Dark Nights of the Soul

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Our lives are filled with emotional tunnels: the loss of a loved one or end of a relationship, aging and illness, career disappointments or just an ongoing sense of dissatisfaction with life. Society tends to view these “dark nights” in clinical terms as obstacles to be overcome as quickly as possible. But Moore shows how honoring these periods of fragility as periods of incubation and positive opportunities to delve the soul’s deepest needs can provide healing and a new understanding of life’s meaning. Dark Nights of the Soul presents these metaphoric dark nights not as the enemy, but as times of transition, occasions to restore yourself, and transforming rites of passage, revealing an uplifting and inspiring new outlook on such topics as:

The healing power of melancholy

The sexual dark night and the mysteries of matrimony

Finding solace during illness and in aging

Anxiety, anger, and temporary Insanities

Linking creativity, spirituality, and emotional struggles

Finding meaning and beauty in the darkness Dark Nights of the Soul

INTRODUCTION

THE DARK NIGHT A TONE TIME

Deeply Disturbing Experiences: The Dark Night of the Soul

Introduction

Period of sadness, trial, loss, frustration, or failure
Can be called a "dark night of the soul"
Interests in meaning, character, and personal substance may view it as precious moment of transformation

Characteristics of a Dark Night

Not all experiences labeled as depression are dark nights
Deeply disturbing episode that questions the very meaning of life
Rupture in being, affecting core of existence
Can take a long time to get through

Differences Between Depression and a Dark Night

Depression: label, psychological sickness
Dark night: meaningful event, spiritual trial

Purpose of Life

Not just to be happy or solve problems
To become more who you are and engage with people and life

Role of Dark Nights

Opportunities for transformation
Can help return to living, pares life down to essentials
May not always get through them

Examples of Dark Nights in Literature

Dante: getting sleepy, wandering off path
Alice: looking at mirror, going through it
Odysseus: tossed by stormy waves
Tristan: adrift without an oar

Conclusion

A dark night is a natural part of life
How you think about this rhythm of moods makes all the difference.

NIGHT WORK

Understanding the Value of Darkness and Turmoil

Periods of pain and confusion stimulate imagination
Allow perception of "ultraviolet extremes" of emotions and thoughts
Natural part of life with valuable lessons to be learned

The Common Experience of a Dark Night

Examples of personal struggles: divorce, illness, job loss, depression
External sources of darkness: crime, rape, abortion, cheating, business pressure, captivity, terrorism

Embracing the Darkness

Enter with full strength and intelligence
Discover new resources within oneself
Gain a deeper sense of self
Embrace change rather than trying to solve it

The Importance of Learning from a Dark Night

Suffering and discovery coexist
Personal growth can come from challenging times.

JOHN OF THE CROSS

John of the Cross

Spanish mystic and poet (1541-1597)
Member of the Carmelite religious order
Wrote about "dark night of the soul" during imprisonment
Two parts: night of senses and night of spirit
Purification of intention/motivation in first phase
Living by radical faith and trust in second phase
Used by those dedicating themselves to spiritual growth
Can refer to depression or trying periods
Lasts longer than a day, not always ending happily
Transformation in the soul, not necessarily personal discovery
Judged by looking deep and close, understanding gains from challenge
May contribute to others more than oneself.

Dark Night of the Soul

Term coined by John of the Cross
Period of transformation
More like a stage in alchemy than an obstacle
Lasts longer than a day
Not always ending happily, may involve suicide or illness
Appreciated by looking deep and close to understand gains.

A SPIRITUAL RATHER THAN A PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH

Approach: Spiritual rather than psychological Labeling Emotions: Slow to label difficult emotions as sick Perspective: View trials as experiences that make you more of a person Admiration: Admire complicated and imperfect people described in the book Soul-fulness: Value soul-fulness over health and propriety Book "Gifts of Depression": Discusses rewards from depressive moods Ancient Sources: Learned from ancient medical books, artists, writers, C.G. Jung, James Hillman, to value visitations of melancholy and sadness Dark Times: Consider dark times as important as enlightenments and achievements Book Contents: Ancient rituals, dealing with trying times, intelligence and love, creativity and beauty, anger, illness, old age Ancient Secrets: People of the past knew secrets to dealing with difficult times Images: Use of strong images from ancient ritual and religion Catharsis: Notion of catharsis Rituals: Rituals for help with life's passages Moon Spirit: Blessings from a moon spirit Intelligence and Love: Important lessons from a dark night in these areas Creative and Beauty: Dark night may appear in attempts to be creative or our need for beauty Anger: Discusses special kind of dark night in anger Illness: Considers dark night in illness Old Age: Considers dark night in old age.

EMOTIONS IN A MINOR KEY

Embracing the Minor Key: Dark Nights

Emily Dickinson's Solitude:

Compared her penchant for solitude to minor key in music
Refreshing alternative to major key's brightness

Our 'Dark Nights':

Not necessarily sick, but out of the ordinary
Learning experience and profound initiation

Surrendering Control:

During dark nights, we must surrender control
Give in to unknowing and listen for wisdom

Value of Dark Nights:

Adds complexity to personality and life
Prepares us for dealing with conflicts and complexities

Cultural Preoccupation with Major Tonality:

Simplistic thinking and being can lead to raw prejudices, reactions, and violence

Complexity and Maturity:

Complex view of self and others holds back hatreds and fears
A mature person is complicated and values complexity.

UNENDING DARKNESS

Experience of a Dark Night of the Soul

Distinction from brief experiences:

Some people dismiss their experience as "just" a dark night
Real dark night is deeper, longer-lasting, and more profound

Impact on individuals:

Leaves lasting effect
Alters personality for good
Not something to brag about

Characteristics of the real dark night:

Profoundly unsettling
Offers no conceivable way out
Requires spiritual response, not just therapeutic one

Challenging conventional understanding:

Pushes individuals to rely on faith and resources beyond human capacity
Forces them to reimagine how life works
Questions control in the universe.

SHADES OF DARKNESS

Experiencing the Special Dark Night

People who went through imprisonment: Oscar Wilde
Wilde wrote to a friend after release: "My desire to live is as intense as ever" (desire to live intensely despite suffering)
Learned from his experience: Suffering is sacramental, refines sensitivities
Expressing personal experience instead of clinical language
Penetrate beneath surface, let the issue show itself
Medicine and psychology prefer understandable and treatable cases
Focus on fulfilling fate and discovering meaning
Caring for oneself at deepest level (comfort over cure)
Organize life to support process (incubating soul)
Concentrate, reflect, think, and talk about situation seriously with trusted friends.

Oscar Wilde's Experience of Imprisonment

Wrote letter to friend expressing intense desire to live despite suffering
Learned from experience: Suffering is a sacred process that makes one holy
Materialism coarsens the soul (absorption in materialistic culture)
Giving up clinical language, speak concretely from personal experience
Medicine and psychology focus on understandable and treatable cases
Discovering meaning of life and fulfilling fate is more important than restoring to good functioning.

coping with Challenges

Refuse to be labeled or categorized
Organize life to support process (care over cure)
Concentrate, reflect, think, talk seriously about situation with trusted friends.

The Impact of Suffering

Coarsens the soul when one is absorbed in materialistic culture
Can be a sacred process that refines sensitivities and makes one holy (Oscar Wilde's experience).

INSPIRING EXAMPLES

Inspiring Examples

People facing enormous challenges can inspire us to endure hardships with patience, insight, and courage
Terry Waite's captivity in Beirut (1987): kept as a hostage for five years, suffered beatings, isolation, and deprivations
- Read books, including one about slavery in America, to find inspiration during solitude
- Reflected on how slaves endured despite their conditions
Moral and spiritual survival is possible even when physical freedom can't be achieved
Examples:
- Thomas More (16th century): wrote philosophy while imprisoned for thirteen months before execution
- Marquis de Sade: ranted against jailers but wrote important fiction under duress
- Nelson Mandela: prepared himself in jail to be a great leader
Every dark night is unique and can lead to personal growth and self-discovery
Importance of rich, solid, and useful ideas for dealing with the darkness:
- Studies in religion, mythology, arts, and depth psychology
- Best therapists are educated in the mysteries of love, aggression, and death.

PART ONE

CHAPTER ONE: THE NIGHT SEA JOURNEY

Night Sea Journey: The Hero's Dark Night

Overview:

The dark night of the soul can seem formless and directionless
Ancient stories, like the "Night Sea Journey," offer insight and inspiration

The Night Sea Journey as a Metaphor:

Story of a hero swallowed by a fish and carried through water
Cosmic passage representing human struggle in dark times

Personal Application:

Dark mood or suffering seen as container carrying you forward
Trust the process, even if progress is not apparent

Therapeutic Approach:

Sit with confusion and uncertainty
Wait for meaning to emerge over time

Symbolism of the Womb:

Darkness like a womb, new life in development
Trust the natural process, even when uncertain

Role of the Therapist:

Patient attitude: not anxious for quick conclusions or understanding
Allow things to be revealed over time.

THE HERO-SUN AND THE SEA

The Hero-Sun and The Sea: Understanding the Night Sea Journey

Biblical Tale of Jonah

God called Jonah to warn Nineveh of impending judgment
Jonah tried to evade call, sailed to Tarshish instead
Storm arose, sailors discovered Jonah's deception
Thrown overboard, swallowed by fish
Three days later, spat out on land and obeyed God

The 'Oceanic Sensation'

Feeling of being at sea or in the womb
Vast potential of life but also a dark night
Regularly unravel self and culture for regeneration

The Night Sea Journey

Regress to primordial self, not heroic or burnt out self
Remember gods, spirits, elements, including your pristine nature
Return to womb of imagination for recycling and rebirth

Ananda Coomaraswamy's Perspective

No creature can attain a higher grade of nature without ceasing to exist
In the dark night, something of your makeup comes to an end (ego, self, creativeness, meaning)
Find key to source and larger soul

St. Thomas More as a Jonah Figure

Lawyer, theologian, held in Tower of London for religious beliefs
Imagined room as womblike space for introspection
Wrote letters expressing peace despite fearful heart and potential death
Found deep certainty based on religious faith and vision

Lessons from St. Thomas More's Experience

Anchored in vision and values during challenges
Clear vision allows for keeping values clear
Fearful, sad but led by clarity of vision
Ordinary person discovering how to navigate life-shaping dramas.

NIGHT AND DAY

Dark Night: Embracing Natural Human Experiences

Understanding a Dark Night:

A natural part of living
Wide range of emotions and experiences
Growth and blossoming, as well as decay
Part of being human: sadness, grieving, struggling, lost, hopeless
Riding the wave of your dark night leads to self-discovery

Finding Well-Being:

Shining from a deep place within
Dark luminosity: less innocent but more interesting than naïve sunshine
Example: Thomas Aquinas' concept of beauty and its splendor

The Black Sun:

A dark, inner light
Examples: Beaudelaire, de Sade, Beckett, Sexton, Julia Kristeva

Inspiration from Art and Life:

Humphrey Bogart: actor with dark luminosity
Childhood trauma and hardships
Transformed pain into successful film characters
Projected "something going on beneath the surface"

Personal Growth Amidst Darkness:

Shaped by experiences, like a captive Jonah
Always being reborn, slipping back into the sea
T. S. Eliot's description of life and death as a Chinese jar in motion
Quiet movement in your darkness
Finding beauty in suffering and enduring fate.

THE SPECIAL LANGUAGE OF THE NIGHT SEA

The Special Language of the Night Sea

Appreciation for Aesthetic Expression:

Ideas best expressed aesthetically: story, picture, film, dance, music
Poetic language reaches deeper and expresses reality

Emerson's View on Poets:

Poet stands "nearer to things"
Turns the world to glass
Express experience in images, stories

Importance of Finding Your Medium:

Self-expression through art, craft, sport
Sharing experiences with poetic language

Poetic Language vs. Modern Habits:

Overvaluing facts and psychological/medical terms
Perceptive thinkers emphasize power and beauty of expression

The Significance of Poetic Language in Dark Nights:

Resist heroic and sentimental language
Use metaphors, symbols, and strong images
Explore alternative forms

Emily Dickinson as a Model:

Express experiences with poetic language
Capture essence of experience and link to life
S safeguard mystery and depth of feeling

The Power of Strong Words:

Discover descriptive, original expressions
Use poetic language to articulate deeply felt experiences

Forms and Styles:

Experiment with different forms
Find style that best conveys your experience.

THE SEA AS THE SOURCE

Artists and Emotional Depth

Many poets and artists create their best work from emotional darkness
We are all artists of our own lives, creating our stories and expressing ourselves
Visiting art by artists who have experienced deep emotions, such as Mark Rothko, can inspire a sense of depth and transformation

The Power of Darkness and Transformation

A dark night can shock us back to life and give us the edge we need to do good work
Being in the presence of artists who have lived deeply, such as Rothko or Samuel Beckett, can help us recover our own depth
In times of transformation, it can be beneficial to assume a fetal position, both emotionally and intellectually, and be still
Shunryu Suzuki's recommendation of "one-act Samadhi" encourages concentration on the present moment and being fully engaged in experiences

The Journey of Soul

In times of darkness and transformation, it is important not to try to fight or make sense of it, but rather to allow the process to unfold naturally
Embrace the journey of soul that will reveal our destiny.

THE BELLY OF THE WHALE

The Belly of the Whale:

Jonah's refusal to speak to thoughtless people
Antihero becomes a hero in the dark night
Opportunity to grow and face fate
Comparison to Beckett character and therapy
Questioning identity, world, origins
Expressing feelings from deep within
Importance of poetic expression in dealing with darkness
Singing a psalm to the God who is ultimate darkness
Untrained artists can find new ways of communication
Society prefers mournful songs over plain statements.

Themes:

The transformative power of the dark night
Growing into one's fate and becoming a responsive member of the community
Expressing deep feelings through poetry or art

Jonah's Story:

Jonah refuses call to speak to thoughtless people
Enters whale, enters dark night
Sits and meditates, imperceptibly moves closer to fate
Becomes an antihero, like Beckett character
Asks deep questions about identity, world, family, wants, fears
Expresses feelings through poetic means, singing a psalm to the God of darkness.

Dark Night:

Opportunity to start over
Gives chance for introspection and growth
Requires expressing feelings in poetic or artistic way
Preferred by society over plain statements
Can be compared to therapy, where change is not obvious but possible
Leads to clarity and passionate communication.

SPIRITUALITY OF THE DEEP

Spirituality of the Deep

Psychology's Limitations:

Language may not fully express the depths
Focused on relieving suffering, not finding meaning

Religion's Challenges:

Often avoids the dark by sentimentalizing light and demonizing darkness
Religious traditions contain wisdom but may offer empty promises

Importance of Alertness:

Use intelligence and discernment when dealing with spiritual matters
Avoid infantilization, as darkness is meant to initiate spiritual growth

The Spiritual Life:

Deep and transcendent
Offers a way of dealing with life's complexity
Develops character, discernment, emotional toughness, intellect, compassion, insight, and vision

Religion vs. Real Religion:

Religion can offer both depth and vision but may lack substance
Bonhoeffer: religion should help us face problems directly instead of relying on a divine solution from outside

Bonhoeffer's Perspective:

Godless world closer to God than one that relied heavily on God for solutions
Discover the true meaning of religion through openness to life's mysteries.

JONAH'S CALLING

Jonah's Calling and the Inner Daimon

Understanding Jonah's Resistance

Resistance can stem from internal urge or daimon
Can guide or tempt
Inner dialogue: should I or shouldn't I?

Ancient Concept of Daimon

Unnamed spirit impacting someone
Ancient Greeks used term to describe love, spirit with autonomy and strong influence
Rollo May described it as a strong push or urge

The Role of Dialogue

Keep daimonic force from overtaking personality
Talk about it with others
Engage in conversation with it

Discovering the Daimon's Place in Your Life

When you feel an urge for a major life change: daimon waking up
Unexpected strength or creativity: daimon empowering

Examples of Daimonic Influence

John Keats: poet instead of doctor
Marilyn Monroe: actress vs. sexiness and physical beauty

Daimon as Fate

Force that moves strongly against will
Leads you to your fate

The Daimonic in Relationships

Sort out voices of fear from hope
Understand the larger fate at work

Struggling with Inner Urges

Dark nights and prolonged struggle
Not necessarily destructive, can give life to relationship
Marriage: partner's daimon as well as their person

Individual Callings vs. Shared Destinies

Importance of recognizing and respecting individual callings
Live shared destinies instead of trying to blend lives together

The Impact of Daimon on Relationships

Struggle against deep inner urge can lead to distress, dark nights in relationships
Battle may continue even when outer life is settled
Incessant argument gives relationship depth and complexity

Jung's Perspective on Marriage

You marry partner's daimon as well as their person
Linked fate with inner self.

A VOCATION FOR TRANSCENDENCE

Understanding Your "Dark Night"

Discovering Yourself:

May be blind to sources of deep satisfaction
Repressing true identity due to superficial promises of commercial life
Important to discover who you are and want to be

Journey Towards Self-Realization:

Avoid being just one of the crowd
Take the risk of being an individual
Facing fears and defenses
Rediscovering own direction
Surrender to the process

Cosmic Wisdom in Your Dark Night:

Offering alternative to absorption in manipulative culture
Considering personal alternatives
Standing strong in existence
Becoming true individual in community

Preparation for Society:

Getting prepared by dark night (pain and deliverance)
Adding important voice to world's song
Being offered into society

The Night Sea Journey:

Metaphor for self-realization and rebirth
Offering entry into fate
Overcoming obstacles with fortitude.

CHAPTER TWO: RITES OF PASSAGE

Rites of Passage: Deep-Seated Shifts in Perspective

Understanding Rites of Passage

Series of changes that lift or take us down to a new level of maturity
Essential, yet often threatening
Needed for human development

Modern Perception vs. Archaic Societies

Modern society focuses on progress but not major shifts in being
Lack communal rituals and support

Personal Transformative Moments

Can be a single event or a series of events
Shake us to our core
Examples: meeting a significant person, life-threatening experiences, illness, grief

Impact of Transformative Moments

May bring happiness and frustration
Can alter basic views and values

Examples from W.B. Yeats' Life

Meeting Miss Maud Gonne: a turning point in his life
Defined his life, bringing both happiness and frustration

Personal Stories of Transformative Moments

Each person has a story of a decisive moment
Can be a single event or a series of events
May cast a dark shade on future or inspire new possibilities

Impact of Illness or Loss

Serious illness: forces us to see ourselves and the world differently
Grieving loss: can transform us at our core, restructuring basic views and values.

ANCIENT RITES OF PASSAGE

Ancient Rites of Passage

Background:

People in the distant past had unique ways of dealing with life transitions
Emphasized importance and emotional impact of passing from one state to another

Initiation Rituals:

Dramatic communal events marking major life phases
Animal sacrifices, aggression displays, drums, howls, body paint
Symbolized rebirth: burial, tunnel crawling, baby talk

Example:

Tribe's future king undergoes initiation rites
- Spat on, beaten, cursed, and thrown disgusting things at
- Not yet a ruler, so community members have power over him

Impact of Rituals:

Leaves a mark, transforms the individual
Shocks and disturbances lead to self-awareness, understanding life

Modern Day Parallels:

Ordinary pains and shocks as rites of passage
Personal growth through painful experiences: car accidents, illnesses, divorces
Can bring individuals into their own undiscovered reality.

