Social_Intelligence_Daniel-Goleman.md

Social_Intelligence_The_New_Science_of_Human_Relationships

PROLOGUE. Unveiling a New Science

Prologue:

• Incident involving Lieutenant Colonel Christopher Hughes and a group of soldiers trying to contact a chief cleric during the second American invasion of Iraq
• Crowd gathered, fearing arrest or mosque destruction; mob became hostile
• Hughes used quick thinking and social skills to defuse situation: "take a knee," point rifles down, smile

Brain's Social Brilliance:

• Hughes' actions highlight the importance of the brain's social circuits
• These neural mechanisms are crucial for navigating social encounters
• Involved in deciding whether to engage with or avoid strangers
• Play a role in everyday interactions, from classroom to sales floor
• Account for connection between lovers and trust between patients and physicians

Neural Mechanics of Social Interactions:

• Science can now detail the neural mechanisms at work during social encounters
• Includes tuning and timing in communication
• Gives certainty to lawyers, gut sense to negotiators, feeling of trust to patients
• Magic in meetings where everyone focuses on speaker

Outstanding Law Enforcement/Military Officers:

• Brain's social brilliance crucial for military officers dealing with civilians
• Quick thinking and adeptness at reading people necessary skills
• Highlights the importance of neural circuits in human survival

Interpersonal Radar:

• Neural system responsible for interpreting social cues and making instant decisions in social situations
• Saves countless lives throughout history
• Operates during both urgent and less urgent encounters
• Essential to human interaction and communication.

THE SOCIABLE BRAIN

The Sociable Brain: Insights into the Interpersonal World

• Neuroscience and the Social Brain: Neuroscience reveals that our brain's design makes us wired to connect, forming an intimate brain-to-brain linkup during social interactions. This neural bridge affects each other's brains and bodies.
• Emotional Interactions: Our social encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming emotions with desirable or undesirable consequences. Strong emotional connections result in greater mutual impact.
• Neural Linkups and Emotions: During these linkups, our brains engage in an "emotional tango," influencing each other's feelings and resulting in far-reaching consequences affecting various biological systems.
• Relationships and Biology: Our relationships shape not just our experiences but our biology through the brain-to-brain link, including genes that regulate the immune system.
• Impact of Relationships: The brain-to-brain connection allows for both nourishing and toxic relationships to impact our health significantly.
• Advancements in Science: Most discoveries discussed in this book have emerged since 1995, expanding beyond individual psychology to a two-person psychology of social interactions.
• Questions Addressed: This inquiry addresses questions related to human relationships, such as understanding psychopathic manipulation, helping children grow up happy, strengthening marriages, buffering against disease, enabling students and workers, resolving conflicts among groups, and creating a peaceful society.
• Emotional Intelligence and The Sociable Brain: This book serves as a companion volume to "Emotional Intelligence," offering a broader perspective on understanding our personal world from the vantage point of social connections.

SOCIAL CORROSION

Social Corrosion: The deterioration of human connections and relationships in society.

Kindergarten Tantrums:

• Increasing incidents of wild behavior among kindergartners in Fort Worth, Texas.
• Economic stress leading to longer work hours and increased daycare usage or loneliness.
• High TV consumption among toddlers linked to aggressive behavior by school age.

German Pedestrian Apathy:

• Motorcyclist left unattended after accident in a German city.
• No one stopped to help despite training and societal expectations.
• Scandal and concern over apathetic response to emergencies.

Shrinking Social Capital:

• Single-person households becoming most common living arrangement in the US.
• Decline in attendance at social organizations with regular meetings from 67% in 1970s to 33% by 1990s.
• Loss of human connection and face-to-face interaction.

New Organizations:

• Rise of new organizations since the 1950s from 8,000 to over 20,000.
• Membership primarily through email or mass mailings.
• Lack of face-to-face interaction and ongoing social web.

Technocreep:

• Advancement of technology offering more nominal communication but isolation.
• Inevitable decrease in opportunities for human connection.
• Uncalculated social and emotional costs.

CREEPING DISCONNECTION

Creeping Disconnection: The growing issue of social isolation and disconnection due to the overuse of technology.

Rosie Garcia's Experience:

• Manages Hot & Crusty bakery in New York City's Grand Central Station
• Customers increasingly distracted, lost in their personal devices
• Long lines, but many customers unresponsive and unaware of surroundings

Causes of Disconnection:

• iPods and other personal devices create social insulation
• Headphones block out external sounds and human interaction
• Technology use can lead to treating others as objects instead of people

Historical Context:

• Auto travel began the process of social insulation
• Walkman and cell phones continued the trend
• Pre-technology travel kept people in closer contact with the human world

Effects of Disconnection:

• Deadening to those nearby, leading to "social autism"
• Constant digital connectivity can intrude on private time and family life
• Technology use can replace face-to-face interaction

Statistics:

• American workers check in with their office during vacation, leading to increased stress (34%)
• People spend an average of 3 hours and 39 minutes a day watching television (2004)
• Internet usage replaces face-to-face contact by 24 minutes for every hour spent online (2010 survey)

Quotes:

• "You can’t get a hug or a kiss over the Internet." - Norman Nie
• "Television permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome." - T. S. Eliot (1963)

SOCIAL NEUROSCIENCE

Social Neuroscience:

• Emerging interdisciplinary field that explores the neural dynamics of human relationships
• Uncovers how the brain drives social behavior and how social world influences brain and biology

Isolated Findings:

• Discovery of spindle cells: act quickly in social decisions, more plentiful in human brains
• Mirror neurons: sense movements and feelings of others, prepare for imitation and empathy
• Dopamine secretion when attractive woman looks directly at man

Origins:

• First use of term "social neuroscience" in early 1990s by psychologists John Cacioppo and Gary Berntson
• Initial skepticism from neuroscientists about studying social behavior outside the cranium

Advancements:

• Connection between relationship troubles and damage to virus-fighting genes, with missing neural pathways as focus
• Partnerships between psychologists and neuroscientists using fMRI for social research
• Answers to questions about brain activity during various social experiences

The Social Brain:

• Sum of neural mechanisms that orchestrate interactions and thoughts/feelings about people and relationships
• Only biological system continually influenced by internal state of people we're with, not just signals from within the body

Neuroplasticity:

• Repeated social experiences sculpt the shape, size, and number of neurons and synaptic connections in our brains
• Key relationships can refashion neural circuitry through chronic interactions over years

Significance:

• Our relationships have subtle yet powerful lifelong impacts on us
• New insights point to reparative possibilities from personal connections at any point in life
• Being intelligent about our social world holds unimagined significance.

ACTING WISELY

Social Intelligence:

• First proposed by psychologist Edward Thorndike in 1920 as "the ability to understand and manage men and women" (Thorndike, 1920)
• Broad definition allows for manipulation but should not be the sole marker of social intelligence
• Expanding focus to a two-person perspective: what emerges as a person engages in a relationship
• Social intelligence encompasses capacities that enrich personal relationships, such as empathy and concern (Thorndike, 1920)
• Second principle proposed by Thorndike: "acting wisely in human relationships"

Acting Wisely in Human Relationships:

• The social responsiveness of the brain demands wisdom in our interactions
• Our biology is influenced by others and in turn, we influence their emotions and biology
• Evaluating relationships based on impact on both parties
• Implications for living a life well-lived and rethinking the meaning of relationships

Brain Interaction:

• Surprising ease with which our brains interlock, spreading emotions like a virus

Edward Thorndike:

• Psychologist who first proposed the concept of social intelligence in 1920
• Defined social intelligence as "the ability to understand and manage men and women" (Thorndike, 1920)
• Proposed two principles for our social aptitude: understanding relationships and acting wisely in them

Social Responsiveness of the Brain:

• Our biology is influenced by others and demands wisdom in human interactions
• We influence others' emotions and biology, highlighting the importance of considering both parties in a relationship

Implications:

• New perspective on relationships
• Reevaluating how we live our lives based on our impact on others at a subtle level

PART ONE. WIRED TO CONNECT.

Chapter 1 The Emotional Economy

Part One: Wired to Connect

• Emotional Economy: The net inner gains or losses we experience in our interactions with others, driven by the transfer of emotions.

1. Emotions are Contagious:

• Strong emotions can be "caught" like a virus, activating similar feelings in those around us.
• Toxic emotions can negatively impact us, even if we're not directly involved in the interaction (emotional afterglow or afterglower).
• Emotional economy determines our perception of a day being "good" or "bad."
• Interpersonal interactions result in emotional transfers, leading to changes in mood.

Downside of Emotional Contagion:

• Toxic emotions from others can make us feel bad even if we're not directly involved (innocent casualty).
• The amygdala plays a role in emotional contagion by increasing our susceptibility to others' emotions, particularly fear.

Role of the Amygdala:

• The amygdala is an almond-shaped area in the midbrain responsible for fear and other emotions.
• When triggered by fear, the amygdala commands key points throughout the brain, altering thoughts, attention, and perception.
• The amygdala acts as a radar for emotionally salient events and potential threats.
• Recent research reveals the social role of the amydala in emotional contagion.

Emotional Contagion and Fear:

• Fear is the emotion most likely to trigger the amygdala.
• Increased amygdala activity heightens our focus on emotional cues, making us more susceptible to emotional contagion.
• Our brains become more alert and attentive to potential threats or emotional signals from others.

THE LOW ROAD: CONTAGION CENTRAL

The Low Road: Understanding Emotional Contagion

• Patient X's Affective Blindsight: A man named Patient X, who had damage to the visual cortex, could not decipher visual information through the usual pathways but could still recognize emotions from faces.
• Alternative Route: The alternative route sends information directly from the thalamus to the amygdala, allowing for emotional processing without conscious awareness.
• Amygdala's Role: The amygdala is responsible for emotional meaning extraction and processing, using a speechless pathway.
• Emotional Contagion: This mechanism allows for emotion transmission between individuals, affecting their behavior and feelings.

Understanding Emotional Contagion in Intact Brains

• Subliminal Processing: The emotional information is processed beneath conscious awareness.
• Reflexive Awareness: Emotion signals trigger corresponding emotions or reactions in our bodies.
• Emotional Economy: Emotional exchanges are a central aspect of human interactions, influencing our feelings and behaviors.

The Low Road vs. the High Road in the Brain

• Low Road: Operates beneath conscious awareness, automatically and effortlessly, dealing with raw emotions and quick reactions.
• High Road: Requires deliberate thought and consciousness, dealing with considered understanding of situations.
• Interplay of the Two Modes: Our social lives are governed by both low and high road systems.

Comparing the Low Road and the High Road

• Neural Circuitry: The low road uses neural circuitry that runs through the amygdala, while the high road sends inputs to the prefrontal cortex.
• Speed: The low road is faster than accurate, while the high road is slower but more mindful.
• Approach: The low road operates "slam-bang, act-first and think-afterwards," while the high road is "wary and observant."

Consequences of Low Road Emotion Transmission

• Snap Decisions: Instant emotional responses can lead to snap decisions that may be regretted or require justification.
• Rationalization: People are rationalizing animals, as noted by Robert Heinlein.

MOOD DRIVERS

Mood Drivers:

• The tone of a recorded message can influence mood, even subtly.
• A study at the University of Würzburg found that students' moods were influenced by subtle inflections in a recorded voice reading philosophical text, without their awareness.
• Moods differ from emotions as their causes are often ineffable.
• Everyday experiences, such as music or someone's tone of voice, can act as mood triggers that go unnoticed.
• Facial expressions can influence our moods through reflexive imitation.
• Our facial expressions can also trigger the feelings we display, as Edgar Allan Poe intuited.

Mood Shifts:

• Students in the Würzburg study came away from listening to the recorded voice either slightly happier or sadder than before, without conscious awareness.
• This mood shift occurred even during a distracting task.

Facial Expressions and Emotional Contagion:

• Seeing someone's picture with a strong emotion can elicit a reflexive emotional response in us.
• Our facial muscles mimic the expression we see, preparing us to display the full emotion.
• This emotional mirroring can go on undetected and has biological consequences.

Edgar Allan Poe's Intuition:

• Edgar Allan Poe understood that our facial expressions can influence our emotions.
• He believed that by mimicking someone else's facial expression, we could gain insight into their thoughts or feelings.

CATCHING EMOTIONS

Catching Emotions: The Power of Films on Our Brain

• The First Film Screening, Paris 1895:
  • Lumière brothers' exhibition
  • Audience's reaction: terror and fear (first moving picture)
  • Illusion of reality: brains responded as if it were real
  • Quote: "The dominating impression that this is real is a large part of the primi primitive power of the art form." (movie critic)
• Neural Mechanisms Involved in Screen-to-Viewer Contagion:
  • Israeli research team study using fMRI
  • Volunteers watched The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
  • Brains responded as if scenes were real
  • Face recognition areas lit up for close-ups
  • Different visual areas activated for buildings/vistas
  • Brain region governing touch and movement engaged for delicate hand movements
  • Emotional centers roared into action for maximal excitement
• Brain's Response to Imaginary Scenarios:
  • Same reaction as real ones: biological consequences
  • Quote: "A thing is real if it is real in its consequences." (social science maxi maxim)
  • Low road: emotional ride
  • High-road prefrontal areas did not join in this coordination: executive centers, critical thinking, and self-awareness
• Factors Amplifying Brain's Response:
  • Perceptual "loudness"
  • Emotionally strong moments (screaming, crying)
  • Quote: "Small wonder so many movies feature scenes of mayhem—they dazzle the bra brain."
• Mood Contagion:
  • Catch a whiff of emotion from a smile or frown
  • Fleeting glimpses or reading passages of philosophy can evoke emotions
• Conclusion:
  • Movies commandeer our brain and create a shared neural experience among audience members
  • Emotional connection to the screen is real, with biological consequences.

RADAR FOR INSINCERITY

Radar for Insincerity:

• Two women in an emotional suppression experiment at Stanford University
• One woman was instructed to hide her true feelings
• Emotionally open woman felt "off" and sensed insincerity
• Suppressing emotions takes a physiological toll (elevated blood pressure)
• Both women experienced a rise in blood pressure
• Forthrightness is the brain's default response, display of emotion is automatic
• Emotional suppression demands conscious effort and rarely succeeds perfectly

Neural Wiring for Detecting Insincerity:

• High-and-low-road circuitry for insincerity detection
• Specialized neural radar for suspicion (different from empathy and rapport)
• Importance of detecting duplicity in human affairs
• Evolutionary theory: ability to sense when to be suspicious essential for survival

Neural Radar Examples:

• Volunteers' brain images taken while watching actors tell tragic stories
• Amygdala activated differently based on facial expression (sadness vs. emotional mismatch)
• Listener's brain activated specific site for vigilance when faced with emotional mismatch
• Listeners actively disliked the person telling the story in this case

Amygdala:

• Automatically and compulsively scans everyone we encounter for trustworthiness
• Determines if approach is safe or not
• Neurological patients with amygdala damage unable to make judgments of trustworthiness
• High road: intentional judgment of trustworthiness
• Low road: continual appraisal outside conscious awareness
• Both high and low roads work together for insincerity detection.

A CASANOVA’S DOWNFALL

Giovanni Vigliotto:

• Remarkably successful as a Don Juan with potential hundred marriages
• Married several women at once for living
• Career crashed due to bigamy charges by Patricia Gardner

Vigliotto's Charm:

• Attracted many women with his "honest trait" of looking them in the eyes while lying
• Experts on emotion suggest that gaze reveals little about truthfulness

Detecting Lies:

• Paul Ekman, world-class expert on detecting lies
• Act of lying demands conscious effort and attention, leaving less resources for inhibiting involuntary emotions

Signs of Deception:

• Discrepancies between words and facial expression
• Gap in response time when telling a lie
• Emotions leak through facial muscles (low road) while high road controls the act of lying

Low-Road Circuits:

• Help navigate relationships, detecting who to trust or avoid
• Silent bridge connecting brains, revealing emotions and feelings

Giovanni Vigliotto's Downfall:

• Charged with bigamy by Patricia Gardner due to multiple marriages
• Used charm and gaze to deceive women into marriage for wealth
• Deception exposed through discrepancies between his words and facial expressions
• Limited capacity for mental effort and attention during deceit left him vulnerable to emotional leaks.

LOVE, POWER, AND EMPATHY

Love, Power, and Empathy in Interpersonal Emotional Flow

• Power plays a role in emotional dynamics between partners in romantic relationships.
• Power can be assessed in practical terms such as influence on feelings about oneself or joint decision-making.
• Couples negotiate power distribution in different domains, with one partner having more power in certain areas.

Power Dynamics and Emotional Convergence

• In emotional interactions, the less powerful partner tends to make greater internal adjustments.
• Psychotherapists have long observed subtle shared emotions between themselves and their clients through body sensations.
• Recent research reveals that physiological states mirror each other during conversations, particularly for negative emotions like anger.

Empathy as a Physiological and Mental Process

• Empathy is the ability to sense another's emotions and shares their emotional state through physiological responses.
• The more similar the physiological state of two people, the easier it is for them to sense each other's feelings.
• Strong facial expressions enhance accuracy in sensing others' emotions.

Implications of Empathy and Emotional Dynamics

• Understanding emotional dynamics and empathy can help individuals shift emotions for the better.
• Empathic resonance occurs when two people share emotional states, even if unwanted.
• The consequences of emotional interactions highlight the importance of effective communication and understanding in relationships.

Research on Empathy and Physiological Responses

• Studies using new statistical methods and computing power have revealed that partners' physiology mirrors each other during arguments, with stronger effects for negative emotions.
• Strangers' physiological responses correlate with the emotions they observe in others, demonstrating the biological basis of empathy.

Conclusion

• Understanding the role of power dynamics, emotional convergence, and empathy can lead to improved communication and emotional intelligence in relationships.
• The ability to sense another's emotions through physiological responses is a crucial aspect of effective interpersonal connections.

Chapter 2 A Recipe for Rapport

Recipe for Rapport: psychotherapy session, therapist, and patient interaction:

Misaligned Wavelengths:

• Two people not on the same page during a therapy session
• Psychiatrist makes a therapeutic gaffe, interrupting patient
• Patient expresses frustration with past experiences of disregard
• Therapist's off-kilter interpretations worsen the disconnection

Peak Moments of Rapport:

• Successful therapy session between another patient and psychotherapist
• Patient shares news of proposing to fiancée
• Therapist played a crucial role in helping patient overcome fears of intimacy
• Mutual sense of triumph and connection between therapist and patient
• Their physiology attunes during this moment, evident in coordinated movements and synchronized sweat response lines on video recordings

Neuroscience Research:

• Study of hidden biological dance during interpersonal interactions using sweat response analysis
• Two videotaped psychotherapy sessions for research
• Rectangular metal boxes with attached wires and fingertip clips for monitoring patients' sweat responses
• Carl Marci, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, conducted the study with monitoring gear
• Neuroscience previously studied one brain at a time; this research marks an advancement in analyzing two brains simultaneously
• Extracted "logarithm for empathy" as a mathematical equation representing two people's physiology during peak rapport moments.

THE GLOW OF SIMPATICO

Recipe for Rapport: Psychotherapy Session, Therapist, and Patient Interaction

Misaligned Wavelengths:

• Two people not on the same page during a therapy session
• Therapist: makes a therapeutic gaffe, interrupting patient
• Patient: expresses frustration with past experiences of disregard
• Therapist's off-kilter interpretations worsen the disconnection

Peak Moments of Rapport:

• Successful therapy session between another patient and psychotherapist
• Patient: shares news of proposing to fiancée
• Therapist played a crucial role in helping patient overcome fears of intimacy
• Mutual sense of triumph and connection between therapist and patient
• Their physiology attunes: during this moment, evident in coordinated movements and synchronized sweat response lines on video recordings

Neuroscience Research:

• Study of hidden biological dance during interpersonal interactions using sweat response analysis
• Two videotaped psychotherapy sessions for research
• Equipment: rectangular metal boxes with attached wires and fingertip clips for monitoring patients' sweat responses
• Carl Marci, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School: conducted the study with monitoring gear
• Neuroscience previously studied one brain at a time; this research marks an advancement in analyzing two brains simultaneously
• Findings: extracted logarithm for empathy as a mathematical equation representing two people's physiology during peak rapport moments.

IN SYNCH

Synchrony and Interpersonal Benefits:

• Waitress at local restaurant embodies principle of getting in synch with customers for positive interactions
• Two people unconsciously synchronizing movements and mannerisms during interaction lead to more positively felt encounters

Experiments on Synchrony:

• New York University study revealed that volunteers unconsciously mimicked confederate's actions, such as smiling or face-rubbing
• Spontaneous mimicry by confederate was found more appealing, while intentional matching was not

Nonverbal Flow and Coordination:

• Social psychologists find greater positive feelings when two people naturally make coordinated moves
• Observers can observe silent dance of friends talking from a distance, with smooth turn-taking and coordinated gazes
• Studies show respiratory synchrony heightens as moment to switch speakers approaches and during moments of levity
• Coordination offers social buffer during awkward conversational moments

Posture Matching:

• Similar postures between two people increase feelings of rapport and involvement
• Postural shifts can offer quick reading of classroom atmosphere

Group Synchrony:

• Enjoyment of dancing or moving together to a beat demonstrates universal enjoyment of mass synchronization
• Wiring for resonance seems built into human nervous system, with infants synchronizing movements in the womb and one-year-olds matching timing and duration of baby talk

Emotional Connection:

• Conversations operate on two levels: high road (rationality, words, meanings) and low (free-form vitality, emotions)
• Emotional minuet played out in the dance of flashing eyebrows, rapid hand gestures, fleeting facial expressions, shifts of gaze, and word pacing
• Synchrony lets us mesh and connect and feel a positive emotional resonance with other person

Implications:

• Getting in synch creates emotional match between two people
• Larger groups can experience visceral pleasure from group synchronization
• Posture matching offers quick reading of classroom atmosphere and increases feelings of rapport
• Synchrony lets us adjust to other person's emotions and maintain involvement in conversation.

THE INNER TIMEKEEPERS

The Importance of Timing in Comedy and Nature

• Good comedians have a sense of rhythm and timing that makes their jokes effective
• In nature, synchronization of natural processes can amplify or cancel each other
• Oscillations and neural systems act as "inner timekeepers" or "oscillators," coordinating movements and brain activity

Synchrony in the Brain

• Neural synchronicity is greater between two people playing music than within each individual's brain
• Oscillators are neural systems that reset their rate of firing to coordinate with incoming signals
• Synchronization occurs not only during conscious interactions but also during subconscious body movements and peripheral vision

Everyday Coordination

• Body movements synchronize with speech during conversation
• Such synchronies occur within a fraction of a second, outside conscious awareness
• Even peripheral vision provides enough information to set up coupled oscillations or tacit interpersonal synchrony

Implications of Brain-to-Brain Synchrony

• Complex calculations and adjustments allow us to stay in synch during conversations
• Brain-to-brain linkages create an affinity between individuals as they share experiences
• Practice and experience contribute to our ability to synchronize with others seamlessly

Examples of Synchrony in Daily Life

• Lovers' movements become synchronized during interactions, such as embraces or taking hands while walking
• Falling out of step with someone while walking can indicate potential relationship issues
• Conversations require continuous adjustments and oscillations to maintain synchrony

Meshing Movements: Body-to-Speech Synchronies

• Frame-by-frame analyses reveal how head and hand actions coincide with stress points and hesitations in speech
• Such body-to-speech synchronies occur within a fraction of a second, outside conscious awareness
• Even minor body movements or peripheral vision can establish a coupled oscillation, leading to interpersonal synchrony.

THE PROTOCONVERSATION

Protoconversation: the most basic form of human communication between a mother and baby, characterized by nonverbal interactions through gaze, touch, tone of voice, smiles, coos, and Motherese (adult version of baby talk)

• Precise timing in start, end, and pauses in baby talk creates a coupling of rhythm
• Oscillators at work, with frequent synchronization between mother and baby
• Interaction is not verbal but relies on emotional communication

Components of Protoconversation:

• Motherese: friendly and playful speech with high pitch and short, spiked pitch contours, often synchronized with touch or patting
• Smiles, coos, and movements: baby's response to mother's actions
• Gaze, touch, and tone of voice: mother's way of engaging the baby

Benefits of Protoconversation:

• Creates a sense of harmony and attunement between mother and baby
• Builds a foundation for emotional communication in later life
• Helps babies learn social skills and emotional regulation

Consequences of Poor Protoconversation:

• Mother's lack of attention or enthusiasm results in baby withdrawal
• Poorly timed responses from either party can lead to confusion, distress, or upset

Importance of Protoconversation:

• Marks a baby's first lesson in interaction and emotional regulation
• Serves as the foundation for all later social interactions
• Shows that feelings are the underlying theme in communication throughout life.

Chapter 3:. Neural WiFi

Neural WiFi+: A reflection on the importance of facial expressions and emotional contagion in human communication and survival.

