diff --git a/modular_skyrat/modules/modular_items/lewd_items/code/lewd_items/dildo.dm b/modular_skyrat/modules/modular_items/lewd_items/code/lewd_items/dildo.dm
index e9c1420161ff6f..293f962aeda29f 100644
--- a/modular_skyrat/modules/modular_items/lewd_items/code/lewd_items/dildo.dm
+++ b/modular_skyrat/modules/modular_items/lewd_items/code/lewd_items/dildo.dm
@@ -93,39 +93,44 @@
 
 /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/attack(mob/living/carbon/human/target, mob/living/carbon/human/user)
 	. = ..()
-	if(!istype(target))
+	if(!ishuman(target) || (target.stat == DEAD)) //Don't.
 		return
 
 	var/message = ""
-	var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/vagina = target.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_VAGINA)
 	if(!target.client?.prefs?.read_preference(/datum/preference/toggle/erp/sex_toy))
 		to_chat(user, span_danger("[target] doesn't want you to do that."))
 		return
+
+	var/arousal_adjustment = 4
+	var/pleasure_adjustment = 5
+	var/emote_probability = 20
+	var/list/possible_emotes = list("moan")
 	switch(user.zone_selected) //to let code know what part of body we gonna fuck
 		if(BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_GROIN)
+			var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/vagina = target.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_VAGINA)
 			if(!vagina)
 				to_chat(user, span_danger("[target] don't have suitable genitalia for that!"))
-				return
+				return FALSE
+
 			if(!(target.is_bottomless() || vagina.visibility_preference == GENITAL_ALWAYS_SHOW))
 				to_chat(user, span_danger("[target]'s groin is covered!"))
-				return
+				return FALSE
+
 			message = (user == target) ? pick("rubs [target.p_their()] vagina with [src]", "gently jams [target.p_their()] pussy with [src]", "fucks [target.p_their()] vagina with a [src]") : pick("delicately rubs [target]'s vagina with [src]", "uses [src] to fuck [target]'s vagina", "jams [target]'s pussy with [src]", "teasing [target]'s pussy with [src]")
-			if(poly_size == "small")
-				target.adjust_arousal(4)
-				target.adjust_pleasure(5)
-				if(prob(20) && (target.stat != DEAD))
-					target.try_lewd_autoemote("moan")
-			else if(poly_size == "medium")
-				target.adjust_arousal(6)
-				target.adjust_pleasure(8)
-				if(prob(40) && (target.stat != DEAD))
-					target.try_lewd_autoemote(pick("twitch_s", "moan"))
-			else if(poly_size == "big")
-				target.adjust_arousal(8)
-				target.adjust_pleasure(10)
+
+			if(poly_size == "medium")
+				arousal_adjustment = 6
+				pleasure_adjustment = 8
+				emote_probability = 40
+				possible_emotes = list("moan","twitch_s")
+
+			if(poly_size == "big")
+				arousal_adjustment = 8
+				pleasure_adjustment = 10
+				emote_probability = 60
+				possible_emotes = list("moan","twitch_s", "gasp")
 				target.adjust_pain(2)
-				if(prob(60) && (target.stat != DEAD))
-					target.try_lewd_autoemote(pick("twitch_s", "moan", "gasp"))
+
 			if(side_double)
 				user.adjust_arousal(6)
 				user.adjust_pleasure(8)
@@ -133,23 +138,29 @@
 		if(BODY_ZONE_HEAD, BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_MOUTH, BODY_ZONE_PRECISE_EYES) //Mouth only. Sorry, perverts. No eye/ear penetration for you today.
 			if(!target.is_mouth_covered())
 				to_chat(user, span_danger("Looks like [target]'s mouth is covered!"))
-				return
-			message = (user == target) ? pick("licks [src] erotically", "sucks on [src], slowly inserting it into [target.p_their()] throat") : pick("fucks [target]'s mouth with [src]", "inserts [src] into [target]'s throat, choking [target.p_them()]", "forces [target] to suck [src]", "inserts [src] into [target]'s throat")
-			target.adjust_arousal(4)
-			target.adjust_pleasure(1)
-			if(prob(70) && (target.stat != DEAD))
-				target.try_lewd_autoemote(pick("gasp", "moan"))
+				return FALSE
 
+			message = (user == target) ? pick("licks [src] erotically", "sucks on [src], slowly inserting it into [target.p_their()] throat") : pick("fucks [target]'s mouth with [src]", "inserts [src] into [target]'s throat, choking [target.p_them()]", "forces [target] to suck [src]", "inserts [src] into [target]'s throat")
+			arousal_adjustment = 4
+			pleasure_adjustment = 1
+			emote_probability = 70
+			possible_emotes = list("gasp", "moan")
 
 		else
 			if(!target.is_bottomless())
 				to_chat(user, span_danger("[target]'s anus is covered!"))
-				return
+				return FALSE
+
 			message = (user == target) ? pick("puts [src] into [target.p_their()] anus", "slowly inserts [src] into [target.p_their()] ass") : pick("fucks [target]'s ass with [src]", "uses [src] to fuck [target]'s anus", "jams [target]'s ass with [src]", "roughly fucks [target]'s ass with [src], making [target.p_their()] eyes roll back")
-			target.adjust_arousal(5)
-			target.adjust_pleasure(5)
-			if(prob(60) && (target.stat != DEAD))
-				target.try_lewd_autoemote(pick("twitch_s", "moan", "shiver"))
+			arousal_adjustment = 5
+			pleasure_adjustment = 5
+			emote_probability = 60
+			possible_emotes = list("twitch_s", "moan", "shiver")
+
+	target.adjust_arousal(arousal_adjustment)
+	target.adjust_pleasure(pleasure_adjustment)
+	if(prob(emote_probability))
+		target.try_lewd_autoemote(pick(possible_emotes))
 
 	user.visible_message(span_purple("[user] [message]!"))
 	playsound(loc, pick('modular_skyrat/modules/modular_items/lewd_items/sounds/bang1.ogg',
@@ -220,17 +231,20 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(dildo_colors, list(//mostly neon colors
 