MODERN RITES OF PASSAGE

Modern Rites of Passage Understanding Important Transitions

Natural to experience anxiety during significant life changes
Embrace these passages as opportunities for growth
Physical symptoms common, such as illness or skin problems

Personal Experiences My first initiation:

Left home at age 13 to enter a Catholic seminary and monastery
Homesickness persisted despite rewards
Autumn leaves and chill in the air still trigger nausea

Costs and Rewards of Transitions

Physical relocation, separation from family and friends
Desire for change vs. comfort and security
Dark night of the soul: feeling torn between conflicting desires

Mircea Eliade's Perspective

Illness can be seen as an initiation, a transformative experience
Embrace the discomfort and uncertainty to remake your personality and life.

A PHILOSOPHY OF THE NIGHT

Philosophy of the Night

A rite of passage and change:

Marks transformation in self and reality
Can last a day or a lifetime
Some lives characterized by distress and disorientation (dark night)
Fate plays a role

Dark night of the soul:

No assurance of sense or benefit
Difficult to understand what is happening
Must think differently: less psychological, more philosophical and spiritual

Examples:

Dietrich Bonhoeffer: plotted against Hitler, found peace in religious thought
John Keats: faced physical pain and separation from loved one, developed a philosophy of the soul

Importance of philosophy:

Necessary for living through difficult times
Converts suffering into intelligence and sensitivity
Refines coarse soul, deepens intelligence

Suffering as a teacher:

Transforms emotional and physical pain into wisdom
A major resource for understanding the place of suffering in life

Modern society vs. personal philosophy:

Many follow leaders or media without thought
Rare to have original thoughts or deep vision
Need to construct a passionate philosophy of life

DEVELOPING A PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Creating a Philosophy of Life

Importance of a philosophy of life:

Helps in dealing with chaos and finding meaning in life
Provides a personal system for facing challenges
Prepares for "dark nights" of transformation

Steps to create a supportive philosophy:

Take your life seriously:
- Realize responsibility for own existence
- Avoid unconsciousness (entertainment, drugs)
- Seek deep and solid pleasures
Cultivate intelligence about life:
- Educate heart and mind
- Read, talk, think
- Reflect on experiences and learn lessons
Engage in deep conversation:
- Share ideas with others
- Discover wisdom through dialogue
Practice reflection and find a "Walden Pond":
- Take stock of life
- Seek purpose and values
Develop a living, evolving philosophy:
- Gather wisdom from reading and experience
- Embrace complexity and development
Share insights but prioritize personal growth:
- Your philosophy is unique to you
- Judgment based on absolute, not opinions of others
Balance feelings with ideas:
- Feelings are wet and damp, ideas dry and clarifying
- Therapy can help aerate a soggy soul
Embrace the process of therapy:
- Talk about emotions for relief and insight
- Develop complex and flexible ideas to prepare for challenges

BIRTH AND REBIRTH

Birth and Rebirth

The Eternal Cycle of Births

Physically, we are born once, but the soul is involved in an eternal, continuous birth
Rituals mark various stages of life: baptism, naming days, graduation, weddings, funerals, etc.
Spiritual life thrives on ritual, art, good words, and symbolic acts
Going through changes involves pain but leads to growth and re-birth

The Unchanging Self

One part of self is eternal and unchanging: the quintessential star within the soul
Recognize this unchanging self throughout life's developments

The Practical Self

A level completely defined by events and environment, changes all the time
Focus on survival and thriving in everyday life

The Unfolding Self

Constantly becoming and evolving: the caterpillar-and-butterfly part of self
Go-between that links the eternal with the practical
Ancient societies focused on this aspect, while modern society favors the practical
Open yourself to change, every step of the way

The Necessity of Change

Every minute presents a choice: to live or to die, accept invitations for vitality or decline out of fear or lethargy
Dark nights of the soul facilitate deep initiations and necessary developments
It's essential to embrace change and growth to remain alive.

THE DARK NIGHT AS RITE OF PASSAGE

Dark Night as Rite of Passage

Understanding Dark Nights

Occasion for personal transformation, not limited to life transitions
Can be triggered by feelings of failure or depression
May lead to decisions and turning points in one's life

Perspective on Dark Nights

Not seen as natural processes of change but instead as something to be cured
Confusion between psychological and spiritual approaches
Medicine has a role, but it is insufficient for addressing the deeper meaning behind dark nights

Finding Spiritual Elements in Everyday Life

The sacred hidden within the secular
Sports as an example of spiritual themes in ordinary life
- Struggle between self and other
- Facing difficult odds
- Winning and losing

Dealing with Dark Nights

May involve quietness or silence
Loss of appetite and fasting as spiritual techniques
Need for solitude and retreat
Ritualizing natural impulses to cope spiritually

Examples of Spiritual Techniques During Dark Nights

Seeking privacy through locked doors or alone time
Engaging in quiet activities, like dinner with a friend or watching old movies
Going to familiar places that reflect one's mood, such as the desert or woods.

THE PHASES OF PASSAGE

Three Phases of Passage: Separation, Liminality, and Reincorporation

Separation

Feeling cut off and alone during a dark night
May seek deep human connection but find solitude instead
Therapy can provide necessary isolation for dealing with darkness
Desire for real connection may be hard to fulfill in the medical world

Liminality

Dark night makes familiar world inaccessible, introduces unfamiliar realm
Feeling of being "in-between" known and unknown
May experience profound forgetting or loss of function
Allows transition into another dimension or level of existence

Reincorporation

Return to normal life may not be easy after a dark night
People around you need to adjust to changes
Take initiative in introducing new self to loved ones
Offer assurances and graciousness for easier acceptance
Important step for both personal growth and maintaining relationships.

RITUALS FOR OUR TIME

Rituals for Our Time:

Importance of Rituals:

In modern society, people seek ways to restore or create new rituals
Ancient rituals reach deep into collective imagination and emotions
Powerful imagery rooted in human experience

Creating New Rituals:

Join spiritual or religious communities
Borrow rites from various traditions
Adapt global rituals to personal life
Use imagination to create simple, personal rituals
Combine multiple approaches

Transformative Power of Rituals:

Reminders of devotion and tradition
Connect with past experiences
Transform everyday actions into sacred ones

Compulsive Rituals vs. Spiritual Rituals:

Compulsive rituals: destructive and empty
Spiritual rituals: transformative and uplifting

Restoring Solid, Spiritual Rituals:

Attend church regularly
Connect with nature
Take care of food, dress, and home
Add symbolic touches to everyday life

Rituals and Turning Points:

Significant moments in personal and communal experiences
Demand exploration of inner resources
Liminal experiences: entering the unknown.

LIFE IN A JAR

Dark Night: In-Between Transformation

Characteristics of the Dark Night:

Liminal, uncomfortable experience
In between phases of life
Difficult to describe to others
People may not know how to react or help
Feeling isolated and difficult to reach

Comparisons to Alchemy:

Dark night = "putrefaction" or nigredo
Process of dissolving and remaking into something new
Transformation takes place during the darkest hours

Allegory in Samuel Beckett's Play:

Three people stuck in jars, discussing their issues only when a light shines on them
Moments when we all feel trapped and uncertain
The jar represents the dark night as a vessel for transformation

The Role of the Individual:

Allow the transformation to take place
Be open to change and renewal
Participate in the process carefully and artistically

Personhood and Transformation:

View life as a series of transformations
Each transition may involve a dark night
Life is about constant becoming, growth, or stagnation

Embrace the Dark Night:

Acknowledge its role in personal development
Understand that it is a necessary part of life's journey
Embrace the process and let the transformation occur.

CHAPTER THREE: SORTING OUT AND STARTING OVER

Sorting Out and Starting Over

Dark Nights as Opportunities for Change

Perceived primarily as process of purification (John of the Cross)
Cooperate with feelings, find concrete ways to simplify life

Personal Purification

Diminish self by sorting out important from trivial
Focus energy and reflect on experiences
Become more refined, thoughtful, and sensitive

Lessons Learned

Friend's acute conversations influenced personal growth
Importance of cutting away nonessential distractions

Embracing Dark Nights

Stop viewing as problems, see as opportunities for change
Capacity to think things through essential in facing challenges
Narcissism can hinder openness to new ideas and experiences
Focus on developing vision and strong sense of values
Spiritual existence requires constant cleansing

The Role of a Spiritual Guide

Maintain focus on the spirit without neglecting deeper soul issues.

THE PROCESS OF CATHARSIS

Catharsis: A Process of Emptiness and Clarification

Definition of Catharsis:

Purging emotions, leading to sharper ideas and clearer feelings
Expanding mind and heart through spiritual practices

Characteristics of Catharsis:

Emptying process
Clarity and definition of purpose
Rooted in experience (incarnational theology)

Spiritual Practices:

Contemplation: core practice
- Yoga, sitting, insight
- Music, painting, flower arranging, dance
Adapted to personal lifestyle

Forms of Contemplation:

Piano playing
Walking in a forest
Quiet time in church or worship space
Window shopping
Nature's calming effect

Importance of Contemplation:

Creative tranquility (free from practical concerns)
Clears mind and prepares for facing the world
Deepens connection to everyday life

Catharsis Goals:

Emptiness
Clarity

Benefits of Catharsis:

Nurtures spirituality
Opens heart and mind
Gives deeper satisfaction

Additional Practices:

Fasting, retreat, vegetarianism, poverty, neatness, cleanliness, moderation, solitude
Making bed every morning as a spiritual practice

Personal Experiences of Catharsis:

Absorption and disappearance during meditation practices
Pleasure in the "disappearance"
Engaged in active life and withdrawn in contemplation

Conclusion:

Both openness to experience and clarification are necessary for a soulful life.

CLEAN UP YOUR LIFE

Connecting Soul and Spirit

Goal: Link spirituality with everyday life
Soul and spirit work best when connected
Exceptional spiritual activities important, but need grounding in daily life

Spiritual Retreat in Everyday Life

Loss of a job: Opportunity for reflection
- Sort out past work experiences
- Consider sense of calling or lack thereof
- Transform joblessness into spiritual retreat
- Ask what gives you purpose
- Go deeper instead of avoiding anxiety

Catharsis and Clearing the Soul

Aristotle's catharsis in theater context
Absorbed in a fictional story
Vicariously work out emotions and ideas
Relate story to your own experiences
Share thoughts with others
Acknowledge painful truths.

DEWORLDED

Catharsis and Deworlding

Definition: Catharsis stops us, throws us off balance, and deworlds us. Importance: Opportunity to consider a different way of life, clear debris for important realizations.

Personal Experiences of Catharsis *:

Family communication during mother's sickness
Direct and clean conversation
Uniting as a family and caring for each other
Rinsing of conversation and language

Impact of Catharsis *:

Clarification of life, personality, world
Being straightforward and honest
Community formation through shared experiences
Simplifying life and making room for growth

Catharsis as a Form of Cleansing *:

Pruning of trees and purgative medicines
Cleansing of the entire existence
Building up and clearing out, crucial rhythm

Dark Night as Catharsis *:

Washing out cluttered life
Simplifying life through ebb and flow
Honoring deep moods and feelings

* Quotes from Kearney's text.

TELL YOUR STORY

Aristotle's Perspective on Storytelling for Catharsis

Drama and fiction can clear a cluttered and confused soul
Personal storytelling can provide cleansing and purification
Psychotherapy is a form of storytelling between two people
Ordinary conversation contains stories essential for imagination
Repeated telling of a story helps relate life experiences
Both the listener and teller experience catharsis
Good story requires clarity through honesty and absence of excuses

The Power of Personal Storytelling

Tells one's own experiences
Gives form and consideration by oneself and others
Aesthetic pleasure from a well-crafted narrative
Can be in the form of artful stories or simple reports
Reveals deepest longings and fears
Expression unique to the individual
Telling a story can lead to healing

Varied Forms of Storytelling

Painting: reveals hidden soul, allows emotional sorting
Photography: reveals unnoticed fragments of stories, forces a meeting between past and present
Writing letters: can be animated and revealing, may reveal deepest desires and fears

Benefits of Storytelling in Therapy

Tells personal story in a way that suits the individual
Speaking about art can lead to deeper understanding
Photography reveals hidden soul and forces confrontation with past self
A liminal space for pure wonder and renewal.

THE SELF IN SOLUTION

Self in Solution: The Importance of Storytelling and Reflection

Telling Your Story:

Share personal experiences with respect
Ask for questions and observations from trusted individuals
Combine stories and dreams for deeper understanding
Treat as counterpoint, one correcting and complementing the other

Importance of Finding a Living Story:

Prepares for subtle transformations and self-discovery
May involve visiting old places and talking to family members
Connects you to your roots and the soil of your life

Jung's Alchemical Perspective:

Dissolving the selfish hardness of the heart
Revealing the soul and releasing the capacity to love

Innocence, Purity, and Water:

Essential for tranquil human life
Symbolized by water: softening edges, revealing the soul
Necessary for dissolving ideas, habits, and images

Dissolve and Congeal:

Important alchemical processes
Dissolving through reflection, discussion, and introspection
Cleansing through immersion in water or other fluids

Finding Your Water:

Symbolic or literal: near a river, by the sea, or in bathing rituals
Emotional blockage cleansing: immerse yourself in thoughts, take showers or baths
Inner sensations and special lotions/shampoos for emotional clarity.

SOCIAL CATHARSIS

Social Catharsis

The Need for Social Catharsis

Society can become logjammed with stale ideas
Prejudices, slogans, party lines, mere opinions form
People become conservative in negative sense
Deep conservatism: honoring eternal ideas and values
Importance of acknowledging past mistakes

Society's Moral Pollution

Unwise wars, unenlightened political decisions
Ancient communities recognized importance of rituals
Modern societies neglect soul, seek security in future
Need to deal with past guilt and atrocities
Sincere expressions of remorse essential for healing

Examples: United States and Native Americans, African-Americans

The Importance of Catharsis

Embracing history, both good and bad elements
Avoiding suppression of uncomfortable emotions
Need for self-confrontation and tough vision
Cleansing society's soul to deal with societal problems

Quotes

"A society that has lost its soul looks for security in the future and is willing to deny the reality of the present."

"The death of one god is the death of them all."

Wallace Stevens

Conclusion

Catharsis: new beginning, freedom from the past, purity of intention.
Catharsis essential for individuals and societies to deal with dark nights and move forward.

PURIFYING SOCIETY

Society's Purification: The Concept of Scapegoat

Understanding the Scapegoat Concept

Ritual practice in various societies to cleanse from pollution (miasma)
Modern society uses figurative scapegoats, often leaders or groups

The Role of Images and Symbols

Effective in turning society around
Marches, gatherings, speeches, images essential
Martin Luther King Jr.'s impact rooted in language and composure

The Power of Scapegoat: Subtlety and Manipulation

Original form: figure bearing guilt, removed from culture
Christianity's theology of redemption similar to scapegoat idea
Responsibility for societal issues not solely on leaders or political entities

The Individual's Role in Society's Purification

Identify evil afflicting society (greed, anxiety, feelings of inferiority)
Find suitable language and forms to describe the evil spirit
Catharsis offers an opportunity for deeper soul life and spiritual growth

Society's Response to Darkness: Reformation or Retrenchment

Society's reaction to a dark night crucial for its future
Requires strong heart, steady intelligence, visionary imagination
Cleaning natural world, politics, and culture essential for purification
Dread and depression inevitable but recovery of soul possible.

Society's Moral Battle: Spiritual Awakening vs. Crusade

Finding the source of evil within (our attitudes and urges)
Confronting the moral battle with warrior's strength and tenacity
A spiritual awakening leads to societal improvement and peace.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE VIEW FROM THE MOON

Chapter Four: The View from the Moon

Dark Night of the Soul

No need to give up intelligence
Change idea of wisdom: use emotional intelligence, intuition, psychic abilities
Quote by Nicolas of Cusa: "need the night-eyes of an owl"

Dark Night Experience

May become a darker person
Special talent for seeing in emotional darkness
Allowing anger and sadness to emerge

Intuition and Psychic Abilities

Ordinary ways of thinking may not work
Uncharacteristic use of intuition by father before mother's illness

Greek and Roman Goddess Hekate (Hecate)

Goddess of the dark
Grants night vision, perfect teacher for being in the dark
Strong figure for understanding mysterious experiences.

THE DARK ANGEL

The Dark Angel (Hekate)

Greek Myth:

Persephone's abduction by Hades
Mother Demeter's search for her daughter
Hekate reveals the truth to Demeter
Persephone's return with a pomegranate seed
Hekate: patroness of psychics, fortune-tellers
Embodies beauty and terrors of night

Night Goddess:

Quietly and deeply in us
Appears in dark moods, fears
Essential part of our being
Connected to senses, imagination
Movements at night: ideas, dreams, inspirations

Dark Persona:

Contrasts with public persona
Hidden qualities
Innocuous and serious
Repressed material holds vitality
Fear of the dark due to its aliveness

Divided Light and Dark:

Presenting best self to the world
Anxiety, fear of revealing hidden sides
Valuable in times of tragedy and conflict
Expressing surprise at unexpected aspects of others

Hekate: Redemption and Validation:

Liberating way of thinking and living
Sanctifies daily life's challenges
Validates undervalued feelings and thoughts.

EMOTIONAL NIGHT

Emotional Night: The Transformative Power of Therapy and Hekate Rewards of Good Therapy:

Darkening of personality
Liberation from superficial outlook
Acceptance of unwanted emotions

Case Study: A Creative Couple's Betrayal and Growth Background:

Both were creative and accomplished individuals
Devoted to careers, emotionally detached

Beginning of Therapy:

Emptiness between them
Wife's affair with a drifter and criminal

Developments in Therapy:

Old arguments resurface
Examination of longstanding relationship issues
Woman's growth: darker, stronger, more creative
Man's response: self-pity

Outcome:

Divorced, remarried, and divorced again
Woman's career continued to blossom
Unknown what happened to man.

Note: This case study illustrates how therapy can lead individuals to embrace the darker aspects of their personality, resulting in personal growth, even if relationships may change.