Urban Life Anxiety:

• Moment of uncertainty on subway
• Instinctively read facial expressions for signs of danger or emotions
• Calmed by observing another person's reaction

Evolution of Emotional Contagion:

• Early humans relied on group vigilance and fear response for survival
• Amygdala reacts to emotional stimuli, stronger reactions result in more intense amygdala response
• Emotional contagion occurs when two brains form a functional link, forming interbrain circuits

Functional Neural Looping:

• During emotional contagion, brains "couple" and send ongoing signals to each other
• Forms tacit harmony and can amplify resonance between individuals
• Spontaneous synchrony works best for fostering closeness

Speed of Emotional Contagion:

• Amygdala reacts to emotional expressions quickly (33ms or less)
• Below conscious awareness, but can stir up vague feelings of uneasiness
• Special class of neurons responsible for spontaneous social duet

Physics of Neural Looping:

• Resonance occurs when two parts vibrate in harmony and produce an afterglow
• Brains loop outside our awareness and allow for easier synchronization
• Best when spontaneous, not intentionally constructed

Emotional Transmission:

• Contagion spreads via multiple neural circuits operating in parallel within each person's brain
• Traffics in the entire range of feeling, from sadness and anxiety to joy
• Looping allows for better understanding of other people's emotions and intentions.

NEURAL MIRRORS

Neural Mirrors: Understanding the Connection Between Brains through Mirror Neurons

• Early Childhood Experience: The author recalls an incident from early childhood where he involuntarily mimicked a stranger's smile, likely due to the activation of mirror neurons.

Discovery of Mirror Neurons:

• First identified in monkeys by observing neuron activity when they watched others perform actions.
• Human mirror neurons discovered through experiments using electrodes to monitor brain activity.
• These neurons fire both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action.

Functions of Mirror Neurons:

• Mimicking Actions: Neurons in the premotor cortex fire when we watch someone make a movement, mapping the identical information from what we are seeing onto our own motor neurons.
• Reading Intentions and Emotions: Human mirror neuron systems go beyond just mimicking actions; they also help us read intentions and extract social implications from others' actions and emotions.
• Social Learning: Mirror neurons play a crucial role in how children learn, as they enable imitative learning through observation.

Implications of Mirror Neurons:

• Contagion of Emotions: Mirror neurons make emotions contagious and help us get in sync with others' feelings.
• Social Skills: They are essential to social skills, as they allow us to respond quickly and appropriately to others and sense their intentions.
• Empathy and Understanding Others: Mirror neurons create a shared sensibility by allowing us to understand another person's experiences by experiencing them ourselves within our brains.
• Interbrain Linkage: The mutual activation of mirror neurons in two brains creates a two-person circuitry known as "empathic resonance," which fosters a sense of connection and shared understanding.
• Constantly Interacting Nervous Systems: Our nervous systems are permeable, continually interacting with others through mirror neuron activity.
• Impact on Psychotherapy and Love: Mirror neurons play a role in psychotherapeutic relationships and love connections as they enable us to resonate with another person's experiences.
• Advanced Social Abilities: Human mirror neurons are more flexible and diverse than those in monkeys, reflecting our sophisticated social abilities.
• Neural Language for Understanding Others: Mirror neuron activity allows us to understand others by translating their actions into the neural language that prepares us for the same actions and lets us experience alike.

THE HAPPY FACE ADVANTAGE

The Happy Face Advantage

• Paul Ekman's research on facial muscles and emotions
  • Mastered controlling facial muscles to identify different smiles
  • Identified 18 types of smiles
• Human brain prefers happy faces (happy face advantage)
  • Recognized more readily and quickly than negative expressions
  • Brain may have system for positive feelings
• Positive relationships fostered by nature
  • Instant resonance with strangers through playfulness and silliness
  • Laughter builds social bonds

Paul Ekman's Research

• Mastered control of facial muscles
  • Applied electrical shocks to locate hard-to-detect muscles
  • Identified 15 facial muscles involved in smiling
• Eighteen kinds of smiles identified
  • Miserable smile
  • Cruel smile
  • Supercilious smile
  • Genuine smiles of spontaneous pleasure or amusement

The Human Brain's Preference for Happy Faces

• Recognized more quickly and readily than negative expressions
• Possible explanation: brain has system for positive feelings

Positive Relationships Fostered by Nature

• Instant resonance with strangers
  • Playfulness and silliness
  • Momentary forgetting of differences
• Laughter builds social bonds
  • Shortest distance between two brains
  • Infectious spread that creates instant bonding

Examples of Bonding Moments

• Teenagers giggling together
  • Giddy playfulness and synchronization
  • Parents might perceive as ungodly racket, but it builds strong bonds for the teenagers.

MEME WARS

Meme Wars and Rap Music:

• Darryl McDaniels (DMC from RunDMC) criticizes the glorification of violence, guns, and misogyny in rap music and calls for a change in rap's narrative.
• The emergence of new breed of rappers like John Stevens (Legend) and Kanye West who embrace a more wholesome and positive perspective in their lyrics.
• These reformed rappers have different backgrounds compared to past gangsta rap stars, with higher education and non-violent upbringing.
• Rap lyrics can be seen as carriers of memes – ideas that spread from mind to mind, influencing behavior and actions.
• Memes gain power through strong emotions and can prime social interactions.

The Concept of Memes:

• Modeled on the concept of genes, memes are entities that replicate themselves by getting passed on from person to person.
• Memes with significant impact shape our actions and behaviors, leading us to act in specific ways.
• Memes can be at war when they naturally oppose each other.
• Memes gather power through strong emotions, especially those that move us.
• Memes may influence social interactions through priming effect, making us act in certain ways without conscious awareness.

Effects of Memes on Social Interactions:

• Priming effect: hearing cue words can lead to acting in a particular way (interruping or waiting patiently).
• Synchronicities in thoughts and actions between individuals may stem from the verbal equivalent of emotional contagion.
• Shared perception, thoughts, feelings, and memories create mental intimacy and emotional closeness.

Mental Intimacy and Emotional Closeness:

• Conditions for mental intimacy are optimal when we know someone well or experience strong rapport.
• Convergence of internal thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and memories leads to mind-meld and perceiving, thinking, and feeling in the same way as others.
• Even strangers can exhibit convergence in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when they become friends.

THE MADNESS OF CROWDS

Soccer Riots:

• Result of "superhooligans" and their drinking binges hours before matches
• Singing team songs and chanting against rivals
• Flashpoint: gang leader attacks rival fan, triggering mass fights
• Alcohol disinhibits neural controls over impulses, making individuals more prone to violence

Crowds and Power:

• Masses coalesce around a "single passion" or common emotion
• Rapid shift in crowd emotions can be explained by mirror neuron coordination
• Contagion occurs even in minimal groups

Group Decision-making:

• Feels good to be in sync with others (inherently reinforcing)
• Contagion biases group decision-making, affecting information processing

Experiment at Yale University:

• Study on high-stakes decision-making in two groups with conflicting agendas
• One actor was secretly assigned to be confrontational or helpful in each group
• Actors' emotions influenced group members' moods without them realizing it

Emotional Contagion:

• Can bias decision-making and information processing in groups
• People in close relationships (family, workmates, friends) experience subtle magnetism towards thinking and feeling alike.

Chapter 4: An Instinct for Altruism

Altruism and the Role of Attention

• Experiment at Princeton Theological Seminary: Students waiting to give sermons passed by an injured man without helping, even those assigned the parable of the Good Samaritan
• Factors Affecting Altruism:
  • Time: Students who thought they were late less likely to stop and help, while those with plenty of time more likely to do so
  • Attention: Ability, willingness, and interest in paying attention play a critical role in empathy
• Urban Trance:
  • People in urban areas tend to be self-absorbed due to stimulus overload and the need to cope with crowds
  • Trade-off: shutting out compelling needs of others along with mere distractions
• Social Divides:
  • People may give more attention to those who are more socially similar or appealing
  • Attention given can depend on sympathies and socialization
• Building Emotional Connections:
  • Paying attention allows for emotional connection, which is essential for empathy
  • Lack of attention prevents the development of empathy.

WHEN ATTENTION MUST BE PAID

Attention and Acts of Kindness: The Power of Noticing

• Princeton Seminary vs. New York City: contrast between indifference towards a man in need at a subway station and the spontaneous response to help when people are noticed (Bystander Effect)
• Man on the Subway Stairs
  • Shabby, shirtless man lying motionless on subway stairs
  • No one noticed until one person stopped
  • Instant circle of concern formed
  • Man revived with food, water, and help from passersby
• Impact of Noticing
  • Snapped people out of their urban trance
  • Called the man to their attention
  • Moved to help once empathy was felt
• Urban Anxiety and Homelessness
  • Urbanites learn to manage anxiety by shifting attention away from homeless population
  • Author's perspective influenced by research on mental hospitals and homelessness
• Empathy and Elevation
  • Feeling of empathy leads to helping behavior
  • Witnessing an act of kindness induces a warm, uplifting emotion (elevation)
  • Simple acts of thoughtfulness can elicit elevation
• Contagious Kindness
  • Seeing an act of kindness inspires the desire to perform one as well
  • Mythic tales of figures who save others through courageous deeds have emotional impact similar to witnessing the act itself
  • Elevation travels "the low road" and is contagious.

FINE-TUNING

Fine-Tuning: The Impact of Attention on Empathy and Connection

• Personal Experience: During a five-day trip to Brazil with my son, we noticed an increase in friendliness from Brazilians as our own "uptightness" decreased.
• Change was not in the People: Our preoccupations and defensive reserve initially prevented us from registering the friendliness of those around us.
• Limits on Attention: Working memory, or the amount of information we can hold in attention at any given moment, resides in the prefrontal cortex and plays a major role in allocating our attention during interactions.
• Impact of Preoccupations: Distress or anxiety overtaxes attention, making it difficult to register subtle cues of friendliness from others.
• Natural Adaptations: In certain species, such as fish and babies, the brain is capable of attuning to specific signals in order to improve communication and empathy.
• Implications for Empathy: The more sharply attentive we are, the more accurately we can sense another person's inner state, allowing for deeper connections and compassionate action.
• Impact of Self-Absorption: Focusing on ourselves contracts our world and makes our problems seem larger, while focusing on others expands our capacity for connection.

Attention and Working Memory

• Working Memory: The amount of information we can hold in attention at any given moment.
• Role in Interactions: Plays a major role in managing the backstage business of an interaction, such as searching memory for what to say or do, and attending to incoming signals while shifting responses accordingly.
• Impact on Empathy: Distress or anxiety can tax attention, making it difficult to register subtle cues of friendliness from others.

Natural Adaptations for Enhanced Communication

• Fish: During courtship, a female's brain secretes hormones that temporarily reshape her auditory circuits to improve attunement to the frequencies of the male's call.
• Babies: Instinctively become still, quiet their breathing, turn toward mother, focus on face or eyes/mouth, and orient ears toward sounds coming from mother during approach.

Impact of Attention on Empathy and Compassionate Action

• Sharply Attentive State: Allows for quicker and more accurate sensing of another person's inner state.
• Distress or Preoccupations: Decreases accuracy in empathizing with others.
• Self-Absorption vs. Focus on Others: Expands our capacity for connection and compassionate action when we focus on others, while contracting our world and making problems seem larger when we focus on ourselves.

INSTINCTIVE COMPASSION

Instinctive Compassion:

• Rats and monkeys exhibit instinctive compassion, responding to others in distress with sympathy and a desire to help
• Rat study: One rat is suspended and another rat saves it by pressing a bar
• Monkey study: Four monkeys stop pulling chains to prevent shocking another monkey
• Babies cry and try to help when they see other babies in distress from about 14 months old
• Similar responses suggest shared neural circuitry in the brain

Hardwired Response:

• Instinct for compassion is hardwired in the human brain, possibly involving mirror neurons
• New thinking suggests sociability is primary survival strategy for primates
• Empathy and companionship increase chances of survival in primate species

Observations:

• Laboratory rat and monkey studies show automatic response to others' suffering
• Babies exhibit empathy from an early age, trying to help and crying when they hear another cry
• Older toddlers are less likely to cry but more likely to try to help
• Humans share similar responses with other mammals, especially primates
• Reptiles show no sign of empathy

Survival:

• Empathy and compassion have been powerful aids to survival throughout history
• Sociability is essential for primate species, including humans
• Sociable monkeys are more likely to survive in the wild due to stronger social bonds and immunity
• Baboons with friendly mothers have higher chances of infant survival due to better protection and healthier mothers
• Social connections increase chances of survival in dire conditions

Brain Development:

• Traits that offer survival advantages can shape brain development and become pervasive in the genetic pool
• Sociability is a winning strategy for humans throughout history, shaping the very circuitry of the brain

AN ANGEL ON EARTH

The Power of Empathy: Understanding and Sharing Another's Emotions

• A head-on collision left a woman helpless and in pain
• An unknown passerby acted as her "angel on earth" by providing comfort and reassurance.

Empathy and Emotional Sharing:

• Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person's emotions.
• Involves some degree of emotional connection and sharing.
• Essential for building meaningful relationships and responding compassionately to others.

Mirror Neurons and Empathy:

• Mirror neurons help us experience the emotions and sensations of others.
• They activate when we observe or imitate someone's actions, emotions, or facial expressions.
• Enhance our capacity for empathy by enabling emotional resonance between individuals.

Empathy as Understanding, Feeling, and Acting:

• Empathy involves three distinct components:
  • Cognitive empathy: understanding another's thoughts, feelings, or perspective
  • Emotional empathy: feeling what another person feels
  • Compassionate empathy: responding to another's distress with kindness and support

Empathy in Humans and Animals:

• Empathy is not limited to humans; it also occurs in animals, particularly primates.
• Researchers like Stephanie Preston and Frans de Waal study empathy in both humans and animals to better understand its neurological and social aspects.

Empathy and Neuroscience:

• Brain imaging studies reveal that the same neural circuits are activated when we experience emotions and perceive others experiencing emotions.
• This shared neural activity allows us to empathize with others and respond appropriately.

Empathy and Communication:

• Empathic communication is essential for effective interpersonal interactions.
• Mirroring, the automatic activation of similar mental representations in response to another person's thoughts or feelings, plays a crucial role in empathetic understanding.
• By sharing thoughts and emotions, individuals can build rapport and establish common ground more efficiently.

AN ANCIENT DEBATE

Ancient Debate on Human Nature and Altruism

Thomas Hobbes' Perspective:

• Known for "nasty, brutish and short" view of life without strong government
• Had a soft side and felt compassion towards the suffering
• Gave alms to an old man out of self-interest and empathy

Modern Economic Theory:

• People give to charities due to pleasure from imagining relief or their own relief
• Some theories reduce acts of altruism to disguised self-interest

Mengzi's Perspective:

• All men have a mind that cannot bear to see the suffering of others
• Empathy is hardwired and elicits automatic reactions

Neuroscience Support:

• Similar circuits in brain activate during empathy and compassion
• Infant's distress causes parents' brains to react in similar way
• Emotional impulses are "prepotent" and prepare us for action

Emotional Contagion:

• Feeling another's emotion activates related urges to act
• Instantaneous contagion occurs between individuals, preparing the brain for appropriate response

Human Nature and Altruism:

• Human brain contains a system designed to attune us to someone else’s distress and prepare us to help
• Modern life mitigates against this natural tendency due to cognitive empathy and sympathy rather than emotional contagion
• Harvard's Jerome Kagan argues that humans have an even stronger biological bias for kindness, compassion, cooperation, love and nurture than meanness.

Chapter 5: The Neuroanatomy of a Kiss

The Neuroanatomy of a Kiss:

• First kiss: A memorable moment in a relationship, often initiated by locked eyes and a feeling of being propelled into the act.
• Orbitofrontal cortex (OFC): A key brain structure for empathy and matching emotions.
  • Location: Positioned at the junction of upper emotional centers and lower thinking brain.
  • Connections: Directly connects the cortex, amygdala, and brain stem.
  • Function: Facilitates instantaneous coordination of thought, feeling, and action.
• Eye contact: A necessary neural prelude to a kiss.
  • Impact on OFC: Locking eyes interlinks the orbitofrontal areas, enhancing social pathways and emotional recognition.
• Orbitofrontal cortex role in romantic moments:
  • Emotional responses: Detects emotions from someone's face or tone of voice.
  • Hedonic value: Assigns emotional significance to social experiences (e.g., love, loathing).
  • Social calculus: Performs instant social analyses based on inner and outer experiences.
• Other neural circuits involved in kissing:
  • Oscillators: Adapt and coordinate the rate of neural firing and motor movements during the kiss.
  • Role: Ensure a soft meeting of lips rather than teeth collision.

LOW-ROAD VELOCITY

Low-Road Velocity and First Impressions:

• Professor's intuition of assistant based on instant rapport (settled physiology)
• Rapport prediction from first impressions remarkably accurate (study of university students)

Neuronal Basis for Instant Judgments:

• Spindle cells: crucial for social intuition
• Large, spindle-shaped neurons with high-velocity transmission
• Form thick connections between OFC and anterior cingulate cortex (ACC)

Properties of the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC):

• Directs attention and coordinates thoughts, emotions, and body's response to feelings
• Spindle cells extend to widely diverse parts of the brain
• Particular brain chemicals transmitted suggest central role in social connection

Role of Brain Chemicals:

• Serotonin, dopamine, vasopressin: play key roles in bonding and pleasure
• Concentration of spindle cells in these areas suggests central role in these functions

Uniqueness of Human Brain:

• Humans have about a thousand times more spindle cells than apes
• No other mammalian brain contains spindle cells
• May account for human social awareness and sensitivity

Brain Imaging Studies:

• Enhanced functioning of ACC in interpersonally aware individuals
• Spindle cells concentrate in areas that activate during emotional reactions to others
• Activated during instances of instant empathy, love, attraction, and fairness judgments

Role of Facial Expressions and Emotions:

• Area of ACC plays key roles in social life
• Guides display and recognition of facial expressions
• Activates during intense emotions
• Strong connections to amygdala, trigger point for emotional judgments

Snap Judgments:

• Spindle cells might explain high speed of low-road processing
• Offer snap judgments of 'like' or 'dislike' milliseconds before conscious realization
• Important in social situations where quick judgments are necessary

Spindle cells in the human brain essential for making instant judgments about people and building relationships.

• Create a neural command center between the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) and the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC)
• Enable attention, emotions, and social connection.
• Spindle cells transmit essential chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and vasopressin, contributing to bonding, love, moods, and pleasure.
• High-velocity transmission ensures swift judgments about people and social cues.

WHAT HE SAW HER SEE

Henry James's "The Golden Bowl"

• Maggie Verver visits father at country estate, realizes he intends to remarry in a moment of mutual understanding
• Moment of recognition triggers several pages of exploration in the novel

Insights into Another's Mind from Subtle Perceptions

• Henry James illustrates rich insights gained from minor observations
• Neural circuits responsible for social judgments are always active
• Three out of four idling neural areas deal with people judgments

Neural Areas Involved in Social Judgments

• Cingulate: initiates quick decision spread via spindle cells
• OFC (Orbitofrontal Cortex): appraises experiences, assigns value, shapes sense of meaning
• default activity in the brain: mulls over relationships, rated as top downtime activity

Brain's Reaction Time to People vs. Things

• OFC (Orbitofrontal Cortex) judgments about people happen faster than things
• Corresponding object judgment areas have to rev up in order to operate

Social Encounters and Brain Activity

• OFC-cingulate circuitry springs into action, making judgments of like or dislike
• Emotional calculus shapes our social decision-making

Neural Speed of Social Realizations

• Initial judgment (pro or con) made in one-twentieth of a second
• Balance between impulse and appropriate response decided by OFC within one-fifth of a second
• Continual adjustment during social interactions based on shifting feelings

Primary Social Guiding Mechanisms

• Rely on rough emotional inclinations: if we like her, one repertoire springs into action; if we loathe him, quite another.

HIGH-ROAD CHOICES

High-Road Choices: A woman's experience with her angry and paranoid sister who has a mental disorder.

• Friend insulates herself against emotional assault due to sister's anger outbursts.
• Wants to stay close but practices strategic moves to protect herself emotionally.

Emotional Contagion: The automatic transmission of emotions between people.

• Low road operates at hyperspeed, triggering instant emotional responses.
• High road offers choices, triggering thoughts and refined understanding of situations.

OFC (Orbitofrontal Cortex): A brain region involved in decision-making, emotional regulation, and social interactions.

• Manages the interplay between emotional responses and social context.
• Enables more sophisticated social sense and appropriate responses.

Low Road:

• Ultrarapid mirror neuron links prompt instant primal empathy with another person.
• Triggers sympathetic emotional state without an intervening thought.

High Road:

• Monitors mood shifts and attends to the person being talked to.
• Brings thinking brain into play for a more nuanced response.
• Enormous flexibility and vast array of neural branches for multiple response options.

Lobotomy: A psychiatric procedure involving surgical disconnection of the OFC from other brain areas, performed in the 1940s and 1950s.

• Neurologists had limited knowledge of specific brain functions at the time.
• Agitated mental patients became placid after lobotomy but showed emotional flattening or absence and social disorientation in new situations.
• Modern neuroscience understands the OFC's role in orchestrating the interplay between emotions and social context.

ECONOMIC ROAD RAGE

Ultimatum Game: A behavioral economics game where one player makes an offer to split a given amount of money with another, who can either accept or reject it. If the offer is rejected, both players receive nothing.

Economic Road Rage: The strong emotional response some people have to unfair offers in the Ultimatum Game.

Neuro-economics: An interdisciplinary field combining economics and neuroscience to study the neural forces that drive economic decision-making.

• Jonathan Cohen: Princeton University researcher who studies the brain activity of individuals playing the Ultimatum Game while their brains are scanned.
• High Road: Refers to the rational thought processes controlled by the prefrontal cortex.
• Low Road: Refers to the emotionally impulsive centers in the brain, such as the amygdala and insula.

Ultimatum Game Results:

• If played with only one round, lowball offers often result in anger and rejection.
• Allowing multiple rounds increases the likelihood of a satisfactory bargain.
• The neural circuits active during the Ultimatum Game reveal the influence of rational prefrontal cortex versus emotional impulsivity.

Prefrontal Cortex: A crucial area for human brain development, responsible for rational thought and executive functions.

• Largely sets humans apart from other primates due to its size.
• Involved in navigating the dangers and temptations created by the high road.
• Facilitates balance between short-term desires and long-term interests.

The Vulcanization of the Brain: Essay by Jonathan Cohen about the interaction between high-road abstract neural processing and low-road emotional responses, with a focus on the prefrontal cortex's role in mediating rationality.

NO TO IMPULSE

Orbitofrontal Cortex (OFC) and Regret:

• A man in Liverpool missed winning 2-million pounds in the National Lottery due to forgetting to renew his ticket on time, causing feelings of regret and disappointment ( OFC is involved in processing emotions related to regret).
• Patients with lesions in key circuits of the OFC lack feelings of regret, even when making poor decisions.
• The OFC modulates the amygdala, helping suppress emotional impulses and maintain social norms.

Impact of OFC Lesions:

• Patients have difficulty suppressing emotional impulses, leading to inappropriate behaviors (mimicking emotions, revealing embarrassing details, etc.)
• Lack emotional safety device to manage strong emotions
• Unable to keep themselves from reacting strongly to social situations
• Impaired ability to evaluate the appropriateness of actions in social settings

Impact of OFC Lesions on War Veterans:

• Overactive amygdala causes panic and traumatic memories in response to cues that remind them of past traumas.
• The OFC would typically evaluate these feelings, but with its impairment, patients are unable to differentiate between reality and their memories, leading to extreme reactions.

The Role of the OFC as an Emotional Brake:

• The OFC evaluates emotional responses from a more sophisticated perspective and modulates them accordingly.
• When the OFC fails to function properly, inappropriate behaviors can result (e.g., explicit online conversations).

Impact of the Internet on Social Norms:

• During face-to-face interactions, feedback from the other person helps keep behavior within socially acceptable norms.
• The lack of such feedback in virtual environments can lead to a lack of inhibition and the expression of inappropriate behaviors (e.g., explicit online conversations).

ON SECOND THOUGHT

On Second Thought A woman's perception and subsequent emotions towards a photo of a weeping woman changed when she reappraised the situation.

First Glance:

• The woman initially perceived the scene as a funeral, eliciting feelings of sadness.
• Neural mechanisms involved: right amygdala (trigger point for distressing emotions) and emotional-cognitive systems.

Second Thought:

• Upon reappraisal, the woman realized it was a wedding, which shifted her emotions to delight.
• Neural mechanisms dampened: right amygdala and related circuits.

Kevin Ochsner's Research:

• Leading figure in brain imaging studies on person-to-person encounters and emotional reappraisal.
• Uses fMRI machines to map brain reactions to specific stimuli.

fMRI Research Process:

• Volunteers lie still in a dark, enclosed tube with a mirror for human contact.
• Brain activity is detected via radio waves emitted by atoms.

Implications of Ochsner's Study:

• Intentional reappraisal can alter emotional responses and moods.
• The more involved the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), the more successful the reappraisal.
• Greater activity in certain prefrontal areas during reappraisal leads to a quieter amygdala.
• Different mental strategies for reappraisal activate various prefrontal circuits.

Impact on Relationships:

• Affirms our ability to reconsider negative reactions and replace them with more beneficial attitudes.
• We have the power to choose our emotional responses through intentional reappraisal.
• Ability to respond calmly and help others in distress, or buffer ourselves from unwanted emotions.

REENGINEERING THE LOW ROAD

David Guy's Experience with Social Phobia:

• David experienced stage fright for the first time at sixteen during English class.
• His fear of public speaking was caused by classmates' scorn and criticism.
• This fear stayed with him throughout his life, even after publishing his first novel.

