From cef94112e7fbe005db23c6904cacb06432b20992 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: "Tanya Leahy [SSW]" Date: Mon, 2 Dec 2024 15:48:12 +1000 Subject: [PATCH] =?UTF-8?q?XS=E2=9C=94=20=E2=97=BE=20update-handle-passive?= =?UTF-8?q?-aggressive-comments-rule=20(#9638)?= MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit * update-handle-passive-aggressive-comments-rule * Auto-fix Markdown files * Update rule.md * Auto-fix Markdown files --------- Co-authored-by: github-actions[bot] --- ...-software-consultants-working-in-a-team.md | 1 + rules/accepting-unsolicited-feedback/rule.md | 1 + .../rule.md | 28 +++++++++++++------ rules/understand-the-power-of-empathy/rule.md | 1 + 4 files changed, 22 insertions(+), 9 deletions(-) diff --git a/categories/client-engagement/rules-to-better-software-consultants-working-in-a-team.md b/categories/client-engagement/rules-to-better-software-consultants-working-in-a-team.md index da0a23376e..413a68546f 100644 --- a/categories/client-engagement/rules-to-better-software-consultants-working-in-a-team.md +++ b/categories/client-engagement/rules-to-better-software-consultants-working-in-a-team.md @@ -22,6 +22,7 @@ index: - send-done-videos - how-to-take-feedback-or-criticism - understand-the-power-of-empathy +- handle-passive-aggressive-comments - go-the-extra-mile - browser-remove-clutter - standards-watchdog diff --git a/rules/accepting-unsolicited-feedback/rule.md b/rules/accepting-unsolicited-feedback/rule.md index 5c9038572d..ca4d60b107 100644 --- a/rules/accepting-unsolicited-feedback/rule.md +++ b/rules/accepting-unsolicited-feedback/rule.md @@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ related: - feedback-avoid-chopping-down-every-example - do-you-know-the-nice-way-to-correct-someone - feedback-avoid-chopping-down-every-example + - handle-passive-aggressive-comments redirects: - how-to-accept-unsolicited-feedback --- diff --git a/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md b/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md index bdb8b772a4..d5e32b7185 100644 --- a/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md +++ b/rules/handle-passive-aggressive-comments/rule.md @@ -6,7 +6,10 @@ authors: - title: Adam Cogan url: https://ssw.com.au/people/adam-cogan created: 2024-11-25T12:00:00.000Z -guid: e2b5c77a-c3d6-4d54-9ec2-5c219a8f2bbf +related: + - understand-the-power-of-empathy + - accepting-unsolicited-feedback +guid: e2b5c77a-c3d6-4d54-9ec2-5c219a8f2bbf --- Passive aggressive comments can hinder effective communication and breed resentment in a team. Addressing such comments thoughtfully can transform a frustrating interaction into a productive discussion. @@ -36,22 +39,29 @@ Ask, “Should I read into that?” #### 3. Address Feelings Directly -Ask, “How are you feeling?”— genuinely and calmly +Kindly and genuinely ask, “How are you feeling?” -* Many people use passive aggression because they struggle to express their feelings openly -* Discussing emotions can lead to a more honest and constructive dialogue +* This can create a safe space for the other person to express what’s really bothering them +* Often, addressing emotions leads to a more productive discussion and resolution + +#### What Not to Do + +Avoid explicitly calling out the behavior as passive aggressive, such as saying, “That was a bit passive aggressive.” This approach is likely to put the other person on the defensive and escalate tension. ::: greybox A teammate says, "I didn’t realize you suddenly cared about deadlines." ::: +::: bad +Figure: Bad Example - Responding defensively with, “That was a bit passive aggressive. What’s your problem?” escalates tension and makes the situation worse +::: ::: good -Figure: Good Example - Responding thoughtfully by saying, “It sounds like there’s more to that. How are you feeling about the deadlines?” +Figure: Good Example - Responding kindly with, “It sounds like there’s more to that. How are you feeling about the deadlines?” opens the door to a constructive conversation ::: ### Why This Works -1. **De-escalation:** Acknowledging subtext without reacting defensively creates a safe space for honest communication -2. **Clarity:** Direct questions about feelings or intent eliminate misunderstandings -3. **Resolution:** Focusing on emotions often uncovers the root issue, enabling you to address it collaboratively +1. **De-escalation:** Thoughtful responses defuse tension and avoid accusations +2. **Clarity:** Direct questions about feelings or intent help uncover the real issue +3. **Resolution:** Focusing on emotions often resolves misunderstandings and fosters better communication -By approaching passive aggressive comments with these strategies, you can maintain professionalism, encourage openness, and build stronger team dynamics. +By responding with empathy and professionalism, you can handle passive aggressive comments effectively, maintain a positive atmosphere, and build stronger relationships within your team. diff --git a/rules/understand-the-power-of-empathy/rule.md b/rules/understand-the-power-of-empathy/rule.md index 8651317270..f71a4ffa3d 100644 --- a/rules/understand-the-power-of-empathy/rule.md +++ b/rules/understand-the-power-of-empathy/rule.md @@ -10,6 +10,7 @@ authors: - title: Ulysses Maclaren url: https://ssw.com.au/people/ulysses-maclaren related: + - handle-passive-aggressive-comments --- Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand what they’re feeling. In a deeply technical profession like software engineering, it might not sound like a useful tool but nothing is further from the truth.