diff --git a/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md b/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md index be0f1b77e08..c08f1d807a1 100644 --- a/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md +++ b/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md @@ -29,37 +29,38 @@ Begin by reflecting what you sense in their comment. Use phrases like: * "It sounds like there’s more for me to understand about what you just said." These responses show that you recognize a deeper concern without escalating the situation. - -#### 2. Seek Clarification - -Ask, “Should I read into that?” - -* This invites the person to clarify their statement -* Even if they respond “no,” they’ll be more mindful in future conversations knowing that their comments won’t be ignored - -#### 3. Address Feelings Directly - -Kindly and genuinely ask, “How are you feeling?” -- This can create a safe space for the other person to express what’s really bothering them -- Often, addressing emotions leads to a more productive discussion and resolution - -#### What Not to Do - -Avoid explicitly calling out the behavior as passive aggressive, such as saying, “That was a bit passive aggressive.” This approach is likely to put the other person on the defensive and escalate tension. - -::: greybox -A teammate says, "I didn’t realize you suddenly cared about deadlines." -::: -::: bad -Figure: Bad Example - Responding defensively with, “That was a bit passive aggressive. What’s your problem?” escalates tension and makes the situation worse -::: -::: good + +#### 2. Seek Clarification + +Ask, “Should I read into that?” + +* This invites the person to clarify their statement +* Even if they respond “no,” they’ll be more mindful in future conversations knowing that their comments won’t be ignored + +#### 3. Address Feelings Directly + +Kindly and genuinely ask, “How are you feeling?” +* This can create a safe space for the other person to express what’s really bothering them +* Often, addressing emotions leads to a more productive discussion and resolution + +#### What Not to Do + +Avoid explicitly calling out the behavior as passive aggressive, such as saying, “That was a bit passive aggressive.” This approach is likely to put the other person on the defensive and escalate tension. + +::: greybox +A teammate says, "I didn’t realize you suddenly cared about deadlines." +::: +::: bad +Figure: Bad Example - Responding defensively with, “That was a bit passive aggressive. What’s your problem?” escalates tension and makes the situation worse +::: +::: good Figure: Good Example - Responding kindly with, “It sounds like there’s more to that. How are you feeling about the deadlines?” opens the door to a constructive conversation -::: +::: + +### Why This Works -### Why This Works -1. **De-escalation:** Thoughtful responses defuse tension and avoid accusations -2. **Clarity:** Direct questions about feelings or intent help uncover the real issue -3. **Resolution:** Focusing on emotions often resolves misunderstandings and fosters better communication +1. **De-escalation:** Thoughtful responses defuse tension and avoid accusations +2. **Clarity:** Direct questions about feelings or intent help uncover the real issue +3. **Resolution:** Focusing on emotions often resolves misunderstandings and fosters better communication By responding with empathy and professionalism, you can handle passive aggressive comments effectively, maintain a positive atmosphere, and build stronger relationships within your team.