Prevalence of Social Phobia:

• Social phobia is one of the most common anxieties in public situations.
• It affects approximately one in five Americans.
• Other forms of social phobia include meeting new people, eating in public, and using shared restrooms.
• The first episode often occurs during adolescence but can last a lifetime.

Biological Basis of Social Phobia:

• Social phobia triggers the release of stress hormones from the amygdala, the brain's "Fear Central."
• Fears are learned and stored in neural circuitry centered on the amygdala.

Memory Consolidation and Reconsolidation:

• Retrieving a memory means it will be reconsolidated slightly altered.
• Each time a fearful memory is retrieved, its chemistry changes.
• The next time the memory is recalled, it comes up as last modified.
• If new information eases the fear, the memory can be reencoded with less power.

Treatment of Social Phobia:

• Exposure therapy involves confronting the feared situation in a gradual manner.
• The goal is to desensitize the person and reprogram their amygdala cells.
• Therapists may use various techniques such as relaxation methods, counterthoughts, and group exposure.
• Simply talking about painful memories with someone who offers a new perspective can help loosen their grip.

THE SOCIAL BRAIN

The Social Brain

• Refers to the particular set of circuitry that enables people to relate to each other (no specific brain nodule or phrenology bump)
• Primate social groups became vital for survival towards the end of brain development
• Wide dispersion of neural responsibility for social life
• Neurons are organized into modules, which behave like an intricate swinging mobile
• Serotonin is an example of a neurotransmitter that regulates both digestion and happiness, and many neural tracts in the social brain handle multiple functions

Formation of the Social Brain

• Late development of social groups in primate evolution led to the melding together of pre-existing parts to form a cohesive set of pathways
• Economization by Nature: identical molecules can regulate different functions (serotonin and digestion)
• Complexity of the brain requires sorting out neural activity based on specific functions

Neural Circuitry of the Social Brain

• Principal areas identified through imaging studies, but much remains to be learned (see Appendix B for more details)
• Orbitofrontal cortex and amygdala form a social superhighway
• Amygdala contains fourteen or more separate nuclei with different functions

Functional Neurotransmitters

• Serotonin is an example of a neurotransmitter that has multiple roles in the body
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) increase availability of serotonin, leading to feelings of well-being
• Serotonin also regulates the gut and digestion, among other functions

The Complexity of Brain Activity

• Neurons are organized into modules that behave like an intricate swinging mobile
• Far-flung networks of the social brain create a common neural conduit when they work together during face-to-face interactions.

Chapter 6: What Is Social Intelligence?

Social Intelligence:

• Ability to effectively navigate social situations and relationships
• Displayed in the example of the three twelve-year-olds
• Prevented a potential fight from happening and turned it into a friendship
• Observed by Edward Thorndike in 1920, but not formally studied until recent times
• Important for success in various fields, especially leadership
• Overlaps with emotional intelligence, but is distinct

Components of Social Intelligence:

Social Awareness:

• Sensing and understanding others' emotions and intentions
• Chubby boy responded calmly to taunts, showing self-awareness and empathy for the antagonist
• All emotions are social, according to Richard Davidson
• Overlaps with emotional intelligence

Social Facility:

• Using social awareness to effectively respond and interact with others
• Chubby boy turned a hostile situation into a friendly one by showing interest in the other boy's skills
• Important for building relationships and resolving conflicts
• Overlaps with emotional intelligence, but focuses on the social aspect of interactions

History of Social Intelligence:

• First proposed by Edward Thorndike in 1920 as a crucial factor for success
• Dismissed by David Wechsler in the 1950s as "general intelligence applied to social situations"
• Neuroscience is beginning to map the brain areas that regulate interpersonal dynamics

Importance of Social Intelligence:

• Vital for success in various fields, particularly leadership
• Overlooked in emotional intelligence theories
• Ignores the "social" part of intelligence.

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

Comprises of two main domains: Social Awareness and Social Facility.

Social Awareness:

• Spectrum: Refers to a continuum from sensing others' inner states, understanding feelings and thoughts, to comprehending complex social situations.
• Components:
  • Primal Empathy: Feeling with others; sensing nonverbal emotional signals.
  • Attunement: Listening attentively and responding appropriately to another person.
  • Empathic Accuracy: Understanding another person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
  • Social Cognition: Knowledge of how the social world operates.

Social Facility:

• Builds on Social Awareness for effective interactions.
• Components:
  • Synchrony: Smooth nonverbal interaction.
  • Self-presentation: Presenting oneself effectively in social situations.
  • Influence: Shaping the outcome of social interactions.
  • Concern: Caring about others' needs and acting accordingly.

Both Domains:

• Range from basic, low-road capacities to complex high-road articulations.
• Tests and scales exist for assessing these skills.
• Social Awareness: Primal empathy and social cognition are low-road capacities; empathic accuracy and influence involve both high and low-road processes.
• Social Facility: Synchrony is a purely low-road capacity, while self-presentation, influence, and concern involve high-road processes.

PRIMAL EMPATHY

Primal Empathy

• Ability to sense emotions of another through rapid and automatic nonverbal cues
• Also known as low-road empathy or intuitive empathy
• Occurs primarily due to activation of mirror neurons
• Cannot be suppressed completely; emotions leak out through tone of voice, facial expressions, etc.
• Communication of emotions is involuntary

Testing Primal Empathy

• Tests should involve reacting to depiction of another person's nonverbal clues
• One such test is the Profile of Nonverbal Sensitivity (PONS)
• Developed by Judith Hall and Dane Archer in 1960s as part of Robert Rosenthal's research
• Consists of viewing short video clips of emotional situations and guessing emotions based on visual or auditory cues
• Those who do well on PONS are considered more interpersonally sensitive
• Results correlate with higher job performance ratings, better relationships, etc.
• Women tend to score slightly higher than men on average
• Improves from early adolescence into mid-twenties

Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test

• Another measure of primal empathy
• Developed by Simon Baron-Cohen and Cambridge University research group
• Involves identifying emotions from thirty-six images of eyes
• High scorers are more empathetic; low scorers may have autism or other conditions affecting social understanding.

ATTUNEMENT

Attunement:

• Attunement is a type of deep, sustained attention that facilitates rapport and understanding of others.
• It goes beyond momentary empathy to respond appropriately to a person's feelings, words, and actions.
• People can improve their attunement skills through intentional focus.

Communication:

• During moments of genuine connection, communication is responsive to the other person.
• Poorly connected communication becomes verbal bullets, reflecting one's own needs without considering the other's state.
• Real listening requires attuning to the other person's feelings and allowing the conversation to follow a mutually determined course.
• Two-way listening makes a dialogue reciprocal, with each person adjusting their communication based on the other's response and feelings.

Listening Skills:

• Top-performing salespeople and client managers listen deeply before making a sale.
• Listening well is crucial for effective management, teaching, leading, and helping professions.
• Full attention is necessary for attunement and rapport, but it is often endangered in today's multitasking society.

Physiological Synchrony:

• Full presence and intentional listening maximize physiological synchrony between individuals.
• Emotions align when people are fully present, leading to better understanding and connection.
• Intentionally paying more attention encourages the emergence of rapport through neural circuitry alignment.

EMPATHIC ACCURACY

Empathic Accuracy

• Essential expertise in social intelligence
• Distinguishes effective advisors, diplomats, negotiators, politicians, salespersons, teachers, and therapists
• Builds on primal empathy with explicit understanding of feelings and thoughts
• Engages additional activity in neocortex, particularly prefrontal area

Measuring Empathic Accuracy

• Psychology's hidden-camera research method: volunteers unknowingly videotaped during conversation
• Participants later write down their thoughts and feelings and what they suspect the other person was thinking and feeling
• Repeated in university psychology departments worldwide
• Examples include recognizing a lapse in memory or recalling a stage play

Impact of Empathic Accuracy on Relationships

• Key to successful marriages, especially in early years
• Higher levels of satisfaction for couples with accurate readings of each other
• Deficit in accuracy can lead to rockier relationships and misunderstandings

Brain's Role in Empathy

• Discovery of mirror neurons revealed brain attunes us to someone's intentions at subliminal level
• Conscious awareness of intentions allows for more accurate empathy
• Better prediction of what person will do can mean difference between life and death in certain situations

SOCIAL COGNITION

Social Cognition:

• Knowledge about how the social world works (interpersonal awareness)
• Understanding of social situations and decoding social signals
• Ability to navigate subtle and shifting social currents
• Manifests in solving social dilemmas and understanding unspoken norms
• Important for interpreting witty banter vs. insulting sarcasm
• Crucial for smooth interactions with people from different cultures

Characteristics of People with Strong Social Cognition:

• Know what's expected in social situations
• Accurately read political currents in organizations
• List friends of every child in kindergarten class
• Can gather relevant information and think through solutions clearly
• Make friends after moving to a new city
• Understand unspoken norms that govern interaction

Consequences of Poor Social Cognition:

• Confounds relationships
• Complicating factor in psychological difficulties, including depression and schizophrenia

Misconceptions about Social Intelligence:

• Social cognition is the only true component of social intelligence
• Ignores what we do while interacting with people

Interaction between Social Awareness Abilities:

• Empathic accuracy builds on listening and primal empathy
• All three enhance social cognition
• Interpersonal awareness provides foundation for social facility (second part of social intelligence)

SYNCHRONY

Synchrony:

• Foundation of social facility and bedrock for other aspects of social competence
• Failure in synchrony sabotages social interactions
• Neural capacity resides in low-road systems like oscillators and mirror neurons
• Involves reading nonverbal cues instantly and acting smoothly without thinking

Signs of Synchrony:

• Smiling or nodding at the right moment
• Orienting body towards the other person
• Harmoniously orchestrated interactions

Dyssemia:

• Failure to read and act on nonverbal signs, leading to social disability
• Outward indicators of dyssemia include: fidgeting, freezing, obliviousness to cues
• Affects children and adults, causing troubled relationships and social isolation
• Causes not usually neurological but due to lack of learning or emotional trauma
• Can be remediated through programs that teach nonverbal skills and make person aware of ingredients of synchrony

Synchrony Ingredients:

• Gestures and posture
• Use of touch
• Eye contact
• Tone of voice
• Pacing

Effects of Dyssemia:

• Difficulty following nonverbal cues
• Inability to start new relationships
• Troubled navigating social expectations in adult world

Remedial Programs:

• Make person aware of nonverbal ingredients of synchrony
• Teach effective ways to use these ingredients
• Practice until new response comes spontaneously
• Overlearning required to overcome self-conscious attempts to control low-road brain systems.

SELF-PRESENTATION

Self-presentation and Professional Actors:

• Self-presentation is the ability to present oneself in ways that make a desired impression.
• Professional actors are particularly skilled at self-presentation.
• Ronald Reagan's angry outburst during a 1980 presidential debate was a planned display of raw assertiveness and a turning point in his campaign.

Charisma:

• Charisma is an aspect of self-presentation.
• Charismatic people have the ability to spark emotions in others and entrain them to their emotional spectrum.
• Charisma is most evident in a speaker who can effectively engage an audience with the right emotional mix for maximum impact.

Expressivity and Self-Control:

• Expressivity and self-control are important aspects of self-presentation.
• Animated energy and exuberant expressiveness serve well in many social settings but not where some degree of reserve is needed.
• The ability to control and mask emotions is key to self-presentation, especially in professional situations.

Social Norms and Expressing Emotions:

• Social norms implicitly constrain who "should" express what emotions.
• In private life, women are generally perceived as more appropriately expressing fear and sadness, while men anger.
• In professional situations, the taboo against crying extends to women, but a powerful leader is expected to display anger when goals are frustrated.

Self-presentation vs. Substance:

• Some people are skilled at self-presentation but lack substance to back it up.
• Social intelligence is no substitute for expertise required in a given role.

INFLUENCE

Influence and Conflict Resolution:

• The ability to exercise influence is crucial for effective law enforcement and conflict resolution.
• Constructive influence involves shaping outcomes with tact and self-control.
• Police officers who use a least-force approach have fewer incidents with angry individuals.
• Strong force can be an efficient tactic, but the skillful use of implicit threats requires neural mechanisms that combine self-control, empathy, and social cognition.
• Education in the artful use of force is essential to inhibit aggressive urges.
• In everyday social encounters, expressing oneself artfully produces desired social results.

Angry Encounter:

• A parking enforcement officer was writing a ticket for a double-parked Cadillac.
• The driver emerged from a laundry and shouted at the officer, threatening to get him fired.
• The officer remained calm and asserted his authority professionally.
• The driver took the ticket and drove away, still muttering.

Constructive Influence:

• Paragons of law enforcement use constructive influence to shape outcomes in volatile situations.
• Strong force can be an efficient tactic but requires neural mechanisms that combine self-control, empathy, and social cognition.
• Educating underlying neural circuitry is crucial for those who train people in the artful use of force.
• Inhibiting aggressive urges becomes essential as one becomes more adept at applying violence.

Expressing Ourselves Artfully:

• People who are adept at deploying influence rely on social awareness to guide their actions.
• Expressing oneself artfully produces desired social results and makes favorable impressions.
• Social discretion lets us fit in wherever we are, leaving the fewest untoward emotional ripples in our wake.
• The optimal dose of expressivity depends on social cognition and cultural norms for what's appropriate in a given social context.

Neural Mechanisms:

• Strong force requires neural mechanisms that combine self-control, empathy, and social cognition.
• Educating these underlying neural circuitries is an essential but often unrecognized task of those who train people in the artful use of force.
• Achieving constructive influence involves expressing ourselves in a way that produces a desired social result.
• The skillful use of implicit threats requires fine-tuning a response to best fit the circumstances.

CONCERN

Social Intelligence and the Parable of the Good Samaritan:

• The students rushing to give a practice sermon on the parable of the Good Samaritan encounter a man in distress.
• Empathy alone is not enough; concern is necessary for helping behavior.
• Concern arises from feeling another's needs and wanting to help.

Empathy and Concern:

• Women who strongly empathize with a crying baby are most likely to help, shown through physiological responses and desire to comfort.
• Social concern predicts charitable giving.
• High levels of emotional contagion (physiological response to others' distress) correlate with helping behavior.
• Lack of concern is linked to antisocial behavior.

Importance of Concern:

• Concerned people take responsibility for group cooperation and exhibit good organizational citizenship.
• High-road abilities, like expertise and effective action, enhance the power of concern in helping others.

Examples of Concern:

• Helping professions (medicine, social work) embody concern for those in need.
• Bill and Melinda Gates exemplify high levels of concern by using business skills to address global health issues.
• Meeting those being helped primes empathy and strengthens concern.

Deficiencies in Concern:

• Lack of concern is a defining trait for antisocial types who do not care about others' needs or suffering.
• Manipulative people can lack concern despite other social intelligence abilities.

EDUCATING THE LOW ROAD

Can essential human talents be improved, particularly low-road capacities?

Paul Ekman and Primal Empathy

• Paul Ekman, expert on reading emotions from facial expressions
• Focuses on microexpressions: spontaneous emotional signals that last less than a third of a second
• Reveal true feelings despite what a person projects
• Valuable for diplomats, judges, police, lovers, business people, teachers, etc.
• Improves ability to detect emotional deception

Microexpressions and Low-Road Circuitry

• Operate via low-road circuitry, which is automatic and quick
• Requires fine-tuning capacity for primal empathy to catch microexpressions

MicroExpression Training Tool

• Ekman's CD for improving microexpression detection
• Tens of thousands have gone through training
• Consists of practice sessions with graded feedback
• Improves ability to distinguish emotions

Training Process and Results

• First round presents a series of faces with microexpressions
• Practice sessions present sixty tableaux in speeds up to a thirtieth of a second
• Feedback allows neural circuits to improve
• Most people average 40-50% correct on first try, but increase to 80-90% after training

Benefits of Training

• Improves ability to detect real-life microexpressions
• Reveals the hunger for learning in low-road neural circuits
• A model for training people in low-road aptitudes like primal empathy and decoding nonverbal signals

Challenges and Misconceptions

• Previous assumption that rapid, automatic behavior is beyond our ability to improve
• Ekman's new model bypasses the high road and connects directly to the low.

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE RECONSIDERED

Social Intelligence Reconsidered:

• Early 20th century experiment: A neurologist conducted an experiment with a woman suffering from severe amnesia, caused by lesions in her temporal lobe.
• High road and low road: The woman, despite not recognizing the doctor due to her amnesia, held back her hand when offered to shake it due to a threat imprinted in her amygdala (low road).

Neuroscience and Social Intelligence:

• Intertwined high and low roads: High road involves social knowledge and rules, while low road encompasses noncognitive abilities.
• Limitations of cognitive approach: Focus on cognition neglects empathy, synchrony, and concern, crucial elements for nourishing relationships.
• Full spectrum of social intelligence: Embraces high-and low-road aptitudes to provide a comprehensive understanding of interpersonal abilities.

History of Social Intelligence:

• Thorndike's proposal: Original idea to measure social intelligence in the 1920s, prior to significant knowledge about neural basis or interpersonal skills.
• Social neuroscience: Current challenge for intelligence theorists to define social intelligence that includes talents of the low road.

Importance of Low Road Abilities:

• Sync and attuned listening: Crucial for building relationships and understanding nonverbal cues.
• Empathic concern: Emotional connection to others, essential for forming strong bonds.

Kohlberg's View:

• Impersonal stance: Attempting to eliminate human values from social intelligence impoverishes the concept.
• Value of a warm heart: Social intelligence must encompass emotional and noncognitive elements to be complete.

PART TWO: BROKEN BONDS.

Chapter 7: You and It

Part Two: Broken Bonds

• A woman receives a sympathetic call from a friend, but realizes he's multitasking during their conversation.
• Martin Buber coined the term "I-It" for relationships where one person has no attunement to the other's subjective reality and feels no empathy.
• In I-It interaction, others become objects; we treat them as things rather than people.
• Psychologists refer to this cold approach as "agency."
• Contrasts with communion, a state of high mutual empathy where feelings matter and change us.

I-It vs. I-You

• In I-You interactions, there is attunement and empathy between people.
• The term "I-You" describes the special bond of an attuned closeness.
• Buber believed that human relationship with the divine is the ultimate ideal for our imperfect humanity.
• Everyday modes of I-You range from respect and politeness to affection and love.
• I-It contrasts with I-You as we treat others as means to an end rather than the end itself.
• Empathy opens the door to I-You relationships, making us feel known and understood.

I-It in Action: Examples

• Friend's hollow condolence call: shows a lack of empathy, leading to disconnection and dejection.
• Brother at speed dating: talks about himself nonstop, ruining chances for connection with women.
• Opera singer's dating test: looks for someone's capacity for attuning and entering another person's inner reality.

Implications of I-It Interaction

• Can cause emotional distress when we expect to be treated as a You but are treated as an It.
• Our relationships, both personal and professional, can benefit from increased presence and empathy.
• Multitasking during conversations can lead to inattentiveness and disconnection.
• I-You interactions engage us on a deeper level and create stronger bonds.

FEELING FELT

Feeling Felt

• Takeo Doi's experience of cultural differences in expressing hunger
• The concept of "amae" in Japanese culture: empathetic attunement without calling attention to it
• Lack of English equivalent for the term "amae"

Amae and Attunement:

• Prototype of heightened attunement is mother-infant relationship
• Extends into close social ties in Japanese daily life
• Implies mutual priming of parallel feelings and thoughts
• Emotional and cognitive sense in relationships

I-It and I-You Relationships:

• Buber's distinction between I-It and I-You relationships
• I-It implies superficial relationships, thinking about the other person
• I-You plunges into the depths of intimate connection

The Role of Empathy and Identification:

• Implicit understandings guide how we think and act in social reality
• Shared sensibility emerges from two people interacting
• Freud's concept of "fellow feelings"
• Neural level: acquisition of resonance with emotional patterns and mental maps
• Merging of mental maps creates shared reality
• Husbands and wives, for instance, tend to find similarities when happy
• Self-serving biases: overly optimistic illusion of invulnerability

The Divided Self:

• Buber's concept of a divided self: two "tidily circled-off provinces"
• Ordinary life swings between the two modes
• We handle the details of life in the It mode, while I-You relationships are deeply connected moments.

THE UTILITY OF THE IT

Journalist Objectivity and the Case of Nicholas Kristof

• Nicholas Kristof: distinguished journalist, Pulitzer Prize winner
• Investigative reporting on child slavery in Cambodia
• Encounter with a teenage girl named Srey Neth
• Crossed journalistic detachment and bought her freedom

Journalistic Ethics and Objectivity

• Guiding principle of neutral observation
• Journalist should not interfere with events or people
• Professional codes for various professions, including journalism

The Importance of Distance in Professionals' Lives

• Maintaining professional distance protects both parties from emotional influence
• One-dimensional It relationships in daily life (waitress, store clerk)
• Allows efficiency and privacy
• Jean-Paul Sartre's perspective on modern life alienation

The I-It Relationship vs. I-You Encounters

• Waiter's role creates a bubble of privacy even in public life
• Role as a screen, partially blocking out the person filling it
• Goal-oriented focus in professional encounters presents a challenge to helping professionals

Objectivity and Emotional Connection

• Journalist Nicholas Kristof stepped out of journalistic detachment and entered Srey Neth's story
• Emotional connection can be effective, but requires balance
• In some cases, emotional connection is necessary for professional success (therapy, medicine)
• Professionals must work to ensure rapport and empathy during their encounters.

THE PAIN OF REJECTION

The Pain of Rejection:

• Mary Duffy's moment of realization that she was no longer seen as a person but as "the carcinoma in Room B-2" came after her breast cancer surgery. (Loss of Personhood)
• Surrounded by white-coated strangers, she was stripped naked without warning and subjected to a lecture for medical students. (Lack of Dignity)
• Duffy wanted the doctor to affirm her personhood through an "I-You" moment but received a cold, detached response. (Need for Affirmation)

Neural Basis of Rejection:

• Social rejection triggers the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is known to generate feelings of physical pain. (Neural Alarm System)
• The ACC forms part of a "social attachment system" that evolved as an alarm signal for potential banishment. (Evolutionary Significance)
• Rejection resonates with a primal threat, as in human prehistory, exclusion could be a death sentence. (Historical Significance)

Emotional Consequences of Rejection:

• Social rejection can result in emotional disorders such as social depression and anxiety. (Emotional Disorders)
• Feeling included depends on how accepted we feel, even in just a few key relationships. (Importance of Acceptance)

Physical and Emotional Connection:

• Tears and laughter share proximity in the brain stem, the oldest part of the brain. (Primality of Connection)
• Laughing and crying come spontaneously in primal moments of social connection. (Social Connection and Emotion)

Literary Devices:

• Metaphors of physical pain to describe emotional ache: "broken heart" and "hurt feelings." (Metaphors)
• Damage to ACC in monkeys results in failure to cry or respond to distressed infants. (Animal Studies)

EMPATHY OR PROJECTION?

Empathy vs. Projection

• Psychoanalyst's experience of unease with a new patient due to the patient's perfectly pressed pants
• Analyst felt out of place and compared himself unfavorably (projection)
• Empathy: therapist's ability to sensitively understand and respond to another person's feelings and experiences
• Projection: assuming others feel and think as we do, ignoring their inner reality

Origins of Projection

• Human tendency to attribute our own emotions and ideas to others (David Hume)
• Full-fledged projection: mapping one's world onto another without attunement or fit
• Self-absorbed people often project their sensibilities onto others

Empathy vs. Projection: Key Differences

• Empathy: therapist sees other as a "You," creating a feedback loop for understanding
• Projection: therapist treats other as an "It," unaware of the distinction between her own feelings and the patient's
• Empathy sharpens attunement by sharing inner sensations to reflect the other person's experience back to them
• Connection is a primal human need, minimally for survival; rejection felt deeply both socially and physically

Therapist's Challenge: Distinguishing Projection from Empathy

• Awareness of countertransference (therapist's own reactions) vs. genuine empathy
• Recognizing feelings in oneself that do not originate there
• Sorting out the patient's feelings from one's own history and experiences
• Building a client-therapist relationship to clarify meaning and attunement over time

Chapter 8: The Dark Triad

The Dark Triad: a grouping of three personality types: narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths.

Leonard Wolf: a Chaucer scholar and expert in terror and horror genres who interviewed a serial killer.

• Interests led him to write about a real-life murderer.
• Serial killer had murdered ten people, including family members.
• Strangled victims.

Empathy: the ability to feel and understand another's emotions.

• Prime inhibitor of human cruelty.
• Withholding empathy allows for treating others as objects.

Serial Killer Quote: "I had to turn that part of me off" - referencing the intentional suppression of empathy to commit heinous acts.

The Dark Triad Characteristics:

1. Social Malevolence and Duplicity:
   • Narcissists: self-centered, lack empathy, crave admiration.
   • Machiavellians: manipulative, cunning, lack remorse.
   • Psychopaths: deceptive, lack conscience, impulsive.
2. Self-Centeredness and Aggression:
   • All three types prioritize their own needs over others.
   • Aggressive behavior is common.
3. Emotional Coldness:
   • Lack of empathy and emotional connection to others.

Recognizing the Dark Triad:

• Common in modern society due to "me-first" motives and celebrity culture.
• Subclinical varieties exist without a psychiatric diagnosis, living among us.
• Can be found in various social settings.

Possible Societal Impact:

• Society may inadvertently encourage the flourishing of these types.
• Understanding their traits is crucial for recognition and intervention.

