diff --git a/Cargo.lock b/Cargo.lock
index 9a3774819..c05a6709b 100644
--- a/Cargo.lock
+++ b/Cargo.lock
@@ -40,9 +40,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "ahash"
-version = "0.8.5"
+version = "0.8.6"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "cd7d5a2cecb58716e47d67d5703a249964b14c7be1ec3cad3affc295b2d1c35d"
+checksum = "91429305e9f0a25f6205c5b8e0d2db09e0708a7a6df0f42212bb56c32c8ac97a"
 dependencies = [
  "cfg-if",
  "getrandom",
@@ -437,7 +437,7 @@ dependencies = [
 name = "athena"
 version = "0.0.1-pre.4"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "async-trait",
  "deadpool-redis",
  "either",
@@ -685,9 +685,9 @@ checksum = "8c3c1a368f70d6cf7302d78f8f7093da241fb8e8807c05cc9e51a125895a6d5b"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "basic-toml"
-version = "0.1.4"
+version = "0.1.7"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "7bfc506e7a2370ec239e1d072507b2a80c833083699d3c6fa176fbb4de8448c6"
+checksum = "2f2139706359229bfa8f19142ac1155b4b80beafb7a60471ac5dd109d4a19778"
 dependencies = [
  "serde",
 ]
@@ -819,9 +819,9 @@ checksum = "7f30e7476521f6f8af1a1c4c0b8cc94f0bee37d91763d0ca2665f299b6cd8aec"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "bytecount"
-version = "0.6.6"
+version = "0.6.7"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "d56f99948f5dd725fb7e351c80765ae80044f243169e141188a874105da83e9e"
+checksum = "e1e5f035d16fc623ae5f74981db80a439803888314e3a555fd6f04acd51a3205"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "byteorder"
@@ -1168,9 +1168,9 @@ checksum = "e496a50fda8aacccc86d7529e2c1e0892dbd0f898a6b5645b5561b89c3210efa"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "cpufeatures"
-version = "0.2.10"
+version = "0.2.11"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "3fbc60abd742b35f2492f808e1abbb83d45f72db402e14c55057edc9c7b1e9e4"
+checksum = "ce420fe07aecd3e67c5f910618fe65e94158f6dcc0adf44e00d69ce2bdfe0fd0"
 dependencies = [
  "libc",
 ]
@@ -2002,9 +2002,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "23342abe12aba583913b2e62f22225ff9c950774065e4bfb61a19cd9770fec40"
+checksum = "da0290714b38af9b4a7b094b8a37086d1b4e61f2df9122c3cad2577669145335"
 dependencies = [
  "futures-channel",
  "futures-core",
@@ -2017,9 +2017,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-channel"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "955518d47e09b25bbebc7a18df10b81f0c766eaf4c4f1cccef2fca5f2a4fb5f2"
+checksum = "ff4dd66668b557604244583e3e1e1eada8c5c2e96a6d0d6653ede395b78bbacb"
 dependencies = [
  "futures-core",
  "futures-sink",
@@ -2027,15 +2027,15 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-core"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "4bca583b7e26f571124fe5b7561d49cb2868d79116cfa0eefce955557c6fee8c"
+checksum = "eb1d22c66e66d9d72e1758f0bd7d4fd0bee04cad842ee34587d68c07e45d088c"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-executor"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "ccecee823288125bd88b4d7f565c9e58e41858e47ab72e8ea2d64e93624386e0"
+checksum = "0f4fb8693db0cf099eadcca0efe2a5a22e4550f98ed16aba6c48700da29597bc"
 dependencies = [
  "futures-core",
  "futures-task",
@@ -2044,9 +2044,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-io"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "4fff74096e71ed47f8e023204cfd0aa1289cd54ae5430a9523be060cdb849964"
+checksum = "8bf34a163b5c4c52d0478a4d757da8fb65cabef42ba90515efee0f6f9fa45aaa"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-lite"
@@ -2065,9 +2065,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-macro"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "89ca545a94061b6365f2c7355b4b32bd20df3ff95f02da9329b34ccc3bd6ee72"
+checksum = "53b153fd91e4b0147f4aced87be237c98248656bb01050b96bf3ee89220a8ddb"
 dependencies = [
  "proc-macro2",
  "quote",
@@ -2098,21 +2098,21 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-sink"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "f43be4fe21a13b9781a69afa4985b0f6ee0e1afab2c6f454a8cf30e2b2237b6e"
+checksum = "e36d3378ee38c2a36ad710c5d30c2911d752cb941c00c72dbabfb786a7970817"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-task"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "76d3d132be6c0e6aa1534069c705a74a5997a356c0dc2f86a47765e5617c5b65"
+checksum = "efd193069b0ddadc69c46389b740bbccdd97203899b48d09c5f7969591d6bae2"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "futures-util"
-version = "0.3.28"
+version = "0.3.29"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "26b01e40b772d54cf6c6d721c1d1abd0647a0106a12ecaa1c186273392a69533"
+checksum = "a19526d624e703a3179b3d322efec918b6246ea0fa51d41124525f00f1cc8104"
 dependencies = [
  "futures-channel",
  "futures-core",
@@ -2137,9 +2137,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "garde"
-version = "0.16.0"
+version = "0.16.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "94320acdd9159591d0f8079eb347fb52c2ffbe206b5214f6f4d482f2866e4d91"
+checksum = "d16596022bab79d38f74999f49b2fa08db8e4e568b43a95a2bd78afbee13f55c"
 dependencies = [
  "compact_str",
  "garde_derive",
@@ -2152,9 +2152,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "garde_derive"
-version = "0.16.0"
+version = "0.16.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "c3c617dc2454b80bcf7232a47efccdbd7aee2acb2a92a332b3ea7398dcc7f31d"
+checksum = "38ae3270e3d5914fcf8ac7b3f77d2e7d424018913e62f5f3ade51995da109412"
 dependencies = [
  "proc-macro2",
  "quote",
@@ -2281,7 +2281,7 @@ version = "0.13.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
 checksum = "33ff8ae62cd3a9102e5637afc8452c55acf3844001bd5374e0b0bd7b6616c038"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
 ]
 
