As is vividly described in the picture given above, many years ago, a young mother held a little hand of her daughter and now the daughter has grown up and her hands holds a hand of her mother. This is a moving story and tells us that family love never grows old.
Since ancient times, family love is more important than all other relationships for Chinese. Actually, there are many stories about this. For example, Chenxiang did not take into account own safety and bravely resisted the army in order to save his mother. Another example is Kongfansen who would sob in front of his old mother every time he had to leave home for official affairs. These impressive stories, imaginary or real, highlight that family love means everything to the Chinese.
For our college students, our patents have been always supporting us since we were born. Now they are on the way and slowly growing old, so we should concern and accompany them as they did. undoubtedly, some day in the future, they will not be able to take care of themselves. When the day come, we must undertake the responsibility to attend to them no matter what. Because family love never grows old.
| 改动句子 | 改动说明 |
|---|---|
| and | 这里不应该用句号，因为前面一句话中描述图片中的内容还没描述完，应该加上and继续描述 |
| her hands | her hands是名词短语不能作谓语 |
| holds | 这里缺少谓语，需要加上holds来做谓语 |
| her | “她的”妈妈，加上her意思更明确一些 |
| tells | 这里应该用一般现在时，因为是图片中蕴含的道理，所以并不需要使用过去时态，另外前面也用了is，and两边的时态应该一致 |
| that | 个人觉得还是此处用that引导宾语从句比用破折号好一些 |
| more | 后面有than，此处应该用比较级 |
| for Chinese | 这里应该将for Chinese放到后面更通顺一些 |
| about this | 关于这个（亲情），有许多的故事 |
| For example | such as后面不能加句子 |
| did | 这里应该用一般过去时，因为是在讲过去发生的事 |
| take | 由于前面改成了did，因此这里应该用take |
| and | 这里用to表目的并不合适，反倒是用and更贴切 |
| bravely | brave是形容词，这里应该用副词 |
| resisted | resistence是名词，这里应该用动词resist，另外要用过去时 |
| army | 这里army没理由大写 |
| his | “他的”，应该是his而不是he |
| Another example is | 开始将另一个故事，可以这样过渡 |
| who would | 因为前面用了Another example is，因此这里需要将后面的句子变成一个从句 |
| in front of | 空间上“在...之前”用in front of更好些 |
| our | 拼写错误 |
| our | 前后不一致，前面是“我们”，这里应该也用“我们”，即our |
| and多余 | |
| so | 句子没有结束，需要用连词连接，因此可以加上so |
| concern | should是情态动词，后面用动词原形 |
| accompany | 同上 |
| they | them是宾语形式，这里做主语要用they而不是them |
| did | 他们做的，讲的是过去的事，应该用过去时 |