THE NARCISSIST: DREAMS OF GLORY

The Narcissist: Dreams of Glory

Andre's Narcissistic Behavior:

• Reputation for making spectacular plays in important games
• Chronically late to practice and struts around arrogantly
• Disregards teammates and blows easy plays
• Nearly got into a fight with a teammate who passed the ball to another player

Characteristics of Narcissists: Positive traits:

• Thrive under pressure and when facing difficult challenges
• Originate from an attitude of self-importance in childhood
• Confident and have a positive self-regard
• Effective leaders in high-profile jobs with great potential laurels

Negative traits:

• Lack empathy for others
• More focused on dreams of glory than genuine concern for others
• Can be innovative but disregard human costs
• Prone to aggressively pursue goals regardless of consequences
• Hypersensitive to criticism and selectively empathize
• Lack feelings of self-worth and seek constant validation
• Ignore disconfirming facts and prefer to indoctrinate rather than listen

Impact of Narcissistic Leadership:

• Can bring radical changes during times of great turbulence
• Attractive in competitive business world but lack empathy for employees
• Seek unstinting praise from their subordinates
• Prone to anger and defensiveness when criticized or underappreciated

Impact on Organizations:

• Unhealthy narcissistic leaders can create disasters if they harbor unrealistic dreams and ignore wise counsel
• Narcissistic leaders need to be forced to listen and consider others' views to avoid isolation behind a wall of sycphants

The Dark Side of Loyalty

Organizational Narcissism: a phenomenon where an entire organization adopts a narcissistic outlook, leading to harmful consequences.

Dangers of Organizational Narcissism:

• Pumping up grandiosity: focus on self-aggrandizement rather than real accomplishments
• Suppression of truth: healthy dissent dies out, organizations lose ability to respond to harsh realities
• Lack of authentic connection: employees collude to maintain shared illusions, suppressing truth and fostering paranoia

Characteristics of Narcissistic Organizations:

• Unhealthy collective narcissism: pride based on a desperate grasp for glory rather than real accomplishments
• Narcissistic leaders: expect only positive feedback, turning against bearers of bad news
• Bending the truth: employees distort or withhold important information for rosy feelings of group self-adulation
• Shared illusions: everyone colludes to maintain the organization's false sense of greatness
• Duplicity: organizations encourage duplicity and cover-ups while asking for candor and hard data
• Moral universe: narcissistic organizations view their goals, goodness, and means as holy writ, with rules only applying to others.

Consequences of Organizational Narcissism:

• Rage: threat to the organization's self-flattery results in rage from the narcissist or its followers
• Deflation of ego: challenging the organization's grandiosity leads to feelings of failure or shame for those involved.

Real World Examples:

• Silkwood: a movie illustrating how corporate leaders manipulate truth, leading to potential disasters like Chernobyl-level meltdowns.

Impact on Employees:

• Suppression: employees suppress truth or critical information for fear of negative consequences
• Paranoia: an atmosphere of mistrust and fear, with employees keeping secrets from one another.

Preventing Organizational Narcissism:

• Encourage open communication: create a culture where employees feel comfortable sharing honest feedback without fear of retribution
• Embrace reality: acknowledge and address issues honestly instead of hiding or denying them
• Transparency: maintain transparency in organizational decisions, goals, and processes.

The Narcissist’s Motto: Others Exist to Adore Me

Narcissism and the "Others Exist to Adore Me" Motto

• Narcissists' motto: Others exist to adore me
• Greek myth of Narcissus: self-love and rejection of others
• Unhealthy narcissists attract people with charisma
• Self-centered abrasiveness oblivious to narcissists
• Grandiose sense of self-importance, entitled behavior

Experiment on Narcissistic Behavior: "The Study"

• Woman read steamy passage to men as part of study
• Men became aroused, then frustrated and put down woman
• Narcissistic men were most punitive in retribution
• Approved of coercive sexual tactics on test
• Unhealthy narcissists: quick to put others down but self-adoring

Characteristics of Narcissists

• Harbors obsessive fantasies of unbounded glory
• Feels rage or intense shame when criticized
• Expects special favors, lacks empathy
• Highly competitive, cynical and mistrustful
• Exploit people in their lives
• Think of themselves as likable
• Self-inflation comes easier in individualistic cultures

Impact of Cultural Values on Narcissism

• Collective cultures: harmony with the group, shared success, no expectations of being treated as special
• Individualistic cultures: striving for individual accomplishment and its rewards, seeing oneself as better than others
• American college students see themselves as "better" than two-thirds of their peers in most endeavors
• Japanese students rate themselves exactly in the middle.

THE MACHIAVELLIAN: MY ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS

The Machiavellian: My Ends Justify the Means

• Manager with split reputation: feared and loathed by employees, charming to boss and clients
• Self-centered, caring only about himself
• Demoralized employees in his division
• Consultant recommended replacement
• Instantly recognized as manipulative "Machiavellian" type

Who is a Machiavellian?

• Aspiring ruler with sole focus on self-interest
• Ends justify the means, no matter the human cost
• Ethic prevailed in royal courts for centuries and continues in contemporary political and business circles
• People exhibiting Machiavellian outlook referred to as "Machs" by psychologists

Characteristics of Machs:

• Cynical, anything-goes attitude
• Glib charm, cunning, confidence
• Calculating and arrogant, undermining trust and cooperation
• Coolheaded in social interactions
• Uninterested in emotional connections
• See others as utilitarian objects to manipulate
• Share traits with other branches of the Dark Triad: disagreeable nature, selfishness
• Prefer clear vision to exploit opportunities

Evolutionary Origins:

• Human intelligence first emerged as crafty operation in early eras for personal gain
• Victory in mankind's earliest societies required sufficient deviousness without getting expelled from the group

Consequences of Machiavellian Behavior:

• Risk of derailed personal histories due to resentful ex-friends, lovers, and business associates
• A highly mobile society may offer a receptive ecological niche for Machs
• Tunnel vision empathy: poorer at empathic attunement than others
• Coldness results from deficit in processing emotions
• Lack of ethical sense and emotional connection, easy fall into villainy
• Inner world perceived as filled with primal needs for sex, money, or power

THE PSYCHOPATH: OTHER AS OBJECT

Psychopathy: a mental disorder characterized by deceit, reckless disregard for others, and indifference to the emotional pain caused to them. Hallmarks include:

• Deceit and manipulation of others
• Lack of remorse or guilt
• Callousness and lack of empathy
• Reckless behavior and disregard for consequences
• Calm under pressure, with no fear or anxiety

Diagnosis: Also known as antisocial personality disorder or sociopathy. No matter the name, its characteristics remain consistent.

Machiavellianism: A trait related to psychopathy, characterized by egocentricity and manipulation of others for personal gain. However, people with Machiavellian tendencies feel anxiety, which differentiates them from full-blown psychopaths.

Brain Functioning: Brain imaging studies suggest deficits in the amygdala (emotional processing) and prefrontal cortex (impulse control) in psychopaths, making it challenging for them to recognize or resonate with emotions.

Empathy: Psychopaths struggle to empathize, lack remorse, and cannot detect human agony, resulting in a complete disregard for others' distress.

Behavior: Psychopaths can be adept at social cognition but lack concern for others, using their charm and cunning to manipulate people, sometimes reading self-help books for better manipulation.

Differences from Machiavellians: While Machiavellians feel anxiety, psychopaths do not, making them more dangerous due to their indifference to consequences and lack of fear. Psychopaths can be charming and socially smooth but have no empathy or remorse.

Childhood Indicators: Psychopaths often display coldheartedness from a young age, lacking the capacity for tender emotions, and showing warning signs like bullying, intimidation, setting fires, and animal cruelty.

MORAL PRODS

Moral Emotions vs. Dark Triad:

• Moral emotions (remorse, shame, guilt, pride, embarrassment) are inner signals that help keep behavior in line with social norms and interpersonal harmony.
• Social emotions presuppose the presence of empathy and sensitivity to others' reactions.
• Dark Triad individuals have stunted or absent moral emotions.

Coach John Chaney's Actions:

• Coach sent in a player to commit "hard fouls," resulting in an opposition player's broken arm.
• Chaney suspended himself from coaching and apologized to the injured player and his parents, expressing remorse.

Social Emotions:

• Pride: Encourages behavior that others will laud.
• Shame and Guilt: Inner punishments for social misdemeanors and moral transgressions.
• Embarrassment: Triggered by violations of social conventions.
• Social emotions serve to repair missteps and promote empathy and interpersonal harmony.

Brain Basis of Social Emotions:

• Social emotions require self-consciousness, which develops around the second year of life.
• Orbitofrontal area plays a crucial role in social emotions and detecting others' reactions.

Social Emotions and Morality:

• Shame and guilt operate as a moral compass, deterring immoral activities.
• Dark Triad individuals (narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths) have stunted or absent moral emotions.
• Narcissists: driven by pride and fear of shame but feel little guilt.
• Machiavellians: lack a sense of guilt and empathy.
• Psychopaths: utterly lacking in empathy, guilt, and apprehension.

Measuring social intelligence should include an evaluation for concern and empathy in action to exclude Dark Triad individuals.

Chapter 9: Mindblind

Asperger's Syndrome and Richard Borcherds

• Borcherds, a mathematics genius and Fields Medal winner, struggles with social interactions
• Has difficulty following back-and-forth conversations, interpreting social cues, and understanding sarcasm or innuendo
• Prefers to read or retreat to his study during social gatherings
• Communication is functional for Borcherds, focusing on work-related information
• Avoids telephone and restricts e-mail to the basics
• Lacks empathic accuracy: cannot sense others' emotions or feelings
• Runs instead of walking when traveling with others

Symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome

• Difficulties in social interactions and communication, particularly with interpreting nonverbal cues and understanding sarcasm
• Narrow, intense interests
• May appear aloof or rude due to lack of interest in social conventions
• Repetitive behaviors or routines
• High levels of intelligence and ability to systematize complex information

Assessment of Borcherds' Condition

• Low score on tests measuring empathy, reading emotions from eyes, and intimacy in friendships
• High score on understanding physical causality and systematizing complex information
• Description of symptoms matches classic case of Asperger's syndrome according to research by Simon Baron-Cohen and others.

MEAN MONKEY

Mindsight and Jokes:

• The cartoon "Mean Monkey" is an example of a riddle that requires inferring unspoken information and understanding different frames of reality (Freud's theory)
• The ability to read minds, also known as "mindsight," is essential for empathy and social interactions
• Mindsight involves recognizing one's own thoughts and feelings versus others', realizing others may perceive situations differently, and understanding their intentions

Child Development and Mindsight:

1. Self-recognition: Around 18 months, a child can recognize themselves in a mirror; younger children touch the image, older ones touch themselves.
2. Preferences and Social Awareness: Offering children different snacks reveals their understanding of others' preferences and their own uniqueness.
3. Understanding Perspective: Hiding a treat and asking where someone else will look helps children understand that someone else might have a different perspective.
4. Empathy Development: By age four, children grasp the idea of someone else's understanding being different from their own; they begin to develop empathy.

Importance of Mindsight:

• Mindsight is crucial for understanding jokes, teasing, and social interactions
• Deficiency in these capacities can lead to difficulties in social situations, such as those experienced by children with autism
• Mirror neurons may play a role in mindsight and empathy

Mindsight Gone Awry:

• In adults, distorted assumptions about others' attitudes can lead to detrimental behaviors like dieting or reckless drinking
• Misperceptions often stem from focusing on extremes rather than averages
• Accurate mindreading helps maintain a healthy social life

THE MALE BRAIN

Temple Grandin's Experience with Autism and Sensory Calming:

• Diagnosed as autistic in childhood, known for repeating phrases and having few interests
• Adolescence marked by anxiety and hypersensitivity
• Fascination with the calming effect of deep pressure on animals led to creation of a human squeeze machine for self-calming

Autism Statistics and Neural Profile:

• Boys are four times as likely as girls to develop autism, ten times more likely to be diagnosed with Asperger's
• Simon Baron-Cohen proposes that people with autism have the "extreme male brain"
• Extreme male brains may lack empathy but possess intellectual strengths, such as systematizing abilities

Empathy and Systems Thinking:

• Women, on average, score higher than men on measures of empathy and social cognition
• Men outscore women on tests of systems thinking, mechanics, visual search, and "Where's Waldo?" tasks
• People with autism have poorer empathy scores but excel in systematizing abilities

Misconceptions about Male and Female Brains:

• Avoid using terms "male" or "female" brain in a restrictive manner
• Baron-Cohen emphasizes that most people's brains fall within the same ability range for both empathy and systems thinking

Temple Grandin's Career and Expertise:

• Published more than 300 scholarly papers in animal science
• Developed designs used by half of cattle-handling systems in the US
• Leading reformer for improving the quality of life for agricultural animals

Balanced Brain:

• Optimal brain pattern is a balance between empathy and systematizing abilities
• A balanced brain allows individuals to make precise diagnoses, create elegant treatment plans, and connect with patients on an emotional level

MAKING SENSE OF PEOPLE

Asperger's Syndrome and Social Navigation

• Layne Habib's daughter with Asperger's syndrome (AS) has difficulty understanding social niceties and implicit rules.
• Her frankness leads to clarity but also gets her in trouble due to hurtful remarks.
• Habib coaches her daughter on social strategies to get along with people, focusing on joining conversations gracefully.
• People with AS study social rules to understand how to interact rather than manipulate others.

Social Deficits in Asperger's Syndrome

• Difficulty recognizing sarcasm and performing "social math" (understanding intent behind words)
• Inactivity in the facial fusiform area when looking at faces
• Early signs of social deficit, such as avoidance of eye contact, emerge in infancy
• Lack of eye contact hinders building blocks of human bonding and empathy
• Anxiety and fear response when looking at eyes, resulting in focus on other areas like the mouth or aversion to eye contact

Brain Differences Between People with Asperger's Syndrome and Neurotypical Individuals

• Reduced activation in brain's face-reading area (fusiform gyrus) when looking at faces, but increased activity when looking at fascinations or patterns
• Hyperawareness of feelings expressed vocally in blind children, whereas people with AS remain "tonedef" to emotional cues

Research on Social Intelligence and Asperger's Syndrome

• Brain scans reveal differences between people with AS and neurotypical individuals in areas involved in facial recognition and emotional processing (superior temporal gyrus, orbitofrontal cortex, amygdala)
• Comparing brain activity in these areas helps researchers understand the underlying social brain circuitry.

PART THREE. NURTURING NATURE

Chapter 10: Genes Are Not Destiny

Part Three: Nurturing Nature

Temperament and Genes:

• Some babies react differently to novelty; some love it, others hate it.
• Inhibited children are wary of strangers and places.
• Shyness in such children may be due to an inherited neurotransmitter pattern that excites their amygdala.
• First-rate developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan studied temperament for decades.
• Kagan's work revealed biological causes of temperament, relieving parents from blame.

Controversy Surrounding Kagan's Work:

• In the late 1970s, Kagan suggested biological causes for temperament traits, challenging the prevailing view that issues were due to parental errors.
• Kagan's perspective was controversial in some circles, with critics suggesting he had joined "biological thinkers."
• Neuroscience and genetics have since added to the understanding of temperament's biological basis.

Implications:

• Genetic science and neuroscience continue to uncover links between genes and behaviors.
• Understanding the neural circuitry behind mental disorders and neurotransmitter imbalances helps explain extreme temperaments.
• Temperament is not solely determined by genetics, but it's a complex interaction of nature and nurture.

Jerome Kagan:

• Harvard psychologist who studied temperament for decades.
• Eminent scientist known for his methodology, thinking, and humanist writing style.
• Influential figure who challenged the prevailing view that parenting was solely responsible for children's issues.

THE CASE OF THE ALCOHOLIC RODENTS

The Case of the Alcoholic Rodents

• John Crabbe, a behavior geneticist at Oregon Health and Science University and Portland VA Medical Center, studied alcoholic rodents, specifically the C57BL/6J strain, known for their voracious appetite for alcohol.
• Inbred mouse strains are genetically stable and should react similarly in different labs.

Experiment:

• Crabbe questioned the stability of inbred mouse strains by testing eight different strains, including C57BL/6J, identically on the same day in three different laboratories.
• The mice were tested for their preference between water and alcohol, as well as anxiety levels using a crossroads test.
• Differences in behavior were found within each strain from lab to lab.

Factors Affecting Behavior:

• Environmental variables beyond control from lab to lab: humidity, water, and handlers' emotions.
• Handlers' emotional state might influence mouse behavior.

Epigenetics:

• Genes are more dynamic than assumed; it's not just which genes we have but their expression that matters.
• Gene expression involves DNA making RNA, which in turn creates proteins.
• Epigenetics is the study of how experiences change gene operation without altering DNA sequence.

Epigenetic Mechanisms:

• Methyl molecule turns genes on or off and tones down or speeds up their activity.
• Methyl activity helps determine brain neuron placement and connections.

Implications:

• Genes and environment are interconnected; they cannot be viewed as independent factors.
• Gene expression is crucial to understand how our genes operate.
• Social experiences impact gene expression (social epigenetics).
• Parenting influences which genes will operate optimally.

Crabbe's experiment and findings from other labs challenge the longstanding belief of genetic determinism and highlight the significance of studying epigenetics.

GENES NEED EXPRESSION

Genes and Anger Expression

• James Watson, Nobel laureate, has a rapid recovery from anger due to a gene associated with aggression expressing lots of its enzyme.
• Weaker expression of this gene results in extra-small amounts of the enzyme, making a person more prone to violence and longer-lasting anger.
• The human brain is designed to change itself (epigenetics) in response to accumulated experiences.
• Epigenetic studies now focus on how parents treat a growing child and its impact on brain development.

Epigenetics and Brain Development

• The brain finishes maturing anatomically during the first two decades of life.
• Major figures in a child's life can influence brain growth, creating a social and emotional mix that drives neural development.
• Social epigenetics expands what regulates certain genes to include relationships.

Impact of Parenting on Brain Development (Mouse Studies)

• Nurturing love or cold neglect impacts gene expression in mice, influencing brain chemistry and behavior.
• A mother rat's licking and grooming during the first twelve hours after birth determines stress response and cognitive abilities in offspring.
• Less nurturing mothers produce offspring with less dense connections between neurons and poor performance on mazes.
• Complete separation of young rodents from their mothers triggers a toxic biochemical chain reaction, leaving them vulnerable to fear and startle responses.

Human Implications of Mouse Studies

• How parents treat their children can leave a genetic imprint beyond the DNA they pass down.
• Empathy, attunement, and touch are human equivalents of licking and grooming in mice.
• Small, caring acts of parenthood can have lasting effects on brain development.

THE NATURE-NURTURE PUZZLE

The Nature-Nurture Puzzle:

• David Reiss led a study at George Washington University to examine epigenetics in human families
• Previous studies compared adopted children with those raised by biological parents to assess nature vs. nurture impacts on traits
• Plomin's research on twins showed about 60% of scholastic ability, 30% self-worth, and 25% morality were genetic
• Criticized for limited family variations and unique experiences of each child in a family

Research Design:

• Goal: Find 720 pairs of teenagers representing various genetic relationships
• Identified families with two teenage children in six specific configurations
• Recruited families with identical and fraternal twins, stepfamilies where parents had been married for at least five years

Findings:

• Every child experiences a family uniquely, leading to idiosyncratic environmental influences on temperament
• Child's unique niche in the family shapes behavior above genetic influences
• Siblings and friends have significant impacts on children's behavior and gene expression
• Child's sense of self-worth significantly influences their behavior, independent from genetics or environment

Interactions between Genes and Environment:

• Parental treatment based on a child's temperament can impact gene expression
• Irritable or difficult children receive harsher treatment, worsening behavior in a vicious cycle
• Warmth of parents, limits, family dynamics, and other factors influence gene expression

Distinction between genetic and environmental influences blurring

• Epigenetics reveals the complex interactions between genes and environment
• More research needed to understand the myriad epigenetic pathways in family life
• Emerging data shows the power of life experiences to alter genetic "givens" in behavior.

FORGING NEURAL TRAILS

Neural Trails and Habit Formation:

• Milton Erickson's story about making the first path through the snow is used as a metaphor for how neural paths are formed in the brain.
• The first connections made in a neural circuit get strengthened each time the same sequence is followed, creating a pathway of least resistance.
• The human brain eliminates unnecessary neurons and connections to make room for essential ones through a process called "neural Darwinism."
• Our relationships help shape our brain by influencing which connections are preserved and guiding the growth of new neurons.
• The brain generates more material than it needs, and half of the overabundant neurons are lost during childhood and adolescence as the child's experiences sculpt its brain.

Neuroplasticity:

• Neuron creation peaks during childhood but continues into old age, allowing for the formation of new neural pathways.
• Newborn neurons develop connections based on personal experiences during a five-or-six-month period.
• Repetitive learning speeds the integration of new neurons into existing circuits.
• Brain systems have an optimal period for experience to shape their circuitry, with some systems like sensory and language systems shaping primarily during childhood and others continuing throughout life.

Childhood Experiences and Social Intelligence:

• The prefrontal cortex continues to be shaped through early adulthood, allowing people in a child's life to leave an imprint on their executive neural circuitry.
• Repeated experiences during childhood can become deeply ingrained neural pathways that influence behavior as adults.
• Spindle cells, which play a role in social intelligence and emotion regulation, migrate to the orbitofrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex around four months and connect with other cells based on environmental influences.
• Attuned caregiving during childhood can shape the social brain positively, while neglect or mistreatment can have lasting negative effects.

Takeaways:

• Our experiences, particularly during childhood and adolescence, play a significant role in shaping our neural connections and circuits.
• The process of forming habits involves strengthening existing pathways and eliminating unnecessary ones.
• Neuroplasticity allows for new neurons to be created throughout life and for existing neurons to form new connections based on personal experiences.
• Our relationships, especially those during childhood, have a profound impact on the development of our brain and subsequent behavior as adults.

HOPE FOR A CHANGE

Hope for Change:

• Jerome Kagan's research on identifying shy and timid children using their reactions to novelty
• Follow-up study on "Kagan babies" using fMRI, showing overreaction of amygdala and higher activity in the colliculus
• Neural indicators of timidity profile: hyperreactivity in amygdala and colliculus
• Self-reinforcing predispositions to shyness, but can be overcome with effort and positive experiences

Identification and Research:

• Boston and China research on baby's reactions to identify inhibited children
• Kagan's work focusing on the neural basis of temperament
• Studies following up with "Kagan babies" into their early adulthood using fMRI

Neuroscience Findings:

• Overreaction of amygdala and colliculus in inhibited children
• Higher activity in sensory cortex (colliculus) when brain perceives discrepancy or threat
• Neural scaffolding: once a neural circuit is laid out, its connections become strengthened with repeated use

Impact of Environment:

• Parental encouragement and forcing timid kids to socialize can help overcome shyness
• Changes in behavior and thought patterns require effort and awareness

Success Stories:

• One inhibited boy learned to manage his fear and act despite it
• Overcoming fears through small victories (dental visits, swimming)
• Understanding predisposition towards anxiety helps manage simple fears

Granddaughter's Experience:

• Granddaughter practiced not being shy as a way to challenge her inhibited tendencies
• Parents can help children by offering encouragement and understanding the role of biology in temperament.

Chapter 11 A Secure Base

John Bowlby and Attachment Theory

• John Bowlby: British psychoanalyst, most influential thinker in child development
• Graduated from university but experienced severe depression and suicidal thoughts
• Childhood marked by frequent parental quarrels and neglect
• Identified healthy attachment to parents as crucial for a child's well-being
• Observed mothers and infants directly, following up with children to study early interactions
• Coined the term "secure base" and emphasized the importance of empathy and responsiveness from parents

Secure Base and Emotional Attachment

• Every child needs a preponderance of I-You connections for lifelong thriving
• Secure base offers emotional support, love, and comfort when upset or in need
• Parents offer secure base through empathy, responsiveness, and consistency
• Infants communicate their needs through crying, smiling, and eye contact
• Emotional dance between parent and child shapes relationship skills and intellectual development

Neuroscientific Evidence for Secure Base

• Neurotransmitters oxytocin and endorphins released during looping
• Oxytocin: creates sense of relaxation, trust
• Endorphins: mimics heroin's pleasure in the brain
• Injury to areas with most oxytocin receptors impairs maternal nurturing

Types of Attachment Styles and Parenting

• Secure attachment: parents are attentive, responsive, affectionate, and comfortable in close contact
• Anxious attachment: mothers fail to be dependably available and attuned, infants feel fearful and clingy as adults
• Avoidant attachment: parents create emotional distance, children withdraw from emotion and people
• Mothers whose children exhibit anxious or avoidant patterns have higher rates of anxiety and depression

Transmission of Attachment Styles

• Twin studies: if secure child gets adopted by an anxious parent, likely to adopt anxious pattern
• Secure "surrogate parent" can shift emotional pattern in anxious children

Implications for Clinical Practice

• Early intervention and prevention programs aimed at promoting secure attachment and addressing neglectful or anxious parenting practices
• Enhancing parents' emotional intelligence and responsiveness to their child's needs
• Interventions for mothers with anxiety and depression to improve their ability to be attuned and responsive caregivers
• Parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT) to address parent-child relationship problems and promote secure attachment
• Focusing on the importance of secure attachments in preventing and treating mental health issues, particularly those related to emotion regulation and social functioning.

