diff --git a/modular_splurt/code/game/objects/items/lewd_russian_revolver/lewd_russian_revolver.dm b/modular_splurt/code/game/objects/items/lewd_russian_revolver/lewd_russian_revolver.dm
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..28751316a232
--- /dev/null
+++ b/modular_splurt/code/game/objects/items/lewd_russian_revolver/lewd_russian_revolver.dm
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+/obj/item/gun/ballistic/revolver/russian/lewd
+	name = "\improper  Lewd russian revolver"
+	desc = "A Russian-made revolver for cumming games. Uses .357 ammo, and has a mechanism requiring you to spin the chamber before each trigger pull. Prepare for the embarrasment."
+
+/obj/item/gun/ballistic/revolver/russian/lewd/afterattack(atom/target, mob/living/user, flag, params)
+	. = ..(null, user, flag, params)
+
+	if(flag)
+		if(!(target in user.contents) && ismob(target))
+			if(user.a_intent == INTENT_HARM) // Flogging action
+				return
+
+	if(isliving(user))
+		if(!can_trigger_gun(user))
+			return
+	if(target != user)
+		if(ismob(target))
+			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>Don't be a pussy, be a </span> <h3>MAN</h3>")
+		return
+
+	if(ishuman(user))
+		var/mob/living/carbon/human/H = user
+		if(!spun)
+			to_chat(user, "<span class='warning'>You need to spin \the [src]'s chamber first!</span>")
+			return
+
+		spun = FALSE
+
+		if(chambered)
+			var/obj/item/ammo_casing/AC = chambered
+			if(AC.fire_casing(user, user))
+				playsound(user, fire_sound, 50, 1)
+				H.cum()
+				chambered = null
+				user.visible_message("<span class='danger'>How about this. Rather than waste my time trying to salvage this nonsense, we just make [user.name] cum? Yeah. Fuck it. Said the coder, extremely confused.</span>")
+				return
+
+		user.visible_message("<span class='danger'>*click*</span>")
+		playsound(src, "gun_dry_fire", 30, 1)
+
diff --git a/tgstation.dme b/tgstation.dme
index a1fdacc1dd7e..15511fe4dd1e 100644
--- a/tgstation.dme
+++ b/tgstation.dme
@@ -4957,4 +4957,6 @@
 #include "modular_splurt\code\modules\vending\snack.dm"
 #include "modular_splurt\code\modules\vending\wardrobes.dm"
 #include "tools\Redirector\textprocs.dm"
+#include "modular_splurt\code\game\objects\items\lewd_russian_revolver\lewd_russian_revolver.dm" // At least 10 years in purgatory for this shit, thank you tibbets.
+
 // END_INCLUDE