TOOLS OF THE DARK

Hekate's Symbols: Understanding the Dark Side of Life

1. The Key

Hekate's tool to enter and leave the underworld
Allows for exploration and understanding of dark emotions without succumbing to them
Cultivating relationships with darkness through various means, such as psychology, art, or meditation

2. The Whip

Part of Hekate's role during a "dark night of the soul"
Emotional suffering that leaves you feeling destroyed
Necessary for personal growth and renewal

3. The Dagger and Torch (not explicitly discussed in the text, but implied as Hekate's other symbols)

Keys to the Underworld

Honoring your darkness and acknowledging its existence
Finding tools that help you navigate between ordinary life and depths of your soul
Examples include keys like psychology, art, meditation, or even simple daily routines

Mortification: Emotional Beatings

Part of the process of personal growth during a "dark night of the soul"
Feeling emotionally beaten and lacerated is natural and necessary for renewal
Allows shedding past behavior and identity, making room for new ideas and growth

Understanding Mortification

Mortification implies dying to your will and ego, but ultimately works in your favor
People resist the process of change and growth, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and torn apart
Understanding that emotional pain is part of a larger, positive process can help cope with it.

Finding Your Keys

Everyone needs a set of keys suited to their temperament for navigating between ordinary life and the depths of their soul
Finding what works for you may involve exploring various methods such as art, literature, or spirituality.

The Whip: A Tool for Growth

The feeling of being beaten and lacerated during a "dark night of the soul" can be seen as necessary for personal growth
Emotional pain is part of a larger process that ultimately leads to renewal and new ideas
Understanding this can help cope with the emotional turmoil and find meaning in the experience.

The Dagger

The Dagger

Embrace the dark night and prepare for battle as a spiritual warrior
Discover toughness and be willing to make difficult decisions
Example of Oscar Wilde: seemingly frivolous on the surface, but deep inner strength and principles
Write a personal "De Profundis" during dark moments for self-discovery and transformation through honest reflection

The Torch (Hekate)

Embrace the pervading darkness with soft, dim lunar light
Learn to think, speak, and act in harmony with the dark
Avoid harsh cleansing and brightening, instead deepen and complexify
Goals: become a more interesting person with a fascinating life, worth knowing, listening to, and loving.

PSYCHOLOGICAL NIGHT

Hekate and Night Disturbances:

Associated with nighttime anxiety and disturbances according to Hippocrates' Sacred Disease
Manifestations include: waking up due to noises, unnamed anxieties, bad dreams or nightmares

Night: Primal and Primitive:

Can be frightening but possesses its charms
Full of fantasy and imagination, even in urban settings
Characterized by heightened sensitivity and unusual occurrences

Dark Night of the Soul:

A time of vulnerability and unexplainable experiences
Invites you to exist in a bigger world where magic happens
Marked by feelings of déjà vu, premonition, heightened senses, and openness to the mysterious

Dealing with Your Dark Night:

Be watchful and cautious
Stay observant and discerning
Look out for subtle signs and sounds
Prepare yourself for the unexpected.

THE GARBAGE OF A LIFE AND A DAY

James Hillman's View on Garbage and Hekate

Ancient association between Hekate and garbage
Equates this garbage with day-residues (Freud)
Redeems "waste of life" and makes it matter

The Dark Night

May feel like a waste, full of regret and self-loathing
Thomas Aquinas: referred to his work as "straw"
Samuel Beckett's Krapp: felt worse about himself
Part of the creative life and being human

Importance of Negative Thoughts

Keep things in perspective
Allow us to see emptiness in accomplishments
Reveal our humanity, give humility

Hekate's Role

Ennobles what is considered trash
Saves from hubris by recognizing our waste as part of life

The Work of Hekate

Redeems the drudgery of a life
Reveals the great and virtuous to be not so wonderful
Avoid identifying with your trash, which fuels egotism.

HONORING HEKATE'S NEGATIVITY

Honoring Hekate's Negativity

Rituals:

Unusual dinners in Hekate's honor: food scraps given to beggars and dogs
- Symbolic communion with deity's negativity
- Acknowledge importance of this spirit, even if not valued by humans
Incorporate symbolism of garbage or waste:
- Scraping plate after meal and recognizing its value
- Recycling center as altar for unwanted parts of life
Reflection on the importance of acknowledging and honoring Hekate's negativity in our lives

Symbolic Value:

Life contains waste, which is precious to Hekate
Acknowledgment and honoring of these parts of our lives can bring us closer to Hekate
Recognizing the value in what may seem unpleasant or unwanted

Altar for Negativity:

Need a place to acknowledge and release unwanted aspects of life
- Prevents identification with them and weight on one's spirit.

Making Garbage Sacred:

Viewing garbage as an opportunity for spiritual growth
Acknowledging the importance of all parts of our lives, even the seemingly negative or unwanted ones.

HEKATE'S ROLE IN DEEPENING MATERNAL FEELINGS

Hekate's Role in Deepening Maternal Feelings

Understanding the Negative Mother:

Hekate described as "negative mother"
Women may feel they have failed their children upon entering this fantasy
Encourages independence for both mother and child

Myth of Demeter and Persephone:

Persephone's shift from enjoying nature to ruler of underworld (Hades)
Hekate offers assistance as she is intimately familiar with the underworld

The Importance of Darkness:

Not always needed to be cared for or caring
Finding one's essence and identity apart from acknowledgement and support

Dark Values and Society:

Shift towards finding oneself may be misunderstood and underappreciated
Need not be self-centered, but understanding need, absence, and ignorance

The Complex Motherhood of Hekate:

Both light and dark have a creative place in motherhood
May be seen as complicated or even harmful to children, but ultimately protects them by preventing excessive care and repression of dark mothering.

DEEP AND DARK SPIRITUALITY

Hekate: The Goddess of Deep and Dark Spirituality

Role: Moon goddess, witch, shrew; terrifying and deprives; at home in the dark and empty
Significance: Offers access to the deep spiritual realm of the soul; teacher of invisible depths
Tasks: Clears way to depth; inspires renewal in emptiness of being

The Dark Night and the Soul's Life

Arrival in the Dark Realm (Hekate): Beyond emotions, deeper than depression
Descending into Depth: Focus on meaning and self-perception
Stages in Descent: Fear turns to emptiness; silence becomes familiar; dreams lose liveliness

Beyond Emotion: Existential Emptiness

Emptiness Sensed: May not be personal, can be the vacuum of life
Standing at the Edge: Looking out on the unknown world, like in a space station
Religiousness: A deeply personal gift from Hekate

Therapy and the Descent

Early Signs: Loss of meaning; fear of disconnection from life
Later Stages: Fear turns to emptiness; silence becomes familiar; dreams lose liveliness.

BARDO: PREPARATION FOR NEW LIFE

Bardo: Preparation for New Life

The Dark Night of the Soul and Bardo

The dark night of the soul may have a bardo quality
Liminal period between old life and rebirth
"Meditate on guiding spirit as illusion" - pure illusory body
Emptiness-luminosity: no inherent substance, yet glowing from within

Preparing for New Life

Loss of dominance by sadness or sense of loss
Different state, not better but ready for new life
Inconceivable state of emptiness-luminosity
Profound shifts in the condition of the soul
Mysterious and happens despite efforts
Initiations touch "very structures of existence"

The Grief Experience

Friends cannot fully understand deep grief
Great rupture in known world, irrevocable emptiness
Opportunity for living in a different world - bardo place.

Instructions for Preparation

Meditate on special guiding spirit as illusion (pure illusory body)
Allow spirit to disappear and rest in emptiness-luminosity
Accept that profound shifts in soul's condition are mysterious and beyond our control
Embrace the opportunity for living in a different world at the bardo place.

LUNAR CONSCIOUSNESS

Lunar Consciousness

Description of a profound "dark underworld intelligence"
Begins with less dramatic experiences in therapy sessions
Clients' desire for spiritual guidance but have contradictory actions and expectations
Feelings of disappointment and failure in therapeutic relationships
Value of being open-minded and adaptable to clients' needs

Magical Schools and Lunar Consciousness

Studying ancient magical schools
Sympathy with nature
Magus remains in tune with nature, doesn't try to overcome it
Dealing with the soul magically instead of heroically
Patience and acceptance in dealing with dark nights

Ancient Wisdom on Lunar Consciousness

Pico della Mirandola: Be in sympathy with nature
Magus moves with nature like a tree bending in the wind
Lunar consciousness: Sitting in the darkness and listening to the sounds of night
Look for hints of meaning and pieces of insight in your dark nights

Personal Experiences

Denied tenure twice and faced significant losses
Developing lunar intelligence through embracing disillusionment and memories
Using art, music, poetry, and spiritual practices to process emotions and gain insight

The Forge as a Symbol of Lunar Consciousness

An analogy for the transformation of raw material into useful and beautiful forms
The smith in our soul working on failures and successes to shape who we are
Embrace the dark night as a place for hard work, creativity, and spiritual growth.

CHAPTER FIVE: LIFE'S IRONIES

Chapter Five: Embracing Life's Ironies

The Importance of Imagination and Wit

During challenging times, an active and receptive imagination is helpful
In a fact-driven world, imagination can seem soft or nonessential
The problem is more pronounced in North America, where spirituality is viewed as dour
Passive media like TV, movies, and magazines contribute to intellectual sleepiness

The Role of Humor and Intellectual Sparkle

Wit: original response to events, seeing humor instead of tragedy
Taking a large view of situations, past obvious feelings
Emotional wit: appreciating paradoxes and ambiguities
Zen Buddhism and Sufism use humor and intellectual zest for complex mysteries
Humor and mental sparkle keep compassion and liberate from self-concern

The Perils of Moralists and Literalists

Moralists: think they know what's right, impose their views on others
Literalists: take every thought as fact, unable to appreciate paradoxes
Irony keeps out superficial sentimentality and intransigent moralism

The Cultural Shift towards Ignorance and Sleepiness

"Cool" mindlessness is a way to sleep through life
Media caters to the lowest common denominator of education and intellectual curiosity
Lack of wit and intellectual challenge leads to a broad-based cultural slumber

The Consequences of Cultural Witlessness

A symbolic 100-year mental stupor in society and its people
No one dares to battle the brambles that keep us from awakening.

IRONY: AWAKE AND CYNICAL

Irony and Spirituality

Irony vs Cynicism

Irony: witty, comic understanding of human condition
Cynicism: keeping aloof and insincere
Misunderstood relationship between the two

Preference for Subtle Humor and Wit

Dry stand-up comics
Samuel Beckett's work
Zen teachers and Sufi masters

Irony in Spirituality

Offers a different perspective
Contrasts with conventional wisdom
Religions contain ironical teachings

Jesus' Ironical Teachings

To be religious is to be ironical
"Become like a child" (Mark 10:15)

The Tao Te Ching's Ironical Teaching

He who speaks doesn't know; he who knows doesn't speak (Chapter 17)

The Benefits of Irony

Develops a knowing sense of humor
Avoids naive interpretations
Loses innocence without becoming cynical.

THE TRAGIC AND THE COMIC

Understanding the Tragic and Comic:

The tragic and comic intertwine in our ordinary situations
Accepting sadness and understanding its place leads to happiness
Every decision for happiness will bring challenges
Embracing irony and humor helps deal with difficult times

Religion and Irony:

Some religious people avoid irony, creating one-dimensional views
Humor signifies comfort with the unpredictable ways of God and nature
Mystics like John of the Cross appreciate irony in their writings

Dealing with Oppression:

Resisting oppressors morally instead of physically
Turning tables on them, transforming humiliation into courage
Fear can be transformed into love for life.

Examples of Irony and Humor:

John of the Cross's ironic praise of darkness in his writings
Brian Keenan's response to captors: turning fear into resistance and commitment to life

CREATIVE AVOIDANCE

Brian Keenan's Story: Refusing Victimization

Principles for Dealing with Adversity

Refuse to assume the role of victim, even in situations of oppression or abuse
Recognize that becoming a victim can lead to unwanted consequences
Avoid entering the field of victimhood and instead find strength within oneself
Learn to recognize and avoid unconscious attempts to manipulate or bind
Maintain a sense of irony and complexity in dealing with challenges
Refuse to accept situations as they are presented; question the origin of fears and dread
Find alternative perspectives to prevent unwanted outcomes

Examples from Brian Keenan's Experience

During captivity, he prevented his oppressors from acting out their roles smoothly by using wit and tricks
As a lecturer, he refused to comply with unnecessary tests and procedures that kept him captive
In psychotherapy, he avoided joining forces with the deep, daimonic powers that possessed patients
He refused to be lured into the role of rescuer when dealing with those threatening suicide

Symbolic Victories

Even in small ways, resistance and finding alternative options can lead to a sense of victory, such as making a candle in darkness.

A CREATIVE INVERSION OF VALUES

Anne Sexton's Life and Perspective

Poet known for her understanding of emotions and the underworld
Wit and intelligence, but also susceptible
Struggled with emotional turmoil and eventual suicide

Her Letters

Reveal a person who could be ironical and naive
Believed in the validity of her emotionally ravaged life
Sensed her own strength but ultimately surrendered

Comparison to Brian Keenan

Different circumstances: Sexton's fantasies vs. Keenan's literal captivity
Sexton's survival required keeping wits about her
Keenan's consistency was key to his survival

Model for Dealing with Dark Nights of the Soul

Create your own world instead of succumbing to external pressure
Refuse to surrender to anyone or anything less than divine
Grasp special enlightenment offered by the dark
Adopt a lunar style, in tune with the dark
Be creative and imaginative during a dark night
None of this denies tragedy or represses feelings.

Understanding Dark Nights of the Soul

Not all emotional negativity is depression
Can be bright, thoughtful, and imaginative during a dark night
Refuse to be literally defeated.

SPIRITUAL WIT

Sense of Irony and Spiritual Wit

Definition: A spiritual attitude that transcends situations and requires strength and imagination.

Importance: Allows for reframing situations, preventing a tragic tone.

Examples:

Nasrudin's guitar lessons: Nasrudin starts with lesson two to reframe the situation.
Discussion group scenario: The assistant professor shares that he would live off the money and pursue his writing.

Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki's Teachings

Irony: Fosters a profoundly comic viewpoint in life.
Honesty: Balancing austerity and indulgence, as seen in David Chadwick's story of snacking in the kitchen.

Avoiding Moralistic Judgments

Small, worried mindset: Based on anxiety and desperation.
Non-judgmental approach: Refusing to be a victim of moralism.

THE STRATEGY OF ECCENTRICITY

Glenn Gould: A Life of Paradox

Background:

Canadian pianist known for musical genius and eccentricity
Perceived as insane by some, celebrated by others
Embraced paradox in personal life and art

Eccentricities:

Wore gloves in warm weather
Conducted animal sounds at zoo
Stopped performing publicly at height of career
Listened to multiple radios before concerts

Perception vs. Reality:

Many critics saw eccentricities as a problem, but Gould didn't
Transformed anxieties into humor and imagination
Eccentricity allowed him to express creativity and be loved by others

Learning from Gould: 1. Embrace your neuroses:

Highly neurotic individuals can still live creative, loving lives
Transform insanity into eccentricity

2. Share your dark night with loved ones:

If you're loving and reasonably creative, family and friends will want to be there for you

3. Integrate insecurities and failures into your life:

Shape a life around your struggles while pursuing creative activities

Anne Sexton Connection:

Anne Sexton: poet who acknowledged her dark night and integrated it into her work and life

The Importance of Complexity:

Don't hide suffering, weave it into the fabric of your life
Pretense is not needed; authenticity and complexity are key.

CULTIVATING AN IRONICAL LIFE

Cultivating an Ironical Life Developing a Sense of Irony:

Reconsider sentimental notions about human life
Embrace complexity and deeper thought
Question interpretations in popular media
Avoid relying on psychological, religious, or political solutions
Seek objective perspective; friends may withhold real opinions
Admit both intelligence and stupidity, desire and fear
Embrace grand and eccentric longings, fears

Soul vs. Ego:

Soul: complexity, virtue and vice, ground of existence
Ego: craves acting out, singular virtuous or vicious, dislikes complexity
Human community arises from mutual foolishness
Dark night of the soul reveals complexity, perversity and dark inclinations
Give up innocence, take authority in own underworld.

Embracing Complexity:

Understand that life is complicated
Acknowledge both good and bad, successes and failures
Embrace desires and fears
Admit to being intelligent and stupid
Do not rely on external sources for understanding
Seek self-awareness, introspection and reflection.

IRONY AND THE DIVIDED SELF

Irony and The Dividing Self

Discovering Imperfection

It's not beneficial to spend life trying to be good and aligning with virtuous people
Living with compassion for self and others is a better alternative

Moral Ignorance

Identifying with virtue masks own tendencies to evil
Hiding immorality makes it harder to deal with

Gandhi's Perspective

He worried about moral failures despite his selfless actions
"Impurity of associates is but the manifestation of hidden wrong within me"

The Darker Self

Awareness of imperfection doesn't have to be masochistic or exaggeratedly humble
Emotional security is necessary to acknowledge moral failures

Irony and Complexities of Life

To live with the complexities instead of trying to be good or evil
Good and evil are part of existence, neither is the ultimate truth

Honoring Martin Luther King Jr.

He was criticized for civil disobedience during his time
The complexity of life requires both good and evil elements

Repression vs. Authentic Evil

Repressed individuals may give an impression of evil, but they lack the intelligence to truly embody it
True evil is a pose that doesn't further the processes of life

Realism and Living Fully

Wallace Stevens: "Realism is the corruption of reality"
Imagination is essential for living fully; it needs to be revived continually

The Importance of New Beginnings

Dark night may be a bardo, gestation or an ironical challenge
It precedes a new birth of meaning and existence.

PART TWO: DISTURBANCES

CHAPTER SIX: LOVESICKNESS

Love:

Can begin in darkness and passion
May lead to confusion, longing, and emotional ambivalence
Inconsistent with inherent hysteria
Can result in feelings of possession and jealousy
May involve control issues or abusive relationships
People may feel they are in the wrong relationship, at the wrong time, or for the wrong reasons
Often does not work out or becomes stale

Characteristics of Love:

Sweet and then turns bitter (Anne Carson)
Seals you in a bubble of intense emotions
Leaves you feeling unbalanced and irresponsible
Can lead to impulsive actions, such as marriage or pregnancy
Aftermath involves trying to make a reasonable life
Can result in a "dark night of the soul" caused by profound unsettling.

Ancient Perspective:

Love described as bittersweet by Sappho and Anne Carson
Love's sweetness often kept private, while its bitterness is not.

Love and Madness:

Love described as a kind of madness
People feel deaf to advice from friends and family
Can lead to impulsive actions
Aftermath involves trying to make a reasonable life.

WALKING ON COALS

Love Sickness and its Long-Lasting Effects:

Tends to last beyond period of ripeness
People let relationships continue, despite knowing they are not good
Some cling to security over uncertain but vital relationships
Reluctance to end until promise is exhausted
Resolve becomes clear when can no longer endure

The Client's Experience:

Wife left husband unexpectedly
Husband had no idea of his wife's struggles
Believed life was as simple and pleasing for her as it was for him

Patience and Decision Making:

Soul takes time to sort itself out
Extreme patience or temporizing in decision making
Importance of gathering oneself before making a move
Fear that soul may not catch up with hasty decisions.