STILL FACE

Still Face and its Impact on Infant Development:

• A mother engages in pleasant moments with her baby, but then her face goes blank and unresponsive (still face)
• Baby reacts with distress, anguish, and panic
• Mother shows no emotion or response
• Psychologists use still face to study resilience and emotional self-management
• Babies continue to show distress even after mother returns to normal behavior
• Recovery time indicates the baby's mastery of emotional self-regulation skills
• Infants attempt to solicit "repairs" to broken interactions
• Success in repairing relationships leads to stronger belief in reparability and resilience

Importance of Emotional Self-Management:

• Babies practice going from upset to calm, developing emotional self-management skills
• Recovering from distress builds a foundation for lifelong resilience

Still Face and Human Interactions:

• Infants make repair attempts when mother goes blank or withdrawn
• Signals used to solicit repairs include flirting, crying, and giving up
• Successful repairs lead to better interaction skills and self-assurance

Impact on Child Development:

• Babies develop a typical style of interacting with others by six months old
• Sense of safety and trust (rapport) is essential for social growth
• Mother-infant synchrony crucial from the first day of life
• Being out of synch can lead to anger, frustration, or boredom
• Constant diet of dis-synchrony may result in reliance on self-soothing strategies
• Automatic and inflexible use of defense mechanisms as children grow up
• Potential for withdrawn, cold, and distant behavior in adulthood.

THE DEPRESSED LOOP

The Depressed Loop:

• Difference in how mothers sing to their babies based on depression status
• Depressed mothers have monotonous and negative interactions with their babies
• Failure to synchronize and negative emotions disable looping, leading to miscoordination and negativity

Effects of Mothers' Depression on Infants:

• Difficulty engaging in happy protoconversation
• Inheritance of both genes and depressed parent's behaviors
• Negative interaction styles learned by babies: crying, apathy, or withdrawal
• Risk for acquiring faulty sense of self
• Negative hormonal effects on infants: higher stress hormones and lower dopamine/serotonin levels

Impact of Depression on Toddlers:

• Unawareness of larger family issues but embedding in their nervous system
• Hope through social epigenetics: minimizing transmission with good cheer and additional caretakers
• Development of exquisite emotional intelligence from handling interactions with depressed mothers as adults.

Depressed Mothers' Behaviors:

• Tend to look away, become angry more often, intrusive, or passive
• Babies' responses vary based on mother's tendencies: anger or withdrawal

Behavioral Genetics and Depression:

• Heritability of depression: calculating odds that a child will become clinically depressed
• Children inherit both parent's genes and their behaviors

Impact of Mothers' Depression on Infants' Development:

• Learning negative interaction styles from the ongoing series of out-of-synch moments
• Risk for acquiring a faulty sense of self, unable to repair unhappiness or rely on others for help.
• Social transmission of depression: mother's funk affecting child negatively through hormonal changes and emotional learning.
• Hope: Parents who manage to show good cheer despite depression can minimize the social transmission of depression.
• Additional caretakers provide a reliably secure base.
• Development of exquisite emotional intelligence from handling interactions with depressed mothers as adults.

THE WARPING OF EMPATHY

Empathy and Emotional Recognition:

• Children learn to distinguish emotions and understand their causes through interactions with others.
• Neglected children have difficulty recognizing emotions due to lack of crucial interactions.
• Preschoolers who were abused show a hypersensitized amygdala, perceiving anger where none exists.

Emotional Distortions in Abused Children:

• Misperception of emotions: see anger in neutral or ambiguous faces.
• Stronger brain activation when viewing angry faces.
• Overinterpretation of anger leads to potential conflict and bullying behavior.

Managing Anger in Parents and Children:

• Importance of parents managing their own anger to provide a safe emotional environment for learning.
• Offering a "safe container" for children's irritations and anger outbursts.
• Maintaining resilience within the family system to recover from upsets.

The Impact of Emotional Environment:

• Children living in traumatic environments, such as war zones, benefit from stable, reassuring family surroundings.
• Parents' emotional reactions and communication are vital for a child's emotional development and coping with crises.

THE REPARATIVE EXPERIENCE

The Reparative Experience:

• The experiences of childhood shape the development of the brain, particularly in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC)
• Neglect or abuse during childhood:
  • Can lead to limited ability to regulate emotions like anger, terror, or shame
  • Resulting in hypersensitivity to being ignored or tuned out
• Healing through close relationships:
  • Offer a safe base and attunement
  • Allow for emotional repair work
  • Provide an opportunity to relive early relationships with judgment, blame, betrayal, or neglect absent
• Effective psychotherapy:
  • Creates a secure emotional atmosphere
  • Allows for the passing of feelings between therapist and client
  • Helps clients learn to handle emotions on their own
  • Enhances capacity for connection, which has healing properties
• Key elements in effective psychotherapy:
  • Rapport and trust
  • Patient and therapist looping without dread or blocking distressing feelings
• The therapist serves as a projection screen for reliving early relationships
• Reparative effects can also result from nurturing relationships with romantic partners or friends

Orbitofrontal Cortex (OFC):

• Keystone in the brain's relationship pathways
• Neural site for emotional malfunction
• Development depends on child's experience
  • Attunement and a secure base: OFC flourishes
  • Unresponsive or abusive parenting: OFC development goes awry
• Impact of interactions on neuroplasticity
• Potent shaping occurs through repeated experiences with significant others
• Neural scripts can be rewritten in adulthood through nurturing relationships and effective psychotherapy.

Chapter 12 The Set Point for Happiness

Interaction Errors and Emotional Communication:

• Three-year-old's "I hate you/I love you" behavior is an interaction error and requires repair to maintain emotional connection
• Successful repair results in positive feelings for both parties
• Ability to recover from emotional disconnections is crucial for lifelong happiness

Infant Development:

• Infants have difficulty staying in synch with caregivers during the first year of life
• Being out of synch makes babies unhappy and initiates their attempts at interaction repair
• Mastery of emotional regulation skills begins with small shifts from out-of-synch to in-synch states
• Children learn implicitly through observing others handle distress, which strengthens OFC circuitry for emotional regulation
• Explicit instruction can also be beneficial in shaping a child's emotional management abilities

Emotional Regulation Development:

• By age four or five, children begin to understand the causes of their distress and develop strategies to alleviate it (high-road maturation)
• Parental coaching during the first four years of life can be particularly influential in shaping a child's later emotional management abilities

Impact of Parents on Children's Emotional Development:

• Parents serve as models for their children in handling emotional storms and conflicts (implicit learning via mirror neurons)
• Discordant parental behavior can negatively impact a child's emotional development, leading to increased hostility and aggression with peers
• Harmonious parental interactions promote greater harmony and effective attunement in children

Importance of Social Intelligence:

• Building a positive affective core (happy child) requires a socially intelligent family environment
• Effective handling of disagreements, warmth, empathy, and mutual understanding are essential components of a socially intelligent family.

FOUR WAYS TO SAY NO

Four Ways to Say No and Their Impact on Child Development:

• Discipline Styles and Social Brain Shaping: Daniel Siegel, a UCLA child psychiatrist and social neuroscientist, discusses various parental responses to a child's dangerous behavior and their effects on the social brain.
• Secure Attachment: Parent who sets a boundary (e.g., "No climbing on table") and finds a better outlet for child's energy optimally affects the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), strengthening its emotional "brake" and helping the child learn impulse control and secure attachment.
• Impact of Parental Interactions: At teachable moments, children learn about themselves and how to relate to others based on parents' responses, shaping their neural development.
• Underdeveloped OFC in Children: The orbitofrontal cortex plays a crucial role in inhibiting impulses, which is underdeveloped in young children and apes; maturation continues into the mid-twenties.
• Impact of Parenting Styles:
  • Neglectful (Ignoring): Rare attunement and emotional involvement result in frustration for the child, increasing odds of a diminished capacity for positive emotions and later difficulty forming intimate relationships.
  • Avoidant (Angry and Disconnected): Ambivalent parents display signs of disapproval or rejection, leaving the child feeling hurt and humiliated; children may exhibit intense emotional swings and a belief they are fundamentally flawed. In adulthood, they struggle to form intimate relationships due to fear of abandonment.
  • Secure: Parents set boundaries and provide love and support, fostering secure attachment and healthy development.
• Brain Development Milestones: The "terrible twos" mark the beginning of inhibited impulse control; a neural growth spurt around age five significantly enhances self-control. Each stage of intellectual, social, and emotional development corresponds to maturation in specific brain areas.

THE WORK OF PLAY

The Importance of Play for Child Development:

• Emotional Well-being: Feeling loved and cared for creates a reservoir of positivity in children, leading to the urge to explore the world (Fox Gordon's account).
• Safe Haven: Children need both a secure base and a safe haven where they can return after going out to explore.
• Benefits of Play:
  • Social Expertise: Children learn social skills, including negotiation, cooperation, and forming alliances through play.
  • Neural Growth: The brain's source of joy (playfulness) is linked to the primal subcortical circuitry for play, which has a vital role in neural growth.
• Play and Joy: Play activates the same neural circuitry as joy, found in all mammals.
• Tickling and Play: The urge to play is connected to our wiring for being tickled.
• Role of Anxiety: Playfulness is inhibited by anxiety and fear; children need to feel protected before they can engage in play.
• Impact of Play on Social Intelligence: Play circuitry has primitive roots of social intelligence.

ADHD vs. Active Neural System for Play:

• Some children might exhibit hyperactivity, impulsivity, and unfocused activity, which could be signs of an active neural system for play rather than ADHD.
• The psychostimulant medications given to children with ADHD reduce the activity of brain's play modules in animals, indicating a potential link between ADHD and reduced playfulness.
• Panksepp proposes that children should have early-morning free-play recess before coming to the classroom to help satisfy their urge to play and improve focus later on.

THE CAPACITY FOR JOY

Capacity for Joy

• Richard Davidson is known for his upbeat personality and significant research in neuroscience, particularly affective neuroscience
• Our emotional set point, or neural pivot point, determines the range of emotions we typically experience daily
• This set point has remarkable stability and returns to pre-existing levels after major life events
• Two brain areas most active during distressing emotions are the amygdala and right prefrontal cortex
• Activity in left prefrontal area correlates with good moods, while right side activates during upsetting moments
• Ratio of background activity in right and left prefrontal areas is an accurate gauge of emotional range
• Our emotional thermostat is not fixed at birth; care we receive as children influences our brain's capacity for joy in adulthood
• Happiness thrives with resilience, the ability to overcome upsets and return to a calmer state
• Nurturing parents promote happiness and resilience in young animals and humans
• Adults who were well-nurtured as children tend to have more joyous brain patterns

Affective Neuroscience

• Davidson is a founder of the field, which studies emotions and the brain
• Research has mapped neural centers for unique emotional set points

Emotional Set Point

• Determines range of emotions experienced daily
• Has remarkable stability
• Settles back to pre-existing levels after major life events

Brain Areas During Emotion

• Amygdala and right prefrontal cortex most active during distressing emotions
• Left prefrontal area activates during good moods

Emotional Thermostat

• Not fixed at birth
• Care we receive as children influences brain's capacity for joy in adulthood

Resilience

• Ability to overcome upsets and return to a calmer, happier state
• Linked to capacity for happiness

Nurturing Parents

• Promote happiness and resilience in young animals and humans
• Youngsters with nurturing parents more likely to view novelty as an opportunity

Childhood Care

• Influences brain's capacity for joy in adulthood
• Adults who were well-nurtured as children tend to have more joyous brain patterns.

RESILIENCE

Resilience and Childhood:

• A New York couple's overprotective parenting hinders their daughter's social development due to fear of upsetting her.
• The misconception that avoiding all stressful situations leads to happiness distorts reality and impedes learning.
• Instead, teaching children how to manage emotional storms is essential for resilience and happiness.
• Parents can help children learn to "reframe" difficult moments and find the bright side.
• These lessons are ingrained in the OFC (Orbitofrontal Cortex) circuitry for managing distress.

Importance of Learning Emotional Resilience:

• Failing to learn emotional resilience in childhood can result in emotional ill-preparation.
• Enduring the hard knocks of everyday relationships is crucial for building inner resources for a happier life.
• Children need to rehearse for the ups and downs of social life to develop emotional mastery.

Neural Perspective on Resilience:

• Stress hormone levels reflect children's physiological response to new social situations.
• Socially adept preschoolers experience a decline in stress hormone levels as they master the challenge, while those who remain socially isolated maintain or increase their stress hormone levels.
• The initial rise in stress hormone activity serves as a helpful metabolic response and establishes the "sine wave" for resilience.
• Children who are slow to develop emotional mastery display an inflexible biology and elevated arousal levels.

JUST SCARY ENOUGH

Neural Learning and Getting Scared Enough

• Two-year-old granddaughter was fascinated by the "scary" cartoon Chicken Run
• Repeatedly watched the movie despite finding it scary
• Neuroscience data suggests benefits of getting scared enough for neural learning

Squirrel Monkey Studies

• Monkeys taken from cozy cage to strange cage (stressful experience)
• Later, monkeys placed in a new cage with treats and places to explore
• Independent young monkeys showed bravery and curiosity, no signs of fear
• Regular exposure to stress as youngsters built resilience
• Mastery of fear becomes imprinted in neural circuitry

Benefits of Getting Scared Enough for Humans

• Exposure to manageable threats builds emotional resilience
• Fear response followed by calm shapes neural circuitry
• Optimal range of fear response allows different neural sequence
• Too little or too much stress has negative effects

Age and Scary Movies

• Toddlers may be overwhelmed by scary movies
• Teenagers might benefit from peril and pleasure
• Neural pathways learned in childhood can last a lifetime

Social Learning and Love

• Parental reassurance during scary moments builds resilience
• Basic lessons in childhood leave lasting biological imprints
• Love fosters its own biological imprints.

PART FOUR: LOVE’S VARIETIES

Chapter 13: Webs of Attachment

Part Four: Love's Varieties

Webs of Attachment

• At least three independent but interrelated brain systems involved in love: attachment, caregiving, and sex
• Attachment: determines who we turn to for comfort; fueled by oxytocin and vasopressin
  • Adds glue that keeps relationships and families together
  • Interacts with other strands of affection to form full-blown romance
  • Formed in earliest infancy, guiding us to seek care and protection
  • Parallels between forming first attachments in life and initial romantic connection
• Caregiving: urge to nurture those we care about; fueled by serotonin and dopamine
  • Adds impulse to look after offspring and help them grow
  • Intermingles with attachment and sexuality to form various forms of love
• Sex: not just the beginning of the job, but also an important part of continuing the species
• Each system adds its own chemical spice to various types of love (romantic, familial, parental, friendship, compassion, spiritual longing)

The Interplay of Love's Systems

• Attachment, caregiving, and sexuality intermingle in an elegant balance
• Each system can be ascendant at different moments in a relationship
• When all three systems are operating, they create the richest form of romance: relaxed, affectionate, sensual connection with rapport blossoming
• First step in forming such a union involves the attachment system's scouting mode
• Love's reasons are subcortical, though love's execution may require careful plotting
• Loving well requires a full social intelligence, the low road married to the high

Complex Neural Web for Affection

• Understanding the complex neural web for affection may help clarify our own confusions and problems
• Love's systems follow their own rules and can be dominant at different moments in a relationship
• Many pathways for love travel the low road, involving the forces of affection that bind us to each other preceding the rise of the rational brain
• These circuits may also play a role in larger realms like spiritual longing or an affinity for open skies and empty beaches

THE ART OF THE FLIRT

The Art of Flirting:

• A universal behavior at singles events, imitating approach-withdrawal sequence in mammals for testing male's commitment
• Observed in rats with high-pitched squeals and repeated running towards and away from males
• Flirtatious Smile: a catalogued variety of Paul Ekman's eighteen varieties of smiles
• Activates dopamine circuit in male brain, delivering pleasure
• Men approach women who flirt more frequently than those perceived as more attractive
• Goes on worldwide, opening move in continuing series of tacit negotiations in courtship

Strategies in Flirting:

• Casting a wide net: promiscuous signaling of interest to any friendly person
• Infant behavior: making eye contact and talking animatedly with exaggerated gestures

The Talk:

• Essential step in American culture for determining worthiness of attachment
• High road process in what has hitherto been largely low-road
• Partners gauge each other's warmth, responsiveness, and reciprocity during early conversations
• Infants become more selective around three months and focus on secure people

Transition from Attraction to Romantic Feelings:

• Increased ease of getting in synch: fond gazes, cuddling, nuzzling
• Lovers regress to babyishness: using baby talk, soothing whispers, gentle caressing
• Couples become addicted to each other, sharing opioid system circuitry with addictive substances
• Neural corollary between dynamics of opiate addiction and strong attachments
• Animals prefer spending time with those in whose presence they have secreted oxytocin and natural opioids, cementing family ties and friendships as well as love relationships.

THE THREE STYLES OF ATTACHMENT

The Three Styles of Attachment:

• Attachment styles shaped by childhood experiences
• Consequences for relationship dynamics

Secure (55%):

• Easily get close to others
• Comfortable depending on them
• Expect emotional availability and attunement from partners
• Intimate and trusting relationships

Anxious (20%):

• Prone to worry about partner's love or commitment
• Seek reassurance, clingy in relationships
• Fear being left or found wanting
• Self-worth issues, idealize romantic partners
• Relationship worries and anxieties
• May bring the same concerns to friendships

Avoidant (25%):

• Uncomfortable with emotional closeness
• Find it hard to trust a partner
• Suppress emotions, especially distressing feelings
• Expect partner to be emotionally untrustworthy
• Find intimate relationships unpleasant
• Prefer managing upsets independently

Attachment Styles and Relationship Dynamics

• Secure:
  • Buffers perturbations of anxious partners
  • Fewer conflicts and crises in relationships
• Anxious and Avoidant:
  • Prone to flare-ups, tiffs, and high maintenance
• Both Secure:
  • Relatively few conflicts and crises
• Both Anxious:
  • Understandably prone to relationship problems
  • Apprehension, resentment, and distress contagious

Neural Basis of Attachment Styles

• Reflects underlying neural patterns
• Not one style "best"
• Childhood experiences leave lasting impact on adult attachments

Differences in attachment styles can cause friction in relationships

• Understanding these styles can help improve communication and understanding
• Securely attached individuals tend to have more intimate and trusting relationships

THE NEURAL BASIS

Neural Basis of Attachment Styles: Differences in brain's attachment system wiring revealed through fMRI testing during distressing moments

• Anxious types: Overworry and obsessive thoughts about relationship troubles
  • Lit up low-road zones including ATP, anterior cingulate, and hippocampus
  • Unable to shut off neural activity related to relationship anxiety
• Secure types: No trouble shutting off fears about breaking up
  • Quieted down sadness-generating ATP when focusing on other thoughts
  • Readily activated OFC's neural switch for calming distress from ATP
• Avoidant types: Emotionally distant and uninvolved with life
  • Neural brake on emotion seems jammed, unable to stop suppression of worries
  • More sexual partners and "one-night stands" than anxious or secure people
  • Content with sex without caring or intimacy
  • Oscillate between distance and coercion in relationships
  • More likely to divorce or break up, then try to return to the same partner

Attachment Styles and Sexuality:

• Attachment styles mold a person's sexuality
• Avoidant types have more sexual partners and "one-night stands"
• Content with sex without caring or intimacy
• Tend to oscillate between distance and coercion in relationships
• More likely to divorce or break up, then try to return to the same partner

Neural Systems for Attachment, Sex, and Caregiving:

• Neural systems interconnected, motion in one branch reverberates to others
• Attachment styles influence each other, shaping our emotional connections and experiences.

Chapter 14: Desire - His and Hers

Desire: His and Hers

• Friendly advice from "The Hulk's" father about the effects of sexual desire on rational thinking:
  • Neural wiring for sex is in low-road subcortical regions, bypassing thinking brain.
  • Men and women experience different forms of desire:

Men:

• Visual processing and sexual arousal are linked.
• Tendency to seek out visual pornography.
• Focus on physical attractiveness as primary draw.

Women:

• Cognitive centers for memory and attention are activated during romantic love.
• Tend to weigh feelings more thoughtfully.
• Consider signs of a man's power and wealth as secondary draws.
• Pragmatic in falling in love.

Commonalities:

• Kindness is the top priority for both sexes.
• Historical societal norms have influenced romantic relationships.
• Biological differences influence propensities towards attachment and caring vs. lust.

Impact of Society and History on Romantic Love:

• Arranged marriages were common in European upper classes to secure property.
• Reformation introduced romantic notion of emotional bond between husband and wife.
• Middle class rise popularized the idea of romantic love as a reason for marriage.
• Modern ideal of combining companionship, caring, and romance with lust faces challenges.

Biological Differences:

• Men generally have higher levels of chemicals driving lust and lower levels of attachment than women.
• Familiarity can weaken desire in both men and women.
• Biological mismatches create tensions between the neural networks that underlie attachment and caring vs. sex.

Tension between these two neural networks can result in love faltering or flourishing depending on compatibility.

NATURE’S CUNNING LITTLE TRICK

Nature's Cunning Little Trick: The Role of Scent and Sight in Attraction

• A woman traveler carried her husband's pillowcase to help fall asleep easily in unfamiliar places due to his scent.
• Initial stages of sexual attraction stem from sensory impressions:
  • Women: olfactory (scent)
  • Men: visual (sight)
• Scientific findings on the role of scent in women's emotions and reproductive hormones:
  • Study used sweat samples without deodorant, applied to women's upper lips.
  • Positive emotional responses: relaxation, happiness, and increased ovulation hormones.
  • Potential new fertility therapies based on active ingredients in perspiration.
• Men's brains have hardwired detectors for female body features, such as the hourglass figure:
  • Waist-to-hip ratio around 70% preferred by men worldwide.
• Men's brains are attracted to women's bodies to trigger sexual arousal and ensure sperm placement.
• In modern life, neurobiology of love has undergone complications.

Scent and Reproduction in Women

• Woman traveler used husband's pillowcase for familiar scent.
• Biological sense: initial attraction is sensory rather than thought or emotion.
• Women's initial attraction: olfactory impression from a man's sweat.
• Study using men's sweat samples under clinical conditions.
• Women felt relaxed, happy, and had increased ovulation hormones.
• Potential new fertility therapies based on active ingredients in perspiration.

Sight and Reproduction in Men

• Men's initial attraction: visual impression of a woman's body.
• Hardwired detectors for specific female body features in men's brains.
• Preference for hourglass figure (waist-to-hip ratio around 70%).
• Triggers sexual arousal and readies women for love.

Modern Complications of the Neurobiology of Love

• In modern life, love has undergone complications.
• Initial attraction driven by scent and sight evolved to ensure reproduction.
• Modern understanding of human biology continues to reveal intricacies.

LIBIDO’S BRAIN

Libido's Brain: Neuroscientific Study on Romantic Love

17 volunteers who were deeply in love underwent brain imaging while looking at photos of their romantic partners and friends.

Findings:

• Romantic partners elicited unique brain responses in both men and women, resembling those observed during euphoric states like drug use.
• The "love circuitry" includes areas linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.
• Testosterone plays a role in the male brain's sexuality and aggressiveness.

Male vs. Female Differences:

• Oxytocin is more prevalent in women, playing a significant role in their sexual bonding.
• Vasopressin can also contribute to bonding, with abundant receptors found in spindle cells.
• Men have more arginine vasopressin (AVP) receptors than women, particularly in the sexual circuitry.

Hormonal Responses:

• Testosterone levels increase during male sexual arousal.
• Both genders experience increased dopamine during sexual encounters.
• Oxytocin is released during orgasm and strengthens attachment through memory reinforcement.

Afterplay and Priming Effects:

• Oxytocin secretions remain strong after climax, particularly during cuddling or "afterplay."
• Men experience a threefold rise in oxytocin levels with abundant sexual gratification.
• The hippocampus holds neurons rich in AVP and oxytocin receptors, aiding memory imprinting of romantic partners.

Conflicting Influences:

• High-road brain centers exert their own influences during lovemaking, which can lead to conflicts and tensions.
• Ancient survival mechanisms may create challenges in modern relationships.

RUTHLESS DESIRE

Love and Attunement:

• A beautiful and independent young lawyer's relationship with her fiancé, a writer, illustrates the importance of attunement in a healthy romantic relationship.
• Attunement refers to the ability of two people to be emotionally connected while also respecting each other's individual needs.
• The goal is not for every thought and feeling to mesh continually but for each partner to give the other space when needed.

The Biology of Love:

• Each of love's major expressions - attachment, desire, and caring - has its unique biology and chemical glue.
• When these systems align, love grows robust; when they misalign, love can flounder.

Attachment and Desire:

• The tension between attachment and sex can lead to mismatches that wither sexual urge and snuff out affectionate caring.
• Anxiety or jealousy in one partner can inhibit the operation of other love systems.
• The lawyer's fiancé's single-pointed fixation on her as a sexual object is similar to an infant's ruthless desire, ignoring her feelings and needs.

Infant Desire vs. Adult Passion:

• During intimacy, adults revert to childlike behaviors and high-pitched voices which trigger caregiving responses in the brain.
• The difference lies in the adult capacity for empathy and compassion, making passion meld with caring.

Maintaining the Loop:

• Mark Epstein, the lawyer's psychiatrist, suggested that the fiancé slow down emotionally to create psychological space for her desire.
• Mutuality of desire and maintenance of the emotional loop between them offers a way to bring back passion she was losing.
• Freud famously asked "What does woman want?" Epstein answers: "She wants a partner who cares what she wants."

