_organs.dm
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@ Fluoride Stare: After someone says 5 words, blah blah blah...
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/gondola/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/gondola)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "radiate%PRONOUN_S an aura of serenity.")
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_They radiate%PRONOUN_S an aura of serenity.")
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/gondola/Insert(mob/living/carbon/receiver, special, movement_flags)
 	. = ..()
@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ Fluoride Stare: After someone says 5 words, blah blah blah...
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/gondola/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "mouth is permanently affixed into a relaxed smile.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their mouth is permanently affixed into a relaxed smile.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/gondola)
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/gondola/Insert(mob/living/carbon/tongue_owner, special, movement_flags)
@@ -83,8 +83,8 @@ Fluoride Stare: After someone says 5 words, blah blah blah...
 /obj/item/organ/internal/liver/gondola/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/gondola)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "left arm has small needles breaching the skin all over it.", BODY_ZONE_L_ARM)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "right arm has small needles breaching the skin all over it.", BODY_ZONE_R_ARM)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their left arm has small needles breaching the skin all over it.", BODY_ZONE_L_ARM)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their right arm has small needles breaching the skin all over it.", BODY_ZONE_R_ARM)
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/liver/gondola/Insert(mob/living/carbon/liver_owner, special, movement_flags)
 	. = ..()
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/rat_organs.dm b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/rat_organs.dm
index f19f3d725c7..56b147ffbee 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/rat_organs.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/rat_organs.dm
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/eyes/night_vision/rat/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "eyes have deep, shifty black pupils, surrounded by a sickening yellow sclera.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their eyes have deep, shifty black pupils, surrounded by a sickening yellow sclera.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/rat)
 
 ///increases hunger, disgust recovers quicker, expands what is defined as "food"
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/internal/stomach/rat/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/rat)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "mouth is drooling excessively.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their mouth is drooling excessively.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
 
 /// makes you smaller, walk over tables, and take 1.5x damage
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/rat
@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/rat/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/rat)
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "hunch%PRONOUN_ES over unnaturally!")
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_They hunch%PRONOUN_ES over unnaturally!")
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/rat/on_mob_insert(mob/living/carbon/receiver)
 	. = ..()
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/rat/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "teeth are oddly shaped and yellowing.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_Their teeth are oddly shaped and yellowing.", BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH)
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/rat)
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/tongue/rat/modify_speech(datum/source, list/speech_args)
diff --git a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/roach_organs.dm b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/roach_organs.dm
index 0644bca0354..11880a50cb2 100644
--- a/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/roach_organs.dm
+++ b/code/game/machinery/dna_infuser/organ_sets/roach_organs.dm
@@ -63,7 +63,7 @@
 
 /obj/item/organ/internal/heart/roach/Initialize(mapload)
 	. = ..()
-	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "has hardened, somewhat translucent skin.")
+	AddElement(/datum/element/noticable_organ, "%PRONOUN_They %PRONOUN_have hardened, somewhat translucent skin.")
 	AddElement(/datum/element/organ_set_bonus, /datum/status_effect/organ_set_bonus/roach)
 	roach_shell = new()
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
index 5a7f71c7ffc..11c01be40c9 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/living/carbon/human/examine.dm
@@ -362,7 +362,7 @@
 			if(CONSCIOUS)
 				if(HAS_TRAIT(src, TRAIT_DUMB))
 					msg += "[t_He] [t_has] a stupid expression on [t_his] face.\n"
-		if(get_organ_by_type(/obj/item/organ/internal/brain))
+		if(get_organ_by_type(/obj/item/organ/internal/brain) && isnull(ai_controller))
 			if(!key)
 				msg += "[span_deadsay("[t_He] [t_is] totally catatonic. The stresses of life in deep-space must have been too much for [t_him]. Any recovery is unlikely.")]\n"
 			else if(!client)
diff --git a/tgstation.dme b/tgstation.dme
index f24b9606f16..1fa2731feac 100644
--- a/tgstation.dme
+++ b/tgstation.dme
@@ -181,6 +181,7 @@
 #include "code\__DEFINES\procpath.dm"
 #include "code\__DEFINES\profile.dm"
 #include "code\__DEFINES\projectiles.dm"
+#include "code\__DEFINES\pronouns.dm"
 #include "code\__DEFINES\qdel.dm"
 #include "code\__DEFINES\quirks.dm"
 #include "code\__DEFINES\radiation.dm"