LURED INTO DARKNESS

Love: A Source of Darkness and Light

Common Source of Intense Emotion

Love, whether romantic or for a child, leads to intense emotions
Two aspects: light (love's allure) and darkness (intensity)
Love is beyond understanding and control
Surrender leads to being swept away

Importance of Love

Love is a necessity for living
Soul craves love and being loved
Giving up on love leads to lifelessness

Love's Transformative Power

Love is not about happiness
Radically transforms individuals, making them more authentic
Initiation into deeper aspects of self
Asks a price: endurance of pain and emptiness

Quotes:

"Everyone needs to love and be loved." (Anonymous)
"The soul craves love, and if you give up on love because it is so difficult, the life will seep out of you like air out of a punctured tire." (Author)
"Love gives you a sense of meaning, but it asks a price." (Author)

AN AFFAIR OF THE SOUL

Love as an Affair of the Soul

Love is an intimately tied experience of the soul
Unexpected and inconvenient appearance
Volatile nature: comes and goes with no apparent reason
Pictured as an adolescent with wings, symbolizing its flightiness
Makes you feel younger or older depending on its stage
Has a dark side with contrasting bright beginnings

Getting from Adolescence to Adult Doldrums:

Love in service of the soul, direction towards depths
Desire for love to remain as playful experience
Warnings about love's darkness often dismissed by young couples
Importance of love being free from practicality and wisdom

Challenges of Love:

Difficulty in finding or maintaining a lasting relationship
Can teach the limits of human understanding
Bridge between the human and divine.

WHY IS LOVE SO FRUSTRATING?

The Frustration of Love

Amy's story: has loved a man at a distance for years, believes he's the meaning of her life, but feels frustrated due to his inability to express emotions and satisfy her needs as a lover.
Friends suggest that he may never be available to her, but she remains stuck.
The soul's timetable and needs are not met, leading to stalemate.

The Impasse of Love

Amy perceives the frustrations as external.
Both partners may be stuck, requiring broadening of imagination.
Look within yourself: consider how your life is impacting the relationship.

The Depths of the Soul and Love

Love introduces further depths to the soul.
Meditation, contemplation, emotions, daydreaming may increase in activity.
Relationship serves as a container for the soul and introduces deeper levels of self-awareness.

The Significance of Love Initiations

Love fuels every dimension of life, making it an articulated world of meaning and sophistication.
Experienced lovers at a different stage in development compared to those who have yet to go through love initiations.
Love can make all of life have an erotic quality if worked out effectively.

HALF IN AND HALF OUT OF LOVE

James Joyce Quote

"In the muddle is the soundance"

Impasse in Love

Man devoted to wife and family, but in love with coworker
She won't make love with him due to his marital status
Feels conflicted: stay, give up family, or let go of passion
Unclear what he truly desires

Jung's Ideas on Becoming a Person

Process begins with a mess
Man might need to create his own mess

Focus on Sex vs. Desire

Sexual relationship doesn't necessarily resolve issue
Larger role of eros in man's life should be considered

Signs of Dissatisfaction

Passion focused outside normal structures indicates something wrong
Possible issue: coworker shares man's professional life more than wife

Expanding the Definition of Love and Relationship

Love needs to include all aspects of life
Cultivate various areas as parts of a whole
Man's image of relationship might be too small
Ficino: choose all things, not just two or more

Escaping the Impasse

Man may find a way out by expanding definition of love and life.

LOVE EXPANDING

Marriage as a Means of Individuation and Soul Maturation:

According to Jungian psychologists (Guggenbühl-Craig), marriage serves as a tool for personal growth and self-realization.
It is not just about individual psychology, but also the formation of a creative partnership.
Trials in marriage contribute to the development of character and depth of personality.
Marriage can lead to:
- Good work
- Effective parenting
- Strong family relationships
- Vital circle of friends and neighbors
- A more mature nation

Impact of Love on Self and Society:

Personal efforts at love shape the world beyond sentimentally.
They contribute to maturity, ethics, and thoughtfulness in various aspects of life.

Example of the Effects of Love:

Crude comments from a former president towards women can reveal deep-rooted anxieties that manifested in their policies.

Focus on Soul and Deepening:

Instead of trying to resolve love's challenges by improving relationships, focus on personal soul growth.
The aim is not just for harmony and compatibility but to mature as a person able to contribute positively to society.

Marriage as a Cocoon:

Love may need time to develop before it can fully extend outward into the world in a meaningful way.

MASOCHISTIC ENTANGLEMENTS

Masochistic Entanglements: Understanding the Dark Night of Love

Dependence on another's willingness:

Masochism in relationships arises when one person feels completely dependent on another's actions
Waiting for their love to be fostered is a form of masochism
Can continue even after living together

Power Dynamics:

Masochism may be a way for one partner to have power over the other
Criticism of "couple-ism" reducing meaning of life to romantic love

Problems with Emphasis on Romantic Love:

Disappointment following marriage or partnership
Lack of excitement and purpose in life
Focusing on self instead of contributing to society

Case Study: A Young Man's Masochistic Pattern:

Dependent on his wife, constantly imagines infidelity
Unhappy at work but unaware of the connection
Needed a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood

Resisting vs. Embracing the Dark Night:

Avoiding the pain leads to an empty defensive period
The real dark night is less ego and more life
Example: My friend's victimized relationship

Destructive Patterns in Romantic Relationships:

Masochism is disguised control
Effective to deal with these issues outside the relationship

Letting Life Flow Through You:

Allowing the relaxing of willfulness
Releasing emotions and giving in to conditions
Ultimately more satisfying than forcing things into existence.

STUCK

Love Triangles:

Man waiting for triangulated love: Live more generously, love is not about calming storms but allowing life to flourish.
- Understand love is not about you, it's about the world.
- Soul may need more chaos and deeper impasse.

Stuck in Love:

Man waiting for triangulated love: Be careful not to offer false means of escape, love needs chaos, impasse, and darkness.
Woman stuck in devotion: Love your life unreservedly, discover what is truly going on within yourself.
- Waiting for another person to love you is not living.
- Attract a lover by allowing own life to flow.

Professional and Personal Life:

Man unable to get professional life moving: Obsessed with wife's supposed infidelity, learn to control less, grow up.
- Discover the joy of good hard work.
- No one can give you security or love, learn to get it for yourself through living your own life enthusiastically.
Dark night of the soul: A real dark night may be necessary for feeling secure and loved.

THE MIRE OF LOVE

Anne Sexton's Divorce and the Depth of Love Background:

Anne Sexton wrote about her feelings after divorcing writer Erica Jong in 1974
Expressed feelings of regret and despair despite making what she thought was a necessary decision

The Soul and Intimacies

Memories persist, and remorse may resurface over the years
Divorce is an ending but also a beginning
Love's profound purpose: frees you from practicality and reveals the soul's mystery

From Pragmatism to Soul Life

Shift from action/analysis to imagination and emotion
Dark night of the soul may lift, revealing new perspective
Part of you will remain connected to the shadowy realm of love

Patience and Trust in Love

Obstacles may melt over time, revealing new possibilities
Passion might not result in shared life or remain impossible
Stay close to emotions and fantasies for future enrichment.

Quote: "Romantic love has a purpose, an enormous purpose. Its task is to free you from the bubble of practicality and ordinary busyness, to reveal the fact that you have a soul and that life is far more mysterious than you imagined it to be." - Anne Sexton

THE LOVE TRIANGLE

Love Triangle

Definition:

Common complaint in therapy
Unwanted new love that shakes up existence

Phases:

Delusion: Believing you can will it away or weave into life
Moral Principles: Trying to shame yourself into a solution
Shocking realization: Passion remains, longing increases
Dark Night of the Soul: Awaiting new level of awakening

Origins:

Ancient Greek view: Aphrodite brings joy and pleasure but also causes jealousy and separations
Love's mysterious nature

Significance:

May signal problems with current partner or part of growth process
Passion may not wane despite realizing new person wouldn't make good partner

Implications:

Love is fundamentally mysterious, impossible to fully understand
Explosive confrontation of desire and guilt in the confusing experience
Love always involves a desire for fusion and disconnection

Quotes:

"Why doesn't go far enough" - The myth of Analysis by James Hillman
"Love goes through the dark night of the soul, that mortification in which it feels the paradoxical agony of a pregnant potential within itself and a sense of guilty, cut-off separateness." - James Hillman
"Love always involves a desire to couple and to uncouple." - Robert Stein

COMPETING DESIRES

Competing Desires: The Coupling/Uncoupling Paradox

Understanding the Coupling/Uncoupling Paradox

Realizing opposing desires when desiring union
Pressing for connection may lead to disconnection

Addressing the Paradox

Give something to both sides:
- In relationships: love and individuality
Subtlety and balance:
- Love partner and self
Initiation through difficult emotions:
- Educating oneself
Deepening love through personal growth:
- Becoming a deep person for strong love
The role of third loves and triangles
- Keeps soul engaged
- Real problem: the situation, not the other person
Parents and the impact on children
- Stifling oneself for children's sake harms them
Chaos as a means of renewal
- Need for parents to embrace life
Resolving love triangles
- Address personal interests and abilities

Example Case: Woman in a Love Triangle

Struggling with new lover, old husband, children, parents, and self
Resolution through career growth and embracing personal interests

THE UNKNOWN LOVER

Love as a Triangle The Unknown Lover

Represents the soul in a triangle
Out of reach, keeps one in a state of wonder
Seeking therapist for deeper life understanding
Soul shows itself and becomes an unavoidable factor

Impossible Love

Sublimates in argument, self-analysis, and wonder
Becomes a person of enlarged understanding

The Unknown Lover as Fantasy

Invites transcendence, being more than oneself
Fuels life, keeps it from settling
Forces reconsideration of life's structure

Characteristics of the Unknown Lover

Doesn't fit neatly into one's life
Distance makes love impossible but creative

Understanding the Unknown Lover

Learn to live symbolically and poetically
Consider and talk through the unknown lover's role
May not arrive at a solution, but gain from the process.

INSIDE, OUTSIDE, IN BETWEEN

Love Triangles

Description: Caught in a love triangle, people often view their "side" relationship as an excursion outside of normal life. It can be both alluring and disturbing due to its liminal quality.

Attraction: The transgressive nature of the situation may add excitement and importance to the relationship. French philosopher Georges Bataille believed that real love involves a transgression.

Liminality: Love triangles take place in transient settings, away from public view. Couples appreciate this separation from their normal lives and find it creative.

Issues: Some people struggle with the negative consequences of their actions on family and relationships. Children may disown one parent or resent the situation. The couple may feel torn between respectability and adventure, leading to an impasse.

Renewal vs. Suffering: Couples in long-term relationships might seek to recapture the liminality of their love by eloping or engaging in other transgressive behaviors. However, they may also fear the potential negative outcomes and the return to familiar problems within a respectable relationship.

Decision: The dilemma of whether to leave one relationship for another or try to make things work is a profound impasse that leaves people uncertain about their future choices.

Considerations: Ultimately, individuals must weigh the desire for excitement and new experiences against the potential costs to themselves and others. Both respectability and adventure require equal attention.

THE TRIANGULATED SOUL

Triangulated Soul

Background:

Woman in a relatively happy but dull marriage
Attracted to man with an alcohol problem
Desire for adventure and new experiences, not to leave husband

Struggle:

Resisted affair due to fear of conventional family disapproval
Had brief relationship with other man and returned to husband
Friends surprised at lack of regret or remorse

Significance:

Triangle represents spiritual invitation for reevaluation
Not a problem to be managed but a mystery to be lived through

Implications:

Tensions may ease, but soul may not be satisfied
Life is full of triangles in various aspects (romantic relationships, work, family, politics)
Third factor can appear when trying to harmonize two factions

Personal Experience:

Attempted to keep work and family connected
Powerful third factor: frequent travel for work

Continuous Challenge:

Live in tension of triangle, trying new arrangements
Once a triangle settles, move on to next challenge

Lessons Learned:

Initiation is not education
Dark night of the soul not a learning experience
May not emerge as insightful or experienced person
More familiar with love and open to its creativity
Torture of love ripens the soul.

DARK RELATIONS

Dark Relations: Love's Complexities

The Extent of the Dark Night:

Lifelong marriages and partnerships can be draining and destructive
Can lead to abusive situations that are difficult to leave
Shift from love to loathing is often part of love

Beyond Surface Emotions:

Marriage is a mystery, involving deep memories, fantasies, and feelings
Souls intermingle with each other, leading to complex experiences
Intimate relationships involve childhood experiences and human culture's mythic dramas

Patterns and Archetypes in Relationships:

Each person brings unique parts of a story together
Complex patterns, often unconscious
- Aggressive vs. victim
- Nurturing vs. helpless

The Work of a Healthy Relationship:

Bring out the complexity in each person
Create a fresh story that weaves together common motifs like subtle colors in a fabric.

LOVE'S OWN UNDERWORLD

Love's Own Underworld

Love has its own underworld:

Glimpsing deep interiority in mundane situations can lead to understanding love's mysteries
Appreciating the deep soul is crucial for navigating love's complexities
Becoming initiated into love's mysteries important, rather than mastering techniques
Become swept away by love while remaining intelligent about it
Dark night of love: reassess place of love in life, expand love to include world and beyond

Dark Nights:

About love
Involve giving up consciousness and understanding for a deeper connection
Discovering the dominance of love over rationality and control
A dark night forces reassessment of love's role in life

Sufis' Perspective:

Human loves form a ladder to the divine
Essentially religious expansion of love.

CHAPTER SEVEN: WEDDING NIGHTS

Marriage as a Rite of Passage

Characteristics of Marriage:

Often seen as a glorious, trouble-free future
Can become a nightmare and feel betrayed
Even happy marriages have stressful moments
Some opt for divorce, repeating patterns in new relationships
A shift in identity and outlook, not just living arrangements
A shock to the system, promising growth but also pain

Common Mistakes in Marriage:

Viewing it as a rational life choice rather than a rite of passage
Ignorance of deep feelings and past relationship influences
Misunderstanding of the complexity and depth of living together
Focusing on a single quality or fantasy, neglecting the reality of compatibility

The Wedding: Romance and Unconsciousness:

Often marks the end of a romantic period
Thick and dreamy unconsciousness dominates
Misconception of eternal courtship and creative linking of lives.

AN ALTERNATIVE TO COMMITMENT

Alternative to Commitment: Reconsidering Marriage

Questioning Commitment:

Problem with marriage lies not in romantic love but life decisions that follow
Marriage seen as intensification of romance or security
Criticism of term "commitment" as sentimental euphemism and moralistic obligation

Motivations for Marrying:

Affirmation of life versus attempt to constrain it
Offering love and companionship freely, refreshing attachment daily

Challenges with Commitment:

Painful experiences stemming from inability or unwillingness to commit
Embracing the idea of giving up commitment altogether for deeper connection

The Soul of a Marriage:

Focus on open-hearted loving instead of forced security
Elaborate rituals and acknowledgments adding depth to marriage
Balance between pleasure and torment, maturation of love

Power of Weddings:

Expensive wedding as payment to spirits for the mysteries of romance, marriage, and homemaking
Strong acknowledgment required for depth in a marriage, not just living together.

Marriage as an Upheaval:

Creative, disturbing, long-lasting, pleasure-filled and sometimes tormenting experience
Need for powerful ritual to mark the profound impact of marriage on both lovers and families.

THE UNDERWORLD OF MARRIAGE

The Underworld of Marriage

Marriage as Mystery

People marry mystery partners, not fully knowing them
Love is blind, but intelligence plays a role in choosing a partner
Marriage involves families undergoing a rite of passage

Spiritual Aspects of Marriage

Many conflicts are spiritual in nature
Religions give significant attention to matrimony and use powerful symbols
Marriage is a dedication to sharing rather than self-interest

Various Perspectives on Marriage

Marriage may mean different things to different people
Some see it as the very meaning of life, while others view it as a means of security
Life experiences, including childhood, can influence marriage

Marriage and Families

Marriage impacts families concretely, affecting housing, food, time spent together
Challenges arise when trying to marry two families
Role reversals and conflicting feelings are common in marriage

Examples of Difficult Marriages

Charles Dickens and Catherine Dickens: Marriage felt restrictive, causing unhappiness
Thomas Carlyle and Jane Welsh Carlyle: Differences in outlooks, lifestyles led to a painful union

The Importance of Imagination and Internal Diversity in Marriage

Marriage involves holding opposite desires in creative tension
Both Dickens and Carlyle lacked this internal diversity and suffered in their marriages

Marriage as a Vessel of Transformation

Marriage is a place for personal growth and soul development
It requires facing pain and challenges, not avoiding them
The marriage journey involves partnership, commitment, and containment.

THE PERSEPHONE MYSTERY

Persephone Myth and Marriage

Mythology:

Persephone: young woman charmed by flowers -> loses innocence as Hades' bride in the underworld
Queen of the Underworld: full of power, deeper beauty, and eternal marriage
Archetypal underworld matrimony: struggles and bondages are elements of marriage

Marriage:

Purpose: individuation (transmuting common humanity into a creative person)
Approach: not expecting it to give all without asking much in return
Reality: form of sacrifice, surrender of self to a greater life and will
Sacrifice: spiritual act, acknowledging realm greater than oneself
Marriage is for all couples: participating in cosmic pattern promoting life

Marriage as an Ordeal:

Two souls maturing and blossoming
Involves loss and change: parents and families shed tears at weddings
Not just a matter of agreement on lifestyle, but mystery often obscured by sentimental defenses against darkness

Alchemical Acid:

Reshapes life and personality, deepening it
Makes one a better person, not necessarily happier
Moments of bliss and unexpected ordeals: humanizing force, way toward personal fulfillment
Transcendence of self through connection to spouse and world.

NAVIGATING MARITAL NIGHTS

Navigating Marital Nights: Understanding Marriage as a Complex Union

Understanding Marriage

Marriage requires compromise between individuality, freedom, joy, and commitment
Importance of attending to felt needs and finding approved relief from marriage
Marriage is a vessel, not partner, for joint surrender

Marital Interactions

Marriage brings challenges and complexities
Understanding your partner as mysterious and ever-changing
Appreciating the irrationality and mystery within yourself and your partner

Journey Through Marital Dark Nights

Recognize marriage as a journey with darkness and conflict
Embrace the underworld of marriage, embracing Hades and Persephone as models
Accept the reality of marital challenges and conflict

Marriage and Personal Growth

Hall's insight: using partner's struggles to think well of oneself can be damaging
Marriage as a source of self-discovery and growth, even in pain and confusion
Beauty and meaning found through reflections on marriage experiences and poetry.

SACRED MARRIAGE

Marriage as a Spiritual and Sacred Union

Concept of Marriage:

Sharing life between two individuals
Implications on the spiritual and sacred level
Bringing opposites closer, reconciling differences
Social and cosmic significance

Process of Marriage:

Blending different backgrounds, experiences, and values
Exploring compatibility
Transmutation of ordinary life into something more complex and refined

Marriage as a Long Process:

Differences cannot be resolved intellectually
Requires finding means to coexist or blend
Involves challenges and growth

Alchemy in Marriage:

Transforming water into wine
Long and painful process of change
Unnatural and uncanny transmutation
Embracing the dark night, allowing differences to coexist

Benefits of a Deeply Engaged Marriage:

Creating a loving family and friendships
Pursuing the education of the heart
Cultivating emotional, intellectual, and moral sophistication

The Role of Challenges in Marriage:

Important part of the marriage process
Helps individuals grow and transform
Embrace the dark night to uncover the soul of a marriage.