THE CONSENSUAL “IT”

Anne Rice's Early Sexual Fantasies:

• Vivid sadomasochistic fantasies since childhood
• Elaborate scenarios of young men in ancient Greece being auctioned as sexual slaves
• Attraction to same-sex relationships and gay culture
• Homoerotic themes in her vampire novels
• Detailed descriptions of sadomasochistic activities in erotica under a pseudonym

Normalcy of Sexual Fantasies:

• Wide variety of sex fantasies reflect healthy sexuality
• Commonly reported themes: reliving a sexual encounter, having sex with partner or someone else, oral sex, making love in a romantic location, being irresistible, being forced into sexual submission

Historical Context:

• Alfred Kinsey's studies showing high prevalence of sex fantasies in 1950s
• Social taboos and underreporting of actual numbers
• College students reporting fewer daily fantasies than in other studies

Fantasizing During Intercourse:

• Popular for both men and women, but men report more frequent fantasies
• Imagining sex with current lover vs. someone else differs during intercourse

Consensual It Fantasies:

• Mutually agreed upon fantasies create intimacy and closeness
• Regarding partner as an object (It) can be part of playful sex under the right circumstances
• Empathy and understanding between partners crucial for healthy fantasy scenarios

Benefits of Consensual Sex Fantasies:

• Excitement and safety in a good sexual relationship
• Counters usual downward drift in sexual interest among long-term couples
• Implicit act of caring and acceptance within the fantasy reality.

WHEN SEX OBJECTIFIES

Pathological Narcissism and Sexual Objectification:

• A pathological narcissist easily becomes infatuated with women but feels disappointed and entitled after sexual trysts, often attacking them for perceived flaws.
• Narcissists believe that rules and boundaries don't apply to them and may forcefully engage in sex even when clearly against a partner's will.
• They have a blunted empathy, exploitative attitude, and self-centeredness, which can lead to endorsing attitudes favoring sexual coercion.

Narcissistic Men and Sexual Coercion:

• A significant number of narcissistic men may hold beliefs that victimize women, such as "she was asking for it" or "if she lets things get out of hand, it's her own fault."
• Some narcissists enjoy watching films depicting non-consensual sex and ignore the suffering of the woman involved.
• High levels of testosterone make men more likely to treat women as sexual objects and contribute to aggressive behavior and marital instability.

Understanding Rapists:

• Serial rapists often act out perversely cruel sex fantasies, ignoring victims' tears and screams.
• A small subset of men are aroused by rape more than consensual sex, but these individuals are not the same as narcissistic or high-testosterone men.
• Convicted rapists may be inept at perceiving negative expressions in women, particularly their refusal or distress.
• Some rapists lack empathy for their victims and believe they enjoyed the act despite evidence to the contrary.

Fantasies and Sexual Crimes:

• The line between thought and action is critical; fantasies do not always lead to sexual crimes, but when they do, it indicates a dangerous combination of factors.
• Lack of empathy for victims, belief that victims enjoyed it, hostility towards victims, and emotional loneliness can contribute to repeated sex crimes.

Connected Intimacy:

• Romantic love is built on mutual understanding (I-You relationship), while lust alone remains disconnected (I-It relationship).
• Full empathic connection between partners (ego orgasm) increases the erotic charge and creates a deeper sense of union.
• Caring operates separately from sexual intimacy, requiring its own neural logic.

Chapter 15 The Biology of Compassion

The Biology of Compassion: The Role of Caregiving in Relationships

• Mick Jagger's promise in "Emotional Rescue" expresses the importance of emotional caring in relationships beyond attraction
• Caregiving operates in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones
• Two main forms of caregiving: providing a secure base and offering a safe haven
• Mutual reciprocity is essential for a healthy relationship

Secure Base:

• Providing emotional support and protection
• Helps partner feel confident to tackle challenges
• Provides solace during difficult times
• Allows excursions, simple or complex
• Important for exploration and achievement

Safe Haven:

• Offers comfort and security
• Boosts energy, focus, confidence, and courage
• Essential for daunting explorations
• Provides emotional rescue when needed
• Reciprocity is crucial for a healthy relationship

Testing Bowlby's Theory:

• 116 couples involved in long-term romantic relationships tested
• The more a person felt their partner was a dependable "home base," the more willing they were to pursue opportunities confidently
• Warm, sensitive, and positive communication during goal discussions led to increased confidence and higher goals
• Controlling behavior undermines exploration and reduces confidence
• Partners' support and attachment styles vary:
  • Anxious attachments may struggle to allow partner's explorations but can offer comfort
  • Avoidant attachments let partners explore but are poor at providing comfort and emotional rescue.

Providing a Secure Base:

• Come to your partner's emotional rescue
• Helps solve problems, soothe, or just listen
• Creates a sense of security that allows for greater exploration
• Crucial for achievement and confidence building
• Allows for balancing the need for safety and exploration throughout life.

POOR LIAT

Study on Anxiety and Compassion: Liat's Ordeal and Attachment Styles

• A study was conducted on how anxiety affects compassion, using Liat as an experimental confederate.
• Volunteers were asked about their willingness to help Liat during her ordeals.

Attachment Styles:

1. Secure People:
   • Most compassionate towards Liat.
   • Readily attune to others' distress and act to help.
   • More likely to be actively caring in relationships.
2. Anxious People:
   • Overwhelmed by empathy distress.
   • Intensely feel others' pain but become overwhelmed.
   • Prone to compassion fatigue.
3. Avoidant People:
   • Suppress their emotions and close themselves off from emotional contagion.
   • Find compassion difficult.
   • Rarely help unless it benefits them personally.

Impact of Attachment Styles on Empathy:

• Secure people have an optimal attachment style for altruism.
• Anxious people's heightened sensitivity to others' suffering can lead to empathy distress and compassion fatigue.
• Avoidant people protect themselves from emotional contagion by suppressing their emotions and rarely help unless it benefits them personally.

Boosting Compassion:

• Mikulincer explored the possibility of increasing security to enhance compassion.
• Volunteers underwent a temporary enhancement of feelings of security, leading to more compassionate responses from anxious people.

THE LOW ROAD TO COMPASSION

The Low Road to Compassion:

• Empathy rooted in neural system for maternal nurturance
• Universal template in nature for caregiving and survival
• Triggered by infant's cry for on-target caregiving
• Distinct physiological response in mothers
• Similarities between mother-infant bonding and romantic relationships
• Neurochemical key: oxytocin (molecule of motherly love)

Empathy:

• Primary response of maternal nurturance system
• Distinct physiological arousal in mothers when hearing own baby cry
• Infant's ability to elicit caregiving
• Seen not just in mammals but also birds
• Beneficial for survival and caregiving
• Signs of good parenting or friendship: availability, sensitivity, responsiveness

Oxytocin:

• Chemical triggers "flood of loving feelings" during mother-infant bonding and orgasm
• Released during childbirth, nursing, and orgasm
• Induces milk flow, dilates blood vessels, lowers blood pressure, promotes relaxation, outgoingness, sociability
• Intersects with many low-road nodes of social brain
• Occurs in affectionate contact with loved ones
• Primes good feelings and conditions release with repeated exposure to closest social bonds
• Linked to committed, loving relationships
• May suppress chemistry of lust in long-term love

Oxytocin and Social Interactions:

• Primarily released during caregiving interactions
• Enhances emotional energy exchange between people
• Conditions release with repeated exposure to closest social bonds

Oxytocin and Love:

• Bonding agent in prairie voles, leading to lifelong monogamous matches
• In humans, may suppress chemistry of lust or enhance it through interaction with vasopressin or testosterone.

SOCIAL ALLERGIES

Social Allergies:

• Strong aversion towards romantic partner's habits that becomes more sensitized with repeated exposure
• Typically emerge when couples spend more time together and get to know each other's "warts and all"
• Women are often irritated by boyfriends' uncouth or thoughtless behavior, while men become vexed by self-absorbed or bossy girlfriends
• Worsen with repeated exposure and can lead to anger, distress, and eventual relationship breakdown

Romantic Idealization:

• Desire for a "perfect" partner who meets every need is a primal fantasy impossible to achieve
• Learning to accept partners as they are helps in perceiving them more realistically

Neural Systems:

• Attachment, caregiving, and sexual desire are three of seven major neural systems that drive human behavior
• Exploration and social bonding are among the others
• Each person ranks these drives differently, and attachment, caregiving, and sex are typically at the top in some order

Marriage Research:

• John Gottman's research on emotions in marriages predicts relationship success or failure with over 90% accuracy
• Unmet primary needs lead to steady dissatisfaction and manifest as frustration or rancor
• Partners who live together for decades "sculpt" each other, reinforcing desirable patterns and shaping one another into ideal versions

Relationship Dynamics:

• Negative looping during disagreements bodes poorly for the relationship's future stability
• Contempt is an outright insult that escalates negativity and sends a message of unworthiness
• Indifference or lack of care and attention is a form of cruelty in marriage
• Positive emotions shared between partners are essential in long-term relationships

Relationship Health:

• Ratio of toxic to nourishing moments has predictive power for relationship longevity and potential physical health benefits.
• Intimate relations have surprising biological consequences, forming environments that can turn genes on or off.

PART FIVE: HEALTHY CONNECTIONS

Chpater 16: Stress Is Social

Stress and Marital Relationships: The Case of Leo Tolstoy and Sonya

• Emotional Beginning:
  • Leo Tolstoy shared his controversial past with seventeen-year-old fiancée, Sonya, weeks before their wedding.
  • Sonya was devastated and vowed to withdraw from him during the marriage preparations.

Marital Struggles:

• Long Marriage: The couple had a tumultuous forty-eight-year marriage.
• Dutiful Wife: Despite her suffering, Sonya gave birth to thirteen children and decoded and recopied Leo's manuscripts.
• Conflicting Feelings: Leo wrote about Sonya's "unfairness" and "quiet egotism," while Sonya referred to him as an "insect."
• Midlife Disintegration: By midlife, their relationship seemed unbearable for both.
• Late Life Suffering: Near the end of their lives, Sonya wrote about daily emotional blows and their shortening effect on her life.

Impact of Relationships on Health:

• Epigenetics: The role of relationships in health is an elusive scientific question.
• Quantity vs. Quality: Thousands of people over many years are needed to determine the impact.
• Emotional Support: Warm relationships have a positive effect on health, especially for those with fragile conditions.
• Toxic Relationships: Data suggests toxic relationships are as significant a risk factor as smoking, high blood pressure, etc.
• Biological Pathways: Medical science is now exploring the biological pathways through which relationships impact our health, both positively and negatively.

Marital Case Study - Tolstoys' Impact on Each Other:

• Leo's Diary Entries: Wrote about Sonya's "unfairness" and "quiet egotism," causing her emotional distress.
• Sonya's Diary Entries: Vowed to withdraw from Leo, saw him as an "insect that never stops stinging."
• Emotional Health: Their relationship seemed to have disintegrated into an unbearable hell by midlife.
• Late-Life Suffering: Sonya wrote about daily emotional blows and their shortening effect on her life.

Health Impact of Relationships:

• Supportive Relationships: Have a positive impact on health, especially for those with fragile conditions.
• Toxic Relationships: Are as significant a risk factor for disease and death as smoking, high blood pressure, obesity, and physical inactivity.

A WAR OF ALL AGAINST ALL

Impact of Dominant Baboon "Hobbes" on Troop:

• Hobbes, a dominant baboon, displayed raw aggression and invasiveness towards other males in the troop.
• His behavior led to increased cortisol levels in all members of the group.

Effects of Cortisol on Body:

• Cortisol is released from adrenal glands during stress.
• Moderate cortisol levels help metabolism and immune system regulation.
• Prolonged high cortisol levels lead to health issues such as:
  • Cardiovascular disease
  • Impaired immune function
  • Diabetes and hypertension
  • Hippocampal damage (affects memory)
  • Amygdala stimulation (stokes fear)
  • Blunted prefrontal cortex regulation of fear signals from amygdala

Impact on Brain:

• Amygdala: overreacts to triggers, drives fear
• Hippocampus: learns ineffectively, perceives irrelevant triggers as threats

Stress and Health:

• Stress activates sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis.
• Both systems prepare body for emergencies by borrowing resources from immune and endocrine systems.
• Prolonged stress can lead to health issues, including disease onset or worsening symptoms.

Relationships and Health:

• Emotional states influence SNS and HPA axis activity.
• Long-term emotionally toxic relationships can create an "allostatic load," increasing the risk of health problems or exacerbating symptoms.
• The impact on health depends on the overall emotional condition of individuals, especially those with frail health or pre-existing conditions.

THE TOXICITY OF INSULT

Workplace Toxicity and Health:

• Elysa Yanowitz, a sales manager, refused to fire an attractive saleswoman as per her boss's demand, leading to potential job loss and hypertension (1).
• A British study shows health care workers' blood pressure increases when working under a disliked supervisor (12).
• People in lower positions are more susceptible to cardiovascular disease due to work-related stress (13-14).
• Unfair criticism or lack of support from bosses can lead to increased coronary heart disease risk (15).

Impact of Insults and Authoritarian Management:

• Yanowitz's case raises the question of whether toxic workplace behaviors contribute to health issues, including hypertension (1).
• In rigid hierarchies, bosses can be authoritarian, leading to feelings of hostility, fear, insecurity, and powerlessness among subordinates (16).
• Insults from superiors often go unchallenged, tacitly permitting continued demeaning behavior (17-18).
• Subordinates who suppress anger in response to insults experience significant blood pressure hikes (19).

Biological Mechanism of Toxic Relationships and Heart Disease:

• Ambivalent relationships put an emotional demand on individuals, requiring heightened vigilance and effort (20).
• Volunteers in a stress study showed that even relatively minor upsets can trigger a deadly combination of immune and cardiovascular responses, potentially leading to heart disease if routine (21-22).

THE CAUSAL CHAIN

The Causal Chain between Stressful Relationships and Poor Health

• Correlation between stressful relationships and poor health, but skeptics argue for different factors
• Researchers looking for distinct biological link
• Sheldon Cohen's research: intentionally giving colds to volunteers to study causality
• Controlled conditions: quarantine and precise testing methods
• Factors increasing likelihood of infection: low levels of vitamin C, smoking, poor sleep

Cohen's Findings:

• Ongoing personal conflicts increase the risk of getting a cold by 2.5 times
• Long-term conflicts (a month or more) boost susceptibility even more
• Loneliness: those with fewest close relationships are 4.2 times more likely to get a cold
• Social connections protect us from the health hazards of stressful relationships

Counterintuitive Findings:

• Vibrant social connections limit negative emotions and boost good moods, reducing susceptibility to colds
• Relationships themselves may protect us from the risk of exposure to the cold virus.

THE PERCEPTION OF MALICE

Perception of Malice and Its Impact on Health

• Elysa Yanowitz and a pharmaceutical employee describe feelings of being judged and criticized at work, leading to physical illness and shaken confidence. (Yanowitz, Pharmaceutical Employee)

Stressors and Their Effects on Cortisol Levels

• Worst type of stress is when someone is the target of harsh criticism and helpless to do anything about it. (Kemeny, Dickerson)
• Interpersonal stressors, such as being judged, produce the largest spikes in cortisol levels. (Kemeny, Dickerson)

The Social Self and Its Connection to Cortisol Response

• Threats to social self, which includes perception of malice, can be as powerful biologically as threats to survival. (Dickerson, Kemeny)
• Being evaluated threatens social value and status, leading to increased cortisol levels. (Dickerson, Kemeny)

Impact of Helplessness and Judgmental Scrutiny on Cortisol Response

• Feeling helpless increases stress response. (Dickerson, Kemeny)
• Judgmental scrutiny delivers a strong and lingering dose of shame. (Kemeny)

The Role of the Brain in Processing Perceived Malice

• The social brain reacts more strongly to intentional harm than accidental harm. (Cohen, Princeton)
• Activity in the anterior insula, which is known to activate during feelings of anger and disgust, increases when someone feels they have been unfairly treated. (Cohen, Princeton)

Comparison of Impersonal Stressors and Social Judgments

• The body gets over impersonal stress within forty minutes or so. (Kemeny)
• Cortisol stays high 50 percent longer in response to social judgments, taking an hour or more to return to normal. (Kemeny)

THE CLASS OF ’57

The Class of '57 Study:

• Conducted by University of Wisconsin researchers in 1957
• Studied ten thousand graduating high school seniors (nearly a third of entire state)
• Reinterviewed participants as they reached age forty and mid-fifties
• Later recruited a group for follow-up research led by Richard Davidson at the W.M. Keck Laboratory
• Used advanced measures to study social history, brain activity, and immune function
• Quality of relationships over the course of their lives was assessed and compared with wear and tear on bodies

Findings:

• Strong association between having a high-risk physical profile and unfavorable emotional tone in important life relationships
• Jane's story: tough relationship history, many medical problems, opposite brain activity pattern (highest activity in right prefrontal area), suggestive of slow emotional recovery and intense distress
• Jill's story: caring parents, satisfying relationships, few medical complaints, greatest activity in left prefrontal cortex, faster emotional recovery, better cognitive strategies for emotional regulation

Brain Activity:

• The left prefrontal area regulates a cascade of circuitry that determines resilience
• More left prefrontal activity indicates faster emotional recovery and better ability to develop cognitive strategies for emotional regulation
• Correlated with the ability of person's immune system to respond to flu shot, suggesting clinical significance

Early Childhood Experiences:

• Those who endured relentless stress in childhood as adults had poor stress recovery abilities
• Those exposed to manageable levels of stress during childhood were most likely to have a better prefrontal ratio (better emotional regulation)
• A caring adult who provides a secure base for emotional recovery is essential.

SOCIAL EPIGENETICS

Social Epigenetics: Impact of Chronic Stress on Caregivers' Health

• Laura Hillenbrand's Experience:

  • Suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome
  • Devoted husband, Borden, provided care and support
  • Heard her husband crying one night, but allowed him to be alone
  • Continued receiving care the next morning

• Impact of Caregiving on Health:

  • Continual stress takes a toll on caretakers' health
  • Ohio State University study on Alzheimer's caregivers:
    • Women under relentless strain and isolation
    • Impaired immune function
    • Reduced gene expression (GHmRNA)
    • Increased ACTH levels, decreasing interferon production

• Genetic Consequences of Chronic Stress:

  • Impaired immune function may lead to slower wound healing
  • Telomere shortening in mothers caring for chronically ill children
  • Mothers with support had younger cells

• Collective Social Intelligence as an Alternative:

  • Sandwich, New Hampshire example: Friends and neighbors formed a support group (Share the Care) for Philip Simmons, a man diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease
  • Thirty-five volunteers provided various types of help to Simmons and his family
  • Eased financial burden, allowed Kathryn Field to continue working as an artist, and provided emotional support to both the family and FOPAK members.

Chapter 17 Biological Allies

Social Benefits of Elderly Living Arrangements:

• My mother, a retired sociology professor, welcomed graduate students from East Asian cultures into her empty house as housemates.
• Benefits for my mother:
  • Formed close relationships with housemates.
  • Received emotional support and companionship.
  • Had positive impact on her mental and physical well-being.
  • Experienced intergenerational bonding through a grandchild born to a housemate.

Pruning Social Networks:

• As people age, they naturally lose social connections due to death or relocation.
• Older adults selectively preserve positive relationships.

Biological Implications of Social Connections:

• Good social connections can lower biological stress markers like cortisol.
• Engaging and supportive social life may improve cognitive abilities in older adults.
• Loneliness is not determined by time spent alone or number of contacts but by the quality of relationships.

Impact of Loneliness on Health:

• Loneliness correlates with poor immune and cardiovascular function.

Neurogenesis and Social Interactions:

• Neurogenesis, the brain's production of new neurons, continues into old age but slows down.
• Monotony may contribute to this slowdown but can be countered by adding complexity to social environments.
• Enhancing social interactions in the elderly's daily routines can stimulate neurogenesis and improve cognitive function.

THE MARITAL BATTLEGROUND

The Marital Battlefield: The Impact of Marital Conflict on Health

• Overheard Conversation: Two elderly men discussing a local couple's long-lasting argument (Headline: Emotional Wear and Tear in Relationships)
• Marital Conflict and Health: Studies showing that marital conflict can negatively affect health (Headline: The Biological Cost of Marital Conflict)
  • Newlyweds' confrontations lead to changes in adrenal hormones, increased blood pressure, and decreased immune function
  • Long-term shifts for the worse in the immune system's ability to defend against invaders
• Aging and Marital Conflict: Older couples (married an average of 42 years) experiencing more significant negative biological changes, particularly for wives
• Gender Differences: Women are more vulnerable to suffer health consequences from marital conflicts than men
  • Women put greater emotional premium on close relationships
  • Women take more personal responsibility for loved ones' troubles
  • Women are more attuned to the ups and downs of their relationships
  • Women spend more time ruminating about upsetting encounters and recalling them in detail
• Biological Reactions: Hormonal responses during marital conflicts (Headline: Hormonal Responses to Marital Conflict)
  • Women's stress hormones increase when husbands withdraw in anger, while lower for those with kind and empathetic husbands
  • Husbands' endocrine systems do not budge regardless of the nature of disagreemen disagreements
  • Exception: embattled couples have poorer immune responses for both husbands and wives

Marital conflicts take a greater toll on women's health, particularly when they experience more downs than ups in their relationships.

• Studies revealing that a woman's satisfaction with her marriage is linked to bet better health outcomes
• Lower levels of blood pressure, glucose, and bad cholesterol for satisfied women + Previous studies had failed to consider the impact of marital satisfaction on he health outcomes

EMOTIONAL RESCUERS

Emotional Rescue and its Biological Impact

• Study conducted by Richard Davidson's laboratory to assess the impact of loved ones during moments of stress and anxiety
• Eight women underwent an MRI, receiving electric shocks with and without holding hands (husband's or stranger's)
• Results: holding husband's hand led to decreased anxiety compared to holding a stranger's hand
• The wives were unable to differentiate between their husband's and a stranger's hand during the study

Brain Activity During Emotional Rescue

• Women experienced heightened activity in regions of the brain driving the HPA axis when facing shock alone
• This activity increased with more personal threats, such as hostile job interviews
• Husband's hand-holding pacified this volatile circuitry, reducing stress and anxiety
• Oxytocin, a neurochemical that acts as a stress hormone "down-regulator," plays a significant role in emotional rescue

Health Benefits of Emotional Rescue

• Skin-on-skin touch primes oxytocin release, which leads to various health benefits
• Lowered blood pressure and metabolism shift into restorative mode
• Decreased cortisol levels and increased pain threshold
• Faster wound healing

Long-Term Benefits of Emotional Rescue

• Close, positive relationships may offer a relatively steady source of oxytocin release
• Each hug, friendly touch, and affectionate moment primes this neurochemical balm
• Long-term health benefits from human affection due to repeated oxytocin releases

Example of Emotional Rescuers: The Tolstoys

• Despite recorded rancor in their journals, they had thirteen children
• Large family provided abundant opportunities for affection and emotional support
• Couple was not reliant only on each other for emotional rescue

POSITIVE CONTAGION

Positive Contagion and Emotional Connection

• Anthony Radziwill's cousin John Kennedy, Jr. sang "The Teddy Bears' Picnic" during his dying moments, providing emotional comfort and connection
• Physiologists have shown that emotional interdependence can regulate each other's physiology through biological entrainment
• In nourishing relationships, partners help each other manage distressing feelings and rethink perspectives to prevent negative neuroendocrine cascades
• Longing for loved ones reflects a yearning for biologically helpful connection, which may explain increased risk of disease or death after loss of spouse
• Women under stress release more oxytocin and seek companionship, while men tend to calm themselves through distraction
• Close friendships can reduce physical impairments and increase joy in older women, with friendlessness having similar health impacts as smoking or obesity
• Intimate relationships form a "mutually regulating psychobiological unit," allowing two-way coregulation and influencing each other's biology at a deeper level
• Hostility can raise blood pressure, while love lowers it
• Emotional connections play a significant role in health, making close relationships (life partner, friend, or relative) valuable biological allies for patients with severe or chronic diseases.

Emotional Interdependence and Physiological Regulation

• Intuitive connection between emotional support and physical wellbeing
• Biological entrainment: emotional partners play an active role in regulating each other's physiology
• Nurturing relationships help manage distressing feelings, preventing negative neuroendocrine cascades
• Separation from loved ones can lead to disorganization and longing for connection

Gender Differences in Emotional Responses

• Women release more oxytocin under stress, leading them to seek companionship and tend to others
• Estrogen enhances calming effects of oxytocin, while androgens suppress it
• Women seek out companionship during threats, while men prefer distraction
• Close friendships have significant positive impact on women's health and wellbeing.

The Power of Relationships in Health and Healing

• Intimate relationships form a "mutually regulating psychobiological unit," allowing fluidity of boundaries and two-way coregulation
• Emotional support lowers blood pressure, while hostility raises it
• Close relationships can serve as valuable biological allies for patients with severe or chronic diseases.

A HEALING PRESENCE

Healing Presence and Social Support in Healthcare:

• In rural India, hospitals allow patients' families to stay with them and provide care, enhancing emotional well-being.
• Social isolation is a common issue in Western medical systems.
• Emotional contagion can impact patients' mental states, making it essential to surround them with positive influences.
• Seeking out biological allies can improve patient outcomes.
• Socially integrated individuals recover more quickly from diseases and live longer.
• Patients yearn for social connections during illness or old age.
• Friends and families may feel awkward around patients due to social stigma, fear, or anxiety.
• Merely being present with a patient can have profound effects on their emotional and physical well-being.