 [[package]]
@@ -2290,7 +2290,7 @@ version = "0.14.2"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
 checksum = "f93e7192158dbcda357bdec5fb5788eebf8bbac027f3f33e719d29135ae84156"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "allocator-api2",
 ]
 
@@ -2480,9 +2480,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "hyper-rustls"
-version = "0.24.1"
+version = "0.24.2"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "8d78e1e73ec14cf7375674f74d7dde185c8206fd9dea6fb6295e8a98098aaa97"
+checksum = "ec3efd23720e2049821a693cbc7e65ea87c72f1c58ff2f9522ff332b1491e590"
 dependencies = [
  "futures-util",
  "http",
@@ -2878,7 +2878,7 @@ dependencies = [
  "serde",
  "smol_str",
  "tokio",
- "toml 0.8.4",
+ "toml 0.8.6",
 ]
 
 [[package]]
@@ -2971,7 +2971,7 @@ dependencies = [
  "simd-json",
  "speedy-uuid",
  "thiserror",
- "tracing-log",
+ "tracing-log 0.2.0",
  "typed-builder",
 ]
 
@@ -3057,7 +3057,7 @@ dependencies = [
  "kitsune-retry-policies",
  "mimalloc",
  "tokio",
- "toml 0.8.4",
+ "toml 0.8.6",
  "tracing",
 ]
 
@@ -3077,7 +3077,7 @@ dependencies = [
 name = "kitsune-messaging"
 version = "0.0.1-pre.4"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "async-trait",
  "futures-util",
  "kitsune-retry-policies",
@@ -3195,9 +3195,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "lettre"
-version = "0.11.0"
+version = "0.11.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "d47084ad58f99c26816d174702f60e873f861fcef3f9bd6075b4ad2dd72d07d5"
+checksum = "a466bc111374ccf4d90877dba636924a2185e67e5be4b35d32043199365097b2"
 dependencies = [
  "async-trait",
  "base64 0.21.5",
@@ -3224,6 +3224,15 @@ dependencies = [
  "webpki-roots",
 ]
 
+[[package]]
+name = "lexical"
+version = "6.1.1"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "c7aefb36fd43fef7003334742cbf77b243fcd36418a1d1bdd480d613a67968f6"
+dependencies = [
+ "lexical-core",
+]
+
 [[package]]
 name = "lexical-core"
 version = "0.8.5"
@@ -3453,6 +3462,17 @@ dependencies = [
  "tendril",
 ]
 
+[[package]]
+name = "masto-id-convert"
+version = "0.0.1-pre.4"
+dependencies = [
+ "criterion",
+ "lexical",
+ "nanorand",
+ "time",
+ "uuid",
+]
+
 [[package]]
 name = "match_cfg"
 version = "0.1.0"
@@ -3535,7 +3555,7 @@ version = "0.21.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
 checksum = "fde3af1a009ed76a778cb84fdef9e7dbbdf5775ae3e4cc1f434a6a307f6f76c5"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "metrics-macros",
  "portable-atomic",
 ]
@@ -3751,6 +3771,12 @@ dependencies = [
  "version_check",
 ]
 
+[[package]]
+name = "nanorand"
+version = "0.7.0"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "6a51313c5820b0b02bd422f4b44776fbf47961755c74ce64afc73bfad10226c3"
+
 [[package]]
 name = "new_debug_unreachable"
 version = "1.0.4"
@@ -4736,7 +4762,7 @@ name = "redis"
 version = "0.23.3"
 source = "git+https://github.com/aumetra/redis-rs.git?rev=3c4ee09d432a69e1d87d66dcba14c519467c9b81#3c4ee09d432a69e1d87d66dcba14c519467c9b81"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "arc-swap",
  "async-trait",
  "bytes",
@@ -4767,15 +4793,6 @@ dependencies = [
  "bitflags 1.3.2",
 ]
 