 /// Choose a color and transparency level for the toy
 /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/custom_dildo/proc/customize(mob/living/user)
-	if(src && !user.incapacitated() && in_range(user, src))
-		var/color_choice = tgui_input_list(user, "Choose a color for your dildo.", "Dildo Color", GLOB.dildo_colors)
-		if(src && color_choice && !user.incapacitated() && in_range(user, src))
-			sanitize_inlist(color_choice, GLOB.dildo_colors, "Red")
-			color = GLOB.dildo_colors[color_choice]
+	if(!src || !user || user.incapacitated() || !in_range(user, src))
+		return FALSE
+
+	var/color_choice = tgui_input_list(user, "Choose a color for your dildo.", "Dildo Color", GLOB.dildo_colors)
+	if(color_choice)
+		sanitize_inlist(color_choice, GLOB.dildo_colors, "Red")
+		color = GLOB.dildo_colors[color_choice]
+
 	update_icon_state()
-	if(src && !user.incapacitated() && in_range(user, src))
-		var/transparency_choice = tgui_input_number(user, "Choose the transparency of your dildo. Lower is more transparent! (192-255)", "Dildo Transparency", 255, 255, 192)
-		if(src && transparency_choice && !user.incapacitated() && in_range(user, src))
-			sanitize_integer(transparency_choice, 191, 255, 192)
-			alpha = transparency_choice
+	var/transparency_choice = tgui_input_number(user, "Choose the transparency of your dildo. Lower is more transparent! (192-255)", "Dildo Transparency", 255, 255, 192)
+	if(transparency_choice)
+		sanitize_integer(transparency_choice, 191, 255, 192)
+		alpha = transparency_choice
+
 	update_icon_state()
 	return TRUE
 
@@ -311,23 +325,24 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(dildo_colors, list(//mostly neon colors
 	var/obj/item/held = user.get_active_held_item()
 	var/obj/item/secondary_held = user.get_inactive_held_item()
 
-	if(in_hands)
-		if((istype(held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side) || istype(secondary_held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side)) && held?.item_flags == ABSTRACT | HAND_ITEM)
-			var/qdel_hand = ((istype(held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side)) ? held : secondary_held)
-			QDEL_NULL(qdel_hand)
-			user.visible_message(span_notice("[user] puts one end of [src] back.")) // I tried to work out what this message is trying to say, but I can't quite get it.
-			in_hands = FALSE
-			return
+	if(!in_hands)
+		new_dildo(user)
+		return FALSE
 
-		else if(!held)
-			if(istype(secondary_held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side) && secondary_held.item_flags == ABSTRACT | HAND_ITEM)
-				if(src == user.belt)
-					QDEL_NULL(secondary_held)
-					new_dildo(user)
-		else
-			user.visible_message(span_notice("[user] tries to hold one end of [src] in [user.p_their()] hand, but [user.p_their()] hand isn't empty!"))
+	if((istype(held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side) || istype(secondary_held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side)) && held?.item_flags == ABSTRACT | HAND_ITEM)
+		var/qdel_hand = ((istype(held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side)) ? held : secondary_held)
+		QDEL_NULL(qdel_hand)
+		user.visible_message(span_notice("[user] puts one end of [src] back.")) // I tried to work out what this message is trying to say, but I can't quite get it.
+		in_hands = FALSE
+		return
+
+	else if(!held)
+		if(istype(secondary_held, /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/dildo_side) && secondary_held.item_flags == ABSTRACT | HAND_ITEM)
+			if(src == user.belt)
+				QDEL_NULL(secondary_held)
+				new_dildo(user)
 	else
-		new_dildo(user)
+		user.visible_message(span_notice("[user] tries to hold one end of [src] in [user.p_their()] hand, but [user.p_their()] hand isn't empty!"))
 
 /// Code for creating the other end of the toy when one end's in you
 /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/double_dildo/proc/new_dildo(mob/living/carbon/human/user)
@@ -370,7 +385,7 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(dildo_colors, list(//mostly neon colors
 /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/double_dildo/process(delta_time)
 	var/mob/living/carbon/human/user = loc
 	if(!istype(user))
-		return
+		return FALSE
 	if(user.arousal < AROUSAL_REGULAR_THRESHOLD)
 		user.adjust_arousal(0.8 * delta_time)
 		user.adjust_pleasure(0.8 * delta_time)
@@ -378,14 +393,16 @@ GLOBAL_LIST_INIT(dildo_colors, list(//mostly neon colors
 /obj/item/clothing/sextoy/dildo/double_dildo/dropped(mob/living/carbon/human/user)
 	. = ..()
 	if(!istype(user))
-		return
+		return FALSE
+
 	var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/vagina/vagina = user.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_VAGINA)
 	var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/womb/womb = user.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_WOMB)
 	var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/penis/penis = user.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_PENIS)
 	var/obj/item/organ/external/genital/testicles/testicles = user.get_organ_slot(ORGAN_SLOT_TESTICLES)
 
 	if(!(src == user.vagina))
-		return
+		return FALSE
+
 	vagina?.visibility_preference = GENITAL_HIDDEN_BY_CLOTHES
 	womb?.visibility_preference = GENITAL_HIDDEN_BY_CLOTHES
 	penis?.visibility_preference = GENITAL_HIDDEN_BY_CLOTHES