Impact of Social Support on Health:

• Patients sharing rooms with less anxious patients experience better emotional outcomes.
• Seeking support from psychotherapists can help patients cope with challenging diagnoses.
• Socially integrated individuals have better health outcomes.
• Caregivers should visit patients, even if unsure of what to say.

The Role of Emotional Closeness:

• Minimally conscious patients respond to emotional reminiscences and physical touch.
• Emotional closeness can improve the quality of life for medically fragile individuals.
• Love is a biologically active ingredient in medical care.

Challenges to Social Support:

• Friends and families may feel anxious, wary, or unsure how to help.
• Patients with chronic diseases, impaired immune systems, or old age require more emotional support.

Invitations for Caring Connection:

• Recognize subtle signals from patients indicating the need for connection.
• Act on invitations to enter a patient's world through tears, laughter, looks, or silence.
• Love and human warmth are essential components of medical care.

Chapter 18 A People Prescription

People Prescription: A real-life account of a medical resident's experience with patient communication and time constraints in healthcare.

Background:

• Medical resident in a spine clinic at a world-class hospital
• Interviewing a woman in her fifties with severe disk degeneration in her neck
• Patient had been going to a chiropractor for temporary relief
• Fearful and uncertain about her condition

Patient's Concerns:

• Daughter present during consultation
• Many questions, doubts, and fears
• Difficulty understanding recommended treatments: facet joint injections and physical therapy

Resident's Approach:

• Tried to address concerns and allay fears
• Unable to fully satisfy the patients due to time constraints (15 minutes per patient)

Attending Physician's Intervention:

• Described recommended treatments succinctly
• Ignored by daughter who continued questioning
• Dismissed the situation as self-centered and time-wasting

Doctor's Perspective:

• Struggling with limited time for patient interactions
• Economic pressures demanding more patients in less time
• Frustration among physicians due to lack of time for personal connections

European Healthcare System:

• Similar issues with time constraints and accountant mentality
• Lack of consideration for doctor-patient interaction and emotional support

Physician Burnout:

• A growing issue in healthcare, affecting 80-90% of practicing physicians
• Symptoms include emotional exhaustion, dissatisfaction, and depersonalization.

ORGANIZED LOVELESSNESS

Organized Lovelessness in Institutions:

• Patient in 4D: Advanced age, multiple medical problems, no visitors or known relatives, near death.
• Night nurse's gesture: Spending spare time, being present during last moments.
• Supervisor's response: Reprimanded for wasting time, documented in personnel file.

Implications of Organized Lovelessness:

• Treating people as units: Disregard for individuals, empathy sacrificed for efficiency.
• Hospital X-rays example: Patients put last due to revenue considerations, causing distress and anxiety.
• Ignoring patients' expectations: Operations prioritize medical staff convenience over patient comfort.

Effects on Health:

• Emotions in health: Empathy important for biological alliance in healing process.
• Compassionate care: Reduces pain and distress, enhances patient experience.

Desired Shift towards Humanity:

• Hearts and minds of providers: Cultivating compassion and empathy.
• Institutional ground rules: Prioritizing patients' needs, improving communication and expectations management.

RECOGNIZING THE HUMAN BEING

Recognizing the Human Being:

• Mechanistic attitude in modern medicine: lack of compassion and recognition of patients' humanity can lead to iatrogenic suffering
• Patient-centered/Relationship-centered medicine: enlarging focus beyond diagnosis to include person and improve physician-patient connection

Case of the Heart Surgeon:

• Doctor lacking compassion, dismissed feelings of patients
• Mocked a suicide attempt patient in front of students
• Became a patient himself and experienced insensitive treatment from throat specialist

Impact of Insensitivity:

• Can cause more emotional suffering than illness itself
• Spurred movement toward patient-centered medicine
• Importance of communication and empathy in medicine

Effective Doctor-Patient Communication:

• Longer office visits associated with fewer malpractice claims
• Building rapport through empathy, understanding, and interest in the person
• Useful information imparted effectively and in a tone that shows concern

Business Case for Rapport:

• Patients leaving health plans due to poor communication

Dr. Robin Youngson's Transformation:

• Inspired by daughter's hospitalization to advocate for patients' right to compassionate care
• Realized reducing human beings to "physiological preparations" diminishes potential for healing relationships

Barriers to Compassion in Medicine:

• Economic pressures and time constraints
• Fragmented medical care and shortage of nursing staff
• Cultural stifling of empathy and expression of concern

Healing:

• Broader meaning than just curing a disease
• Implies helping a person regain a sense of wholeness and emotional wellness
• Compassion heals in ways that no medicine or technology can.

THE CAREGIVING FLOWCHART

Caregiving and Compassion in Healthcare:

• Nancy Abernathy, a medical teacher, experienced personal loss when her husband died and had to teach the following year despite her grief.
• Her students from the previous year surprised her by attending her class to offer support.
• Caregiving is not only for patients but also essential for those who provide care.
• Staff-to-staff concern affects the quality of care given in any human service organization.

Observations on Caregiving:

• William Kahn's study on a social service agency discovered that caring interactions are embedded in daily life.
• Natural display of caregiving includes listening attentively, asking probing questions, and showing empathy.
• The lack of caring interactions can lead to "compassion fatigue."

Caregiving Flowchart: Top:

• Executive director: fortunate to have a supportive board, but did not care for social workers.
• Formed mutual support society with fund-raiser.

Middle:

• Social work supervisor: gave more support to the executive director than she received.
• Reversed the flow of caregiving to the social workers.

Bottom:

• Social workers: cared for each other in the absence of emotional support from their supervisor.
• Built an emotional cocoon and offered emotional and concrete support.
• Lacked emotional refills, resulting in burnout and turnover.

Implications:

• When caregivers feel emotionally supported, they can offer better care to patients.
• Burned-out caregivers have no emotional resources to give.
• Caregiving needs to flow down the organizational ladder as well as up.

HEALING HEALERS

Healing Healers: The Importance of Compassion in Medicine

• Cost-effectiveness: Enhancing compassion in medicine can help retain valuable staff by reducing emotional exhaustion and improving physical health.
• Emotional Work: Nurses who deal with patients' distress are more likely to experience negative emotions, leading to poorer health and increased desire to leave their job.
• Compassion Fatigue: Constant listening to patients' worries can lead to compassion fatigue, where helpers become overwhelmed by anguish and need emotional support.
• Emotional Resilience: Institutions must ensure nurses and staff have adequate emotional support to prevent burnout and promote empathy.
• Valuing Emotional Labor: The emotional component of healthcare jobs should be recognized as essential, not just technical skills.
• Leadership: Medical knowledge is necessary but not sufficient for effective leadership in healthcare. Soft skills like empathy, conflict resolution, and people development are crucial.
• Caring Leaders: Compassionate medicine requires leaders who can provide a safe emotional base for medical staff.

Study Findings:

• Nurses who experience negative emotions from patients lose their sense of mission and have poorer physical health.
• Nurses who improve patients' moods benefit emotionally and physically, and are less likely to leave their jobs.
• Continually listening to patients' worries can lead to compassion fatigue.
• Emotional support is essential for those dealing with pain and despair in healthcare settings.
• Restorative breaks help prevent emotional exhaustion and improve performance.

Challenges:

• Healthcare organizations often undervalue the emotional labor component of healthcare jobs.
• Promoting people based on medical expertise without considering essential capacities like empathy can result in ineffective leaders.
• Emotional intelligence competencies are crucial for effective healthcare leadership.

HEALING RELATIONSHIPS

Healing Relationships:

Reflection on the importance of compassionate encounters between patients and medical staff

• Kenneth Schwartz's Experience:
  • Diagnosed with lung cancer at age forty.
  • Had a series of compassionate encounters with medical staff during treatment.
  • Founded the Kenneth B. Schwartz Center at Massachusetts General Hospital after his death to support and advance compassionate healthcare.

The Compassionate Encounters:

• Presurgery Encounter: A nurse's kindness and empathy made a significant impact on Schwartz during a difficult time.
• Schwartz Center's Mission: To promote hope, support caregivers, and aid the healing process through compassionate healthcare.

Programs and Innovations from The Schwartz Center:

• Compassionate Caregiver Award: Honors medical staff who demonstrate extraordinary kindness in caring for patients.
• Schwartz Center Rounds: A meeting where hospital staff can share their concerns and fears to improve personal connections with patients.

The Importance of Empathy and Building Rapport:

• Medical Interview: An essential component of building a good working alliance between physicians and patients.
• Seven Discrete Parts of the Medical Interview: From opening the discussion through making plans for treatment.
• Emphasis on Human Connection: Physicians are urged to let the patient complete their statement, elicit all concerns, and build rapport.

The Impact of Compassionate Care:

• Empathy and Rapport: Improve patient adherence to treatment and satisfaction with care.
• Schwartz's Perspective: Quiet acts of humanity can make a significant difference during difficult times, even if they don't cure the illness.

PART SIX: SOCIAL CONSEQUENCE

Chapter 19: The Sweet Spot for Achievement

Part Six: Social Consequence

The Sweet Spot for Achievement

• Being frazzled or mildly upset hampers thinking and performance by affecting the brain's executive center.
• Optimal emotional atmosphere is crucial for both classroom and office settings.
• Anxiety, fear, and stress disrupt learning and cognitive efficiency (Deming).

Biology of Frazzle

• Sudden stressors can cause distraction and loss of concentration.
• The brain's response to stress: HPA axis activates, amygdala commandeers prefrontal cortex.
• Thinking brain gets sidelined, high road is less effective, cognitive dysfunction results.

Effects of Anxiety and Stress on Cognitive Functioning

• Performance and thinking suffer under intense pressure.
• Impairment in learning, holding information, reacting flexibly, focusing attention, planning, and organizing effectively.
• Neuroscientists call this state "cognitive dysfunction".

Impact of Fear on the Workplace (as per W. Edwards Deming)

• Fear freezes workers, preventing them from speaking up, sharing ideas, or coordinating well.
• Quality of output suffers.

Neurobiology of Anxiety and Stress

• The amygdala takes control when under stress, leading to automatic responses and loss of cognitive efficiency.
• High anxiety impairs brain's cognitive efficiency, making it difficult to focus attention, take in new information, or generate fresh ideas.

Other Extremes that Impair Cognitive Functioning

• Anxiety and anger: fixation on distressing thoughts, loss of mental agility.
• Sadness: decreased activity levels in the prefrontal cortex, fewer thoughts generated.
• Boredom: loss of focus, motivation vanishes.

Consequences of Chronic Stress

• Long-term consequences of chronic stress can lead to chronic cognitive dysfunction and decreased performance.

AN OPTIMAL STATE

Optimal State of Learning

• Moments of total absorption and pleasure in learning can mark learning at its best
• Spanish class example: crossword puzzles game where students help each other guess words using Spanish clues
• Students were fully engaged, interested, and emotionally invested in the activity
• Resulted in excellent comprehension of new vocabulary

Inspired Moments of Learning

• Definition: moments when students are completely involved in what is being taught
• Characterized by full attention, enthusiastic interest, and positive emotional intensity
• Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio's term for such moments: "optimal physiological coordination"

Benefits of Inspired Moments

• Allow students to flourish and feel well-being
• Greater ease in the capacity to act and function harmoniously
• Enhance mental abilities like creative thinking, cognitive flexibility, and information processing
• Improve diagnostic accuracy for radiologists and physicians

Prefrontal Cortex Activation

• Brain area that displays most activity during exhilarating, upbeat states
• Heightened prefrontal activity enhances mental abilities and information processing
• Radiologists' diagnostic notes include more helpful suggestions and offers for consultation when in good moods.

AN UPSIDE-DOWN U

Upside-Down U Model

• Graphs relationship between mental adeptness/performance and mood spectrum
• Peak represents joy, cognitive efficiency, and outstanding performance
• Two legs represent boredom and anxiety
• Increased motivation and focus at intersection of task difficulty and ability
• Beyond peak: challenges exceed ability, causing panic, decreased cognitive efficiency, and neural shift from high to low road

Impact on Cognitive Performance

• Low end: disinterest/boredom due to lack of challenge
• Moderate level: optimal stress for increased interest, attention, motivation, learning, and achievement
• High level: extreme stress leads to performance collapse and interference with neural mechanisms for learning and memory
• Amygdala function enhanced, prefrontal areas debilitated

Impact on Classroom/Work Performance

• Distressed students don't think clearly and lose interest in pursuing goals
• Negative moods weaken empathy and concern for others (managers, teachers)
• Best performance at moderate to challenging levels of stress

Neural Systems Involved

• Glucocorticoid system: enhanced attention and motivation, healthy cortisol levels for engagement
• Norepinephrine: high levels during outright fear, interference with neural mechanisms for learning and memory at extreme anxiety

Impact of Stress on Learning

• Low stress: disinterest and boredom
• Moderate stress: increased motivation and focus
• High stress: performance collapse, decreased cognitive efficiency, impaired working memory and attention

Effects of Anxiety on Students

• Less attention available for problem-solving or grasping new concepts (math anxiety)
• Impaired ability to think clearly and pursue important goals

Impact of Mood on Classroom Learning

• Students absorb only a fraction of information when not attentive or happy in class
• Negative moods weaken empathy and concern for others (managers, teachers)

Performance at Different Levels of Stress

• Best performance at moderate to challenging levels of stress
• Mind frazzles under extreme pressure.

A NEURAL KEY TO LEARNING

A Neural Key to Learning:

The role of the hippocampus in learning and the impact of stress.

• Classroom Stress: The fear of social threats, such as teacher judgment or seeming "stupid" in front of peers, can impair learning by activating the stress response and increasing cortisol levels. (Social Threats, Fears, Cortisol)
• The Hippocampus: Central organ for learning; enables conversion of working memory into long-term form for storage. (Hippocampus)
• Impact of Stress on the Hippocampus: Prolonged emotional distress can damage hippocampal neurons, hindering learning and memory retention. (Neurogenesis, Cortisol, Hippocampus)
• Inverted U Theory: Cortisol has a positive effect on learning in mild to moderate levels but impairs recall at extreme levels. (Cortisol, Inverted U)
• Classroom Atmosphere: Social environment affects the maturation and function of new brain cells; optimal emotional state for learning is at the top of the inverted U. (Brain Cells, Emotional State, Inverted U)

Impact of Stress on Learning

• High Anxiety and Test-Taking: High anxiety impairs test-taking ability. (Anxiety, Test-Taking)
• Impact of Social Stress on Working Memory: Students under social stress perform worse on cognitive tasks than those in a low-stress environment. (Social Stress, Working Memory)
• Difference between High and Low Achievers: High achievers experience focused pleasure during studying more often than anxiety, while low achievers experience great anxiety more frequently. (Emotional States, High Achievers, Low Achievers)

Teachers should create a conducive learning environment to optimize memory encoding and minimize stress levels.

POWER AND EMOTIONAL FLOW

Power and Emotional Flow

• The president of a company used critiques to revive the group's focus (herding them up the inverted U from boredom to engagement)
• Displays of a leader's displeasure make use of emotional contagion
• Well-calibrated messages of displeasure can energize, but can also distress performance if not calibrated correctly
• Emotional contagion has a power dynamic, with more socially dominant person's emotions being particularly contagious due to mirror neurons
• A leader's emotional tone can have surprising power on team performance
• Upbeat leaders lead to better moods and coordinated work in teams
• Grumpy bosses throw teams out of sync and lead to bad decisions
• Leadership involves social exchanges where the leader can drive the other person's emotions into a better or worse state
• High-quality exchanges promote growth, education, or healing
• People recall negative interactions with a boss more intensely than positive ones
• Callousness from a boss heightens the risk of losing good people and torpedoes cognitive efficiency
• Socially intelligent leaders help people contain and recover from emotional distress

Emotional Contagion

• Tactic used by leaders to revive group focus in meetings
• Displays of leader's displeasure make use of emotional contagion
• Emotionally contagious due to power dynamic and mirror neurons
• Can energize or distress performance depending on calibration

Leader's Emotional Tone

• Affects team performance
• Upbeat leaders lead to better moods and coordinated work
• Grumpy bosses throw teams out of sync and lead to bad decisions
• Callousness from a boss heightens the risk of losing good people and torpedoes cognitive efficiency
• Socially intelligent leaders help people contain and recover from emotional distress

Emotional Dynamic in Power Relationships

• Typifies any relationship where one person has power over another
• Promotes growth, education, or healing with high-quality exchanges
• Intense recall of negative interactions with a boss
• Socially intelligent leaders react with empathy rather than indifference

Calibration of Leader's Emotional Messages

• Well-calibrated messages of displeasure can energize and motivate
• Not all emotional partners are equal, power dynamics determine emotional contagion
• Callousness from a boss can lead to demotivation and lost productivity.

BOSSES: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

Bosses: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Characteristics of Good Bosses:

• Trustworthy
• Empathetic
• Connected
• Good listener
• Encouraging
• Decisive
• Communicative
• Courageous
• Shares authority
• Takes responsibility

Characteristics of Bad Bosses:

• Intimidating
• Self-centered
• Arrogant
• Distant
• Indecisive
• Secretive
• Blames others
• Mistrusts
• Bad temper

Importance of a Secure Base at Work:

• Allows for high performance
• Let's a person focus on work
• Enables exploration and innovation
• Facilitates receiving tough feedback

Leadership and Parenting:

• Leaders provide emotional security similar to parents
• Forms basic template for secure base in childhood
• Important for high performance and productivity

The Role of a Leader as a Secure Base:

• Reduces overwhelming pressures
• Acts as a buffer from external pressures
• Establishes trust and safety

Impact of Emotional Toxicity at Work:

• Normal by-product of organizational life
• Causes range from abusive bosses to chaotic change
• Reactions include anger, frustration, lost confidence, and hopelessness

Sources of Emotional Support at Work:

• Colleagues
• Work team
• Friends at work
• Organization itself
• Supervisor or fellow worker

Importance of Emotional Bonds among Workers:

• Increases motivation, productivity, and satisfaction
• Creates a cohesive group with a secure leader
• Contagious emotional surround

Impact of Having a Best Friend at Work:

• One of the best predictors of job happiness
• Provides emotional support and engagement

Selection of Team Members:

• Importance of interpersonal chemistry in hiring process
• Defer to opinions of current team members before hiring.

THE SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT LEADER

Socially Intelligent Leadership:

• A large corporation held a workshop led by an expert, but the room was poorly equipped, causing attendees in the back to have trouble seeing and hearing.
• A woman in the back expressed her anger to the head of human resources (HRD) about the issue.
• HRD listened empathetically, acknowledged her problem, and attempted to find a solution.

Importance of Empathy in Leadership:

• Attending to someone's feelings helps them metabolize emotions and move on.
• A caring boss is more important to employees than salary.
• Employees' liking for their boss impacts productivity and job tenure.
• Socially intelligent leadership starts with being fully present and engaged.

Social Intelligence in the Workplace:

• Leaders must understand and respond to employees' emotions to improve performance and reduce turnover.
• Emotions are contagious, and leaders can make situations better or worse.
• There is no one-size-fits-all solution for social intelligence at work.

Business Implications:

• Long working hours make businesses a substitute family, village, and social network for employees.
• Ambivalence in employment relationships leads to hope and fear.
• Excellent people management cannot ignore subterranean affective currents (emotional undercurrents) as they have real human consequences.

A SPECIAL CONNECTION

Connection between Maeva and Pamela

• Maeva was a troublemaker and two years behind in school due to reading difficulties.
• Pamela, her new English teacher, discovered Maeva's reading level was that of a kindergartner.
• Maeva had a reputation for storming out of class and avoiding reading.
• Pamela helped Maeva with her worksheet and realized the importance of addressing her reading issue.
• Special education teacher agreed to tutor Maeva daily, but she continued to resist and avoid reading.
• Pamela provided extra help in class, addressed behavior issues, and showed Maeva that she cared.
• Maeva's mother was unaware of the issue and had seven other children to manage.
• After four months with Pamela, Maeva's report card showed marked improvement and she began helping others learn to read.

Power of Emotional Connection in Education

• Students who feel connected to school perform better academically.
• Connected students have lower rates of violence, bullying, anxiety/depression, drug use, suicide, truancy, and dropping out.
• Attuned relationship between student and adult fosters connections.
• Warm, responsive teachers improve academic performance for at-risk students.
• Good teachers create a secure base for learning, which can be internalized through teaching anxiety management and empathy skills.

Study on Teacher's Impact on At-Risk Students

• Study of 910 first-graders evaluated teachers' impact on at-risk students' learning.
• Best results for at-risk students when teachers tuned in to their needs, created an upbeat climate, showed warmth, and had good classroom management.
• Worst outcomes for at-risk students with cold or controlling teachers.
• Warm, responsive teachers led to improved academic performance and grades for at-risk students even in the following year.

Emotional Connection's Impact on Learning

• Students who feel teachers care about them perform better academically and have higher test scores (12% improvement).
• One supportive adult at school can make a significant difference to a student.
• Every Maeva needs a Pamela.

Chapter 20: The Connectedness Corrective

The Connectedness Corrective: A more humane approach to treating troubled teenage offenders in Missouri

Martin's Story:

• Suffered physical and emotional scars from childhood abuse, substance abuse, and social predation
• Had broken feet, scarred hands, burns, knife wound, and brain injuries
• Typical of many teenagers serving sentences in juvenile jails in the US

Issues with Traditional Youth Prisons:

• Inhumane conditions: described as having a "quasi-penal-military" atmosphere with physical abuse and solitary confinement
• Prescription for a life of crime rather than rehabilitation

Missouri's Approach:

• Treatment instead of punishment
• Small homes for troubled teenagers
• Continuing one-on-one relationships with caring adults
• No iron bars, cells, or security equipment
• Focus on building social abilities and communication skills

Program Components:

• Teams of teens responsible for each other's behavior
• Daily check-ins to address emotional undercurrents
• Afternoon activities designed to foster empathy and cooperation
• Long-term relationships with post-release coordinators and trackers

Success of the Missouri Formula:

• Lower recidivism rates compared to other states
• Reduced suicides in juvenile facilities

THE KALAMAZOO MODEL

The Kalamazoo Model

• City in Michigan faced referendum to build a new $140 million youth prison
• Debate centered on upgrading the old prison versus preventing crime and rehabilitation
• Concerned citizens from various backgrounds attended a retreat at Fetzer Institute to discuss alternatives

The Prison System and Its Critiques

• Prisons seen as breeding grounds for criminality and violence
• Prisoners sorted based on level of "human ugliness" they will endure
• Neuroplasticity perspective: focus on shaping brain circuitry through beneficial interactions
• Many prisoners have neural deficits in social brain, such as impaired empathy and self-control

Neural Deficits in Prisoners

• Orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) helps inhibit angry impulses from the amygdala
• People with OFC deficit are prone to violence and poor cognitive control
• Crucial brain circuit continues to grow and be shaped into a person's mid-twenties

The Current State of Prisons

• High recidivism rate for prisoners under 25 (highest age group)
• Over two million people in US prisons, one of the highest rates worldwide
• Prison population and costs have risen significantly over the decades
• Many prisoners return to crime after release, exacerbating economic and human costs

The Kalamazoo Group's Proposal

• Prevent crimes through supportive connections in neighborhoods
• Utilize prison time effectively
• Reintegrate released individuals into relationships that help them stay out of jail
• Evidence-based plan for turning lives around and making communities safer and more just.

CONNECTED COMMUNITIES

Connected Communities and Crime Reduction:

• A vacant lot in a Boston South Side neighborhood transformed into a community garden serves as an example of the power of community connections.
• Respect and caring make a difference between orderly, productive communities and crime-ridden areas.

Efforts to Build Connections:

• In the 1990s, black ministers in Boston's toughest neighborhoods engaged kids on the streets and brought them into after-school programs, resulting in a significant reduction in the city's murder rate.
• A ten-year study headed by Felton Earls of Harvard University revealed strong connections between community involvement and crime rates.

Findings from the Study:

• High poverty rates are known to increase crime, but the degree of connection within a community is another crucial factor.
• In poor neighborhoods:
  • Positive personal connections are linked with lower crime rates.
  • Less drug use among young people.
  • Fewer unwanted teen pregnancies.
  • Rise in children's academic performance.

Impact of Connections on Crime:

• The study found that the mix of poverty and disconnection exerts a stronger influence on crime rates than traditional factors like race, ethnic background, or family structure.
• Involved neighbors act to protect one another and their children in impoverished neighborhoods.

Community Engagement Strategies:

• Cleaning graffiti off walls can have a greater impact if done by local residents rather than city work crews.
• A neighborhood crime watch creates a sense of security for local kids knowing that caring eyes are watching out for them.