-[[package]]
-name = "redox_syscall"
-version = "0.3.5"
-source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "567664f262709473930a4bf9e51bf2ebf3348f2e748ccc50dea20646858f8f29"
-dependencies = [
- "bitflags 1.3.2",
-]
-
 [[package]]
 name = "redox_syscall"
 version = "0.4.1"
@@ -4796,6 +4813,26 @@ dependencies = [
  "thiserror",
 ]
 
+[[package]]
+name = "ref-cast"
+version = "1.0.20"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "acde58d073e9c79da00f2b5b84eed919c8326832648a5b109b3fce1bb1175280"
+dependencies = [
+ "ref-cast-impl",
+]
+
+[[package]]
+name = "ref-cast-impl"
+version = "1.0.20"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "7f7473c2cfcf90008193dd0e3e16599455cb601a9fce322b5bb55de799664925"
+dependencies = [
+ "proc-macro2",
+ "quote",
+ "syn 2.0.38",
+]
+
 [[package]]
 name = "regex"
 version = "1.10.2"
@@ -4911,16 +4948,14 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "rsa"
-version = "0.9.2"
+version = "0.9.3"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "6ab43bb47d23c1a631b4b680199a45255dce26fa9ab2fa902581f624ff13e6a8"
+checksum = "86ef35bf3e7fe15a53c4ab08a998e42271eab13eb0db224126bc7bc4c4bad96d"
 dependencies = [
- "byteorder",
  "const-oid",
  "digest",
  "num-bigint-dig",
  "num-integer",
- "num-iter",
  "num-traits 0.2.17",
  "pkcs1",
  "pkcs8",
@@ -5001,9 +5036,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "rustix"
-version = "0.38.20"
+version = "0.38.21"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "67ce50cb2e16c2903e30d1cbccfd8387a74b9d4c938b6a4c5ec6cc7556f7a8a0"
+checksum = "2b426b0506e5d50a7d8dafcf2e81471400deb602392c7dd110815afb4eaf02a3"
 dependencies = [
  "bitflags 2.4.1",
  "errno",
@@ -5117,17 +5152,16 @@ checksum = "94143f37725109f92c262ed2cf5e59bce7498c01bcc1502d7b9afe439a4e9f49"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "scraper"
-version = "0.17.1"
+version = "0.18.0"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "c95a930e03325234c18c7071fd2b60118307e025d6fff3e12745ffbf63a3d29c"
+checksum = "3693f9a0203d49a7ba8f38aa915316b3d535c1862d03dae7009cb71a3408b36a"
 dependencies = [
- "ahash 0.8.5",
+ "ahash 0.8.6",
  "cssparser",
  "ego-tree",
  "html5ever",
  "once_cell",
  "selectors",
- "smallvec",
  "tendril",
 ]
 
@@ -5208,9 +5242,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "serde"
-version = "1.0.189"
+version = "1.0.190"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "8e422a44e74ad4001bdc8eede9a4570ab52f71190e9c076d14369f38b9200537"
+checksum = "91d3c334ca1ee894a2c6f6ad698fe8c435b76d504b13d436f0685d648d6d96f7"
 dependencies = [
  "serde_derive",
 ]
@@ -5227,9 +5261,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "serde_derive"
-version = "1.0.189"
+version = "1.0.190"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "1e48d1f918009ce3145511378cf68d613e3b3d9137d67272562080d68a2b32d5"
+checksum = "67c5609f394e5c2bd7fc51efda478004ea80ef42fee983d5c67a65e34f32c0e3"
 dependencies = [
  "proc-macro2",
  "quote",
@@ -5451,13 +5485,14 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "simd-json"
-version = "0.12.0"
+version = "0.13.3"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "f0f07a84c7456b901b8dd2c1d44caca8b0fd2c2616206ee5acc9d9da61e8d9ec"
+checksum = "d123f285a3635e423ec2ef5b67e0168dcf86c0d62fffbcea88fcd1c926e47413"
 dependencies = [
  "getrandom",
  "halfbrown",
  "lexical-core",
+ "ref-cast",
  "serde",
  "serde_json",
  "simdutf8",
@@ -5746,13 +5781,13 @@ checksum = "7b2093cf4c8eb1e67749a6762251bc9cd836b6fc171623bd0a9d324d37af2417"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "tempfile"
-version = "3.8.0"
+version = "3.8.1"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "cb94d2f3cc536af71caac6b6fcebf65860b347e7ce0cc9ebe8f70d3e521054ef"
+checksum = "7ef1adac450ad7f4b3c28589471ade84f25f731a7a0fe30d71dfa9f60fd808e5"
 dependencies = [
  "cfg-if",
  "fastrand 2.0.1",
- "redox_syscall 0.3.5",
+ "redox_syscall 0.4.1",
  "rustix",
  "windows-sys 0.48.0",
 ]
@@ -5976,9 +6011,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "tokio-util"
-version = "0.7.9"
+version = "0.7.10"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "1d68074620f57a0b21594d9735eb2e98ab38b17f80d3fcb189fca266771ca60d"
+checksum = "5419f34732d9eb6ee4c3578b7989078579b7f039cbbb9ca2c4da015749371e15"
 dependencies = [
  "bytes",
  "futures-core",
@@ -6003,14 +6038,14 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "toml"
-version = "0.8.4"
+version = "0.8.6"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "2ef75d881185fd2df4a040793927c153d863651108a93c7e17a9e591baa95cc6"
+checksum = "8ff9e3abce27ee2c9a37f9ad37238c1bdd4e789c84ba37df76aa4d528f5072cc"
 dependencies = [
  "serde",
  "serde_spanned",
  "toml_datetime",
- "toml_edit 0.20.4",
+ "toml_edit 0.20.7",
 ]
 
