Dear Sir or Madam
I'm writing this letter to you to express my wish to participate in Project Hope by offering financial aid to a child in a remote area. I hope you can help find a candidate.
Actually, I have been to a poor mountain village in a remote area last year. their lives are remarkably difficult. Then, an excellent but poor child that has hardly maintained own study and life, needs my contribution. In addition, My plan is offering ￥5000 in financial aid every year until he graduated from college by the way of my scholarship to encourage him to study hard. I believe the child will become a good person that contribute to society.
I sincerely hope that you can give me a chance to make my desire come true. Thank you for your help.
Cordially yours
Li Ming
| 改动句子 | 改动说明 |
|---|---|
| express my wish to | to后面要加动词原形，不能直接跟一个句子“I want” |
| participate in | 参加...可以使用participate in |
| their lives | 各自的生活用their lives，共同的生活用their life |
| remarkably | 拼写错误，另外这句话用it做主语很别扭 |
| excellent but poor | 形容词作定语直接放到名词前面就行了，另外前后两个形容词之间是转折的语气，应该用but |
| study | 拼写错误 |
| My plan is | 形式主语用的不对，如果用形式主语可以写成“It's my plan to offer ...” |
| ￥5000 in financial aid | 5000元的经济资助 |
| my | 我觉得加个my意思更明确些 |
| good | well一般作副词用，作为形容词时是“健康的”意思 |
| make my desire come true | 使我的愿望实现，come true是不及物动词词组，后面不能接宾语 |
| yours | 为什么要首字母大写 |