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<h1><a href="../">Noon van der Silk</a></h1>
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<h2>50 bad maths and programming jokes</h2>
<div class="info">
Posted on February 22, 2016
by Noon van der Silk
</div>
<p>For the past few months at work we’ve been putting up a Chalkboard in front of the office with jokes on it.</p>
<p><img src="../images/brunch-and-bound.png" /></p>
<p>Today marks the 50th joke, so to celebrate I’m writing up the complete list. Most of the jokes here were ones
we made up without looking at the internet; but occasionally, in an effort to have two new jokes every day, we
picked some classics.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What kind of parade did the astronauts throw for the computers
after the mission?</p>
<p>A: A Turing tape parade!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the maths book sad?</p>
<p>A: It had too many problems.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What did the AI say to the category theorist?</p>
<p>A: Does not commute!</p>
<p><small>(from <a href="https://andy.kitchen">Andy Kitchen</a>)</small></p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How did the OR programmer solve a MIP while also eating?</p>
<p>A: By using a brunch and bound technique.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>[“hip”, “hip”]</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What do measure theorists and programmers have in common?</p>
<p>A: They both enjoy continuous integration.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some of their functions.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why did the computer keep sneezing?</p>
<p>A: It had a virus.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why wasn’t the complex beer successful?</p>
<p>A: People had trouble ordering it!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why did the functional programmer return her TV?</p>
<p>A: Because it was immutable.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What do ruby and librarians have in common?</p>
<p>A: They both have explicit return policies.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>A shepherd was out in the field counting her sheep; she counted 96 but when she
rounded them up she had 100.</p>
<p><small>(from <a href="http://www.twolostboys.com.au/">Two Lost Boys</a>)</small></p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the computer owner so successful at sheep husbandry?</p>
<p>A: She had excellent RAM.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why couldn’t the formal system complete it’s homework?</p>
<p>A: It was trying to be consistent.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>404: Joke Not Found.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How does a lumberjack mathematician cut down trees?</p>
<p>A: With her Axiom.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why did the programmer go to her bookshelf before leaving her house?</p>
<p>A: She needed to get her keys from the dictionary.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why don’t you want to fight an OR consultant?</p>
<p>A: They are experts at duals.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What did the Linux system administer for the programmer’s head cold?</p>
<p>A: Sudo ephedrine</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How did the physicist fix her car when it was failing intermittently?</p>
<p>A: She used statistical mechanics!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the bad python programmer so rich?</p>
<p>A: Because everytime his code failed he got a raise.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What do python programmers and event planners have in common?</p>
<p>A: They both like to decorate functions.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why is 0 the boss?</p>
<p>A: Because no other number can go above it!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What did the mathematician say when they discovered a new prime number?</p>
<p>A: That’s odd.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why did the low-rank matrix go to the psychologist?</p>
<p>A: Because it was having an identity crisis!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is a floating point numbers favourite type of tennis?</p>
<p>A: Doubles!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What does a blender and the Kalman filter hav in common?</p>
<p>A: They both perform a smoothing function!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is the mathematicians favourite kitchen item?</p>
<p>A: Derivasieve.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why don’t elephants use computers?</p>
<p>A: Scared of the mouse.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the OR consultant unwell?</p>
<p>A: She want on a benders.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is a statisticians favourite genre of music?</p>
<p>A: Drum and Bayes.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is a pet store operatores favourite state in a multiplayer game?</p>
<p>A: The Parrot optimal state.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is the enterprise java programmers favourite business book?</p>
<p>A: Scalaing up!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What function is a tree hugger most concerned by?</p>
<p>A: <span class="math inline">log (<em>n</em>)</span>.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is a garbologists favourite optimisation problem?</p>
<p>A: Bin packing.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p><img src="../images/giraph.png" /></p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What is a choirs favourite design pattern?</p>
<p>A: The <em>Sing</em>leton pattern!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What do you call a mathematician that has lots of statues in her garden?</p>
<p>A: Polygnomial.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What do fashion designers and Haskell programmers have in common?</p>
<p>A: They love pattern matching!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How did the mathematician impress at the dance party?</p>
<p>A: By showing off her step function!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>No joke provided; the Curry-Howard isomorphism allows us to generate a programming joke from the maths joke.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the mathematician unhappy when she turned 24?</p>
<p>A: She now had a lot of factors to consider.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the programmer so poor?</p>
<p>A: Syn<em>tax</em>.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the ML programmer late to the conference?</p>
<p>A: She spent too much time in the “train” stage.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: What number is good value?</p>
<p>A: 241</p>
<p>Exercise: What number is best value?</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why couldn’t the python programmer get into her house?</p>
<p>A: Key error.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How did the programmer get out of the deep end of the pool?</p>
<p>A: She made a pull request!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: Why was the ML researcher tired of shopping?</p>
<p>A: She was overfitting.</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How did the programmer get to the bottom of the ocean?</p>
<p>A: By sub-routine!</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>Q: How do you order citrus?</p>
<p>A: Use the real number lime.</p>
</blockquote>
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