 [[package]]
@@ -6037,9 +6072,9 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "toml_edit"
-version = "0.20.4"
+version = "0.20.7"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "380f9e8120405471f7c9ad1860a713ef5ece6a670c7eae39225e477340f32fc4"
+checksum = "70f427fce4d84c72b5b732388bf4a9f4531b53f74e2887e3ecb2481f68f66d81"
 dependencies = [
  "indexmap 2.0.2",
  "serde",
@@ -6206,6 +6241,17 @@ dependencies = [
  "tracing-core",
 ]
 
+[[package]]
+name = "tracing-log"
+version = "0.2.0"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "ee855f1f400bd0e5c02d150ae5de3840039a3f54b025156404e34c23c03f47c3"
+dependencies = [
+ "log",
+ "once_cell",
+ "tracing-core",
+]
+
 [[package]]
 name = "tracing-opentelemetry"
 version = "0.21.0"
@@ -6231,7 +6277,7 @@ dependencies = [
  "smallvec",
  "thread_local",
  "tracing-core",
- "tracing-log",
+ "tracing-log 0.1.4",
 ]
 
 [[package]]
@@ -6454,9 +6500,9 @@ checksum = "830b7e5d4d90034032940e4ace0d9a9a057e7a45cd94e6c007832e39edb82f6d"
 
 [[package]]
 name = "value-trait"
-version = "0.6.1"
+version = "0.8.0"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "09a5b6c8ceb01263b969cac48d4a6705134d490ded13d889e52c0cfc80c6945e"
+checksum = "ea87257cfcbedcb9444eda79c59fdfea71217e6305afee8ee33f500375c2ac97"
 dependencies = [
  "float-cmp",
  "halfbrown",
@@ -6846,18 +6892,18 @@ dependencies = [
 
 [[package]]
 name = "zerocopy"
-version = "0.7.12"
+version = "0.7.17"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "8db0ac2df3d060f81ec0380ccc5b71c2a7c092cfced671feeee1320e95559c87"
+checksum = "a1808c6e5aa42cb2b67578276190258f08679c275d92a19735aad5d359e1b154"
 dependencies = [
  "zerocopy-derive",
 ]
 
 [[package]]
 name = "zerocopy-derive"
-version = "0.7.12"
+version = "0.7.17"
 source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "6b6093bc6d5265ff40b479c834cdd25d8e20784781a2a29a8106327393d0a9ff"
+checksum = "ea597733532c780ce3e110401fc3b359b984cc78e17ac0917d3f371ffd1c1618"
 dependencies = [
  "proc-macro2",
  "quote",
diff --git a/Cargo.toml b/Cargo.toml
index c1b103412..e3cb97170 100644
--- a/Cargo.toml
+++ b/Cargo.toml
@@ -39,6 +39,7 @@ members = [
     "kitsune-cli",
     "kitsune-job-runner",
     "lib/athena",
+    "lib/masto-id-convert",
     "lib/post-process",
     "lib/speedy-uuid",
 ]
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-cache/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-cache/Cargo.toml
index a3dd34760..eca6a89d1 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-cache/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-cache/Cargo.toml
@@ -9,8 +9,8 @@ deadpool-redis = "0.13.0"
 enum_dispatch = "0.3.12"
 moka = { version = "0.12.1", features = ["sync"] }
 redis = "0.23.3"
-serde = "1.0.189"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = "1.0.190"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
 tracing = "0.1.40"
 typed-builder = "0.18.0"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-captcha/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-captcha/Cargo.toml
index 3c7a0383c..2b984e511 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-captcha/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-captcha/Cargo.toml
@@ -8,9 +8,9 @@ async-trait = "0.1.74"
 enum_dispatch = "0.3.12"
 http = "0.2.9"
 kitsune-http-client = { path = "../kitsune-http-client" }
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 serde_urlencoded = "0.7.1"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 strum = { version = "0.25.0", features = ["derive"] }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
 typed-builder = "0.18.0"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-config/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-config/Cargo.toml
index e73cb8155..814f333b3 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-config/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-config/Cargo.toml
@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ version.workspace = true
 