NO MORE STINKING THINKING

Prison Experience of Brad:

• Became a binge drinker and violent during teenage years, leading to multiple brushes with the law
• Sentenced to prison for hurting a classmate in a college dorm fight
• Assigned to a special pilot program for prisoners showing promise for change

Prison Life:

• Us-versus-them paranoia among inmates towards those in authority or working with them
• Fights and intimidation as the norm for resolving disputes
• Prisons function as "colleges for crime," hardening and angering young inmates

Brad's Challenges:

• Taunted by a fellow inmate, but didn't let anger take over
• Used non-violent methods to deal with the situation
• Ended up having a conversation instead of fighting
• Inmate transferred out after the incident

Successful Prison Programs for Young Offenders:

• Teach impulse control, problem solving, and empathy
• Reduce fights, impulsivity, and inflexibility among teens in prison
• Carefully evaluated and found to be effective in preventing recidivism

Challenges with Prison Rehabilitation:

• Most prisoners never get to correct the circumstances that lead them back to crime
• Prisons are often more focused on punishment than rehabilitation
• A significant portion of prison population is under 25 years old, and they have less developed brain circuits for empathy and emotional regulation

Effective School-Based Programs:

• Teach essential social and emotional skills like managing anger, empathy, and self-management
• Successfully reduce fights, bullying, and harassment in schools
• Can potentially be adapted for use with prison populations

Possible Solutions:

• Reinventing prisons as learning environments that enhance necessary skills to stay out of jail
• Making prisons places where neural habits are reformed
• Providing programs targeting juvenile offenders and young criminals, borrowing methods from successful school-based courses.

STRENGTHENING CONNECTIONS

Strengthening Connections: A community-based approach to crime prevention and rehabilitation that emphasizes restorative justice and building healthy relationships.

• Mood's Covered Bridge Fire (June 2004): A fire destroyed a historic bridge in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, leaving the community shocked and victimized when local high school graduates were identified as arsonists.
• Restorative Justice: A criminal justice approach that focuses on the emotional impact of crimes and encourages criminals to make amends to victims and the community.
• Kalamazoo Plan: A comprehensive crime prevention strategy that prioritizes restorative justice and building healthy relationships as key components.
• Emotional Subtext of Restorative Justice: Encouraging offenders to develop empathy for their victims by recognizing them as individuals (You) instead of objects (It).
• Restorative Justice Programs: Initiatives that offer opportunities for criminals to repair the damage they have caused, including victim impact sessions and apology ceremonies.
• Multisystemic Therapy: An evidence-based approach for rehabilitating young offenders by addressing their needs in multiple areas of their lives (home, school, peers) to prevent recidivism.
• Golden Opportunity: The first arrest is a critical moment for intervention and preventing a lifetime of criminal behavior.
• Programs that Work: Comprehensive strategies for helping offenders learn to be better people instead of better criminals, including reschooling the social brain, literacy, job training, and taking responsibility for actions.

Community Meeting:

• A gathering of townspeople with the arsonists and their families in response to the Mood's Covered Bridge fire.
• The meeting facilitated an exchange between victims, offenders, and their families, allowing for emotional expression and apologies.

Restorative Justice in Action:

• A father of one of the arsonists expressed his pain at the crime's impact on his family.
• The young men were moved by the community's response and apologized sincerely.

Multisystemic Therapy:

• An evidence-based approach that addresses the needs of young offenders in multiple areas of their lives to prevent recidivism.
• A counselor shadows a released offender, identifying strengths and building healthy connections to support them post-release.
• Reduces recidivism rates for young offenders by 25% to 70% over three years, even for the most violent and serious crimes.

Chapter 21: From Them to Us

From Them to Us:

• During last years of apartheid in South Africa, clandestine meetings between white business executives and black community organizers for leadership seminars
• Significant moment when President F. W. de Klerk announced end of apartheid and legalized banned organizations, released political prisoners
• Us-Them dynamic: world divided into children of light and darkness, sheep and goats, elect and damned
• Lack of empathy and attunement between Us and Them, projecting negative traits onto Them
• Righteousness, intelligence, integrity, humanity belong to Us, wickedness, stupidity, hypocrisy, defeat to Them
• Closing off altruistic impulses when relating to someone as Them

Us:

• Children of light, sheep, elect
• Empathy and attunement
• Altruistic impulses

Them:

• Children of darkness, goats, damned
• Lack of empathy and attunement
• Projected negative traits
• Wickedness, stupidity, hypocrisy, ultimate defeat

Us-Them Dynamics:

• World divided into two groups
• Lack of understanding and communication between groups
• Projection of negative traits onto Them
• Closing off altruistic impulses towards Them
• Silencing of empathy and attunement

Experiments on Helping Behavior:

• Volunteers asked if they would take electrical shock for someone else
• More unwilling to help when other person described as unlike themselves (One of Them)

Prejudice:

• Negative bias towards a group
• Seizing on confirming evidence and ignoring disconfirming evidence
• Hypothesis trying to prove itself
• Cognitive function gone awry

Narcissism of Minor Differences:

• Groups so alike move from Us to Them
• Focusing on small differences while ignoring human similarities
• Setting others at a psychological distance

Categorization:

• Human mind depends on categories for order and meaning
• Negative bias begins, lenses become clouded
• Seizing on confirming evidence and ignoring disconfirming evidence
• Prejudice is a hypothesis desperately trying to prove itself

Anger and Fear:

• Amygdala-driven emotions
• Amplify destructiveness of budding bias
• Low road hijacks high, incapacitating prefrontal area
• Foils corrective answer to essential question, does he really have all the bad traits I ascribe to Them?

Us versus Them:

• Active hostility towards Them
• Perception of difference leading to Us versus Them
• Antagonism catalyzes switch from Us and Them to Us versus Them.

IMPLICIT BIAS

Implicit Bias and Us-and-Them:

• Implicit bias refers to subtle, automatic, and unconscious stereotypes that can influence judgments and decisions (usually against people in target groups)
• Can range from subtle prejudices to overt hate
• Hidden biases may not align with conscious beliefs

Measuring Implicit Biases:

• Tests like the Implicit Association Test measure reaction times to assess hidden attitudes towards different groups
• People are quicker when matching ideas that fit their existing biases
• Differences in reaction times are discernible only by computer analysis and can skew judgments about people

Effects of Implicit Biases:

• More powerful in situations with less clear rules
• Can influence hiring decisions, work relationships, and judgments of guilt

Fluidity of Implicit Biases:

• Once seen as fixed, but new research shows they can shift
• Neural level fluidity may reflect the fact that even the low road is an eager learner

Methods to Reduce Implicit Biases:

• Exposure to positive images and role models of target group members
• Positive feedback and social demands
• Thinking or talking about tolerant attitudes
• Feeling momentarily more secure can lead to a positive stance towards target groups

Neural Dynamics:

• Activation of the prefrontal area when thinking/talking about tolerant attitudes quiets the amygdala (seat of implicit prejudice)
• High road engagement reduces low road's power to stir bias

Implicit Bias Reduction Programs:

• Explicitly increasing tolerance can help reduce hidden prejudice
• Subtle methods like activating feelings of security can also lessen implicit bias, though not completely resolve historical and political conflict.

CLOSING THE HOSTILE DIVIDE

Closing the Hostile Divide

• Debate on what repairs Us-Them divides among psychologists studying intergroup relations
• Thomas Pettigrew's work on prejudice and emotional involvements
• Native of Virginia, student of Gordon Allport, studied racial hatred since civil rights movement
• Plumbed the heart of racial hatred with studies on friendly and sustained contacts
• Largest analysis of studies ever on what kinds of contact change hostile groups’ views
  • 515 studies from 1940s to 2000, responses from 250,493 people from 38 countries
  • Us-Them divides: black-white relations in US, ethnic, racial, religious animosities worldwide, biases against elderly, disabled, mentally ill

Emotional Involvements and Prejudice Reduction

• Emotional involvements (friendships and romances) make people more accepting of each other's groups
• Having had childhood playmates from another group inoculates against prejudice later in life
• Across-the-divide friendships lead to reduction in prejudice towards the entire group
  • Warmth generalizes to all members of the group
• Mere casual contact on street or at work does little to change hostile stereotypes

The Essential Requirement for Overcoming Prejudice

• Strong emotional connection required for overcoming prejudice
• Emotional closeness leads to reduction in prejudice towards entire group
• Examples: Germans with Turks, French with North Africans, British with West Indians
• The more contact individuals have with a minority group, the more friendly they feel towards it as a whole

Implicit Bias and Its Significance

• Implicit biases are subtle stereotypes that slide under the radar
• Pettigrew is skeptical about their significance in intergroup tensions
• Groups hold stereotypes about themselves, but emotional valence matters more than the stereotype itself
• Tests for implicit bias focus on cognitive categories devoid of feeling
• When groups are in open conflict, emotions are what count; when they're getting along, mental residues of prejudice matter

Prejudice Reduction and Persisting Stereotypes

• Even after individuals form friendships with members from hostile groups, original stereotypes may remain
• Warming up to the group is crucial for behavior change
• The implicit bias may persist, but shifting emotions can lead to changed behavior.

THE JIGSAW SOLUTION

The Jigsaw Solution: Overcoming Social Frictions in Diverse Schools

• Girls from Puerto Rico and Dominican Republic formed a clique to protect themselves from intergroup frictions in a Manhattan high school.
• Within the group, occasional bad feelings arose between Dominican and Puerto Rican factions.
• New categories of discrimination emerge in an increasingly diverse student population.
• Old categories, such as blacks versus whites, have been replaced by more subtle strains like ABCs (American Born Chinese) and FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat).
• Socially splintered climate leads to tragic events like the Columbine High School shootings.

Costs of Social Exclusion

• Students who feel rejected or left out experience distractedness, anxious preoccupation, lethargy, and a sense of meaninglessness.
• Rejection can impair academic performance and working memory.
• Disengaged students have higher rates of violence and disruptive behavior in class, poor attendance, and higher dropout rates.

The Promise of Connection

• School offers a living laboratory for teenagers to learn positive ways of connecting with others.
• Social psychologist Elliot Aronson advocated the "jigsaw classroom" as a solution.

The Jigsaw Classroom

• Students work together in teams on an assignment, each holding one essential piece of information.
• Students must listen and cooperate to understand the topic fully.
• Working together toward a common goal helps students develop positive attitudes towards one another.
• Studies show that friendly contacts across group divides reduce bias.

Impact of Jigsaw Classroom

• Instant outsider, Carlos, improved performance and developed friendships through the jigsaw classroom approach.
• Carlos went from hating school to graduating from a university and attending Harvard Law School.

FORGIVING AND FORGETTING

Forgiving and Forgetting:

• The Interfaith Center in New York faced eviction due to funding cuts, but was saved by an unlikely donor, a Muslim immigrant named Sheikh Moussa Drammeh.
• Forgiveness is important for healing the hatred between groups after intergroup violence.
• Holding onto hatred and grudges has negative physiological consequences, such as increased stress hormones and impaired immune effectiveness.
• Forgiveness does not require forgetting or reconciling with the perpetrator, but rather finding a way to free oneself from obsession about the hurt.
• Psychologists have found that forgiveness can lead to emotional and physical healing for those who have experienced trauma.
• Forgiveness is important as a reminder of past atrocities and a motivation to help prevent future acts of violence.

Biological Consequences of Hatred:

• Holding onto hatred and grudges can lead to increased stress hormones, raising blood pressure and impairing immune effectiveness.
• The more often and intensely one experiences these reactions, the greater the potential for lasting biological consequences.

Forgiveness as Antidote:

• Forgiveness reverses the biological reaction to hatred by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and stress hormones.
• It can lead to emotional healing and making friends with former enemies.
• Forgiveness does not require forgetting or reconciling with the perpetrator.

The Power of Forgiveness:

• Seventeen men and women from Northern Ireland, who had lost family members in sectarian violence, were coached on forgiveness during a weeklong program.
• They reported feeling less hurt emotionally and a substantial drop in physical symptoms of trauma after the forgiveness exercise.

Remembering the Past:

• Acts of oppression and brutality should be remembered as morality tales to prevent future violence.
• The Holocaust is an example of what can happen when a technocratic state goes mad, and remembering its horror is important for preventing similar atrocities in the future.
• New Dawn, a weekly radio soap opera in Rwanda, uses storytelling to promote active resistance to hatred and build tools to prevent future violence.

Understanding the Roots of Evil:

• The groundwork for genocide is laid during severe social upheavals, such as economic crises or political chaos.
• Ideologies that scapegoat a weaker group spread easily when the majority group feels victimized and wounded.
• Perpetrators are more likely to commit violence when targets are unable to speak up for themselves and bystanders do nothing.

Promoting Community Healing:

• Ervin Staub, a psychologist who survived the Holocaas a child, has been teaching insights into the dynamics of genocide and ways to resist hatred in Rwanda.
• Both Hutus and Tutsis who have gone through such training feel less traumatized by what happened to them and are more accepting of the other group.
• Reconciliation, which involves an honest review of oppression and efforts at making amends, is necessary for true healing and living together in a new way.

EPILOGUE

Epilogue: What Really Matters

• Met a man who experienced yacht envy on a Greek island superyacht tour
• Envy came from "hedonic treadmill" phenomenon described by Princeton University psychologist Daniel Kahneman
• Wealth and increased pleasures lead to higher expectations, requiring more pleasure for equivalent satisfaction
• Kahneman's research suggests focusing on rewarding relationships as a way to escape the hedonic treadmill

Hedonic Treadmill (or Adaptation Principle)

• People tend to adapt to their surroundings and experiences, including increased wealth
• Continuously seeking more expensive pleasures results in never-ending treadmill

Finding Happiness: The Importance of Relationships

• Women's happiness influenced by people they spend time with, not income or marital status (Kahneman et al.)
• Most pleasurable activities: making love and socializing; least enjoyable: daily commute and work

Optimizing Relationships for Happiness

• Spend more time with satisfying relationships to the extent schedules and money allow
• Re-creating relationships to make them more nourishing

Emotional Contagion

• People's moods influenced by interactions with others (emotional vitamins)
• Resonant relationships sustain us during tough times and daily life

Importance of Good Relationships in "Optimal Human Existence"

• Warm connections with others universally agreed-upon feature of the good life across cultures
• Marital researcher John Gottman: stable marriages have 5 positive interactions for every negative one
• Inventory relationships' "nutritional value," work on improving problematic ones, and consider how we impact others

Social Intelligence and Caring Sensibility

• Empathy and concerned action (I-You approach) key components of social intelligence
• Social brain acts as a built-in guidance system for charity, good works, and compassionate acts
• Caring sensibility in social intelligence increasingly valuable given economic realities.

SOCIAL ENGINEERING

Social Engineering and Human Well-being

• Martin Buber: growing preponderance of I-It relationships threatens human well-being
• Depersonalization of relationships corrodes quality of life and human spirit
• George Herbert Mead: originated the idea of "social self" and proposed perfected social intelligence as goal for social progress

The Social Self and Social Intelligence

• Formed through relationships, shapes our identity
• Goal is heightened rapport and mutual understanding
• May seem outdated given modern societal challenges

Impact of Others on Our Biology

• Brain's exquisite social responsiveness drives and molds our biology
• Takes responsibility for how we affect people in our lives
• Implications for social neuroscience: malign or benign applications

Orwellian vs. Benign Applications of Social Neuroscience

• Misapplication in advertising, propaganda, and media manipulation
• Exploitative messages amplified using fMRI readings
• Inevitable underside of technological progress
• Benign applications: training empathy in medical professionals, virtual psychiatrist-on-call, reengineering social institutions

Reengineering Social Institutions for the Better

• Chronically ill and dying: provide support for helpers as well as patients
• Elderly: cohousing to recreate extended family and offer social connections
• Corrections system: affirm decent connections for prisoners rather than cutting them off
• Leaders: set emotional tone that affects collective objectives and employee performance
• Nurture social wisdom to allow people to flourish in their connections

Buber warns against indifference to suffering and using social skills for selfish ends

• Emphasizes empathy, caring, and taking responsibility for others as well as oneself
• Social neuroscience discoveries have implications for reengineering social institutions for the better.

THE GROSS NATIONAL HAPPINESS

Gross National Happiness (GNH) in Bhutan:

• Bhutan prioritizes GNH over traditional economic indicators like GDP
• Pillars of national happiness include: financial self-reliance, pristine environment, health care, education, local culture, and democracy
• Economic growth is important but not the sole focus

Value of Happiness and Well-being:

• Economists are rethinking the assumption that more consumption equals greater happiness
• Daniel Kahneman: income and employment don't necessarily correlate with happiness
• Technological fixes can disconnect people from each other and themselves

Alvin Weinberg and Compassionate Capitalism:

• Weinberg: technology makes it easier to disconnect, civilization is in a singularity, values should guide choices
• Conventional view: capitalism is the most efficient way to allocate resources but lacks compassion
• Proposed solution: modify economic system to be more compassionate and stable politically

Paul Farmer and Structural Violence:

• Farmer decries economic systems that keep the poor sick, proposes treating health care as a human right
• Economic theories have few ways to account for human suffering, empathy is essential for a compassionate capitalism

Societywide Efforts to Optimize Social Brain:

• Economists might study benefits of socially intelligent parenting and emotional skills education
• Potential benefits: higher achievement in school, better performance at work, happier and more socially able children, improved community safety, lifetime health, and economic contributions.

THE RAW BUZZ OF FELLOW FEELING

The Power of Human Connection

• Walt Whitman's "I Sing the Body Electric" emphasizes the importance of being with people we care about and the vitality that comes from human contact.
• Neuroscience has discovered that social connections have a significant impact on our health and well-being.

Biological Impact of Social Life

• Social interactions can influence our brain function and health, for better or worse.
• Negative emotions like disgust, contempt, and explosive anger can negatively affect those around us.
• Positive emotions can have a health-boosting effect on ourselves and others.

The Importance of Nurturing Social Connections

• Strong social connections provide energy and pleasure.
• We can influence the emotional states of those around us, either positively or negatively.
• Cultivating positive emotions in our surroundings is important for personal and collective well-being.

The Impact of Hatred and Division

• The destructive potential of hatred has increased due to technology and organizational efficiency.
• W.H. Auden's "We must love one another or die" highlights the urgency of expanding our circle of compassion.

Expanding Empathy and Bridging Divides

• The social brain connects us all at our common human core.
• Extending empathy to understand others despite differences is essential for reducing hatred and divisions.

APPENDIX A. The High and Low Roads: A Note

The High-Low Roads Dichotomy:

• The low road operates automatically, outside awareness, and quickly.
• The high road operates voluntarily, requires effort and conscious intent, and moves slowly.

Neural Systems:

• Matthew Lieberman's summary: X-system (automatic) and C-system (controlled).
  • X-system includes the amygdala and other neural areas.
  • C-system includes the anterior cingulate cortex, prefrontal cortex, and others.

Interaction between Systems:

• Both systems work in parallel.
• Automatic and controlled functions intermix in various ratios.

Examples of High and Low Road Functions:

• While reading, we intentionally reflect on meaning (high road) while automatic mechanisms support function such as recognizing patterns and decoding syntax (low road).

Spectrum of High and Low Roads:

• In reality, a spectrum rather than a clear-cut dichotomy.
• Collapses cognitive-affective and automatic-controlled into one dimension: automatic-affective and controlled-cognitive.

Default Mode and Interruptions:

• The low road's automatic processes are the brain's default mode, constantly active.
• High road mainly kicks in when automatic processes are interrupted (by unexpected events, mistakes, or intentional thought).

Capacity for Choice:

• Most of our stream of thought runs on automatic, handling routine matters.
• The high road can override the low road within limits, giving us choice and control in life.

APPENDIX B. The Social Brain

Social Brain:

• A set of neural networks that orchestrate social activities
• Extensive and widely distributed throughout the brain
• No single site controls social interaction
• Consists of fluid and wide-ranging networks that synchronize around relating to others

Characteristics of Social Brain:

• Not localized in one place, but distributed throughout the brain
• More complex tasks have wider distribution in the brain
• Interconnected with dizzying complexity

Components of Social Brain:

• Mirror Neurons:
  • Peppered throughout the brain, especially in prefrontal cortex and parietal areas
  • Handle shared representations and observe others' actions
  • Activate during conversation and gesture observation
• Right Parietal Operculum:
  • Encodes kinesthetic and sensory feedback for orchestrating movements in response to conversational partner
• Amygdala:
  • Connects with insula and premotor cortex when interpreting emotional messages in tone of voice
  • Controls autonomic responses, heightening heart rate during emotionally charged conversations
• Fusiform Area:
  • Dedicated to recognizing emotions in faces and monitoring gaze direction
• Somatosensory Areas:
  • Sense other person's state and our own in response
• Brain Stem Nuclei:
  • Create appropriate facial expressions in response to emotional messages
• Empathy Pathways:
  • Fast low-road flow via connections between sensory cortices, thalamus, and amygdala
  • Slower high-road flow from the thalamus up to the neocortex and back down to the amygdala for more thoughtful response
• Orbitofrontal and Anterior Cingulate Cortices:
  • Active in perceiving another person's emotions and fine-tuning our own emotional reaction
• Prefrontal Cortex:
  • Modulates emotions to maintain social interactions effectively
• Cerebellum:
  • Keeps attention well targeted during social interactions
  • Ancillary role in smooth nonverbal, unconscious synchrony

Identifying Core Circuitry of Social Brain:

• Minimal neural networks can be outlined for specific social acts, such as perceiving and imitating emotions of another person.

Empathy and the Brain:

• Empathy involves both affective (hot) and sensory-motor (cold) circuits communicating with each other.
• UCLA team suggests insula as a connector between limbic areas and frontal cortex.

Mapping the Social Brain:

• NIMH argues for interlocking neural circuits for empathy, not a single system.
• Primal empathy: pathways from sensory cortices to thalamus and amygdala.
• Cognitive empathy: pathways from thalamus to cortex, amygdala, and response circuitry.

Emotion-Specific Circuits:

• Fear activates amygdala, not orbitofrontal cortex (OFC).
• Anger activates OFC, not amygdala.
• Disgust involves structures in basal ganglia and anterior insula.
• Cognitive empathy: medial frontal cortex, superior temporal sulcus, and temporal lobe.

Linking Empathy and Morality:

• Brain areas for moral judgments include amygdala, thalamus, insula, and upper brain stem.
• Somatic markers (Damasio) involve ventromedial prefrontal, parietal, cingulate areas, right amygdala, and insula.

Neurological Studies:

• Patients with lesions in emotional circuits have poor interpersonal skills.
• Somatic markers are crucial for empathy, especially in relationships.
• Damasio's somatic markers overlap with Preston and de Waal's perception-action model.

Brain Imaging Studies:

• fMRI studies reveal different neural networks for various social situations.
• Medial prefrontal cortex, temporal areas, lateral OFC, and medial prefrontal cortex are involved in handling social appropriateness decisions.
• Ventromedial region of the prefrontal cortex plays a crucial role in integrating memory, emotion, and feeling for social decision-making.

APPENDIX C. Rethinking Social Intelligence

Social Intelligence and the Social Brain

• The social brain evolved in mammals, particularly those living in groups, for survival
• Social prowess, not cognitive superiority or physical advantage, may have allowed Homo sapiens to thrive
• Evolutionary psychologists argue the social brain evolved to navigate primate group dynamics
• Major functions of the social brain include interaction synchrony, empathy types, social cognition, interaction skills, and concern for others

Implications for the Social and Behavioral Sciences

• Neuro-economics challenges traditional economic assumptions with findings on decision-making and non-rational influences
• Intelligence theory and testing may need to reconsider their basic assumptions

Historical Context

• Early theories of intelligence included mechanical, abstract, and social intelligences
• Emotional intelligence emerged as a potential replacement for social intelligence in the 1990s
• Recent advancements in social neuroscience call for expanded research on social intelligence

Functions of Social Intelligence

• Interaction synchrony: ability to coordinate actions with others
• Empathy types: understanding and responding to emotions in oneself and others
• Social cognition: processing social information, including recognizing social norms and understanding relationships
• Interaction skills: using verbal and nonverbal communication effectively
• Concern for others: recognizing and responding to the needs and feelings of others

Future Developments

• More robust and valid models of social intelligence will emerge gradually from research
• Expanding the concept of intelligence to include non-cognitive abilities is essential for understanding human relationships

Some psychologists may complain that the defining capacities of social intelligence I propose add to standard definitions of “intelligence” aptitudes

Adding capacities of Edward Thorndike's social intelligence to standard definitions of intelligence.

Non-Cognitive Abilities: These immensely adaptive aspects of human social repertoire include:

• Primal Empathy: ability to understand and share the feelings of others
• Synchrony: coordinating actions with others, especially in response to nonverbal cues
• Concern: caring for others and considering their needs in social situations

History of Social Intelligence:

• Early Attempts (1920s): psychologists sought to find an analog of IQ for social aptitudes but failed due to a focus on cognitive abilities.
• Later Developments: J.P. Guilford's complex model of intelligence (120 separate intellectual abilities, including thirty related to social intelligence) and Robert Sternberg's "practical intelligence" and Howard Gardner's "interpersonal intelligence."
• Current Challenges: no cohesive theory distinguishes social intelligence from IQ or has practical applications.

Social Intelligence vs. General Intelligence: Social intelligence is often viewed as an application of general intelligence to social situations, but this approach overlooks non-cognitive capacities and fails to distinguish social intelligence from IQ.

Limitations of Current Approaches:

• Focus on mental abilities: ignoring the crucial roles of affect and the low road in social intelligence.
• Lack of adequate measures: current tests primarily assess cognitive abilities, neglecting non-verbal, automatic abilities.

Implications for Research:

• Expand the scope: include high-road abilities like social cognition as well as low-road functions like synchrony and empathic concern.
• Use diverse methods: employ social neuroscience approaches, simulations of social situations, or obtain others' views of social abilities to capture the full range of social intelligence.
• Revisit theoretical foundations: reconsider the role of social intelligence in brain architecture and human evolution.