ENDINGS DEFINE A MARRIAGE

Marriages and Relationships Endings

Ending a Marriage or Significant Relationship

Separate and divorce
Partner may die
Major change marks the finale of an era

Navigating the Ending

Resist temptation to numb self
Denying or repressing past can backfire
Moving ahead too quickly may not be wise

Importance of the Past

Soul is fed by darkness as much as light
Connections contribute positively and negatively
Dark nights continue to feed the soul

Attitudes Towards the Past

I know better now, learned from mistakes
Denial of past doesn't work
Soul is nourished by darkness

Ending a Relationship

Depends on person's temperament and time of life
Know yourself to find certitude for decision
Act from values, trusting self and handling repercussions

Deciding to End a Marriage or Significant Relationship

Difficulty in making judgments
Deep love may sustain life despite problems
Person may be insanely stuck or inhibited
Time may be needed to sort things out.

Marital Dark Night

May involve decisions and analyses
Profound unhappiness can lie deep with explanations, personal histories, and ideas
Task is to live from deeper place where decisions are brewed.

THE MARRIAGE WITHIN YOU

Sacred Marriage within You

The Concept:

Ancient Greeks referred to it as hieros gamos: a mysterious, internal marriage
Reconciliation of opposites in an individual
Creativity and vibrancy result from this union

Deities Representing the Union:

Zeus and Hera (Greek)
Shiva and Shakti (Indian)
Atman and a female partner (Upanishads)
Joseph and Mary (Christianity)

Personal Level:

Inner partnering
Intimate connection among opposites: emotional/rational, warm/cold, etc.
Not perfect integration but creative coexistence

My Experience:

Called to teach yet shy and awkward
Marry opposite aspects of self
Let sensitivity influence writing, ideas, public work

Greek Goddess Hera:

Brings creative power into human life
Epitome of long-lasting companionship
Encourages loving the complexities and contradictions within oneself

Marriage as an Analogy:

Differences continue to exist but brought into fruitful connection through love
Individual's desire to reconcile with oneself

Alchemy:

King and queen embracing: the chemical wedding
Reconciliation of conscious and unconscious

Marriage as a Divine Union:

Jesus as a divine mediator, allowing spiritual and ordinary to blend
A long marriage turns cosmic, like night and day

The Marital Dark Night of the Soul:

A painful alchemy
Opposites blend to bring out effervescence in each life
Worth the wait, like a good wine that matures in a cool cellar.

CHAPTER EIGHT: NIGHT EROS

Background:

Raised in an Irish-Catholic family with sex taboo
Limited sexual education and experience due to upbringing
Firsthand experience of sexual frustration and repression

Impact of Sexual Repression:

Violence linked to sexual repression
Dark nights of the soul related to sexuality
Frustrations around finding the right partner, shyness, etc.
Abuse, impotence, infidelity, remorse

Role of Sex in Life:

Represents life and can affect overall perspective
Good sex = positive outlook on life; bad sex = negative outlook
Sexual desires touch deep into your soul

Sexual Transitions:

Sexual issues often arise during life transitions
Couples may confuse sexual surges with need for change
Different types of sexual desires and experimentation

Understanding Desires:

Distinction between love and non-love related sex
Role of fantasy in desire and meaning behind casual sex
Men and women both experience diverse sexual fantasies

THE BODY OF THE WORLD

Human Sexuality: A Deeper Connection

Sex and Its Purpose

Initiates new level of living
Intimacy and sharing deep emotions, fantasies
Connects to society and natural world
Surrendering to life
Restores sense of body

Importance of Sex for the Soul

Love
Curiosity
Fantasy
Desire
Pleasure
Intimacy
Sensation

Sex as a Ritual

Repeated experience
Deep and mysterious purposes
Highly symbolic act
Addresses the soul
Alters state of consciousness

The Oceanic Feeling in Sex

Return to infancy in womb (Sandor Ferenczi)
Altered state essential for sex
Soul comes into foreground
Significance to sense of meaning, relatedness, self

Exploring the Human Body

Appreciating slight variations
Connection to earth and country (Margaret Atwood)

The Bubble of Lovemaking

Similar to night sea journey
Place of rebirth and transformation
Alchemical vessel for change
Stage for working out dramas
Dream where the soul sorts itself in purity.

SEX, THE OPUS

Sex as an Opus (The Art of Becoming a Human Being)

Sex is considered an important "work" that contributes to the development of a soul
Alchemists call this process of soul-making "opus"
Can result in creating a sensuous and alive world

Potential Impact of Sex:

Has the potential to make individuals into persons
Nourishes the soul, similar to how pleasure from eating nourishes the body
Inspires exploration of life, bodies, and selves
Increases desire to understand mysteries of life

Factors for Effective Soul Work:

Relatively free of neurosis and ego
Love present, but also:
- Partner comfortable with sexuality
- Moderately sensual
- Unencumbered by serious inhibitions

Challenges in Finding a Suitable Partner:

Societal confusion about eros and love makes it difficult to find such a partner
May need to take initiative, lead, and help partner trust enough for full involvement.

THE SEARCH FOR A PARTNER

The Search for a Partner

May feel like a mythic adventure with longing and false discoveries
Ultimate objective: life itself or the concept of God
Loneliness and depression can result from unsuccessful sex life search
Some people never find the right partner, choose celibacy, or have different desires
Celibacy doesn't equate to repression or deprivation
Other satisfying forms of intimacy: deep friendships, sensual living, and seeking out various pleasures
Sublimating physical sexuality into other areas is possible

Experience with Celibacy

Lived in a Catholic religious community under celibacy vow
Felt relaxed and happy despite the absence of an active sex life
Two brief periods of desire but no significant questioning of way of life
Strong sense of community and dedication to special lifestyle potentially fulfilling in lieu of sex.

POTHOS, DEEP LONGING

Deep Longing and Pothos

Description of Deep Longing:

Intense desire for the right sexual partner
Can lead to despair and feelings of emptiness
Ancient Greeks personified this feeling as the god Pothos
Similar to a dark night of the soul, can last months and years

Impact on Individuals:

People may be in loving relationships but still experience sexual dissatisfaction
Longing for sexual satisfaction can be misunderstood or dismissed
Sexual emptiness is a form of depression

Importance of Sex:

Deep and significant aspect of human life
Can lead to feelings of aliveness and vitality
For some, embodiment of the life-force or daimon

Personal Experiences:

Kathleen Raine's memoirs: dry years in marriage, rediscovery of sex with another man led to poetic inspiration
Waiting for the right sexual partner can lead to a lifeless existence
Importance of acknowledging and honoring sexual needs

Impact on Society:

Modern Americans may not fully understand connection between passion, ideas, and sexual expression
Marriage based on wrong reasons (lack of sexual attraction) can result in a long, painful dark night
Honoring the spirit of sex and allowing it to animate one's life is essential for feeling fully alive.

LOVER DEMON

Bulleted Notes:

Demon-Lover Experience

Kathleen Raine: demon-lover as longed-for sex
Dangerous, violent experiences with lovers
Dark night of the soul: union with a demonic person
Attraction to danger: one-sided view of life, lack of darkness experience
Need to embrace complex world, touch evil potential

Irony and Evil

Sense evil not as literal destructiveness but as capacity for dark
Actual evil deeds: sign of unrefined evil
Dark night in arena of sex

Case Study 1: Carrie

Daughter of overprotective father
Married and had children, felt unfulfilled
Father's labels made forbidden appealing
Experienced sexual awakening with abusive partner
Believed she could change him
Resulted in physical and emotional abuse

Case Study 2: Unnamed Man

Fascinated by call girl, bragged to friends about her professionalism
Involvement in criminal activity, got caught
Regretful but confused about sex, desire for innocent partner

Sexual Dark Night

Powerful need for sexual fulfillment
Cuts a wide swath, entwines with other fantasies
Difficult to separate out

Observations

Dark partners suggest need for special spirit
Initiation may take time, but not absolute timetable
People underestimate potential danger
Need to reflect on motivations and patterns in relationships.

THE JUSTINE IN EVERYONE

Personal Growth and Sexual maturation

Understanding Personal Growth:

Often perceived as light, progressive development
Forget that soul's progress is deep, dark, and requires descent and ascent

Soul's Progress:

Ripens and matures us into people of substance
Gives us a soul
Sex plays a significant role in the process

Sex and Personal Growth:

Involved in maturation process
Doesn't always result in "nice" or uncomplicated experiences

Carrie and Justine:

Characters who experience various initiations in life
Carrie might have learned to express her sexuality without brutal men
Justine: naïve girl faced with brutal men in Marquis de Sade's novel

The Dark Necessities of Life:

Initiations in the ways of life, sometimes painful
Difference between becoming more mature and actual violence
Becoming sophisticated persons and understanding sexuality's fictions and theaters

Experimentation and Limit:

Desire to experiment after first experience
Persephone becoming the underworld queen
Lack of opportunity for deeper sexual exploration: dark night of pain and confusion

Dark Night vs. Brutality:

Dark night of pain and confusion is a part of personal growth
Crossing the line into actual violence leads to victimization, not initiation.

SEXUAL CONFUSION

Sexual Confusion:

Can take various forms: discovering unapproved sexual fantasies and urges (homosexuality, bisexuality, cross-dressing, sadomasochism, promiscuity, fear of sex)
Not just problems but also opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth
Can dominate a person's emotions and imagination for years or even a lifetime
Epitomize the effort to make sense of one's existence and shape it accordingly

Jan Morris:

Transgender woman who underwent a sex change operation and hormone treatment after feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body since childhood
Describes her early realization of being female while sitting under her mother playing the piano when she was four years old
Understood her condition as a quest for unity of soul and body, not just sexual enigma
Felt isolated due to societal anxiety surrounding sexuality
Maintained dignity and calm through her long journey towards embracing her true self
Saw her experience as an epic quest with an inevitable conclusion
Interpreted her journey as a sacramental or visionary one, akin to medieval notions of soul.

FEAR AND ANXIETY

Love and Anxiety

Lovemaking and Anxiety

Despite its promise of pleasure, lovemaking can fill people with anxiety
Lovemaking is an art that requires craft and expression of desires
People may have specific wishes in lovemaking that they don't understand or consciously know
Fear appears when these wishes are expressed due to the vulnerability involved

The Unveiling of the Body and Soul

The body is seen as a representation of the soul
Allowing the body to be seen and touched exposes one's soul
It isn't always easy to trust another person with such vulnerability

Experimenting with Self-Disclosure

People may meet someone they want to experiment with ultimate self-disclosure
May be compelled by their attractiveness, representation or craving for touch/comfort
Sex can be pleasing and satisfying but also worrisome

Limits of Trust

Inhibitions in sex are significant as freedoms
Fear may reveal limits to trust, either in general or with a particular partner.

LIMITS ON SEX

Understanding Your Sexuality: Embracing Limits and Anxieties

Learning from Your Virginal Qualities:

Appreciating hesitancies and inhibitions
Importance of caution in lovemaking
Balancing desire and caution

Lovemaking: Yin and Yang

Both wish and fear important
Anxiety and inhibition not the same

Overcoming Sexual Guilt:

Challenges from upbringing or past experiences
Conflict between sexual desire and teachings
Finding calm and compromise

Processing Past Experiences:

Realizing that all partners are unique
Openly discussing memories
Changing perspective: washing away conflict roots

Exploring Your Unique Sexuality:

Forgiving yourself for past mistakes
Dealing with neurotic elements
Allowing certain desires
Appreciating sensuality and intimacy
Making personal contribution to society with sexuality.

SOCIETY'S SEXUAL DARK NIGHT

Society's Sexual Dark Night

Historical Comparison: Ancient Greeks carried phallic images during Dionysian festivals; today, there's an excess of sexual content in media and entertainment.

Immature Sexuality: Society's challenge is to transform infantile sexuality into a thorough life of sensual pleasure, beauty, intimacy, and community.

Lack of Pleasure and Vitality: Absence of deep-seated sexuality can lead to anger, aggression, violence, or depression.

Transformative Potential: Sexual periods of stress and emptiness offer an opportunity for reassessing biased ideas about sex and discovering one's particular kind of sexuality.

Importance of Sorting Out Sexuality: Cultivate sexuality in ways consistent with personal values and life purpose; it is a significant aspect of life meaning and joy.

Moralism and Societal Pressure: Overcoming societal moralism to dedicate oneself to understanding and embracing one's unique sexuality.

Impact on Mental and Emotional Well-being: Understanding and addressing the complexities of sexuality can lead to greater peace, fulfillment, and self-awareness.

Key Ideas:

Ancient Greeks had an excessive sexual display during Dionysian festivals; today, society is preoccupied with sexual content in media and entertainment.
The absence of deep-seated sexuality can lead to negative emotions and behaviors such as anger, aggression, depression, or violence.
Transformative potential of periods of sexual stress and emptiness.
Importance of addressing societal pressure and personal values in understanding one's unique sexuality.
Sexuality plays a crucial role in overall mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

CHAPTER NINE: CREATIVITY, THE CHILD, AND THE SURE-FOOTED GOAT

Creativity, The Child, and the Sure-Footed Goat

Instinct for Creativity:

Everyone possesses an instinct for creativity
Must put oneself out into the world as a unique person
No need to be an artist, but add to the world according to talent and vision
Risk of emotional torment and suffering in creative pursuits

Connection between Creativity and Emotional Torment:

Discussed for centuries: link between creativity and suffering
Creativity can bring frustration and disillusionment
May lack required knowledge or talent, have unreasonable expectations
Ego involvement can lead to insanely frustrating narcissism
Old tradition suggests creative act/life involves expansion and contraction
Comparison to a monogamous relationship with painting and art

Creative Frustration:

Expansion of vision but necessity for restraint
Unattainable expectations and lack of required knowledge or talent
Ego involvement in work can lead to frustration, narcissism

Suffering and Creativity:

Connection not simple
Not all positive: melancholy, coldness, contraction of life and person
Ancient belief: Saturn, patron of both artistic inspiration and melancholy.

Creative Life and Expansion/Contraction:

Both opportunity for expression and necessity for restraint
Comparison to a monogamous relationship with painting and art.

INFLATED CREATORS

Creative People's Struggles Issues Facing Creative Individuals

Overvaluation of Work: Creatives often have an inflated self-assessment, uncertain about the quality of their work.
Comparison with Success: Craving high levels of recognition and financial compensation leads to dissatisfaction when not achieved.
Envy and Jealousy: Feeling deflated and bitter due to others' success, often seen as a tragedy in life.
Learning from Failure: Most creative people learn to live with realistic expectations and continue their work.
Peaks and Valleys of Success
- Receiving rejection: Collecting rejection letters serves as reminders of early struggles.
- Unexpected opportunities: Invitations for lectures or workshops after initial rejections.
Comfort in the Creative World: The eccentricities of successful creatives make them ill-fit with "normal" society, even when they achieve recognition.
The Capricorn Goat Metaphor
- Inspiring ascent and sure footing on a mountain peak
- Steep, deep ravine symbolizes the risk of failure.

Creative individuals face challenges in evaluating their work's quality, dealing with their own self-assessment, and striving for commercial success. Rejection and envy can be debilitating but learning from past struggles and embracing the eccentricities of a creative life help navigate the peaks and valleys of success.

QUIET DESPERATION

Individuality and Creativity in a Conformist World

Quiet Desperation

Society's confusion about individuality and creativity leads to quiet desperation for many
Mass media, chain stores, and anonymous jobs contribute to a sense of ennui and erode vitality
Feelings of frustration and longing as people are unable to have their creativity accepted and admired

Barriers to Individuality and Creativity

Stratified society with few creative opportunities for the ordinary person
Financial and political power of elite leaves many feeling discouraged and unworthy
Difficulty in having creative ideas accepted in the workplace

Responding to Quiet Desperation

Live an original life and avoid cultural unconsciousness
Find value in simple things that give meaning, even if ordinary
Seek adulation among family members and neighbors instead of from the world as a whole
Do something symbolic and out of the ordinary to deal with dark nights
Take back some of the adulation given to others and find entertainment closer to home.

Individuality vs. Conformity: The Need for Balance

Society romanticizes creativity, exiling it in a limited group of celebrities
The assembly line and anonymous jobs create feelings of frustration and longing
Quiet desperation is a result of the tension between grand ideals and disappointing realities
To find balance:
- Recognize that everyone has the potential for creativity
- Seek out opportunities to express your individuality
- Embrace the simple things in life that bring you joy and meaning.

CELEBRITY FOR ALL

Celebrity Culture:

Exaggerated attention towards celebrities is part of contemporary decadence
Unreal and excessive expression of a need for myth and extraordinary experiences
People "look up" to celebrities as if they were stars in the galaxy
More symptomatic than sincere idol worship

Historical Context:

Centuries ago, people honored actual celestial images and stars in the sky
Celebrity culture is not a serious matter compared to ancient reverence

Celebrities' Wishes:

Enjoy limelight but desire privacy and ordinary life

Creativity:

More important to create than to be a creator
Creativity means to add something worthwhile to the world
A creative person participates in the Creator's work
Divinity of human beings lies in adding to the creation process

Approach to Creativity:

Focus on creating rather than becoming a creator
Overcoming insecurity and uncertainty to start with ordinary creative work.

CREATIVITY AND THE SPIRIT OF THE CHILD

Creativity and the Spirit of the Child

Definition and Image of Creativity:

Defining creativity is difficult
Archetypal image: supreme genius, grand success, mad talent, uninhibited child
Memories of childhood and fresh perspective
Free from excessive influences and habits

Characteristics of the Child:

Spontaneous
Vitality
Demanding
Clumsy
Uninformed
Maladapted

Repression of the Child:

Modern life suppresses childishness
Idealization and Romanticization
Repressive strategies: forcing children into camps, exclusion from social life, poorly equipped schools, limiting play, surrendering to au pairs and babysitters

Impact of Suppression:

Anger and depression due to joyless life
Frustration with society's demands for conformity
Creativity lies behind "dark night of the soul"

Recovering the Child Spirit:

Reconnecting with childhood memories
Simple, concrete ways: moving back to hometown, resolving conflicts with family, cooking childhood foods
Redeem and come to peace with your childhood.