 [dependencies]
 eyre = "0.6.8"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 smol_str = { version = "0.2.0", features = ["serde"] }
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["fs"] }
-toml = { version = "0.8.4", default-features = false, features = ["parse"] }
+toml = { version = "0.8.6", default-features = false, features = ["parse"] }
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-core/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-core/Cargo.toml
index 8ab05908a..ddf87aa19 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-core/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-core/Cargo.toml
@@ -21,8 +21,8 @@ derive_builder = "0.12.0"
 diesel = "2.1.3"
 diesel-async = { version = "0.4.1", features = ["postgres"] }
 eyre = "0.6.8"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
-garde = { version = "0.16.0", default-features = false, features = [
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
+garde = { version = "0.16.1", default-features = false, features = [
     "derive",
     "email",
     "email-idna",
@@ -57,12 +57,12 @@ pulldown-cmark = { version = "0.9.3", default-features = false, features = [
     "simd",
 ] }
 rand = "0.8.5"
-rsa = "0.9.2"
+rsa = "0.9.3"
 rusty-s3 = { version = "0.5.0", default-features = false }
 scoped-futures = "0.1.3"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 sha2 = "0.10.8"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 smol_str = "0.2.0"
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../../lib/speedy-uuid", features = ["diesel"] }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
@@ -90,5 +90,5 @@ kitsune-test = { path = "../kitsune-test" }
 pretty_assertions = "1.4.0"
 redis = "0.23.3"
 serial_test = "2.0.0"
-tempfile = "3.8.0"
+tempfile = "3.8.1"
 tower = "0.4.13"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-db/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-db/Cargo.toml
index 42d4efde4..dc638162e 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-db/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-db/Cargo.toml
@@ -20,9 +20,9 @@ kitsune-language = { path = "../kitsune-language" }
 kitsune-type = { path = "../kitsune-type" }
 num-derive = "0.4.1"
 num-traits = "0.2.17"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../../lib/speedy-uuid", features = ["diesel"] }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
-tracing-log = "0.1.4"
+tracing-log = "0.2.0"
 typed-builder = "0.18.0"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-email/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-email/Cargo.toml
index 167a7e442..a20e7a6b5 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-email/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-email/Cargo.toml
@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ ignored = ["askama_axum"] # See reason below.
 [dependencies]
 askama = "0.12.1"
 askama_axum = "0.3.0" # Damn it, cargo. Because "kitsune" uses "askama" with the axum feature, we have to have the crate available here as well..
-lettre = { version = "0.11.0", default-features = false, features = [
+lettre = { version = "0.11.1", default-features = false, features = [
     "builder",
     "hostname",
     "pool",
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-embed/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-embed/Cargo.toml
index 8cbec7212..2ff279788 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-embed/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-embed/Cargo.toml
@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ iso8601-timestamp = "0.2.12"
 kitsune-db = { path = "../kitsune-db" }
 kitsune-http-client = { path = "../kitsune-http-client" }
 once_cell = "1.18.0"
-scraper = { version = "0.17.1", default-features = false }
+scraper = { version = "0.18.0", default-features = false }
 smol_str = "0.2.0"
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
 typed-builder = "0.18.0"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-http-client/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-http-client/Cargo.toml
index 02edbe0d8..3eb679dc9 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-http-client/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-http-client/Cargo.toml
@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ edition.workspace = true
 
 [dependencies]
 bytes = "1.5.0"
-futures-core = "0.3.28"
+futures-core = "0.3.29"
 headers = "0.3.9"
 http-body = "0.4.5"
 hyper = { version = "0.14.27", features = [
@@ -15,12 +15,12 @@ hyper = { version = "0.14.27", features = [
     "http2",
     "runtime",
 ] }
-hyper-rustls = { version = "0.24.1", features = ["http2"] }
+hyper-rustls = { version = "0.24.2", features = ["http2"] }
 kitsune-http-signatures = { path = "../kitsune-http-signatures" }
 kitsune-type = { path = "../kitsune-type" }
 pin-project-lite = "0.2.13"
-serde = "1.0.189"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = "1.0.190"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 tower = { version = "0.4.13", features = ["util"] }
 tower-http = { version = "0.4.4", features = [
     # Explicitly exclude `zstd`
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-http-client/tests/json.rs b/crates/kitsune-http-client/tests/json.rs
index 3077bb904..5dbc30aee 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-http-client/tests/json.rs
+++ b/crates/kitsune-http-client/tests/json.rs
@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ use core::convert::Infallible;
 use hyper::Response;
 use hyper::{Body, Request};
 use kitsune_http_client::Client;
-use simd_json::{OwnedValue, ValueAccess};
+use simd_json::{base::ValueAsScalar, OwnedValue};
 use tower::service_fn;
 
 #[tokio::test]
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-messaging/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-messaging/Cargo.toml
index 3bf927613..7737db506 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-messaging/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-messaging/Cargo.toml
@@ -4,9 +4,9 @@ version.workspace = true
 edition.workspace = true
 
