How was I made to be an introvert?

[earayu]

When I was a child, I was always told it is dangerous outside and not to eat anything given by strangers. One day I was with my dad and met a friend of his. My dad's friend, whom I had never seen, handed me a piece of freshly peeled watermelon and it looked delicious. I wanted to eat it badly. But I realized they were staring at me, so I dared not to eat the watermelon. My dad said to his friend, "My son is introverted. He's very shy". It was the first time that I remembered I was labeled to be introverted. From then on, I also believed that I was introverted.

There were some more events that shaped me. I dare not to speak or do anything unusual in front of my parents' relatives, because I was afraid of causing their attention and they may laugh at me. That was not my illusion, I knew they would tease me. It was not because they had any malicious intent, they were just used to that kind of behaviour. Children in China won't get as much respect as adults and it is considered okay for an adult to offend a child in front of his/her parents.

When I grew up to be a teenager, I found myself popular as I was good at both sports and study. I started to gain confidence and began to be extroverted. I was always the kid followed by a bunch of others, and I liked that. When I was extroverted, I tend to be willing to take more responsibilities, showing concern for others, being optimistic. In the opposite, I tend to take less responsibilities, easily become anxious and always worried about the future.

But that didn't last long, as my friend and I had to face the preassure of china's high school and college entrance exam, we were expected to suppress our individualities to devote most of our time to studying. At every stage of my life, I had to follow rules set by different authorities – my parents, teachers, bosses at work, and the government.

I had MBTI personality tests several times at different ages, sometimes I was ESFJ (E stands for extrovert) but in most cases I was INTP (I stands for introvert). I love being extroverted but I can't just switch to be one. I am 29 years old now, and I'm feeling my personality is solidifying. Possibly I will remain an introvert if I stay in the same social environment as I do now. Yet I would be happy to take a chance and attempt to become an extrovert again.