JUNG'S BREAKDOWN AND DISCOVERY OF CHILDHOOD

Jung's Breakdown and Discovery of Childhood

Background:

Jung went through a major life transition in his late thirties, referred to as his "confrontation with the unconscious"
Resigned professorship, focused on dreams and emotions
Happened during World War I, a time of widespread anxiety
Described as a period of confusion and uncertainty

Childhood Memories:

Memory from age eleven: making things out of blocks and stones
Felt important to take seriously
Began creating model village during lunch hour and after patients had left
Felt squeamish about reconnecting with childhood, but necessary for personal growth
Spent three years in this period

Importsance of Childhood:

Maintained connections with family and profession to stay grounded
Recorded dreams and fantasies, made sculptures and drawings
Cleaned troubled mind, "Cleansing the darknesses of our mind"
Keep humble, let creativity flow without ego interference

Jung's Reflections:

Child spirit has a role in creativity, not only for spontaneity but as part of life itself
Important to find balance between romanticizing and rejecting child quality of soul
Inferiority feelings not negative, can keep humility and allow creativity to flow.

THE LOST CHILD

The Concept of Human Development:

Early Christian period and late Renaissance: humans believed in the soul descending through planets, receiving imprints
In modern times, people become more complex as they progress through stages and experiences
Childhood is a part of who we are, not something left behind
Jung's discovery: acknowledging childhood experiences can lead to understanding one's life as an adult

Getting Stuck in a Phase:

People may get stuck in a specific phase, leading to living out that segment in their adult life
Extreme parental or childish behavior could indicate being stuck
Struggling with the past can keep one from living in the present

The Impact of Past Experiences:

Being connected to one's past can be a resource for growth and creativity
Denying the past can result in being fixated, leading to inability to respond to new opportunities
Coercion into adulthood prematurely may lead to a sense of incompleteness and sadness

The Role of Childhood:

The child plays an important role in the creative life for most people
Embracing the child within can release creativity
Acknowledging and addressing the childlike aspects in adults can foster growth and understanding.

RESURRECTING THE CHILD

Reviving the Child Spirit

Importance of the Child Spirit

Many people live in emotional darkness due to neglecting their child spirit
Modern society has lost touch with childhood, often substituting entertainment and connections for active play and community

Finding Your Childhood

Each person must find unique way to resurrect child spirit
Simple and meaningful actions can bring back childhood feelings
Examples: making family recipes, forgiving parents, traveling to old world countries, being irresponsible in certain areas of life

Creating Your Universe

Reinvent the world around you through play and creativity
Jung's wooden blocks illustrate this concept of creating a new universe
Young people sometimes recreate their lives by defying societal expectations

The Child Spirit vs. Childishness

Child spirit is not literal childishness or anti-intellectual emotionalism
It adds color and tone to life without dominating it
Balancing maturity and the child spirit enhances growth

Glenn Gould's Example

Gould's unconventional piano playing was ridiculed due to his childlike humor and departure from expectations
Child spirit balanced out heavy pedanticism and depression in his personality

The Saturnine Ego

Western ego can be both imaginative, skilled, and profound, but also depressive and restrictive
Playfulness may not be deeply ingrained in this attitude toward life, focusing on hard work and wise spending of time instead.

BEING THE CHILD

Childlike Creativity

Bringing to life a creative spirit akin to a child's is challenging
Slip from childlike spirit to childishness or hurt, depressed child
Example: English composer Peter Warlock (Philip Heseltine)
Combined interest in occult and English folk music
Struggled with self-doubt and overvalued contemporaries' work
Quote from D.H. Lawrence: "He seemed empty, uncreated"
Warlock saw himself as "completely fuddled, groping blindly in the dark for something of whose very nature I was quite ignorant."
Committed suicide at 36 due to self-destructive tendencies
Could not reconcile childlike creativity with adult life
Fixated on older composer Frederick Delius as mentor/model
Depression might have been transformative spiritual dark night, instead of ruinous tragedy.

Balancing Childlike Creativity and Maturity

Maintain playful habits while keeping the child's spirit in check
Avoid childishness that dominates and weakens personality
Confront darkness emotionally and intellectually, but not literally destroyed
Transformative potential of depression into spiritual growth.

SPIRITUALITY AND THE CREATIVE LIFE

Spirituality and Creative Life

Creativity Defined:

Expressing inner thoughts and feelings
Translating inner life into outer forms
Requires courage, experimentation, and eccentricity

Creative Spiritual Practices:

Prayer
Meditation
Devotions
Lucid counterdepressants
Radical use of images
Pro-depressive actions

Countering Depression:

Kristeva's suggestion: lucid counterdepressants, not neutralizing antidepressants
Ficino: Saturnine music, prayer and ritual
Acknowledge sadness, share feelings with others

Sublimating Darkness:

Suffering as a starting point
Penetrating the status quo
Living creatively: growing present life
Embrace both light and dark

Creative Work:

Faith and spirit of adventure
Bold attempt to be like God
Expecting human possibility's edge
Child of Saturn, called to embrace darkness and life.

Quotes:

"Father, let this cup pass me by. But, let it be not as I wish, but as you will." [Matt: 26.39] - Jesus

"Even when I do not feel like work, I sit down to it just the same. I cannot wait for inspiration." - Igor Stravinsky

"Creative work is a bold attempt to be like God."

"You have to take the dark nights with the brilliant successes."

"Don't work only when the mood is right. Let the dark night come and go, but keep doing your work." - Tchaikovsky

CHAPTER TEN: DARK BEAUTY

The Dark Beauty of Life and Art

Dark Beauty

A deep-seated reaction to meaningful presentation of life
Instant promise of pleasure (Moonlit nights)
Inspires art, literature, films (Film noir, Lucian Freud, Francis Bacon, Frida Kahlo, Marquis de Sade, etc.)
Reveals the courage and insight in people going through hardships

Art as a Reflection of the Dark Side of Life

Sorrow as supreme emotion in art (Oscar Wilde)
Beauty found in trials and discouragement
Depth of feeling reveals beauty of life and personality

The Role of Tragedy in Art and Life

Tragic themes enhance the beauty of an image
Human life is like that: tragedies can make us aware of its beauty
Understanding the role of the tragic and seeing how suffering can be redeemed

Examples of Dark Beauty in Art

Children in war, elderly dying, town swept away by natural disasters, a child hungry and vulnerable
Tragedies give life its contours and make it unique
Important ingredient in the beautiful

Family Relationships as a Source of Beauty

Deep conversations during my mother's illness
Clarity and honesty in family gatherings
Farewell to my mother was beautiful due to relationships in her family.

BEAUTY RESTORES THE SOUL

Beauty Restores the Soul

Sorrow and Reflection:

Focuses attention on things that matter most during periods of extreme loss or pain
Reflection on people who mean the most and deep design of life
Relief from distress through appreciation of beauty in world

Change in Therapy:

Initially, expressions of tears, recriminations, and rage
Later, exquisite stories and subtle feelings emerge
Depth of perception leads to beauty of expression

Aesthetic Interests:

Poems, drawings, stories become more interesting due to refinement in thoughts and emotions
Honest and direct way of talking emerges during therapy sessions

Focus on Dreams and Memories:

Beauty found in images, even those depicting ugly or fearful events
Well-chosen story or dream brings order to chaos of dark nights

Beauty as Relief:

Unintelligible image offers relief from sheer power of its beauty during chaotic times.

BEAUTY IN DISTRESS

Importance of Suitable Words and Images for Describing Experiences:

Use personal language based on one's own experience
Avoid oversimplified explanations like "codependency" or "lack of self-esteem"
Borrow terms from person's dreams or sincere attempts to describe their experience
Use precise and powerful images to give body to experiences
Good words and images provide comfort during distressing times

The Role of Imagery in Therapy:

Memorable images serve as personal works of art
Images mark the beginning of an aesthetic development in healing process
Precise and powerful images effective in dealing with experiences
A dark night of the soul needs comfort provided by good words and images

The Connection Between Religion, Science, and Beauty:

Religions present teachings in beautiful images
Science tends to focus on rationality and knowledge without appreciating beauty fully
Paying more attention to natural beauty in science could bridge the split between highest values and ordinary intelligence
Astronauts sent for capturing beautiful photographs of earth from space mark a shift towards a soul culture instead of a heroic one

Artists' Suffering:

Artists often transfer their torment into immortal images
A flat, undisturbed life may not reveal the beauty of human existence.

PAIN INTO ART

John Keats' Letters as Art

Difficult for Keats to shape experiences into a poem despite his consumption
Wrote elegant prose in letters, which served as occasions for deep thoughts
Quoted letter to Benjamin Bailey: "We shall enjoy ourselves here after by having what we called happiness on Earth repeated in a finer tone"
Heaven seen as an intensification of bodily enjoyment, not ethereal or abstract

Expressing Anxiety through Art

Expressing anxiety through art is therapeutic
Forms of expression vary: painting, writing, music, poetry therapy
Carefully chosen words can be healing and clarify emotions
Healing requires deep, genuine expression of feeling
Abreaction: relieving tension through insight and self-discovery

Art as Therapy

Writing can be a form of abreaction and exploration
Art therapy helps transform suffering into healing images
Personal art discovery is an important part of the healing process
Ken Burns' Civil War letters collection: simple arts help society reflect on history and keep memories alive

The Role of Beauty in Healing

Beauty closely related to love, pleasure, and expression
Beauty spurs us on to express ourselves beautifully
Powerful art helps individuals and society sort out experiences and memories.

IMAGE AND MEMORY

Image and Memory

Understanding the Connection Between Beauty and Truth

John Keats: poetry should be a "Remembrance" of one's highest thoughts (1)
Applicable to capturing emotions, finding language for raw experiences (2)

Therapy and Conversation

Talking cure: seeking language to join emotion and thought (3)
Transformation into mediating image offers relief and hope (4)
Examples: "Amazing Grace," It's a Wonderful Life, O Sacred Head hymn (5)

Marsilio Ficino on Dealing with Sadness

Initial relief from friends and work (6)
Serious work: devotion to the source of pain (7)
Focusing one's whole mind (8)
Importance of artists probing tragedies and follies (9)

Characteristics of a Dark Night

Focus and attention (10)

THE WAY OF HOMEOPATHY

The Way of Homeopathy

Understanding Homeopathy:

In a non-medical context: responding to suffering "like it"
Literal meaning: "similar to the suffering"
Homeopathic medicine: small doses of symptom-producing substances
Allopathic medicine: works against the problem, attacks cause of symptoms

Emotional Distress:

People often take allopathic approach
- Cheer up sad and grieving individuals
- Encourage positive attitude and thinking
- Shed light on mystery of emotional distress

Homeopathic Approach:

Enter further into the darkness
Appreciate it through means in tune with the dark
Images play important role:
- Explicit images: art, dreams
- Slice of life taken as images

The Necessity of a Dark Night:

Change is necessary during this experience
Focus on how to change and what needs to happen through images.

MUSIC AND MELANCHOLY

Music and Melancholy

Exploring Dark Moods

Turning to images or music during sadness
Deepens mood: Terry Waite's reading about slavery, St. Matthew's Passion by J. S. Bach

Classical Music Examples

John Dowland: "Semper Dowland Semper Dolens" (Lachrimae)
- Descending pattern in Phrygian mode
- Title page: "If Luck hasn't blessed you, you either rage or cry."
Samuel Barber: "Adagio for Strings"
- Twentieth-century melancholic piece
- Used at funerals and memorials
- Immediate impact on listeners
"Amazing Grace": similar impact to Dowland's music

Ficino's Suggestions

Art as a remedy for sadness
Educating oneself in emotion

Art as Catharsis

Transformation of feeling into image
Depth and character development

Personal Preference

Doing daily work and listening to music (Dowland, Willie Nelson, etc.)
- Comforting and strong
- Intensifies experience

Art's Role in Healing

Catharsis through transformation
Mythic dimension and deeper meaning
Enlargement of experience: healing process.

WAKENING THE SOUL

The Power of Arts to Waken the Soul

Wakening a Dormant Soul

The arts have the power to stir a dormant soul
Ficino: Mercury, patron of arts, can either waken or put souls to sleep

Arts and Self-Expression

Listening to music, watching plays, following dances
Active life goes into eclipse as soul takes wing
Art brings soul to situations that are otherwise practical

Impact of Beauty on the Soul

Stirs the soul out of slumber
Draws you in, making you interested and absorbed
Example: Woody Allen's first view of Manhattan

Personal Connection with Beauty

Examples: Pacific Ocean, Ireland's shores
Enlargement of self, evoking deep emotions
Beauty offers a purpose for life on earth

The Role of Education in Introducing Art and Beauty

Teacher's introduction to Salvador Dali's Crucifixion
Revealed a new world, Platonic remembering
Essential for introducing children and adults to art
Encourages appreciation of beauty through deep perception.

HEALING BEAUTY

Healing Beauty+

The Depths of the Soul

A dark night of the soul: sadness, emptiness, anxiety (can't be explained by life events)
Deep-seated, may connect to hidden memories from childhood
Not always remedied through understanding or willpower

Mark Rothko and Beauty

Became an artist after appreciating the beauty of human body
Witnessing a life painting class led to vocation
Described as conversion experience, not gradual development

The Role of Beauty in Perceiving Truth

Beauty reveals depth and meaning (soul)
Need an "eye" for appearances and invisible radiance
Many people are closed off to positive influences and wonder why life is empty

Aesthetic Psychotherapy

Vigilant attitude: watchful, observe closely, savor each element, notice subtle factors
Complete presencing: fully engage in psychological powers at play
Apply to all situations: psychotherapy = care of the soul

The Soul as Beautiful

Senses soul as beautiful, even in distress
Educate yourself to see its beauty
Respond like a curator, take it in and become its caretaker.

INTEREST: A FIRST STEP TOWARD BEAUTY AND LOVE

Interest and Self-Love: Understanding the Soul's Beauty

The Role of Interest and Spiritual Teachers

Teachers base their work on the elusive principle of soul's beauty
Appreciate unique quirks and obsessions in individuals
Do not moralize, diagnose, or change quickly
Effectiveness as a therapist comes from this perspective

The Importance of Interest

Requires presence to observe one's own experiences
Overcoming self-absorption and acceptance of imperfections
Essential step towards discovering the soul
Preliminary step: accept yourself with all failures and imperfections

Self-Love and Soul Connection

Acceptance leads to genuine self-love
Loving one's soul, not narcissistic self-absorption
Focused, concrete appreciation of personal beauty
Complex and multifaceted: good and bad aspects contribute to beauty
Beauty is the substance of being, not limited to physical appearance or success

The Influence of Love, Parents, and Friends

A lover may see one's beauty
A parent may embrace imperfections
A friend may struggle but still love the individual.

DARK BEAUTY

The Beauty of Darkness and Light

Appreciating the Wholeness of Life

Beauty includes dark elements (emotional storms, dry periods, explosions)
Important to learn to appreciate these aspects
Understanding that some lightness may be a defense against darkness

Understanding Your Dark Side

Some individuals hide from their darkness
Others find security and happiness in accepting it
The dark and light work together

Oscar Wilde's Perspective

"I don't regret for a single moment having lived for pleasure"
But, continuing the same life would have been limiting
Understanding the necessity of conflict

First Memories and Conflict

Speaker's first memory: grandfather drowned saving him from a lake accident
Early linkage between life and death
Importance of acknowledging the painful aspects of life
Continued appreciation for the good memories with the grandfather

Honoring the Beauty of the Past

Honoring the man who saved the speaker's life
Finding meaning in the reason for being saved.

BEAUTY SERVES THE SPIRIT

Beauty Serves the Spirit

Beauty nurtures the soul by serving the spirit
Gives added perspective, similar to religion
Connects us to a field of eternity, transcending personal worries
Found in both beautiful and painful experiences

The Essence of Spirituality

Enlargement of vision
Momentary experience with lasting impact
Transcendent sense of things

Beauty and Religion

Both serve similar purposes
Offer consolation and insight in times of suffering
Comfort and connection to something greater than oneself

Experiencing Beauty

Through nature, art, or personal experiences
Not always found in joyful occasions
Avoiding darkness may lead to sentimentality

The Role of Suffering

Deepens appreciation for beauty
Enhances perception and understanding of suffering
Real beauty addresses the split between coarse and sentimental experiences.

EXPOSE YOURSELF TO THE BEAUTIFUL

Exposing Yourself to Beauty during Difficult Times

Placing Yourself in the Presence of Something Beautiful:

Trust that beauty can sustain and heal
Can be nature, art, culture, or family
No need to seek meaning or understand
Become a receptor rather than an ego
Surrender control and let the experience change you

Choosing Beautiful Things Tinged with Pathos:

Samuel Beckett's writing
Solitude
Detective stories, tales of challenge
Visiting sick and dying or public service
Seeing beauty in suffering and pain

Stretching the Limits with Beauty:

Painting, singing, writing impractically
Traveling extravagantly to beautiful places
Swimming in icy water
Talking to animals and oneself
Wearing gloves in summer or old athletic shoes to children

Understanding the Power of Beauty:

Nurtures the soul
Expose yourself to it and trust its effects.

PART THREE: DEGRADATIONS.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: THE DEEP-RED EMOTIONS

Deep-Red Emotions: Understanding Anger

Background

Story of enlightened king and queen who aim to charm dragons instead of killing them
Metaphor for dealing with anger

The Dilemma of Anger

Flare-ups like fire from our mouths
Popular psychology encourages expression, but signs of repressed anger persist
Negative perception of anger: lifeless and confused if rejected

Anger as Indicator

Signals something is wrong
Doesn't necessarily suggest a solution

Learning About Anger

Rarely taught in a structured way
Focus on developing the mind, dealing with emotions instinctively
Negative perception of anger: a shock to express it in therapy

Expressing Anger Effectively

Screaming or harsh words may not solve problems
Can alienate people
Suppressed anger can lead to a dark night of the soul and stifle joy

Anger's Role in Relationships

Defines borders and gives clarity on feelings and tolerance limits.

ANGER IS NATURAL

Anger: Understanding and Expressing It

Anger is Natural:

Anger is a natural emotion and part of daily life
Distinction between venting and expressing anger

Venting versus Expressing Anger:

Venting: releasing raw emotion with no specific target (hitting a wall, screaming)
Can harm relationships as others may take it personally
Expressing anger: showing feelings about a particular situation or condition
Effective way to address issues in relationships

Frequency of Anger:

Some people express anger frequently
Others suppress their anger and become moody or violent
Important to have the freedom to express anger without judgment or repercussions

Impact of Suppressed Anger:

Suppressed anger can transform into violence
People may associate with others who share their frustration (vicarious anger)
Watching violence on screen doesn't address root causes of discontent

Expressing Anger Effectively:

Say what you're angry about with passion
Talk through the issue and repeat the process when necessary
Deal with the real object of your anger

Therapist Suggestions:

Express anger as often as visiting the bathroom
Be in a relationship with someone who can handle your anger
Don't let passing or mild anger build up and explode later

Anger and Power/Creativity:

Anger is related to power and creativity
Responding effectively to anger can have positive effects in the world.