 [dependencies]
-ahash = "0.8.5"
+ahash = "0.8.6"
 async-trait = "0.1.74"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
 kitsune-retry-policies = { path = "../kitsune-retry-policies" }
 pin-project-lite = "0.2.13"
 redis = { version = "0.23.3", features = [
@@ -14,8 +14,8 @@ redis = { version = "0.23.3", features = [
     "connection-manager",
     "tokio-rustls-comp",
 ] }
-serde = "1.0.189"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = "1.0.190"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["macros", "rt", "sync"] }
 tokio-stream = { version = "0.1.14", features = ["sync"] }
 tracing = "0.1.40"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-search/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-search/Cargo.toml
index c4cb6230d..175f216bf 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-search/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-search/Cargo.toml
@@ -9,10 +9,10 @@ diesel = "2.1.3"
 diesel-async = "0.4.1"
 diesel_full_text_search = { version = "2.1.1", default-features = false }
 enum_dispatch = "0.3.12"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
 kitsune-db = { path = "../kitsune-db" }
 kitsune-language = { path = "../kitsune-language" }
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../../lib/speedy-uuid" }
 strum = { version = "0.25.0", features = ["derive"] }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-storage/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-storage/Cargo.toml
index 3e4d45157..8a5ae78df 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-storage/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-storage/Cargo.toml
@@ -7,14 +7,14 @@ edition.workspace = true
 async-trait = "0.1.74"
 bytes = "1.5.0"
 enum_dispatch = "0.3.12"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
 http = "0.2.9"
 hyper = { version = "0.14.27", features = ["stream"] }
 kitsune-http-client = { path = "../kitsune-http-client" }
 rusty-s3 = { version = "0.5.0", default-features = false }
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["fs", "io-util"] }
-tokio-util = { version = "0.7.9", features = ["io"] }
+tokio-util = { version = "0.7.10", features = ["io"] }
 
 [dev-dependencies]
-tempfile = "3.8.0"
+tempfile = "3.8.1"
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["macros", "rt"] }
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-test/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-test/Cargo.toml
index 1a32e5d36..418bdf1f7 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-test/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-test/Cargo.toml
@@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ version.workspace = true
 deadpool-redis = "0.13.0"
 diesel = "2.1.3"
 diesel-async = "0.4.1"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
 kitsune-db = { path = "../kitsune-db" }
 pin-project-lite = "0.2.13"
 redis = "0.23.3"
diff --git a/crates/kitsune-type/Cargo.toml b/crates/kitsune-type/Cargo.toml
index cdb4034e4..b15fbce78 100644
--- a/crates/kitsune-type/Cargo.toml
+++ b/crates/kitsune-type/Cargo.toml
@@ -5,8 +5,8 @@ edition.workspace = true
 
 [dependencies]
 iso8601-timestamp = "0.2.12"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 smol_str = { version = "0.2.0", features = ["serde"] }
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../../lib/speedy-uuid", features = ["serde"] }
 utoipa = { version = "4.0.0", features = ["chrono", "uuid"] }
diff --git a/kitsune-cli/Cargo.toml b/kitsune-cli/Cargo.toml
index 97e125c01..dfb0f19db 100644
--- a/kitsune-cli/Cargo.toml
+++ b/kitsune-cli/Cargo.toml
@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ diesel-async = "0.4.1"
 dotenvy = "0.15.7"
 envy = "0.4.2"
 kitsune-db = { path = "../crates/kitsune-db" }
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../lib/speedy-uuid" }
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["full"] }
 tracing-subscriber = "0.3.17"
diff --git a/kitsune-job-runner/Cargo.toml b/kitsune-job-runner/Cargo.toml
index 10995a35b..9ccc568ea 100644
--- a/kitsune-job-runner/Cargo.toml
+++ b/kitsune-job-runner/Cargo.toml
@@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ kitsune-observability = { path = "../crates/kitsune-observability" }
 kitsune-retry-policies = { path = "../crates/kitsune-retry-policies" }
 mimalloc = "0.1.39"
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["full"] }
-toml = "0.8.4"
+toml = "0.8.6"
 tracing = "0.1.40"
 
 [features]
diff --git a/kitsune/Cargo.toml b/kitsune/Cargo.toml
index bab2154f1..be060951a 100644
--- a/kitsune/Cargo.toml
+++ b/kitsune/Cargo.toml
@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ der = { version = "0.7.8", features = ["std"] }
 diesel = "2.1.3"
 diesel-async = "0.4.1"
 eyre = "0.6.8"
-futures-util = "0.3.28"
+futures-util = "0.3.29"
 headers = "0.3.9"
 http = "0.2.9"
 human-panic = "1.2.1"
@@ -60,16 +60,16 @@ oxide-auth = "0.5.4"
 oxide-auth-async = "0.1.1"
 oxide-auth-axum = "0.3.0"
 scoped-futures = "0.1.3"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
 serde_urlencoded = "0.7.1"
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../lib/speedy-uuid" }
 strum = { version = "0.25.0", features = ["derive", "phf"] }
-tempfile = "3.8.0"
+tempfile = "3.8.1"
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
 time = "0.3.30"
 tokio = { version = "1.33.0", features = ["full"] }
-tokio-util = { version = "0.7.9", features = ["compat"] }
+tokio-util = { version = "0.7.10", features = ["compat"] }
 tower-http = { version = "0.4.4", features = [
     "catch-panic",
     "cors",
diff --git a/kitsune/src/http/handler/nodeinfo/two_one.rs b/kitsune/src/http/handler/nodeinfo/two_one.rs
index dffedd69a..ade4a1306 100644
--- a/kitsune/src/http/handler/nodeinfo/two_one.rs
+++ b/kitsune/src/http/handler/nodeinfo/two_one.rs
@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ use kitsune_type::nodeinfo::two_one::{
     Protocol, Services, Software, TwoOne, Usage, UsageUsers, Version,
 };
 use scoped_futures::ScopedFutureExt;
-use simd_json::{Builder, OwnedValue};
+use simd_json::{OwnedValue, ValueBuilder};
 
 #[debug_handler(state = crate::state::Zustand)]
 #[utoipa::path(
diff --git a/lib/athena/Cargo.toml b/lib/athena/Cargo.toml
index fe610e303..652922e17 100644
--- a/lib/athena/Cargo.toml
+++ b/lib/athena/Cargo.toml
@@ -5,11 +5,11 @@ version.workspace = true
 license = "MIT"
 
 [dependencies]
-ahash = "0.8.5"
+ahash = "0.8.6"
 async-trait = "0.1.74"
 deadpool-redis = "0.13.0"
 either = { version = "1.9.0", default-features = false }
-futures-util = { version = "0.3.28", default-features = false }
+futures-util = { version = "0.3.29", default-features = false }
 iso8601-timestamp = { version = "0.2.12", features = ["diesel-pg"] }
 kitsune-retry-policies = { path = "../../crates/kitsune-retry-policies" }
 once_cell = "1.18.0"
@@ -22,8 +22,8 @@ redis = { version = "0.23.3", default-features = false, features = [
     "tokio-rustls-comp",
 ] }
 retry-policies = "0.2.1"
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", features = ["derive"] }
-simd-json = "0.12.0"
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", features = ["derive"] }
+simd-json = "0.13.3"
 smol_str = "0.2.0"
 speedy-uuid = { path = "../speedy-uuid", features = ["redis", "serde"] }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
diff --git a/lib/masto-id-convert/Cargo.toml b/lib/masto-id-convert/Cargo.toml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..dd0eed4b9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/lib/masto-id-convert/Cargo.toml
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
+[package]
+name = "masto-id-convert"
+version.workspace = true
+edition.workspace = true
+
+[[bench]]
+name = "process"
+harness = false
+
+[dependencies]
+lexical = { version = "6.1.1", default-features = false, features = [
+    "parse-integers",
+] }
+nanorand = { version = "0.7.0", default-features = false, features = [
+    "wyrand",
+] }
+uuid = { version = "1.5.0", default-features = false }
+
+[features]
+default = ["std"]
+std = []
+
+[dev-dependencies]
+criterion = { version = "0.5.1", default-features = false }
+time = "0.3.30"
+uuid = { version = "1.5.0", features = ["v7"] }
diff --git a/lib/masto-id-convert/README.md b/lib/masto-id-convert/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..3d5bde5e9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/lib/masto-id-convert/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+# masto-id-convert
+
+Convert a Mastodon snowflake ID into a UUID v7 while preserving the timestamp component. Fast.
+
+## How?
+
+The unix timestamp is preserved as-is, the 2-bytes sequence is stretched out via the WyRand PRNG algorithm.
+
+## Performance
+
+Tested inside a WSL2 installation on a Ryzen 5 3600X:
+
+```text
+process 110368129515784116
+        time:   [16.675 ns 16.822 ns 17.037 ns]
+        change: [-1.2226% -0.3915% +0.4911%] (p = 0.37 > 0.05)
+```
+
+Processing a single Mastodon snowflake takes ~17ns
+
+## License
+
+`masto-id-convert` is licensed under the [MIT license](http://opensource.org/licenses/MIT).
+
+### Contribution
+
+Unless you explicitly state otherwise, any contribution intentionally submitted for inclusion in the work by you, 
+shall be licensed as above, without any additional terms or conditions.
diff --git a/lib/masto-id-convert/benches/process.rs b/lib/masto-id-convert/benches/process.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..cc9b8fddf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/lib/masto-id-convert/benches/process.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+use criterion::{black_box, criterion_group, criterion_main, Criterion};
+
+fn process_bench(c: &mut Criterion) {
+    c.bench_function("process integer 110368129515784116", |b| {
+        b.iter(|| masto_id_convert::process_u64(black_box(110368129515784116)))
+    });
+
+    c.bench_function("process ASCII 110368129515784116", |b| {
+        b.iter(|| masto_id_convert::process(black_box("110368129515784116")))
+    });
+}
+
+criterion_group!(benches, process_bench);
+criterion_main!(benches);
diff --git a/lib/masto-id-convert/examples/simple.rs b/lib/masto-id-convert/examples/simple.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..279108bc9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/lib/masto-id-convert/examples/simple.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+use time::OffsetDateTime;