ANGER IS DAIMONIC

Anger as a Daimonic Force

Anger's Role

Flares up in response to injustice
Offers spiritual support and guidance
Impels change when necessary
Has an intellectual component, helping make sense of life

Dangers of Suppressed Anger

Leads to chronic anger and discontent
Corrosive emotion that "uglifies" surroundings
Can be disguised as self-annoyance or depression

Expressing Anger Effectively

Show displeasure
Examine situation and reasons for anger
Own your power and express it in healthy ways

Benefits of Expressing Anger

Clarifies emotions and helps make decisions
Reveals inner strength and resilience
Transforms simple emotion into an effective persona
Can result in personal growth and self-realization

Quote from Rumi

"Don't use your anger to conceal a radiance that should not be hidden."
Anger is a manifestation of spirit and presence on earth.

GIVING ANGER FORM

Anger: A Multifaceted Emotion Traditional Aspects of Anger (according to Marsilio Ficino)

Problematic yet useful: stimulates feelings, confronts situations, purges emotions
Brings firmness, heat, and strength
Enhances voice and resolve
Can be expressed in love, compassion, boldness, passion
Transforms into personal endurance and strength
Inspires creativity and social action

Anger and Relationships

Expresses personal responsibility and leadership
Strengthens partnerships by providing support
Failure of relationships often due to one partner's inability to handle challenges
Can lead to tranquility through creating a strong foundation for life

The Paradox of Anger

True tranquility comes from strength, not passivity
Coexists with calm, joy, friendliness, and community

Anger's Impact on Individuals

Can bring deep issues into the open
May result in personal growth and exploration of identity (Bernstein's example)

Caution:

Raw or chronic anger can be detrimental to relationships
Importance of balance: tranquility, kindness, equanimity, self-possession also necessary for a fulfilling life.

GETTING POWER AND SUBMISSION RIGHT

Understanding Anger: Power and Submission

Anger's Daimonic Quality

Simple to give anger its place among emotions
Has its own will and strength
Connected with power and control issues
May reverse, leading to destructive patterns

Power and Control

Your vitality defines you
Cooperate with it or become submissive
Shift of responsiveness creates destructive patterns (sadomasochism)

Egotism and Sadomasochism

Misunderstanding life's constant invitations
Pleasure in disappointment, emotional/physical hurt, betrayal
Self-deprecation can hide subtle control

Sadistic and Masochistic Sides

Person taking pleasure in suffering has a hidden sadistic side
Aggressor takes pleasure in hurting others

Expressing and Not Expressing Anger

Complicated business
Reclaim old anger, express new anger properly
Self-possession is essential to deal with anger effectively

Underlying Power Issues

People and roles particularly susceptible to sadomasochistic expression
Lovers do it to each other in the confusion of emotions

Effects of Unresolved Anger

Violence, suicide, murder, domestic violence, social conflict
Mild forms of this pattern in everyday interactions.

TRANSFORMING PASSIVITY

Dark Night of the Soul: Understanding and Transforming Passivity and Masochism

Understanding Chronic Suffering and Masochism

Sadomasochistic splitting of emotions may contribute to a dark night of the soul
Volatile emotions, frequent shifts between rage and overwhelming feelings
Tendency to suffer every situation and try to control it

The Way Out: Change in Attitude

Don't have to suffer existence
Find enjoyment instead
Give more of yourself to life

Transformation of Anger

Clean anger accomplishes much
Passive-aggressiveness harms relationships

Understanding Power Patterns

Assuming powerlessness, trying to be assertive leads to failure
Hidden aggression in passivity

Learning to Surrender and Be Receptive

Compensation doesn't work
Learn to surrender and be receptive
Discover hidden power

Flexible Control: Strength and Submission

Masochism as an invitation to surrender
Transmuting passivity into vulnerability and self-giving
Gaining strength through submission

Intelligence in Surrender

Know when and how to surrender
Wise surrender brings vitality and control.

THE NAKED SOUL

The Naked Soul

Shift in Attitude:

Old defensive self may feel death as ending known life
Only one layer of death: need to die daily to live
Masochism release and new life require allowing change

Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death:

Addresses complications and ambiguities in this process
Emphasizes the necessity of entering life anew
Our defenses become traps to transcend ourselves
Need to throw off cultural lendings and family rules

Purpose of Dark Nights:

Prune, cleanse, and sort out essential from illusory
Transform anger through channeling life force
Liberated vitality gives unique presence as a personality

Anger:

Power and motivation for living every minute authentically
Obstacles and people may discourage authenticity
Anger keeps us out of dark nights and lifts us out when we succumb.

CHAPTER TWELVE: TEMPORARY INSANITIES

Temporary Insanities:

Many people experience hallucinations, dementia, and mild insanities (unlisted) due to emotions like jealousy, envy, fear, or rage.
Most people lose control in extreme emotions.
Falling in love, jealousy, depression can lead to temporary insanity.
Arguments and conflicts in relationships and families often rooted in madness.
Teachers encounter situations where students experience rejection and jealousy.
Parents get involved and become emotional, leading to hysterical concerns for their children.
Trying to force equality among children leads to dead ends and false victories.
Life's unexpected descents into emotional turmoil are full of no exits or solutions.
People behave unreasonably due to temporary insanity.

THE LIMITS OF REASON

The Limits of Reason

Reason vs. Human Life

Trusting reason too much leads to trouble
Human life is rarely reasonable
Intelligent, well-meaning people cannot always resolve conflicts
Insight often comes from discovering madness in seemingly reasonable situations

Clarity and Fog

People exist between clarity and fog
Pure unreasonableness present at the edge of transactions
Desire for simplicity is misguided

Navigating Complexity

Take account of a moderate degree of madness in all situations
Understanding alone cannot get you out of emotional thickets

Misconceptions and Disillusionment

Misconceptions about human life lead to disillusionment and frustration.

LIFE IS THEATER

Life as a Theater

Human life is a drama with outlandish characters and scenarios
Each person plays a specific role in their own stage production
No one has seen the script in advance
Workplace is a common setting for human dramas
Every action has both literal and symbolic meanings
Theater is the primal language of the soul

Impact of Dramas at Workplace

Melodramas can cause frustration, anger, and self-destructive behavior
Quitting jobs or sabotaging work as a result
Conflicts and strong emotions often go unresolved
Managers and employees carry the burden of these dramas home
Courtrooms and hospitals are particularly prone to dramatic elements

Role of Psychoanalysis

Unveiling deeper stories within the surface level issues
Favors certain sexual and childhood themes but not the last word
Focus on discovering your own stories, not theories

Discovering Your Own Stories

Reflect on past experiences and emotions
Look for recurring themes in your life or the world
Understanding the "I" as a character in a story

Examples of Deeper Stories

A man feeling compelled to finish what his father started
Icarus' story resonating with idealism and ambition
Madame Bovary's influence on seeking meaning in relationships

Importance of Self-awareness

Knowing who is living through you at any given moment
Less self-awareness, more dominance by deeper stories.

THE WAY OF LEARNING

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's Life and Self-Education

Challenges and Compulsions

Passionate obsession with Percy Bysshe Shelley interfered with her life
Suffered many tragedies and betrayals
Denied inheritance, had to struggle to maintain herself and son

Turning Point: Education

Intensified self-education in philosophy and literature
Studied human nature, took firm hold of her life
Set herself a course of study "for definition"

Impact on Mary Shelley's Life

Shaped her own life, crafted presence in the world
Became less gullible with friends and clearer about desired living
Overcame despair, became happier and better person

Mary Shelley's Model for Living

Lived by passion and design, not completely split
Education of heart and mind key to coming through dark times
Mass entertainment vs. deep thinking: choose education for effective living.

PRACTICAL INTELLIGENCE

Lessons on Becoming More Intelligent in Life

Importance of Self-Education

Become more intelligent in conducting your life
Avoid unreliable advice-givers and shallow experts
Probe deeply into human behavior
People are highly gullible, susceptible to advertisers and politicians
Education is often a matter of attitude rather than schooling
Take yourself seriously

Becoming Wise About Your Life

Know what's good and right for you
Avoid clichés and popular gurus
Study human nature through your practice, e.g., therapy
Learn from personal experiences, even those that seem negative
Embrace the paradoxical secret of the soul: Healing comes from your defining moments

Personal Examples of Insanities Defining a Life

Man who escaped Nazi separation: His near-separation from family left him with a deep fear.
Inspiration from a man who studied literature and depth psychology despite difficult circumstances.
Author's own experiences of foolish acts, including entering and leaving a religious community too young, getting married impulsively, and struggles with money management.
Honor your unconscious and unwilled moments as precious for reflection and understanding the structures of your life.

Quote from Heraclitus

"Your daimon is your fate."
Possession and out-of-control feelings may lead to defining moments that give structure to your life, even if they come as a dark night of the soul.

THE VALUE OF SYMBOL AND NONSENSE

Symbolic Healing:

Modern imagination values symbolic acts and moral victories over literal successes
Healing for the soul is more profound through poetry than heroics

Grief:

Losing a loved one or feeling abandoned: healing goes beyond seeking closure
Imagination can transform despair into renewal, compassion, and vision

Emotional Transformation:

Grief turns into vision and courage
Sadness reverses itself in empathy and understanding

Eccentricity as a Coping Mechanism:

Adopting an exaggerated, eccentric persona can help reconcile dark nights with acceptance within society
Embrace your eccentricities to find balance between exclusion and inclusion.

Glenn Gould's Example:

Exceptional talent allowed him to bring anxieties into his creative life instead of becoming hospitalized
Difference between fulfillment and hospitalization was extremely thin

Finding Balance in Eccentricity:

Accepting your neuroses can lead to creativity or potential exclusion from society
Embrace your eccentricities to maintain balance.

Personal Growth:

Allow yourself to feel emotions fully, but don't stop there - seek transformation and new perspectives.

MONEY: AN OCCASION FOR INSANITY

Money's Impact on Human Emotions and Behavior

Explosive Nature of Money

Money holds a significant weight in meaning and emotion
Can give a sense of worth, mark progress, and provide pleasure or anxiety
May become an obsession, overshadowing other values

Effect on Individuals

Dylan Thomas and Caitlin: poverty led to disintegration
Poverty vs. abundance can cause temporary insanities
Avoidance of emotions through fantasies of purity or control is ineffective
Embrace financial dramas and find personal meaning

Example of Ivan Illich

Spent money creatively on colleagues and workshops
Didn't moralize against money, embraced its potential dramas

Effect on Society and Culture

Money can dehumanize and corrupt culture
Modern life offers amazing things but also routinely dehumanizes
Balance needed between materialism and spirituality

Individual's Dark Night

May include sadness for the world, whether conscious or not

Money Complexes

People may try to keep money hidden or indulge in spending
Swinging from one moralistic extreme to another is common.

THE OUTSKIRTS OF REASON

Living on the Outskirts of Reason

Understanding Temporary Insanity:

Everyone experiences moments of confusion and acting out
These can be seen as temporary dips into madness
With time, one may grow accustomed to the soul's climate
May result in living differently, embracing eccentricities

The Role of Seriously Religious People and Artists:

Live on the outskirts of reason
Have mystical moments and true inspirations
Must be half in this world, half in another to do their work

Embracing Temporary Insanity:

May indicate trying too hard to be in control
Learning to create excursions from reason
Can lead to personal growth and creativity

Creative Outlets:

Writing: early morning or late evening hours
Travel: leaving reason behind
Substances: alcohol and tobacco

Reflections:

Modern society undervalues the position of the outcast from normalcy
Completely safe life may not be worth living

Considerations:

Temporary insanity can be dangerous, but complete safety might not be desirable.

INDIGO MOODS

Dark Nights of the Soul: Temporary Insanity and Emotional Moodiness

Understanding Dark Nights of the Soul

Not long, black depressions but deep-blue moodiness (:impenetrable:)
Can be challenging for people around you
May not last long, but when present, the darkness is dense
Reason may not help

Allowance and Acceptance

Allowing temporary insanities
Not feigning cheerfulness
Emotions may represent an ascendancy of the soul

Loved Ones and Friendship

People close to us will find ways to understand
Good friendship or marriage doesn't have to be emotionally monotone

Navigating Dark Nights

Embrace your moods, don't suppress them
Don't obsess over external circumstances
Keep life varied

Time and Self-Care

Allow time for passing insanities
Find solace in nature, a city walk, or shopping
Sleep and distraction can help

Understanding Your Emotional Excursions

Dreams may reflect emotional places that are unfamiliar
Reverse perspective to find necessity or healthy alternative
Change of emotional "weather"

Incorporating Nonrational into Daily Life

Note signs in environment
Take intuitions seriously
Explore traditional forms of insight, like Tarot cards or I Ching.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: THE ISLAND OF ILLNESS

Chapter Thirteen: The Island of Illness

Illness as a Mystery

Treated as problem to be solved but a great life mystery
Modern medicine focuses on nonfunctioning organs and anomalous chemisties
Overlooks experience of illness

Shifting Perspectives

Signs of disease, doctor's diagnosis: sudden movement into mortality
Relationships change
Meaning shifts
Discover new fears
Importance vs. distractions

Holistic Approach to Illness

"Whole person" involved
Family's involvement
Life and world impacted

Soul Doctors vs. Body Experts

Soul comes out in fresh realizations, new priorities
Address concerns of feeling, meaning, beauty, good functioning

Illness as a Dark Night of the Soul

Requires soul doctors as well as body experts
Deals with life and death issues
Discover importance of love and caring from family and strangers

Lengthy Illness: A Long Tunnel

Frightened, cut off, out of control
Understanding illness as experience of the soul

Implications for Hospitals and Clinics

Address concerns beyond body functioning
Focus on feeling, meaning, beauty.

THE BODY IS THE SOUL

Impact of Illness on the Whole Person

Illness reveals "undiscovered countries" of the soul that are often overlooked in a materialistic view of health. When looking into an illness, we need to consider the invisible factors that contribute to it.

Uncovering Meaningful Issues

Illness exposes intimate relationships, intelligence, talent, emotions, and fears/hopes (Virginia Woolf)
People in hospitals often appear catatonic or distracted, hiding their inner lives
Lack of comforts and distractions; people are reduced to labels and procedures

Impact on Patients

Withdrawal from the world, activities, and loved ones
Dependence on medical experts and caregivers
Difficulty obtaining information about condition
Invasive treatments and procedures
Lack of privacy and familiarity in hospital settings
Fantasizing as a coping mechanism

Impact on Families

Adjustment to new environment and care arrangements
Uncertainty about the patient's condition and future
Limited ability to provide comfort and care

The Role of Medicine

Focused on physical treatments rather than holistic care
Patronizing or dismissive attitude towards patients' concerns
Invasive procedures and labeling/branding
Ineffectiveness in addressing emotional, spiritual, and social needs.

THE PHYSICAL LIFE OF THE SOUL

Understanding Illness as Part of the Physical Life of the Soul

The sick person and family experience a shared dark night of the soul during illness
Importance of recognizing role of emotions and fantasies in overall experience of sickness
Being bedridden offers opportunity for dreaming, remembering, and imagining
"The Physical Life of the Soul": body and soul are interconnected
Illness may be connected to past choices and desires (karma)

Karma

Described as a "chain reaction of desire" by Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa
Our lives take shape through our choices and imagined situations
Sickness could be influenced by non-physical areas of life, including relationships and personal history

Searching for Meaning in Illness

Healing may involve addressing issues beyond physical symptoms
Avoid moralistic blame: consider how your life experiences have contributed to illness
Relief from disease possible through dealing with important emotional and relational issues

Caution Against Moralizing

Distinction between moralistic blame and seeking meaning in illness
Importance of avoiding judgment and bigotry towards the sick.

CARING FOR THE SOUL'S PHYSICAL ILLNESSES

Caring for the Soul's Physical Illnesses

Understanding Illness as a Dark Night

Intuitively recognized connection between illness and soul care
Shift in medical focus to isolated body in recent decades
Illness is both a problem for the soul and body

Importance of Family and Environment

Consider family role in care and healing
Pay attention to environment for emotional support
Intensify spiritual practices in relation to illness

Misconception: Illness as Only Physical Thing

Reducing experience to material plane
Separating mental, emotional needs from physical requirements
Potential lack of adequate support on non-physical levels

Observations in Hospitals

Dedicated people and occasional joy
Emptiness and frustration among attendants
Defenses against the soul: busyness, routines, etc.
Medical professionals lacking spiritual understanding
Selling souls to technology, expertise, and quantification

Conclusion

Addressing the "dark night" of the soul essential for true healing
Mechanics and instrumentation of medicine effective but irrelevant to soul
Modernist Western culture prioritizes technology over deep engagement with illness.

CARING FOR THE SOUL OF THE SICK

Connection Between Soul and Sickness

Modern medicine's approach:

Values speed, cost-efficiency, technical methods, expertise, evidence-based research, and medications
Focuses on physical treatments: medication and surgery
Overlooks the impact of emotional experiences, relationships, and psyche on illness and healing

The role of soul in sickness:

Emotions, relationships, and fantasy have significant influence on illness and healing
Nurses observe that subtle factors not considered by medicine impact recovery
Soul's condition expressed physically: "body is the soul" (William Blake)
"Pathopoetics": illness as poetry, revealing inner world

Implications for medical care:

Acknowledge connection between mind and body
Recognize importance of emotional support for patients and families
Clear communication about treatment options and outcomes

Benefits of illness:

Gaining insight into hidden parts of the psyche
Emerging stronger from the experience
Enhancing relationships

Case Study: Robert's Story (Give Sorrow Words by Dorothy Judd)

Seven-year-old boy with leukemia and agonizing treatment
Clear and honest information for decision making
Importance of caring for emotions of patient and family
Patient emerged stronger from the experience, displaying great zest for life despite near-death.

HOSTING YOUR ILLNESS

Advocating for a Humane Approach to Medicine

Visited various medical centers and hospitals
Favor tending the soul for healing
Recommend: quality food, good relationships, accessibility to nature, opportunity for patients to discuss illness

History of Hospitals

Originally referred to as a place of rest and entertainment
Modern hospitals lack peace and conviviality
Television sets serve as means of isolation instead of entertainment

Ideal Hospital Concept

A place for nursing the illness: peace, rest, beautiful surroundings
Enjoy water: baths, streams, fountains
Surroundings and buildings that heal: attractive, nutritious food
Staff understands importance of mood and atmosphere
Opportunity for conversation and camaraderie

Bath, England

Ancient Roman health center built around hot springs
Blend of Celtic and Roman goddesses (Sulis Minerva)
Deep hot springs believed to be divine gifts
Pump Room: dining and entertainment spot, still offers refuge from busyness
Healing soul and body within a religious context

Connection between Ancient Healing Practices and Modern Hospitals

Dinner in the Pump Room: place of restoration, feeding body and soul
Metaphor for healing soul and body with ancient springs beneath.

SOLAR MEDICINE

Solar Medicine

Ancient Image of Healing Sun

Discovered at Bath excavations: sun-like face, Genius Loci, spirit of place of healing
Symbolizes nature's role in illness and healing

Symbolism of the Sun

Sign of hope and life
Generates, warms, moves everything with vital heat (Marsilio Ficino)
Source of personal power (Ficino)

Designing Hospitals with Solar Spirit

Invite patients to be in sunlight
Surround patients with solar images
Create atmosphere of health and hope

Comparing Hospital Designs

Sun vs. scalpel or CAT scan
Foster spirit of health and well-being

Role of Nurses and Attendants

Skilled visionary professionals
Maintain humanity in caregiving

Benefits of Sunlight

Good window exposure, fresh air (hospice example)
Patients see and hear calming sounds

Connection to Mythology

Irish hospice sensitive to goddess Sulis and her healing waters.

THE SPA MENTALITY

The Spa Mentality

Ruins at Bath:

Mysteries: water travels deep, offerings to underworld, communication with spiritual realm
Roman temple and baths for healing
Angels climbing ladders: ascension/descent, spirituality

The Need for Healing:

Withdrawal from outside world
Addressing the needs of the soul
Environment conducive to healing (modern hospitals could learn)

Healing from Within:

Deep within oneself: reflections, emotions, memories, habits
Mirrored in wells and springs
Illness and healing deeply connected
Healing takes place in darkness

The Importance of Darkness:

Illness lies deep in the soul
Rituals: kivas, holy wells, lapis lazuli
Depths of illness and healing: beyond molecules, atoms, genes
Way to healing through darkness: own up to anxieties and hopelessness, speak for them, track roots in dreams and history

Ascending and Descending:

Both directions necessary: ascension/descent, religious feeling
Asclepian temple dedicated to the night
Let your darkness shape your journey to healing
Transcend yourself in a downward direction for a glimpse of fate.

DISCOVERING THE LIMITS OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE

Limits of Human Experience

Understanding Illness and Human Limits:

Learning about the basic law of religion: humans have limits
Soul is vast but life is bound by time, place, and natural laws
Hubris threatens spiritual lives and societies

Hubris and Consequences:

Overstepping appropriate limits results in emotional and physical suffering
Ivan Illich's plea for humane living: act responsibly to preserve genuine human life
Ignoring the connection between illness and hubris

Importance of Human Scale:

Modern society's focus on growth as the measure of happiness
Threat of globalization destroying local culture
Connection between modern values, hopes, and illnesses

Soul and Ordinary Life:

Soul thrives in small, local settings with toned-down ambition
The extraordinary is a fantasy of spirit
Growth is not characteristic of the soul

Illness as a Corrective:

Depression sets in without immediate joy
Heart attacks from neglecting heart's needs
Cancer when body can't slow down and take life step by step
Dark night of illness teaches valuable lessons and imposes severe limits.

HUMOR AND LAUGHTER

Humor and Laughter

Benefits of Embracing Sadness and the Dark:

Enhances positive attitude: completes the picture
Avoids chronic unhappiness
keeps sadness in perspective

Norman Cousins' Story:

Believed laughter can heal any illness
Encourages resilience and refusal to accept defeat
People diagnosed with fatal diseases can still claim healing

Types of Healing Laughter:

Not defensive or superficial
Connected to whole of life

Philip Simmons' Experience:

Seeker of the dark way
Combination of sharp, penetrating humor and acceptance of death
Melding of sadness and comedy
Surprised by enjoying his children's piano recital despite feeling sadness
Felt a sense of unity with the children in their music

The Healing Power of Gritty Sadness and Guileless Humor:

Reveals deep humanity
Spreads emotional glue on emotional splits and divisions.

Conclusion:

Pain, suffering, and endurance can bring about deep humor.
Gritty sadness and guileless humor are blood brothers that heal by spreading emotional glue on the many splits and divisions that show as pain.

BE YOUR OWN HEALER

Self-Healing and Personal Responsibility

Importance of caring for oneself to bridge the gap between sufferer and healer
Split archetype in Jungian psychology: harmful distance between those who heal and those who suffer
Each individual must take responsibility for their own well-being

Illich's Insights on Health and Personal Participation

Emphasis on local, familial, humane involvement in all life phases
Minimal bureaucratic interference needed for health, happiness, security, and meaning

Example: Edna St. Vincent Millay's Dark Night

Struggled with absent father, demanding sisters, lovers, contentious marriage, addiction to alcohol, morphine, and lost ability to write
Spent a month in a hospital dealing with addiction and then tried unconventional therapy (swimming naked in cold waters, living without electricity, memorizing long poems)
Emerged from her "dark night of the soul" with renewed creativity and energy
Contained chaos through alchemical imagery and poetry

The Process of Healing: Chaos and Order

Attempt to meld opposites into something livable (alchemical image)
Millay was not able to accomplish this fully until the last years of her life.

PHYSICAL MALADIES OF THE SOUL

Physical Maladies of the Soul

Understanding Illness

See beyond physical manifestations to the soul
Address illness as a dark night for the soul
Requires imagination and concrete living experiments

Ancient Greek Myth and Modern Experiences

Philoctetes: wounded man who lived in isolation to heal
Edna St. Vincent Millay: literal retreat to heal soul
Theme of withdrawal for soul healing

Soul Malady vs Physical Problem

Every illness primarily a soul wound
Soul asks for attention and demands confrontation
Love, concern for others, community building essential

Healing Process

Everyone involved in the healing process: patient, doctor, nurse
Paracelsus: medicine is wife of illness
Create conditions for healing according to natural laws

Mircea Eliade on Illness

Spiritual functions of illness
Personality integration and radical spiritual transformation
Poetry expressing course of life, guiding deeper into union with source of life.

Physical Abilities vs Soul Strength

More emptied of physical abilities, more filled with soul strength
Reflection on way of life, societal ways, misconceptions
Disease may cure misunderstandings and guide toward union with life source.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE TWILIGHT YEARS

Chapter Fourteen: The Twilight Years and Beyond

The Reality and Imagery of Aging

At the birth of a child, contemplation of mortality
Age as an imaginal concept: the age of the soul
Ancient Roman term for old person: senex
Age is a quality, not just a number of years
Sense of self: youth or aging
Imaginal aging vs. literal aging

Paradoxes of Aging and Youth

Creative tension between age and youthfulness
Renaissance imagery of the paradox: turtle with sail, butterfly on crab
Medallions with cryptic sayings: senex-puer (old-young), matura celeritas (mature-lively)
Festina lente (hurry slowly): a popular motto.

Childhood Memories and Aging

Early memory of an aunt's emotional reaction to aging at the age of sixteen.

THE IMAGE OF AGE AND THE DARK NIGHT

The Image of Age and the Dark Night

Feeling the Passage of Years

Birthdays bring memories and melancholic thoughts
Each age carries symbolic significance: 30, 40, 50, etc.
Can evoke feelings of loss and identification with old age

Rediscovering Youth in Age

Aging is more than just an idea
Can bring increased melancholy and fascination with the past
Telling stories to younger generations connects old and young

Intersection of Age and Youth

Older adults can mentor and inspire youth
Young people can restore vitality and immortality to older adults

The Dark Night of Aging

Can feel overwhelming, but can be overcome
Imagination offers a way to rediscover youth without denying age or mortality.

Connecting Across Generations

Sharing stories and experiences links old and young
Older adults can offer wisdom and insight to younger generations
Young people can bring energy and vitality to older adults' lives.

Personal Experiences of Age and Youth

Author's story of childhood moviegoing experiences
Connection with a mentor in later life
Waiting for the next mentee/mentor relationship.

Quotes

"The least I can hope is that, forty years on another Tom Moore will walk in unexpectedly and put new heart into you..." - Thomas McGreevy.

THE ETERNAL SELF

Aspects of the Eternal Self

Noticeable Constancy:

Something unchanged in self despite body changes
Feeling of being same person as twenty years ago
"Immortal kernel of personality"

Life's Richness:

Life is full and long, even though finite
Tell stories to bring richness to the foreground

Identifying with the Immutable Self:

Living from deeper, vaster place
Focus on soul rather than self
Understand connection to nature and world's soul

Living from the Soul:

Less focused on surface culture
Slower decision making
Present in the moment
Reflective and potentially wise

Melancholy of Aging:

A mood rather than affliction
Quality that doesn't compete with happiness and vitality
Can make us reflective, wise, quiet, and allow for appropriate slowing down.

Personal Growth:

Understanding self as made up of multiple personalities
Identify less with disillusioned youth and more with insightful old person.

REGRET AND REMORSE

Aspects of Aging

Regret and Remorse

Old age can bring feelings of regret and remorse
Regret: stale, ego-driven emotion, full of "why not" questions
- Can lead to whining or repeated behavior with no significant change
Remorse: deeper feeling associated with conscience and insight
- Pricks awareness and stimulates new, fresh behavior
- Gives power to reimagine experiences and express insights

Forrest Tucker's Story

Forrest Tucker, an aging master thief, felt both regret and remorse
Regret: wished for a real profession, not being able to support his family
Remorse: felt deep awareness of lost opportunities and potential change

Comparing Regret and Remorse

Regret keeps you stuck in feelings with no bite or motivation
Remorse serves as an invitation for soulful living, new understanding
Regret focuses on self, remorse recognizes the need for change and growth.

JUSTIFYING YOUR EXISTENCE

Idea of Justifying Existence

Anxiety and Anxious Voice

Represents a degree of anxiety
Voice not entirely your own, more like conscience
Urges action, self-improvement, and sometimes fame
Makes you feel inadequate and demands you be other than who you are
Hyperactivates the ego

Heroism vs. Fulfilling Destiny

Justifying existence is a negligible project compared to fulfilling destiny
May be an antihero, doing less than ordinary person, yet being yourself
Your job is to deal honestly and generously with fate given to you
Task is to be prepared for important choices

Ordinary vs. Extraordinary

Soul longs for ordinary connection and engagement
Highly spiritual may desire wondrous success, but soul wants simple pleasures
Raising a happy and wise child, being good neighbor, involved citizen are great things

Self-Justification as Fantasy

Can't be argued away or taken from person
Rooted in some other issue (prove self, become celebrity, low self-esteem)
Torment qualifies as a genuine dark night of the soul
Hope that idea disappears with change in attitude

Elephant Ears and Divine Reconciliation

Metaphorical elephant ears, essential anomaly
Look beyond it for hope but never deny its presence
Special person to love it, understand what Heaven is about.

THE TWILIGHT OF A SELF

Growing Old: The Twilight of a Self+

Dimming of the Light

Growing old brings relatively dark feelings and atmospheres
Should not be taken literally, central matters of life not over
Opportunity for new adventures, no less important or challenging

New Powers

Failing physical strength may lead to greater powers of mind and imagination
Elderly have immense gifts to offer families and communities
Lifetime of caring and spiritual intensity comes to the foreground

Growing Deep

Opportunity for growth in old age
Living a life of preparation helpful but not necessary
People sometimes radically change as they age

Coming to Terms with the Arc of Life

Must see the arc of life's rising and setting as beautiful
Move gracefully with downturn and dimming for special powers

Understanding the Darkness

Entering old age with understanding of its territory
Knowing it has own luminosity and beauty
All dark nights will make sense in ultimate passing of light.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: NAVIGATING A DARK NIGHT

Dark Nights of the Soul: Navigating a Dark Night

Understanding Darkness

John of the Cross' principle: value darkness itself, not just the light
Contemporary approaches to dealing with dark nights: quick fixes, integration, or acceptance
Common belief: dark night is an anomaly or aberration
Real task: live in and appreciate darkness

Reevaluating Growth and Success

Give up notions of growth, success, change, and progress
Allow all experiences to have their place
Understand life as a transformative process
Engage life fully, discover deeper meaning

Examples of Overcoming Dark Nights

Brian Keenan: outwitted captors morally
Oscar Wilde: allowed dark night to inspire new thoughts
Anne Sexton: transmuted suffering into poetry

The Initiatory Process

Difficult and painful, but essential for growth
Allowing more life, becoming more of who you are
Engaging life instead of taking it in portions
Death as an image of new beginnings

Embracing Failure and Tragedy

Realize that new life often requires endings
Look beyond literal facts to deeper meaning
Embrace failure and tragedy as means for continuation.

GOING FOR DEPTH

Deepening Our Understanding of Life

Idea of caring for the soul: simple, yet requires deeper perspective
Stop taking life literally and superficially
Emotion, fantasy, dream: profound existence, values formed

The Dark Night of the Soul

Introduction to underlying emotional world
Nothing is as simple as it seems
May bring a revolution in consciousness
Possible personality transformation
Complicated person: no longer simplistic persona
Humor derived from noticing contradictions and paradoxes

The Dark Night: A Relief from the Ego

Friends' false optimism: grotesque, serious, extravagant
Emotional literalism: set aside wit, unable to cope
Contradiction: enjoyment in the unexpected
Pie in the face analogy: relieves stuffy ego.

THE HUMAN COMEDY

The Human Comedy: Finding Humor in the Dark Night

Broyard's Perspective:

Importance of maintaining humor during illness and distress (1)
- Self-pity or irony (1)
- Not just surface laughter but deep, profound sense of irony (2)
- Example: Anne Sexton's poetry (3)

Anne Sexton:

Dark humor in poetry (3)
Reflecting the contradictions and ironies of life (4)
- Rats and star palindrome (5)
  - Opposites wrapped up in each other (5)
  - Luminosity found in a dark night (6)
Minotaur as Asterion, Star (7)
- Complexities and circularities of human life (8)

Nicholas of Cusa:

Coincidence of opposites (9)
Divine mystery (10)
Questions remain unanswered (11)

Dark Nights of the Soul:

Full of contradictions (12)
Healing and salvation (13)
- Erasing false logic (14)

ON NOT PURSUING HAPPINESS

James Hillman's Perspective on Happiness and Depression

Depression may not be the only issue when not pursuing happiness
Not all situations in life need to be happy, but they can still be desirable and meaningful
Romantic love and marriage: unrealistic expectations of finding the perfect partner for eternal happiness can lead to disappointment
Soul mates are deeper connections rather than individuals solely intended to make you happy
Happiness is a temporary sensation; life is a mixture of pain and satisfaction
Weaving the dark into the light in your expectations can offer a way to appreciate the complexities of life
Depression is too broad of a term; there are many ways not to be happy that do not equal depression
Critical view on life, recognizing its tragedy and evil, does not necessarily lead to depression
A dark night of the soul may lead to deeper understanding and wisdom

Relationships and Decision Making

Impasse in relationships or work can be a creative time for the imagination
Failure to act on decisions due to fear or mistrust of emotions can prolong the impasse
A decision need not be made with willpower alone; it can arise from the ripening of a thought or feeling
Imagination is crucial in dealing with challenges and making necessary changes
Expanding your imagination of what is happening to you during a difficult time can offer a broader perspective

Approaches to Life

Alternative perspectives on human life: individual and deeply connected, not just well-adjusted or obedient
Trust in nature's ability to handle personal transformations
Seeing oneself as part of the natural world can provide distance and confidence during difficult times.

SCINTILLA

SCINTILLA + Simone Weil: Distinguishing Suffering from Affliction and Transcending Mediocrity

Distinction between Suffering and Affliction

Suffering: simple pain or discomfort
Affliction: a dark night of the soul, requires different approach

Approaches to Affliction

Intelligence
Genuine piety
Empathy with the suffering of others

Identification with Suffering and Affliction

Inspiration for those in helping professions
Example of Simone Weil: extreme empathy, not eating

Connection between Beauty and Affliction

Being open to beauty makes you susceptible to divine force
Transcending self and living religiously
Alternative to mediocrity

Mediocrity

Failure to let inner brilliance shine
Medieval theologians described as "scintilla," the spark at heart of person
Overcoming mediocrity: unveiling numinosity

The Role of Dark Nights in Transcending Mediocrity

Considering situation and feeling dark material
Discovering inner brilliance and letting it shine

Numinosity and Luminosity

Mysterious power of life, inspires awe
Shines in nature, people, works of art, and falling in love
Covers over life-giving scintillation with mediocrity

Discovering Your Own Spark

Biographies reveal how differently the spark shines in people
Healing wounded elements by discovering your own spark
Pressing beyond psychology to spiritual vision of redeeming the soul's sparkle and shine.

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Dark Nights of the Soul

Contents

INTRODUCTION

THE DARK NIGHT A TONE TIME

NIGHT WORK

JOHN OF THE CROSS

A SPIRITUAL RATHER THAN A PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH

EMOTIONS IN A MINOR KEY

UNENDING DARKNESS

SHADES OF DARKNESS

INSPIRING EXAMPLES

PART ONE

CHAPTER ONE: THE NIGHT SEA JOURNEY

THE HERO-SUN AND THE SEA

NIGHT AND DAY

THE SPECIAL LANGUAGE OF THE NIGHT SEA

THE SEA AS THE SOURCE

THE BELLY OF THE WHALE

SPIRITUALITY OF THE DEEP

JONAH'S CALLING

A VOCATION FOR TRANSCENDENCE

CHAPTER TWO: RITES OF PASSAGE

ANCIENT RITES OF PASSAGE

MODERN RITES OF PASSAGE

A PHILOSOPHY OF THE NIGHT

DEVELOPING A PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

BIRTH AND REBIRTH

THE DARK NIGHT AS RITE OF PASSAGE

THE PHASES OF PASSAGE

RITUALS FOR OUR TIME

LIFE IN A JAR

CHAPTER THREE: SORTING OUT AND STARTING OVER

THE PROCESS OF CATHARSIS

CLEAN UP YOUR LIFE

DEWORLDED

TELL YOUR STORY

THE SELF IN SOLUTION

SOCIAL CATHARSIS

PURIFYING SOCIETY

CHAPTER FOUR: THE VIEW FROM THE MOON

THE DARK ANGEL

EMOTIONAL NIGHT

TOOLS OF THE DARK

The Dagger

PSYCHOLOGICAL NIGHT

THE GARBAGE OF A LIFE AND A DAY

HONORING HEKATE'S NEGATIVITY

HEKATE'S ROLE IN DEEPENING MATERNAL FEELINGS

DEEP AND DARK SPIRITUALITY

BARDO: PREPARATION FOR NEW LIFE

LUNAR CONSCIOUSNESS

CHAPTER FIVE: LIFE'S IRONIES

IRONY: AWAKE AND CYNICAL

THE TRAGIC AND THE COMIC

CREATIVE AVOIDANCE

A CREATIVE INVERSION OF VALUES

SPIRITUAL WIT

THE STRATEGY OF ECCENTRICITY

CULTIVATING AN IRONICAL LIFE

IRONY AND THE DIVIDED SELF

PART TWO: DISTURBANCES

CHAPTER SIX: LOVESICKNESS

WALKING ON COALS

LURED INTO DARKNESS

AN AFFAIR OF THE SOUL

WHY IS LOVE SO FRUSTRATING?

HALF IN AND HALF OUT OF LOVE

LOVE EXPANDING

MASOCHISTIC ENTANGLEMENTS

STUCK

THE MIRE OF LOVE

THE LOVE TRIANGLE

COMPETING DESIRES

THE UNKNOWN LOVER