+
+fn main() {
+    let uuid = masto_id_convert::process("110368129515784116").unwrap();
+    println!("Converted UUID: {uuid}");
+    println!("UUID version: {}", uuid.get_version_num());
+    println!("UUID variant: {}", uuid.get_variant());
+
+    let (timestamp_seconds, timestamp_nanos) = uuid.get_timestamp().unwrap().to_unix();
+    let timestamp_nanos = ((timestamp_seconds as i128) * 1_000_000_000) + (timestamp_nanos as i128);
+    let uuid_timestamp = OffsetDateTime::from_unix_timestamp_nanos(timestamp_nanos).unwrap();
+
+    println!("Embedded timestamp: {uuid_timestamp}");
+}
diff --git a/lib/masto-id-convert/src/lib.rs b/lib/masto-id-convert/src/lib.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..ff71307da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/lib/masto-id-convert/src/lib.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
+#![doc = include_str!("../README.md")]
+#![forbid(missing_docs, rust_2018_idioms)]
+#![warn(clippy::all, clippy::pedantic)]
+#![cfg_attr(not(feature = "std"), no_std)]
+
+use core::fmt;
+use nanorand::{Rng, WyRand};
+use uuid::Uuid;
+
+macro_rules! impl_from {
+    (
+        $(#[$top_annotation:meta])*
+        $vb:vis enum $name:ident {
+        $(
+            $(#[$branch_annotation:meta])*
+            $branch_name:ident ($from_type:ty)
+        ),+
+        $(,)*
+    }) => {
+        $(#[$top_annotation])*
+        $vb enum $name {
+            $(
+                $(#[$branch_annotation])*
+                $branch_name($from_type),
+            )*
+        }
+
+        $(
+            impl From<$from_type> for $name {
+                fn from(val: $from_type) -> Self {
+                    Self::$branch_name(val)
+                }
+            }
+        )*
+    };
+}
+
+impl_from! {
+    /// Combined error type
+    #[derive(Debug)]
+    pub enum Error {
+        /// Number parsing error
+        Lexical(lexical::Error),
+    }
+}
+
+impl fmt::Display for Error {
+    fn fmt(&self, f: &mut fmt::Formatter<'_>) -> fmt::Result {
+        write!(f, "{self:?}")
+    }
+}
+
+#[cfg(feature = "std")]
+impl std::error::Error for Error {}
+
+/// Process a Mastodon snowflake in its u64 representation into a UUID v7 identifier
+#[inline]
+#[must_use]
+pub fn process_u64(masto_id: u64) -> Uuid {
+    let timestamp_ms = (masto_id >> 16) & 0xFF_FF_FF_FF_FF_FF;
+    let sequence_data = masto_id & 0xFF_FF;
+    let mut wyrand = WyRand::new_seed(sequence_data);
+
+    let mut rand_data = [0; 10];
+    wyrand.fill_bytes(&mut rand_data);
+
+    let mut raw_uuid = [0; 16];
+    let timestamp_ms_be = timestamp_ms.to_be_bytes();
+    raw_uuid[..6].copy_from_slice(&timestamp_ms_be[2..]);
+    raw_uuid[6..].copy_from_slice(&rand_data);
+
+    raw_uuid[6] = (raw_uuid[6] & 0x0F) | 0x70;
+    raw_uuid[8] = (raw_uuid[8] & 0x3F) | 0x80;
+
+    Uuid::from_bytes(raw_uuid)
+}
+
+/// Process an ASCII-encoded Mastodon snowflake into a UUID v7 identifier
+///
+/// # Errors
+///
+/// - Parsing the Mastodon snowflake into a u64 failed
+#[inline]
+pub fn process<T>(masto_id: T) -> Result<Uuid, Error>
+where
+    T: AsRef<[u8]>,
+{
+    lexical::parse(masto_id)
+        .map(process_u64)
+        .map_err(Error::from)
+}
diff --git a/lib/post-process/Cargo.toml b/lib/post-process/Cargo.toml
index 8e7b49427..f5161304c 100644
--- a/lib/post-process/Cargo.toml
+++ b/lib/post-process/Cargo.toml
@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ criterion = { version = "0.5.1", default-features = false, features = [
     "async_futures",
     "rayon",
 ] }
-futures = "0.3.28"
+futures = "0.3.29"
 insta = { version = "1.34.0", features = ["glob"] }
 pretty_assertions = "1.4.0"
 
diff --git a/lib/speedy-uuid/Cargo.toml b/lib/speedy-uuid/Cargo.toml
index 10bf36e6f..58b9d4b18 100644
--- a/lib/speedy-uuid/Cargo.toml
+++ b/lib/speedy-uuid/Cargo.toml
@@ -10,7 +10,7 @@ diesel = { version = "2.1.3", features = [
     "uuid",
 ], optional = true }
 redis = { version = "0.23.3", default-features = false, optional = true }
-serde = { version = "1.0.189", optional = true }
+serde = { version = "1.0.190", optional = true }
 thiserror = "1.0.50"
 uuid = { version = "1.5.0", features = ["fast-rng", "v7"] }
 uuid-simd = { version = "0.8.0", features = ["uuid"] }